Title: A Magical Kind of Comedy, Part 3

Author: frk-werewolf

Fandom: Buffy/Harry Potter Crossover

Pairings: Xander/Remus, Andrew/Severus, bits of other pairings (Spike/Oz, Ginny/unknown, Draco/Neville)

Rating: PG-13

Summary: A Slayer is activated at Hogwarts and Xander is sent to train her. Of course, Andrew comes along.

Setting: Post-"Chosen", Post-"OotP", Spoilers for Season 5 of Angel


Ginny wasn't stupid. Far from it in fact. She knew that Andrew and Xander were worried about her. The fact that they were nearly ignoring their romantic interests were enough to make her stand up and pay attention. Then there was Andrew, who liked to hum a strange tune while following her to potions class.

"Hey, Ginny?" Neville asked one November afternoon, glancing over her shoulder. "I know you have that Slayer thing, but... Is your Watcher suppose to follow you around like that?"

"He's just being an idiot. Ignore him." Ginny ordered. Neville raised an eyebrow, but remained quiet. The frown on Ginny's face grew in size. "It's not like they should be worried anyway! I mean, do I look like I'm dating the world at large and getting frisky with anyone? Bloody hell, don't they have lives?"

"I think they are just worried about you." Neville told her softly.

"Why?" Ginny said, her voice whiney.

"Well, you have been acting rather off as of late." Neville pointed out.

"It's nothing important." Ginny told him. "I just have a lot of things on my mind."

"You can't lie to me and you know it." Neville sighed. "But I'm not planning on pestering you about it. That's the last thing you would want. So, I propose you spend the rest of the afternoon with me and my plants."

"Why, Neville Longbottom!" Ginny exclaimed with a leer. She slipped her arm into Neville's and walked with him toward the greenhouses. "Are you flirting with me?"

"Hardly." Neville smiled, a blush spreading across his cheeks. "You do remember who I'm dating, right?"

"Draco Malfoy, king of the ferrets." Ginny said with a sour face.

"Sounds about right." Neville agreed.

"I don't understand why you like him." Ginny said, ignoring Xander behind them. Her Watcher was obviously trying to be smooth, darting behind bushes and the like. It didn't work out too well, so she opted to ignore him. They made it to the greenhouses, quickly entering the last building which housed a small section that Professor Sprout had given Neville.

"You know," Neville started, glancing at one of the open windows of the greenhouse. Xander's shadow could be seen through the glass. "I can honestly say that I don't know why I like Draco."

"I keep trying to get you to see Pomfrey about it, but no." Ginny sighed, plopping down on the ground. She leaned against the glass wall, looking up to watch Neville poke around the pots of his plants.

"I doubt it's medical." Neville replied. "Now, you on the other hand..."

"There is nothing wrong with me!" Ginny snapped. "Is there something wrong with you and all your... man liking?"

"My what?" Neville looked stunned.

"You know!" Ginny jumped to her feet. "First you had that crush on Lupin. Then it was my Watcher at the beginning of the year. Now Draco Malfoy? What is your problem?"

"Look, Ginny, if you have a problem... With me being gay..." Neville trailed off, his face twitching nervously.

"No." Ginny replied, her voice almost timid. "It's the fact that everyone took it in stride that bothers me."

"Ginny..." Neville wiped his soiled hands on his slacks before wrapping an arm around her shoulders.

"This is stupid." Ginny mumbled.

"No, it's not." Neville whispered to her. He rested his head against her's, their height being nearly identical. "You know I would take it in stride, don't you?"

"You don't even know what I'm talking about." Ginny scoffed.

"Ginny, who has been my best friend since I took her out on that horrid date to the Yule Ball?" Neville asked. Ginny grumbled and pointed at herself. "Exactly. And who was it that laughed her arse off when I refused to kiss her because of what Ron would do to me? Yes, that was you as well. Who is that has defended me from Draco for the past two years?"

"Yeah, but it turns out that was Malfoy's form of foreplay." Ginny griped.

"The point is that no matter what, I'm here. Just like you are for me." Neville said. "Got it?"

"Yeah." Ginny sighed, giving Neville a small hug.

xxx

"I think I know." Xander said excitedly. Remus paused mid-drink, then slowly sat down his pumpkin juice.

"Pardon?"

"I know what's wrong with Ginny!" Xander exclaimed. Andrew's blonde head popped into view next to him, blue eyes wide with the desire to know. Xander could vaguely see Spike listening in, though the vampire was trying to look like he was bored.

"What? What is it? Is she okay?" Andrew asked rapidly.

"Oh, she's fine." Xander replied. "She's just having... Issues."

"Issues?" Remus questioned.

"Yeah... Issues." Xander said. "She's confused about something, but rest assured! She's okay!"

"Well?" Andrew asked, impatiently.

"Well, what?"

"Was it Harry or Hermione?"

"Oh, that." Xander looked over at the Gryffindor. Ginny was rolling her eyes at Neville, who kept staring at Draco. Every so often, Ginny's eyes would shoot over towards the Trio. "I'm thinking Hermione."

"I knew it." Andrew cackled. Xander gave him a strange look, before turning back to Remus.

"So, I was thinking-"

"Scary thing, that." Spike commented, before picking up a piece of sausage from Oz's plate and feeding it to the young werewolf. Xander stared.

"Umm, right, I was thinking," Xander started again. "We need to get Hermione and Ginny together."

"Are you sure that's wise?" Remus asked.

"Of course!" Xander said cheerfully.

"I must say, you worry me at times." Remus told him. Xander grinned in reply.

xxx

The look on Severus Snape's face shouldn't have been amusing. Perhaps it was the fact that Severus had been avoiding Andrew for nearly a month, thus leaving this moment a first true encounter in quite some time. It was all a part of a plan, of course. The plan was to make Severus sweat. To make him wonder what Andrew was up to, before his attacked. Oh, yes. Andrew was brilliant.

"Excuse me." Severus said in a slow and velvety voice. "Could you repeat that?"

"Hey potions master,

Thought maybe you and me could play twister.

Get a little naughty,

Because you're such a hottie.

Been missing you a bit too much.

So, hey! Let's go have lunch."

"I am going to ignore you. Please vacate the space between my door and your rooms." Severus told him, his voice dangerously low.

"You didn't like it, did you?" Andrew pouted.

"I was meant to?" Severus asked, rather shocked. Andrew's pout grew in size. A low sigh escaped Severus as he watched the strange American. "Blood hell, you are terribly annoying. Get in here."

Andrew let out a yelp as Severus' hand grabbed a hold of his arm and yanked him forcibly into the professor's rooms.

xxx

"You wanted to see me, Mr. Harris?" Hermione asked nervously. Xander sat on the edge of Remus' desk, the classroom empty save for the two of them.

"I was just curious as to how you were doing." Xander grinned. It only served to make Hermione more nervous. While she was an avid student, she wasn't used to her teachers holding her after class. Or Watcher's for that matter. "Oh, call me Xander."

"Certainly." Hermione replied. "I'm doing just fine. Though I received a nine out of ten on my last potion's paper, which was rather startling. I was certain I had that chapter practically memorized."

"Eh, it was probably Mr. Grumpy-Butt." Xander told her. "He has issues, in case you haven't noticed. In fact, expect one agitated teacher tomorrow. I heard Andrew went to pester him earlier."

"So..." Hermione shuffled on her feet. "Andrew likes Professor Snape?"

"Yeah. A bit too much, really." Xander paused. "You don't have a problem with homosexuality, do you?"

"No!" Hermione exclaimed, before blushing lightly. "I actually never really thought about it. Though, I've heard there have been medical studies showing that homosexuality is a genetic aspect. It would make sense, after all. Besides, who am I to judge? You have met the boys I hang out with, haven't you?"

"Wait... Are you saying Harry and Ron...?"

"Oh, no." Hermione chuckled. "I just meant that those two are like honey to a bee when it comes to abnormalities. They are a very strange duo, if you sit and listen to them long enough. Umm, Xander, is there any particular reason you're asking me this stuff?"

"Knew you'd ask that sooner or later." Xander smiled. "I just... Well, let's just say that I know someone who likes you and I was going to see what her chances were."

"Her...?" Hermione blinked, then blushed once again. "Well, I suppose it depends on who it is."

"Well, I'm not going to go as far as to telling you who it is, but I think you'd be pleasantly surprised if that reaction was anything to say about it." Xander told her. Hermione eyed him. "What?"

"You are a very bizarre person. Is this an American thing?"

"Why does everyone blame the crazy talk on being American?" Xander wondered, with a dramatic sigh.

"Probably because we have never heard someone speak the way you do until you and Andrew showed up." Hermione explained.

"Right." Xander shrugged. Hermione grew quiet a moment, before a glint appeared in her brown eyes.

"So, are you and Professor Lupin a couple yet?"

"Why does everyone ask that?" Xander asked in an exasperated tone.

"Because you set off waves of attraction when you are within the vicinity of each other." Hermione calmly told him.

"God, you and Ginny are perfect for each other." Xander muttered.

"What?" Hermione's jaw dropped open, her eyes wide.

"Oops."

xxx

Oz was a very observant person. The next morning, being December first, was no exception. He sat at the teacher's table, watching as the students gathered for breakfast. To most this would seem perfectly normal, but Oz wasn't most people.

First Xander bounced into the Great Hall, a sheepish grin permanently plastered to his face. Remus followed along behind him, gazing happily at Xander's bouncing form. Oz hid a smirk. The two settled down at the table, Xander grinning over at Oz. "I am so brilliant."

Oz didn't reply, instead he simply raised an eyebrow. Xander grinned wider and turned to the Gryffindor table. Oz couldn't help but follow his line of sight. Ginny sat next to Neville and some short kid with a camera. She had a devious look on her face, the blush on Neville's neck making it obvious that she was teasing him. This continued for a few minutes until a girl with brown, bushy hair and a stack of books comfortably placed in one arm walked up to her. Ginny gave a start and stared up at the girl as though she had two heads. After a few spoken words, Ginny stood and followed her out the Great Hall.

They passed Andrew and Severus on the way. Severus looked like he had been eating lemons all morning and was trying desperately to avoid looking at Andrew. Andrew simply bounced along side the scowling man, a goofy grin on his face. Oz watched them out of curiosity, ignoring Spike as he seemed to magically appear next to him.

"What's going on?" Spike asked, looking over Oz's orange dyed head.

"Something." Oz told him.

"Obviously." Spike snorted, then he raised his voice, calling past Remus and Xander. "Oi! Blondie! What's got you so happy?"

Much to Severus Snape's horror, Andrew grinned and called back in a voice loud enough to be heard across the room. "I had sex!"

xxx

"Well this just sucks." Xander pouted, kicking lightly at a random piece of exercise equipment in Ginny's training room.

"I thought it was rather nice." Remus commented. "Aside from all the students hearing about it, of course. Andrew deserves someone to make him happy."

"Yeah, and if his glowy face was any indication, Severus Snape makes him happy." Xander said, still in mid-pout.

"Never thought I'd see the day." Remus muttered.

"Everyone is having sex but us!" Xander blurted out, his voice loud and whiney. Remus stared at him, his golden eyes wide with shock. His mouth opened, closed, then opened again. This continued for some time, before Remus cleared his throat and sat down.

"I beg your pardon?"

"Sorry." Xander grimaced. "I'm being immature. I realize that, but I can't help it. It always happens this way, you know? Everyone around me pairs off and gets all happy, while I'm left with no one. Or with someone that wants to kill me. Or insult me every second of every day. Or tell me that if I don't give her orgasms then she'll wish my penis away. Buffy got to be with Angel, then with Riley, and even a little with Spike. All three of them were bad for her, you know, but everyone was all supportive. Willow was with Oz, then Tara. Now Kennedy. She always gets the supportive, loving ones. Not me. Everyone either hates my lovers or they have to stop them from killing me."

"I'm sure you'll find someone who is meant for you." Remus told him softly. The werewolf didn't look at Xander, and thus missed Xander's loving gaze.

"What if I've already found 'em?" Xander asked. "What should I do, then?"

"I suppose honesty is the best idea, don't you think?" Remus suggested.

"Xander Harris!" A voice screeched from the doorway. Xander jumped and turned to find Ginny glaring at him, her face nearly as red as her hair. Ginny stomped into the room, slamming the door behind her. She whipped out her wand and pointed it at Xander with a shaky hand.

"Gin! What's wrong?" Xander asked.

"I can not believe you told Hermione about my liking her!" Ginny exclaimed.

"Oh, heh, did I do that?" Xander asked nervously.

"That's what she said, and the funny thing about Hermione is that she has this problem with lying." Ginny growled.

"Oh, well, er..." Xander trailed off, looking toward Remus for help. The werewolf glanced between the two and said nothing. "Sorry?"

"Sorry? That's all you have to say, is sorry?" Ginny asked.

"What do you expect me to say?" Xander replied. "I didn't mean to tell her. I was just pumping her for information, to see if you had a chance. I was going to tell you everything and then let you decide what to do."

"...You where?" Ginny asked, her wand lowering.

"Yeah." Xander admitted.

"Oh... Okay." Ginny sighed. "It was just embarrassing. Not to mention poor Hermione. I've never seen her blush and stammer before, until now that is."

"What did she say?" Xander asked, perking up now that his Slayer was no longer mad at him.

"Oh, nothing much." Ginny said evasively.

"Oh, come on!" Xander begged.

"You sound like Andrew when you do that." Ginny informed him, giggling.

"Just tell me." Xander ordered, his face threatening to form the puppy dog eyes. Ginny sighed.

"I'm going to Hogsmeade with her next week."

"All right!" Xander exclaimed, thrusting his fist into the air. "That's my girl! ...Wait. What's a Hogsmeade?"

"It's the local wizard town, dumbass." Ginny said with exasperation.

"Oh..." Xander grinned, turning to Remus. "I want to go to Hogsmeade. Be my date?"

"Well... I... That is to say..." Remus fumbled to answer.

"I'll take that as a yes." Xander said smugly.

xxx

"Today, class, you will be showing some practical skills." Remus told the class at large. Xander was lounged in his desk chair, leaving Remus and Spike to hover near him. "I'm sure most of you recall your dealings with the boggart third year. Today I will test how well you remember that lesson. Please follow me."

The class as a whole stood and followed the three out the door. They made their way down two flights of stairs before reaching an empty classroom. Inside was a large trunk that shook slightly as something within banged the insides. They gathered around, in a half-hazard line. Remus stepped up to the trunk.

"Now, there will be no helping. Each student must drive the boggart back into the trunk on their own." Remus explained. "Get into a line... Good. Now, Hermione, on three... One. Two. Three."

With a swish of his wand, Remus opened the trunk. Smoothly, the tall Professor McGonagal stepped out of the trunk. She narrowed her eyes at Hermione and began speaking in a stern voice. "You must be the worst student I have ever come across, Hermione Granger!"

The academic insults continued for a few minutes more, before Hermione gave an angry snarl and sent the boggart back into the trunk. With a satisfied smile, she went to the back of the line. The pattern continued for a few more students, until something else happened. The boggart exited the trunk on Seamus Finnigan's turn, but instead of advancing on the Irish boy, it turned to Spike. Spike's blue eyes widened as Buffy Summers gave him a cruel smile.

"What a bad, bad boy you've been Spike." Buffy said snidely. "You were suppose to love me, and look at you now."

"Shut up." Spike hissed, taking a step back.

"You finally figured it out, then?" The boggart sneered. "Finally realized that I could never love you? Never see you as more than a monster?"

"Bitch." Spike snapped. Buffy chuckled evilly. Spike took another step back, his body automatically sliding behind Xander's. Buffy immediately morphed into someone else. This person's figure seemed to shimmer, dancing between the look of a preacher, a drunken man resembling Xander, Xander himself, and a short girl with black hair, pure black eyes, and blue veins popping up on her skin. Finally the boggart seemed to make up it's mind and settled on the preacher.

"Well now." He said in a drawl. "If it isn't the one who sees everything. Come back for me to take care of the other eye, did you?"

The figure shimmered once more, settling on the older man with a drunken look. Xander winced visibly at his appearance. The man sneered. "You are pathetic. A poor excuse for a son."

Another shimmer, and Xander stared at himself. He was younger, still owning two eyes. The boggart smirked, it's face shifting to reveal that of a vampire's. Xander closed his eye in response, only to open them to see the last person.

"Hey, Willow." Xander said softly.

"Willow doesn't live here anymore." The girl said in a stiff voice, electricity crackling between her fingers. Suddenly Xander's vision was blocked as Remus stepped in front of him. Willow's figure shifted, turning into a glowing orb drifting between clouds. A full moon. Xander's mind, along with probably Spike's, shut down as Remus dealt with the boggart. Soon, they were the only three left the room as Remus had dismissed his class.

"Xander?" Remus asked softly, resting a hand on his shoulder.

"I'm fine." Xander quickly said. "Just a little shocked."

"I gotta go." Spike announced, before darting out of the room.

"Will he be okay?" Remus questioned.

"He'll be fine. I'm sure he's running to Oz as we speak." Xander replied, before slumping into a chair. "I didn't realize I was afraid of so many things. When you told me what the boggart did I thought it would turn into a clown or something."

"You're afraid of clowns?"

"More like just one clown. It was a bad birthday experience." Xander whispered.

"Those people..." Remus took a deep breath. "I've only seen a boggart turn into more than one person before, but they were all related."

"Who?" Xander asked out of curiosity.

"Molly Weasley's greatest fear is the death of her children."

"I can see that. She's a wonderful mother." Xander told him. "As for me... Well, I grew up on a Hellmouth. You tend to be afraid of a lot of things that go bump into the night because of that."

"Like your father?" Remus' voice was soft, inquisitive, but mostly it was simply supportive.

"I could never be good enough for him." Xander sighed. "He and mom were usually too drunk to notice me, but when they did... Well, it wasn't pretty."

"I wish I could do something." Remus told him. Xander didn't reply. "...Who were the others? If you don't mind me asking, that is."

"The preacher guy? That was Caleb." Xander pointed at his eye patch. "This was a gift of his. The other one was, well, me as a vampire. You fight them enough, and one of your greatest fears is being taken over by a demon like that. The last one was Willow when she went crazy on the dark magic. I saved the world, you know. Once. I talked Willow down from destroying everything. It wasn't much, all I did was tell her that I loved her and how she once broke a yellow crayon."

"You saved the world." Remus said slowly. "You do realize that makes you a hero."

"Hardly." Xander snorted. Remus simply stared at him with a strange look on his face.

xxx

"You are the most annoying creature I have ever met." Severus informed the blonde man standing next to him. Andrew sighed dramatically and handed him a ladle for the Wolfsbane Potion he was brewing. "We are not a couple."

"I know." Andrew snapped, his face going sour. "I'm just a toy, aren't I?"

"Excuse me?"

"You're using me as a toy!" Andrew wailed, before throwing the knife in his hand to the ground. He gave a huge sniff and made for the door. Severus let out a deep breath and grabbed Andrew's arm. "Let me go."

"You will cease this behavior at once." Severus ordered. Andrew glared back at him.

"Will I?" Andrew asked.

"I insist." Severus hissed.

"Oh, you insist, do you?" Andrew said, giving a small growl. It wasn't much of a growl, in fact it sounded like it came from a kitten. Severus tried to not smirk. Or snicker. Or laugh out loud. Goodness, this was a frustrating little man.

"Get out of my classroom." Severus hissed. Andrew stared at him a moment, sniffed, then yanked his arm free. Sending back a resentful look, Andrew ran from the room. Severus stood there a moment more, wondering why he felt so bad.

xxx

"I love this place!" Xander exclaimed, looking around Hogsmeade.

The small village was covered in Hogwarts students, along with a few teachers. Xander and Remus stood on the main road, taking in the sights. Oz and Spike had chosen to remain at Hogwarts. Spike because he would burn to ash, and Oz because Spike wasn't going. Andrew was still in the room he and Xander shared, moping. He had hardly left the room since what Xander assumed to be a lover's quarrel. Even Severus had been grumpier the past week, which was saying a lot.

"Did I mention I love this place?" Xander asked, before spotting Ginny and Hermione.

They were walking towards the Three Broomsticks, their arms brushing against one another. Both girls were blushing lightly, reminding Xander of how Tara and Willow used to act. Behind the two was Harry and Ron. Xander tried not to laugh. Taking in the looks on their faces, Xander knew the boys had no idea as to what was going on.

"Where would you like to go first?" Remus asked him.

"In there!" Xander answered, grabbing Remus' hand and dragging him toward the building Ginny had entered. The Three Broomsticks was bustling with students and a few adults. Xander quickly dragged Remus to a booth in the back, his head twisting around to find Ginny. The redhead could be seen on the other side of the room, Hermione sitting across from her. Harry and Ron, looking very put out, sat in another booth.

"I wouldn't worry about her." Remus said softly.

"Who? Ginny?" Xander shook his head. "Not worried. She can handle herself, and would probably beat me up for trying to say otherwise." Xander broke into a grin. "So, what's good to drink here?"

"I forget, you haven't tried butterbeer yet."

"Butter... Okay, what?"

Remus merely chuckled and stood. He returned a few minutes later with a mug of what Xander would later claim to be the best liquid ever created. After drinking down three mugs full of the stuff, Xander dragged Remus out of the Three Broomsticks and into the various shops of Hogsmeade, buying Christmas presents. They spent nearly two hours inside Honeydukes. Finally, as it was getting closer to nightfall and most of the students had returned to Hogwarts, Xander got to see the Shrieking Shack.

The building stood past the rickety fence, coated in snow. Xander tried to picture Remus stuck in this place as a kid during the full moon, but found the image too sad to think about. Shivering, Xander pulled his coat tightly around him.

"Cold?" Remus asked softly.

"Yeah." Xander said through chattering teeth. "I'm not used to this Great Britain winter."

"Here." Remus' arm wrapped itself around Xander's torso. Xander's shivering paused as he took in this new development. They were standing extremely close to each other now, Remus practically holding him, and his own arm was slowly drifting to wrap around the werewolf's waist. A small smile started to form on Xander's face. "What?"

"Hmm?" Xander smiled wider. Remus' own mouth formed a small frown of confusion.

"Is there something I should know?" Remus asked in the same soft voice. "You don't usually get that look unless you're plotting something."

"Maybe I am." Xander said, his smile immediately morphing into a grin.

"I do believe I've told you this more than once, but you scare me sometimes." Remus calmly told him. Xander chuckled and gently rested his head on Remus' shoulder. Remus' arm tightened around Xander in response.

"Hey, Remus?" Xander asked softly. Remus tilted his head, looking across the small amount of space at him. Xander didn't say anything more, but he could feel his face moving closer to Remus' without meaning to. He could only stare into Remus' gold eyes and inch his way toward that mouth.

"You boys are going to be late getting home." A taunting voice called out. Xander felt himself jerk back, Remus' arm falling away from him. Sighing, Xander turned to give Ginny a dark look. Ginny raised a single red eyebrow. "Interrupt something?"

"You know you did." Xander grumbled.

"Aww, I'm sorry." Ginny grinned wickedly. "Come along, children, time to go home."

"Shouldn't you be off doing inappropriate touching with a Miss Granger?" Xander asked as he and Remus started following her through Hogsmeade and back towards Hogwarts.

"Oh, that?" Ginny shrugged and stuffed her hands into her pockets. "We decided not to pursue anything."

"What? Why?"

"Hermione isn't really sure if she really likes girls that way." Ginny calmly told them, showing no sign of being upset at all. "She doesn't want to use me just to see if she is attracted to the same sex. Of course, you know Hermione, she used a lot more words than that."

"So, you're okay with that?" Xander asked shocked, sharing a look with Remus.

"Guys, unlike you two, I'm not looking for my one and only." Ginny snorted. "I've just turned sixteen for crying out loud. Hermione was a crush and there will be others."

"All girls, I presume?" Xander asked, his voice only mildly teasing. Ginny smirked.

"I grew up with too many brothers, if you must know. I blame them." Ginny sighed dramatically. "That's my excuse, what's yours?"

"Pardon?" Xander asked, baffled.

"For being gay."

"I'm not gay." Xander could feel Remus' amused eyes. "Honestly, I'm not. I'm bisexual. I nearly married a girl, for crying out loud. Stop looking at me like that, Mini-Red."

"Yes, right-o, Watcher." Ginny snickered.

xxx

"My goodness." Remus muttered.

"Holy Medusa." Xander said in awe. He turned to Spike and Oz, who were watching the events down the hall with avid interest. Ginny peered around him to get a better look. "How long has this been happening?"

"About an hour." Oz replied. "That Severus guy has good stamina."

"I've never seen Andrew scream like that." Xander commented.

"Batman looks like he's going to explode any minute now." Spike pointed out.

"They really are being harsh to one another." Remus said.

"You can hear them?" Ginny asked. Oz, Remus, and Spike all nodded. Yes, they could hear the screaming fight happening down the long castle hall. Andrew and Severus looked about ready to either attack one another, or shag each other stupid. Spike being, well, Spikewas voting for the latter. He hadn't seen a good piece of adult entertainment in a while.

"What started it?" Xander asked.

"Severus was striding down the hall, looking all important and stuffy-like, when Andrew darted out of Mini-Red's training room and crashed into him. Words were said, then screams were said. I think they are about to move to sex, so shut your gob." Spike replied.

"Huh, who knew Spike was right." Oz said with vague interest as Andrew and Severus suddenly lunged at each other. Their mouths attacked one another almost as violently as their words had.

"Cover your eyes, Ginny." Xander ordered, his own eyes unblinking. Ginny could be heard snorting. Xander simply knew she wasn't covering her eyes as the duo down the hall began groping one another.

xxx

Much to Spike's amusement, Xander and Andrew were unable to recreate the evening of the Hogsmeade visit. Severus once again distanced himself from Andrew in an all familiar pattern. Andrew moped and was even sent into a cursing fit once when it was mentioned that he needed to get on with his life from Ginny. The lecture he received after that by the young Slayer was to go down into history.

Xander, on the other hand, was actually trying to get alone with Remus. It wasn't working out too well. Either Remus was teaching or preparing a class. When they did see each other, everyone else was also present. Xander couldn't really say too much, of course. He was very busy increasing Ginny's training and keeping Spike from causing trouble.

And for a moment, Xander realized that Remus had already finished his segment on vampires, thus leaving Spike no reason to be here. Yet, the vampire continued to stay. Xander wasn't going to complain. For the first time since a fraction of a second when he and Spike were roommates, he was actually enjoying the vampire's company. And having Oz around was simply a bonus, despite the constant nagging in his head on how, exactly, those two worked out as a couple.

Finally, Christmas break had arrived. Xander had talked Spike into going with him to the dark house of Black with him. Oz, naturally, was to come along. They all packed their bags and got onto the train at Hogsmeade. The trip seemed shorter than it did on the way to Hogwarts. Finally, they reached King's Cross just as the night fell.

"Oh, hello, dears!" Molly Weasley exclaimed, pulling Andrew into a huge hug. She proceeded with everyone else, even Spike, and just like before Andrew snuck into a second hug. "Well, come along, then."

xxx

"EVIL CREATURES! UNCLEAN SPAWN, CREATING DIRT INSIDE MY HOME!" The portrait of a rather horrid looking Mrs. Black screeched at them. Xander was suddenly given a reason for why they should be quiet at the front door, but sadly no one had told Spike that. "UNDEAD THINGS CRAWLING ACROSS MY FLOOR! MUDBLOODS!"

Xander and the others watched in shock as Remus and Molly ran over to pull the curtain covering the portrait closed. Finally, after a moment of fighting, silence reigned once more. The group quickly made its way into the kitchen, where Spike stood with a look of awe on his face. "Bloody hell."

"Language!" Molly automatically exclaimed. Spike, despite the desire to hiss at her, nearly blushed and nodded at the motherly woman. Xander snickered behind him.

"Welcome to our world, Spike." Xander teased. "Where no matter where you go, Molly Weasley's motherly ways will be shouting down your neck."

"I beg your pardon?" Molly asked, her hands on her hips. Ron and Ginny were giggling behind her.

"Nothing!" Xander exclaimed, a look of panic crossing his face. Molly gave him a stern look, before turning to start dinner. Andrew bounced over to help, the duo's whispered words and chuckles starting up immediately. Xander let out a sigh and followed Remus to the library. Perhaps now, he would get some alone time with the werewolf.

"Oi, whelp!" Spike called to him as he reached for the library door.

"What, Spike?" Xander asked through gritted teeth.

"What's got into your knickers?" Spike asked, eyebrow raised.

"Nothing, I was just trying to have some alone time with Remus." Xander said with a pointed stare.

"Oh, right." Spike gave him a wink that looked far too lecherous for Xander's own good. Spike reached out and snagged Oz's hand, who had been calmly standing nearby. "Just wanted to know where our room was."

"Oh, well, I suppose... You could take the master bedroom." Xander replied, holding back a snicker. "It's just down the hall."

"Right, see you later." Spike pulled Oz down the hall and into the bedroom. Xander waited, hand poised on the doorknob. A slow grin appeared on his face as he heard it. "Shit! What the bloody hell it that?"

Buckbeak's agitated squawk was heard seconds later.

"So, Mr. Lupin, what are you up to in this dark and shady room?" Xander asked in a teasing voice as he entered the library. Remus stood in front of one of the bookshelves, sending an amused look over his shoulder. "Reading some... books?"

"Blast." Remus smiled. "It appears my great plot has been discovered."

"Yeah, I'm clever like that." Xander replied.

"Did you need something?"

"Well, actually, I-"

"There you guys are!" Ginny exclaimed, bouncing into the room. Xander held back a groan of annoyance. How was it Ginny always managed to interrupt Remus and him before they could do anything interesting?

"Ginny!" Xander gritted through clenched teeth. "Ruin any conversations lately?"

"What's got into your knickers?" Ginny asked calmly.

"Okay, you need to stop hanging out with Spike." Xander ordered. Ginny rolled her eyes. "I'm serious. I think it's doing something to your psyche."

"Don't be so dramatic." Ginny told him, before falling into the nearest chair. A soft sigh escaped her. "So, I've been thinking."

"Are you sure that's wise?"

"Oh, shut up." Ginny growled. Xander's eyes traveled skyward and he muttered something about giving Spike a lecture on teaching Ginny his growl. "Anyway, Harry, Hermione, and Ron are probably going to spend the next two weeks with each other... And, you know, that's kind of kinky if you think about it. You don't think that's why me and Hermione wouldn't work out, do you?"

"Ginny." Xander interrupted. "Do you have a point?"

"Yeah, I'm bored!" Ginny said, her voice a literal whine. Xander cringed. "I need something to do. Someone to hang out with."

"Why don't you go hang out with Andrew?" Xander suggested, desperate to be alone with his werewolf once more. "I'm sure he needs a friend to spend Christmas with."

"No offense, Xander, but this is Andrew we are talking about." Ginny calmly replied. "Half the time I don't know what he's talking about. Something about a war of stars? I don't know. If not that, then it's all about Snape. A person can only take so much of him talking about the sexy curve of Snape's buttocks. Or the hardening of his-"

"Ginny!" Xander exclaimed.

"Of his jaw when he's angry." Ginny finished. She gave him a purely innocent look, which had Remus chuckling in the corner. "What did you think I was going to say?"

"Nothing." Xander replied, eyes narrowed. Ginny looked to be fighting a grin.

"Still. Bored here." Ginny said, with an expectant look on her face.

"I suppose we could go patrolling nearby." Xander offered.

"Oh! Yay!" Ginny bounced her feet. "More psycho, druggie vamps!"

"I can assure you that not all vampires are like those freaks." Xander insisted.

"Yeah, I figured." Ginny shrugged. "But, this is better than the Forbidden Forrest. All I can slay in there are those freak lizard demons that I found hibernating in the caves."

"You really should have read up on those before you charged into their home, flaming wand at the ready." Xander pointed out.

"How was I to know they ate fire?"

xxx

"That woman is insane." Spike told Xander the next morning with a look of confusion. It was almost as though he had never met someone like Molly Weasley. True, she was even more imposing than Joyce Summers had been, but Xander was a little worried that Spike was so flustered by the woman.

"Don't let her hear you say that." Xander offered.

"Shit." Spike muttered, his eyes darting around frantically.

"Whoa, okay." Xander patted Spike on the arm. "What did she do to you?"

"Nothing." Spike replied, defensively.

"No, seriously."

"It's nothing." Spike pouted.

"Oh my God." Was all Xander could say. The look on Spike's face was a bit much. A sense of a sad little boy who had been scolded mixed in with an ashamed adult who was just caught in the throes of passion by his mother. Not that Xander knew what that expression was like, because he'd of course never worn it. Right.

"Don't look at me like that, whelp." Spike ordered. "Now, what's this I hear about a little patrol in merry ol' London?"

"Ginny's bored."

"Well, we can't have that." Spike replied, finally breaking into a smirk-like grin. "Bored Slayer turns into things like... Naughty touching and the like."

"Should I tell Molly about your language?"

"You wouldn't dare!" Spike exclaimed.

"Try me." Xander smirked at the look of pure horror flickered across Spike's face. "Zeus above, she really did catch you and Oz going at it."

"How did you know?" Spike asked before he could stop himself. With a sigh, he continued. "Yeah, well, she was trying to feed that Buckbeak creature and caught us. I've never seen a woman scold someone like that. Hell, my mum was a sweet little woman. Joyce was the kind to give you looks that made you feel bad. This woman? She yells and screeches like a bloody Ver'lucktu demon in heat."

"I can't believe you were going to have sex in front of Buckbeak." Xander replied. "That's even kinkier than I thought you were."

"And you blame me for the way Ginny thinks?" Spike asked in shock.

xxx

"Now, Ginny, this is-"

"It's a fresh grave. I'm new at this, sure, but not clueless." Ginny raised an eyebrow. She walked over to another gravestone and sat on top of it, facing the newly dug grave.

"Well, sorry. I'll leave you to it then, shall I?" Xander asked, before walking away. He stopped about five feet away and hovered nervously, watching his Slayer toss her stake into the air and catch it each time.

"What's got into your pants, whelp?" Spike asked, literally appearing next to him from out of nowhere.

"I'm nervous." Xander admitted. "My Slayer is in an actual graveyard, refusing my annoying and yet constant desire to help. Thus, I'm stuck over here, hoping she doesn't get herself killed."

"You act like she's never fought before." Spike said, pulling out a cigarette. Xander stared at the little stick of tobacco in confusion. When was the last time Spike had actually smoked? Xander couldn't remember.

"Yeah, but, well..." Xander shrugged. "I don't know what my problem is. I just... I guess it finally hit me that I'm the one who is responsible for making sure she's ready for the world. That she's prepared to fight and stand strong. That's a disturbingly large amount of pressure."

"Oh, please." Spike snorted. "Ginny is one fiery little bird, Harris. She's not the type to get stuck in a bad situation. You could be the worse Watcher in the world and she would survive. She's got that kind of passion, you know. Reminds me of myself."

"Sure it does." Xander rolled his eyes. They turned back and watched as Ginny leapt off her tombstone and at the rising vampire. Moving swiftly and at a speed Xander hadn't seen on anyone but Buffy, Ginny dusted the creature in seconds flat. A slow smile spread across Xander's face. "Yeah, she's something."

"Git." Was Spike's reply. Xander didn't want to know what he did to be called a git. Most likely, Spike was just filling his quota for the day. Living in the vicinity of Molly Weasley was proving to be a horrid time for Spike, since he could no longer curse to his heart's content.

"So, where's your shadow?" Xander asked as they followed Ginny at a fair distance as she began her actual patrol.

"Debating the use of string cheese with that Herm-chick." Spike replied.

"String cheese?"

"Well, either that or the inner workings of Freud. I can't be too sure." Spike said.

"Ah, the horrid affair of dating someone with a brain. Different than dating Harmony, isn't it?" Xander said, nodding.

"Oh, please." Spike snorted. "Like you would know."

"I'll have you know, I dated a Cordelia and then made out with a Willow. Two totally different classes of intellect." Xander replied.

"Please. Cordy was wicked." Spike told him.

"My point is that I know what it's like to date someone who is smarter than you." Xander said, ignoring Spike's scowl. "Well, okay, thinks they are smarter than you in Cordelia's case."

"I don't know where you get the idea you were smarter than her." Spike replied. "But that doesn't really matter. I bet she gave great he-"

"Why do I even bother to attempt normal conversation with you?" Xander interrupted. Xander shook his head in dismay and turned back to watching Ginny dust vampires with amazing skill.

xxx

"But, Mum!" Ginny protested loudly. Xander entered the kitchen to find Ginny standing before her mother, hand clenched tightly around a piece of parchment. Harry and Ron were watching with avid interest. Hermione was reading, but peaking over the top of the book every once in a while. Andrew looked like he was the one getting yelled at if the twitching was any indication. Everyone else was no where to be seen.

Xander suspected they had left the moment Ginny opened her mouth. Wimps.

"You are not going into London alone." Molly insisted.

"I won't be alone." Ginny said in a low voice that normally had people running for the hills. It didn't seem to effect Molly any. Then again, Molly had probably invented the voice. "Neville will be there."

"Yes, and who will he be with?" Molly asked, pointing at the letter. "Not his grandmother, but Draco Malfoy. I'm not about to let my baby girl-"

"Mum!"

"Go out into the city of London for two days with a group of boys!" Molly finished.

"Mum, listen to me." Ginny said, trying to keep her voice calm. "Neville and Malfoy are a couple! They're gay! Nothing will happen. Besides, I'm a Slayer. I can kick anyone's arse that tries to mess with us. Please?"

"You will not go alone. Especially without an adult." Molly protested. Ginny sniffled and Xander watched in amazement as Molly almost melted at the sound. Huh, so that's how it works.

"It's not fair, you know." Ginny whimpered. "Ron gets all of his friends here. Neville's my best friend, Mum, and I don't get to see him at all."

"Well..." Molly sighed. Ron, in the background, looked rather put out that his mother was agreeing so quickly. "Fine! You can go, but Ron, Harry, and Hermione are going with you."

"Bloody hell." Ginny cursed, before covering her mouth.

"If I hear anymore words like that, then you won't be going at all." Molly said sternly. "Also... Xander will go with you."

"Ah, man!" Ginny whined loudly. "He'll make me go slay something!"

"It's called a job, Ginny." Molly told her. "Get used to it."

"Yeah, okay." Ginny mumbled, before turning on Ron and Harry. "If you two try to do anything to Draco Malfoy, and therefore upset Neville, I will make you curse the day you were born." Ginny whipped around to Xander. "That goes for you as well."

"Mental. Totally mental." Ron said, watching as Ginny stomped out of the room.

xxx

The trip to London happened three days later, leaving the adventure to end on Christmas Eve. The Trio were excited to be given a break from cleaning things. They packed clothes and were ready first thing that morning. Ginny spent the last three days patrolling, honing her skill with such an exact science that Xander was a little scared by it. She was up at dawn, making sure she had everything. Xander waited until the last minute to pack, which wasn't that unusual for him.

The taxi met them two blocks away, a fact that confused Xander to no end. However, that Mad-Eye Moody fellow had his own method for doing things. After situating the teenagers into the back seat, Xander climbed into the front with the driver.

"You poor man." The driver offered as they soared through the streets of London. Xander clutched the door handle with a white knuckled hand.

"Yeah, well, they'll behave themselves if they know what's good for them." Xander gulped as they took a sharp turn.

"Mate, if you can keep track of all four of those kids, you deserve a metal for single parenting." The driver told him as the pulled to a stop in front of an expensive looking hotel.

"Single parenting?" Xander squeaked. The driver sent him a grin before gathering their luggage. Shaking his head, Xander stepped onto the sidewalk and stared up at the building with the others.

"That Malfoy, always showing off." Ginny sneered.

"I shouldn't expect any better from such cretins, should I?" A snide voice asked. Draco stood by the door, his arms crossed. Xander had to admit he looked different without those imposing robes. He still wore black, but the turtleneck and jeans made him look more approachable.

"Shove off, Malfoy." Ron growled.

"I happen to be paying for this little venture, Weasley." Draco informed them. "You'd do well to remember that. However, I don't recall inviting the lot of you."

"Neville agreed." Ginny informed him, her voice cold.

"Fine." Draco relented with a sigh. Ron and Harry shared a look of shock when they saw Draco wasn't going to argue over the matter.

They followed Draco into the hotel, where he proceeded to get the keys to their rooms. "I must insist that you four be on your best behavior. I do not wish to attract attention to myself, nor my companion."

"Stop acting all superior, Malfoy." Harry told him as they entered their floor.

"Potter, you and your little Weasel can have this room. Granger and the other Weasel will get the room next to ours." Draco eyed Xander with obvious distaste. "The muggle will get his own room."

"Oh, thank you." Xander snatched the key out of Draco's hand, ignoring Draco's startled look. Xander threw his bag into the room and turned back to the others. "Don't get into trouble. If you're going anywhere, tell me."

"Well, that was interesting." Ginny commented as Xander slammed the door shut.

"Gin!" Neville bounced out of one of the room and enveloped her into a hug. "I'm glad you could make it."

"Yes, well, I had to make sure Malfoy wasn't going to kill you." Ginny replied.

"Only with pleasure." Was Draco's response. Neville turned bright red as Draco's hand slide down his back. Ginny rolled her eyes.