Authors' notes: We exaggerate all of the characters, just to let you know.
Clark sighed as he gazed into his black telescope. He jerked his head away. Lana and Whitney were kissing passionately on Lana's front porch.
"Are they back yet?" Jonathan stepped up to Clark. Clark whirled around. He looked down.
"You know, Clark, a rolling stone never catches any moss." Jonathan half smiled and gingerly placed his callused hand on Clark's shoulder.
"Um…Dad? That has nothing to do with the situation." Clark protested.
"True….I just thought it sounded fatherly and wise." Jonathan glared off into the distance with a far away look in his eye.
"Um, ok then." Clark leaned into his telescope, turned away, and left a still beaming Jonathan in the loft.
"I told you to buy the red ones!" Lex Luthor slammed down his sheets of wedding papers and whipped his phone at the fireplace. He watched the flames lick and melt the black leather covering, and then he heard crackles of the phone dying.
"Lex?" Lionel strode into the room, staring at the destroyed phone. Lex whirled (We use that word a lot) around.
"What are you doing?" Lionel was still gazing at the malevolent fire.
"Getting ready for the wedding." Lex strode to his desk and pulled out a brand new cell phone.
"Shouldn't Helen be doing that?" Lionel asked, and looking around the room, he saw many places were things may have been thrown in anger.
"Helen had to go on a business trip." Lex pointed out. Satisfied, Lionel waltzed out of the room. Lex hunched over his papers. He jumped a little when his new cell phone started to ring. He fumbled with it a second, then finally managed to say, "Hello?"
"Hi, Lex. It's Helen."
"Oh, hi!" Lex leaned into his chair.
"Listen, can you do a simple little wedding chore for me?" Helen talked as if Lex were a 5 year old boy.
"Sure, what?"
"Well, my wedding dress hasn't been hemmed, and-" Lex cut her off.
"You want me to hem your wedding dress?"
"Well, not exactly…. I hired someone to do that for me, but she needs a model."
"YOU WANT ME TO BE THE MODEL? DO I LOOK LIKE SOME KEN DOLL THAT YOU CAN JUST DRESS UP?" Lex was furious.
"Lex, I'm sorry…but it can't be done any other way!" Helen protested.
"Well, I might look pretty….alright, I'll do it."
"Lex! You're the best. I can't wait to see you! I love you! Bye!" Lex hung up as well. A stout little woman bustled in, loads of sewing items in her hands. She started setting up her things in Lex's office.
"Um… Ma'am? What are you doing?" Lex peered at her from over his desk.
"Well, you're the model. Get over here!" Surprisingly, the tiny woman's voice was booming and raspy. Lex obeyed her.
"I'm Helga von Boro. You listen to me!" The woman thrust a dress at Lex and pulled a curtain around him. Then she started to hem….
"Lex?" Clark was standing at the doorway. Lex jumped, he hadn't expected visitors.
"Can I borrow your tux?" Clark went on. There was a big dance, and unfortunately Clark was going by himself, hoping Lana would save him a dance. Lex tried a desperate attempt to take off the dress before Clark could see him, but Helga quieted him. Clark walked in and his jaw dropped. Lex tried to say his excuse, but he was so embarrassed he was speechless.
"Dad? Actually, don't come in here!" Clark tried, but Jonathan was already storming into the office. He stared at Lex for a second.
"Well, Lex, I knew I'd have to put you out of your misery someday." Jonathan poised a rifle in the air, but Clark tackled him and hid the rifle.
"DAD? What was that about?" Clark cried.
" Well, I always carry one when I come here. And this is an emergency! Look at him! Let's put him out of his misery." Jonathan said.
Lex stormed over and looked quite silly with snowy white frills, pearls, and other trinkets dangling on him.
"I'm being my wife's model. She can't hem the dress by the wedding." Lex said.
"See, Dad? He doesn't just do this for stress relief….do you?" Clark turned a little.
"NO! Of course not." Lex lied.
"Well, I guess I won't shoot him." Jonathan left, while Clark managed to borrow a tuxedo. He was excited for the dance, even if he wasn't going with Lana.
"Clark, honey? Can you come in here?" Martha called from the kitchen. Clark dusted his boots on the door mat and stepped into the kitchen.
"Sure, what is it?" he asked.
"Well, I took up this sewing class. I wanted to make you a shirt for the prom tonight. So, here it is!" Martha held up a yellow flannel halter top shirt. Clark cringed at the unsightly shirt.
"Um…Mom? Isn't that a girl's shirt?" Clark asked. Just then, Jonathan came in.
"Martha, are you trying to turn Clark into Lex?" he demanded.
"What do you mean?" Martha asked.
"Nothing," Clark said quickly.
"Um…Mom! Why don't you wear that shirt? It will bring out your eyes." Clark said quickly.
"Well, what an idea! Your father and I are supervising, and this will be perfect!"
"Mom, can you help me get ready?" Clark asked.
"Of course! Come here." Martha said, bustling off to his room.
