Through the Compact Disc

Sorry, it took me having to read every last review on every last story to realize that I have a duty here and can't go off to my original work until all of you are satisfied. But it's cool, because I like it here, and my absence has made me feel sad. Anyway, there's a little poll going on now for you guys to choose the beginning of the next chapter in Explanations because, frankly, I've hit the biggest roadblock imaginable. Here are the choices:

A. Rhonda and Harold are on the phone discussing Helga and Arnold's budding relationship.

B. Arnold and Gerald are talking about Arnold's complex feelings in the issue (Trust me, there are some).

C. Helga brooding about the kids at school and daydreaming about Arnold.

D. Gerald, Phoebe, Lila, and Sid talking about what's going on and their different clashes.

Remember, this is only the beginning for the chapter.

Now, we shall go onward into our sad story.

Disclaimer: Hey, look it's a bluebird! And it was a piece of paper! Wait… it's written to me. "You don't own jack squat so don't pretend you do. Signed, the Law Eaters." EEP! Oh, no, wait! Bluebird, don't go! All the bluebirds who come here get hit by the… Oh, never mind… stupid kamikaze birds! (I don't own the kamikaze birds either, Alfonso Cuaron and Warner Brothers do).

Deana

"Mom!"

Oh, God! Mom was in her bed, surrounded by doctors pushing machines that were connected to her and hooking wires to her. Forget what was going on with Helga. Forget everything. What was wrong with Mom?

"Francesca?" Dad and Helga said together. Dad's was obviously more distressed.

I started to chase the stretcher at top speed, crying out, "Mom! Mom!" I saw the stretcher yards ahead of me disappear behind the doors of a restricted area. I was almost through the doors when a nurse popped out of no where and held me back!

I kicked and screamed at her. I almost bit her. Where were they taking Mom? Why? I had to know what was going on!

"Let me go, lady!" I cried. "Let me go!" Then I felt a new set of hands around my waist holding me back. I turned around and saw my dad with a worried look on his face. That stopped me dead in my tracks. I hugged him and started to cry, not knowing what else to do.

Then he stood up and walked much slower than I towards a doctor. I stayed behind reluctantly with Helga, watching him from a distance speak with the doctor. I saw him gasp and hold both hands up to his face.

This was so not good. Not good at all.

Before Dad came back, I looked up with tears in my eyes at Helga. She was staring at Dad still, distressed and concerned obviously, but trying so hard to conceal it. I guess she didn't want to act like that in front of me about Dad. Or maybe she was worried about my Mom. Or both.

Why am I even thinking about this?

What was going on, dang it?

Dad walked back to us looking as scared as ever. I wanted to ask him what was wrong but I didn't. He'd tell me. He had to tell me. No matter how bad it was or how bad I would feel. He wouldn't do that.

The next few minutes are kind of blurry. He told us that we had to go back into the waiting room to wait for another doctor to explain what happened to Mom. We took a while to get there because we had gotten lost in the many hallways. Also, Helga had to tell her bodyguard or whatever what was happening and he stuck around.

When we got to the waiting room, my jaw dropped. Helga looked like she was about to scream.

Outside of the window were tons of paparazzi, standing in the early morning light. There were tons of security guards and police men standing at the ER entrance, trying to keep them out. Helga dove behind a tall tree-like plant and whispered a curse.

"What's that about?" I asked.

"They saw me on the local news and just like what happened on the radio, it got out like that," she said. "Also, um, there are rumors going around." She bit her lip and looked quite guilty.

Arnold lifted and eyebrow and said cautiously, "Helga… what rumors are going around?"

Helga smiled lamely. "Uh, remember last might when that photographer took that picture?"

Arnold's eyes widened and he hit his head. "Aw, crap!"

I could not believe it, either. "Do you mean to say that people actually think that you two are budding while my mom is-" I stopped suddenly. Oh, yeah. Mom.

Man, I hate remembering stuff!

Helga nodded. "Yeah. Criminy, the tabloids can't get enough of that stuff. Especially when it's a clear picture and in a place everyone knows I'm at."

So we had to slink around the walls quickly to get to a nook in the waiting room where we couldn't be seen from the windows. I completely forgot that Helga was famous for a while. I was too caught up in my emotions, I guess.

And I had every right to be, too, okay?

In about ten minutes -ten excruciating minutes- a doctor came to us and whisked us into a hallway. I was beyond ready to hear what was going on.

Once we were out of sight of the waiting room, Dad said, "Doctor, please, I was told a little about what is going on, but can you tell us exactly what is going on with Francesca? Has she improved? Is it worse? What are they doing to fix it?"

"Arnold!" Helga snapped. "Calm down. He's telling us."

She should just shut up, you know? My dad can ask as many questions as he wants! Where's her place to… okay, I need to shut up.

"Mrs. Tiller received an injury to her lungs that we didn't see on her first check, and haven't seen until now. The nurse in her room saw her breathing suddenly get raspier and raspier and her heart rate go up quickly. We rushed her into surgery and are trying to fix the injury, but it turns out that it is more fatal than we thought. We're afraid we may loose her soon."

Dad's jaw seemed to drop out of his socket and he gripped my shoulder tightly, so tightly it started to hurt. Helga gasped and I just stared. I lifted my hand and placed it in Dad's other hand and held it tightly. So… right after she was getting better she started to die again? I tried not to think about it. Because I could hear the desperation in my Dad's voice I knew it was I who had to be both realistic and strong at the same time again.

"Sir, please… what are the chances she'll make it through this?"

The doctor glanced at me and then to Helga, and gestured for Dad to follow him. It was because she was a super star and I was a pre-teen. We didn't have to hear it from him, but knowing that we shouldn't hear it from him made me know exactly what the odds are. I turned to my right and hit the wall with my fist. Helga put an hand on my shoulder and said, "Deana, I'm sorry. I know how much you love her."

I shook her hand off.

!#$%&(){}:"?

Arnold

"Because we didn't see the injury sooner, we couldn't heal it before it got worse. She's having trouble breathing, and it's getting worse every second no matter what we do to help her. Francesca's lung is failing and her other one wasn't doing so well in the first place. The chances of her surviving through the night are slim. But if she does, then she'll probably make a full recovery."

The shock of it all was unbelievable. Hadn't I just seen her in her room, smiling up at me, talking to me? Hadn't Helga seen her even more recently than I had? Wouldn't she have noticed any problems? She looked flustered, if anything.

I couldn't handle this. What if Francesca still thought badly of me and she… no, I can't say it. She wasn't going to die. She might, but I had to keep faith that she would pull through. She had to, for herself, but also for Deana and me.

"Mr. Tiller," said the doctor in a whisper, "I want you to make sure that none of this news meets the… the media outside of this hospital. We have policemen on their way here, but I'd very much appreciate it if you three would please stay in this area of the hospital for now."

I nodded. I had to stay focused, no matter how overcome with emotion I was just then. Deana shouldn't have to be the adult again. She was only eleven. I hoped that she wouldn't have to go through the tragedy of not having a mother… like I did. And in some weird sense, Helga, too, fell under that category.

"We will send someone with an update as soon as we can, sir," he said, and hurried back down the hallway, turning into a corridor.

I turned back to see Deana standing with her back to Helga, arms crossed, staring into the wall angrily. I wished she wouldn't behave like this to Helga. This wasn't anyone's doing, when would we all understand this? Helga was looking at me approach, a helpless look in her eyes. She didn't know what to do for me, Deana, or herself.

Neither did I.

I walked over to them, and Deana saw me out of the corner of her eye. She immediately changed expressions, grabbing my shirt and spitting out questions. "Is she okay? What are they doing? Will she live? How fast can they fix her? If they do, how long until she can come home? Is she going to die? What did he say?"

I put my hand on her head and considered for a split second not telling either of them. I thought about how mad Deana would be and thought against it. "He said the chances of Mom living through the surgery were slim. Her lung is failing with each breath she takes and the other lung wasn't doing so hot before this even happened. But if she does get through this, she'll be back to normal soon." I shot a glance at Helga, and I could see the stony look in her face. We shared a moment where we both clarified each other's thoughts. Yes, she knew as well as I did, maybe more, that Francesca would die soon. Yes, it would help Deana if she kept quiet.

Deana's face contorted into held back tears and she buried her face in my arm, like a shy toddler would do when meeting new people.

We walked down the hall, away from the media, hearing sirens in the background (hopefully from police rather than the ambulance… this hospital didn't need anymore trouble). We sat against the wall in a relatively clear part of the ER. A few nurses on their break where next to u, talking. Deana pulled herself into her chair, rested her head on my arm, and looked like she was asleep, but I could feel her body jolt trying to hold back waves of tears. I reached my other arm across the touch her, but Helga's hand stopped me. "She doesn't want anyone bothering her, Arnold," she whispered.

"Yeah?" I shot back quietly. "How do you know?"

"Trust me," she whispered again. "Leave her alone."

I thought about telling her off for telling me how to comfort my kid at this time, but remembered that Deana would hear it and decided not to bother her. Only when I heard her breathing even did I know she was asleep, and I leaned over to Helga. "What's up with you?" I asked directly. "You've been hiding something, and I know it. It's about the media outside of the hospital, isn't it?"

Helga glared at me and said, "How do I know?" Okay, so she was mad at my comment. At any other time I would've apologized, but I just wasn't in the mood. I doubled her look and waited for her to talk. "Fine. Arnold, the tabloids for the day are already on the stands. I saw them earlier and we're on the front cover. It's a story about a supposed affair between us, and I'm sure there's a load of BS in there about how we staged the accident for publicity since I was just so conveniently there, that we've been lovers for a while, and other things. I'm going to have to go to a magazine in about a week or less, you just watch and give an interview about this whole thing." She sneered and looked down the direction we'd come from, where I'm sure some paparazzi still waited anxiously. "These people are insane, inhumane, and just plain stupid. I mean, Criminy, would it kill them to let you guys have some relinquishment in you're freaking time of need?" She looked extremely annoyed, and she ran a hand through her hair thoughtfully. She turned back to me and said, "Arnold, I'm so sorry for everything that's happened to you and your family lately. Trust me, if I knew any of this would happen, that you finding out about… you know, then I would've waited. I would've made sure Francesca never got jealous or anything like that. Arnold… are you okay?"

I turned my head quickly so that Helga wouldn't see the tears rising in my eyes. This was exactly what I needed, the world thinking I was an evil husband. How could people write a story like that? Did they not know I'd already lost my parents, my grandparents, and now I was going to loose my wife, the mother of my child? The entire world wasn't like that, I know, and most people didn't even buy the tabloids, but I'm sure that such a clear shot of her holding my hand and looking at me like that was going to be too believable.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I said looking at Deana. Even in her sleep she looked sad. What was she dreaming about? I didn't know.

It occurred to me that after this was all over, I'd have to tell her about Francesca. We had never told Dee about what had happened to her in high school, how we had met, her being passed amongst the boys so violently. No one deserved that, and now look at how Francesca was dying. Not old and quietly in her bed but young and a nurturing mother in a car accident.

No. She wasn't going to die. She was not going to die tonight. And I wasn't going to let myself think she was. I had to have faith. I had to.

!#$%&(){}:"?

Helga

I couldn't tell Arnold about what Francesca had told me. I couldn't think of telling him about the story, but the fact that she didn't love him as a wife should love a husband did was unthinkable. I would tell him later. Perhaps after my concert; perhaps before. Not before any clarification of Francesca's death came.

I wasn't going to fool myself into believing Francesca could live. The scenario was too weak for that to happen. I knew Arnold had to believe some miracle would happen, but I wasn't going to have false hope. She would probably die. If not tonight, sometime soon.

This meant I had to tell him. I don't think I could stand to see his heart break. I didn't want to his his huge heart fall into pieces. Deana didn't like me, mostly because of her anger and despair, but I hoped she wouldn't hate me forever. I had a foreboding that when this all came to pass Arnold and would end up good friends, and dare I think it, something more.

It was time like this I wished I'd found someone else when I was nine, and I'd wished that a lot in the past day.

Thinking about the night I'd lost and everything that'd happened in it, my exhaustion flared up in my eyes. By this time it was daylight outside, but I couldn't even keep track of the time. I didn't bother looking at the giant digital clocks anywhere. I actually didn't really want to know what time it was.

I had made a bond with Francesca, and I really didn't want to see her go. But I'm a realist. Or a pessimist depends on your perspective.

I didn't even realize I'd fallen asleep, but I had. And I didn't wake up until I felt someone shake me.

!#$%&(){}:"?

She dreamed.

It wasn't the same dreaming as when you're asleep. It wasn't even like the dream she'd had when she was unconscious. This was different.

This had already happened before. All of it. Just not in a dream.

She saw herself running around with her father, flying a kite. She saw herself walking down a church aisle, the wedding march playing. She saw herself being held down by boyfriend, screaming. She was being held by another person, him, not caring. She was holding her, smiling at the three-year-old's face. She was in elementary school, playing jump rope.

She was in a burning car. In a hospital bed, Helga next to her. In a hospital bed, running down the hallways, she stared at the passing rectangles of light.

Then, very suddenly, it all went dark. She wasn't thinking anymore. She wasn't seeing anymore, though the scene played out in front of her as if she were in the room. A person's body was opened up; people in blue were poking inside of it, trying to fix something that was broken. Soon, she realized it was her she was seeing. She didn't realize it, in those exact words. It was like she read it somewhere and she knew.

She knew something was behind her. She turned around, saw a blinding light, and saw no more.

!#$%&(){}:"?

Deana

"Deana. Deana, honey, please, wake up!"

I heard the sound of my father's voice through my sleep and immediately opened my eyes, wanting to go back to sleep, but not wanting to keep whatever it was Dad wanted so badly waiting.

"Huh?" she said, dazed, wondering why she wasn't in her bed. Hadn't they gone home, knowing Mom was safe and asleep, too, and they would see her tomorrow?

She saw the walls of the emergency room, instead, and her father's green eyes tearing up. The full shock of what had slipped her mind so unnoticed.

She didn't have to be told. She could see it on Helga's face, in her father's eyes, and almost like X-ray vision she could see it in the doctor's clipboard.

I looked around, waiting for them to stop acting. Waiting for them to stop and scream "Surprise!" and have Mom pop up behind them all. I waited for the nightmare to end and to hear my alarm clock and pull of the CD played attatched to my head playing my new CD…

No.

It didn't.

No.

No.

No…

I knew I started to voice the words, but I was in a fit and didn't care. I felt the arms wrap around me and another person sobbing with me, and it and made me cry out louder.

My only parent was crying with me. My other one was dead.

Well, she's dead. (All gasp. All throw Lil' Caesar's moldy pizza at me to not leave the gap so long this time. All ask why I said moldy pizza and not tomatoes. Originality, people.) Don't forget to review me with a response to the poll, to the chapter, and if you want some of the original Through the Compact Disc, do not hesitate to ask. Send me lots of feedback about you're anger and I may just be guilted yet again into typing another chapter up.

You Gotta Love Her (All: No we don't, we hate you for you're tardiness, we just like stories!)

BrianaLFBH