Disclaimer: "The Amityville Toaster. Make breakfast spooky."

(An: Well, here we go again. I can't swear the credibility of the dialogue or action in this because I have to fake it from my vid. I highly reccomend everyone watch this movie if they can get their hands on it because it's funny and the animation is the "acid trip with no nasty side effects" type. The parts listed here on the thingy are only the main characters because there're a lot of bit parts throughout the movie and like I've said I don't have a script that lists them all. I do ship Kurtty but I try to pick the cast according to the characters and not my preferences (which is why I haven't done a Romy parody yet). Symbols! Bold is song lyrics and emphasis, and italics is Remy's Inner Monologue (hereafter referred to as RIM) because he doesn't really say much. Also, these chapters are going to be way shorter than the ones for Mutants and Vegetables Just Don't Mix. See above rant.)

Tack: Piotr!

Princess Yum-Yum: Kitty!

Zig Zag: Pietro!

The Thief: Remy! (Duh!)

King Nod: Magneto!

The Three Courtiers: Sabretooth, Jason, and Mesmero!

Nanny: Mystique!

Head Brigand: Logan!

King One Eye: Lance!

The Fearless Scout: Evan!

Piotr begins a voiceover as we zoom in on a field of stars. A swirly ball of smoke (supposedly the center of a star) is the main attraction. "Um, excuse me, but am I not Russian?"

Author: Yes, well, you reminded me of Tack, ok?

"Legend has it that each shooting star is really an Arabian knight riding across the heavens. And at the center of every star is a story untouched by time. Long before the heroic tales of Aladdin and Ali Baba the first Arabian knight was chosen. But where would destiny find someone so courageous and pure of heart?" The star turns into a little window that zooms across the desert, focusing on Bayville.

"I always thought Bayville had unnatural geography, but that's just nuts," Storm, who is as usual my director, objects.

Author: Come on, play along.

"May I continue?"

Author: Do.

"Amid the swirling sands of the Great Arabian Desert was the Golden City of Bayville, and at its center, an enchanted castle dedicated to reason and goodness. High atop its tallest tower were three golden balls whose magic protected it from the evil King Avalanche and his army of darkness." We zoom in on said tower and balls, and then the view switches to a really freaky army, led by Lance.

"Why am I your villain!"

Author: Say it with me: I. Hate. You.

"According to the prophecy if the balls were ever removed, Baghdad would be in great danger." Back to the golden balls, which get eaten up by smoke. The scene switches back to the really freaky army and a closeup on Lance. "With only the Golden City left to conquer, the terrible Avalanches were on the march."

"Avalanches win again!" Lance cries.

"Avalanches! Avalanches!" chant his army. His army consists of Random Lance Clones and the occasional Freaky Horse. We focus in on Evan, who has all sorts of arrows sticking out of his back.

"Man this stings!"

"Poor baby," his aunt soothes. "If you weren't a Morlock I'd help you."

"Hey! They needed me!"

"Say what you will," Storm replies with a shrug.

Evan glares at her, but gets back to the script. He staggers onto a horse. Note the flag featuring the Avalanche symbol (a mountain) sticking out of his back. "Must... warn... the king..."

He finally manages to mount the horse as Lance's voice in the background states, "And I shall conquer the Golden City!"

Author: Ambitious little squint.

"What did I ever do to you, lady!"

Author: You dated Kitty. Go figure. If I ever write a main Lancitty, may I be struck by lightning. And may my insurance company count it as an act of God and therefore my med bills payable.

Evan rides through some hills that resemble an impressionist painting, gasping but luckily not dying. "But the evil King Avalanche had overlooked one fearless scout who went to warn Baghdad before it was too late." The shot fades out to a view of Bayville, which looks a lot more marblely, sparkly, and gold-decoed than the city we're used to. "As for who was going to stand up against Avalanche's army, that's where our tale begins. Little did I know that the shooting star I had seen last night was to be my own." We go into a cobbler's shop (which we know is a cobbler's shop because of the sign shaped like boots) and see Piotr stretched out on a pallet, fast asleep. He has tacks in his mouth and is hammering at something in his sleep, accidentaly bashing himself but not waking up. "At the time I was a poor orphan working as a cobbler's apprentice- Wait a minute." Piotr stops narrating. "If I'm asleep there, how can I be narrating this?"

"Same way Magneto narrated in 'Mutants and Vegetables Just Don't Mix,'" Storm responds. "You're in a magic voiceover booth that allows you to be in two places at once."

"If I act like I accept that, can we move on?"

"Yep.

"Life was simple, but all that was about to change. Not too far away in another part of the city lived a thief, a man of few words but many thoughts." The scene focuses in on Remy, dressed in a very dirty trench coat, and hiding behind a wall.. Colossus muffles a very undiginified snort.

"Ugh! Why am I dressed like dis? And what's up wit' de flies!"

Author: Supposedly the theif's never heard of soap. It's pretty funny, actually. And you're not supposed to talk, remember? The theif has only a few lines that are actually spoken, and most are grunts and such.

"Sounds like a fascinatin' guy." Remy clears his throat (which isn't necessary since really he's only doing a mental voiceover) and gets into character. "Good mornin' Arabia. I've had my coffee, read the paper, and now it's time to get to work!" He reaches out and grabs a gilt saddle from a shelf. "Mine... "

"The theif took his job very seriously. He would steal anything, especially anything gold," Piotr narrates, as Remy runs along the street, grabbing various things from shelves as he goes.

"At least I finally get t' indulge my kleptomania," Remy mutters.

Author: HA! I knew it!

"...Did I say dat out loud?" Remy shakes himself and peeks out from behind a fountain. He sees an old woman- Mystique- in a dark black coat, making her way across the road. She's clutching something yellow.

"Scuse me," Mystique says, holding up her arms. "Why did you pick me for this?"

Author: It's really very simple. You were there. And of course, the old lady's arms are blue.

Mystique glares but shuts up.

Back to Remy's Inner Monologue. "There's something gold right now!" Remy creeps up on Mystique. "What does that old hag have in her hands? Is it a gold statue?" He comes up behind her and grabs at it. As he finds out what it is, "No? Why it's BANANAS!", Mystique grabs him and slams him over her head and on the ground. She knocks him about, and everything he just stole comes spilling out. "OW! I worked hard for dat!"

"You weren't going to get to keep it anyway, you know," Storm comments.

"It de principle of de t'ing!"

"Just go on with the script please." Storm rubs her temples. "I need an aspirin."

"Ow ow ow!" Mystique stomps on him, then picks up her bananas, tucks her deceptively skinny arms back under her shirt, and walks off, humming. Remy, who is tied in a knot, hops off. "I think she used to work in my school cafeteria!" After a bit of walking, he reaches the cobbler's shop, peering inbetween the boots that stand for the sign/door. "Hmm, this place looks relatively free of old ladies..."

"Now what the thief thought he was going to find in my cobbler's shop I'll never know. But that's where all the trouble started," Piotr says, as Remy creeps up the stairs.

"What a dump! Nobody lives like this except college kids!" Remy comes up on Piotr, who is still asleep. He sees a little brown coin purse sticking out of Piotr's pocket and grabs it. He opens it, and is rewarded with a bunch of moths. "Pathetic. Y' know, it's against the theif's code t' pick one o' your ami's pockets."

Author: Yes, well in this, you two despise each other. -shrug-

Disbelieving that anyone could be so poor, Remy sticks his nose in the bag. Piotr, who is apparently more aware than he looks, grabs out, still asleep, and gets Remy in a headlock. He bangs on his head with the hammer several times. "Owoowowowowow! I take it dis character gets beaten up a lot?" Remy asks, looking dazed.

Author: Yep. Get used to pain.

Piotr lets him go, and Remy tries to scramble away, only to have Piotr- who is still asleep- grab him with his abnormally long legs. "I t'ink I'm gonna be sick," Remy mumbles. "Dis is a very uncomfortable position."

Piotr opens one eye. "How do you think I feel, comrade!"

Thankfully, the scene switches to the street outside the cobbler shop. Two Horn Dudes come down, blasting a fanfare, followed by a Gong Dude, and then a bunch of Ninja Type Dudes with Whips, all chanting, "Make way make way make way!" Behind all of them are the Three Courtiers, a.k.a. Sabretooth, Jason, and Mesmero.

"How come he gets called by name when we are only codenamed?" Mesmero asks.

Author: Well, they never mentioned your name in the show, and I'm too lazy to go look it up in the comics, and I would only end up calling Sabretooth Viccy."

Sabretooth growls loudly, but Storm holds up a ball of yarn. "You get it after your cameo, ok?"

Sabretooth mews. "I'll be good! Yarny!"

They get back to the action, chanting, "Have no fear, have no fear, Pietro your grand vizier is here!"

"Hail Pietro! Pietro your grand vizier is approaching!" comes over a megaphone type thing.

Back to the cobbler's shop, where Piotr is still holding Remy between his legs- sorry guys- and is now stitching his pant legs to Remy's Very Dirty Trench Coat (tm). "Does everything need a trademark in your mind?" Storm asks, hand on her hip.

Author: Well, no, but when it's capitalized like that I just can't resist. -shrug-

"He's stitching me up like a boot! Sorry kid, this boot was made for walking!" Remy tries to walk off, but gets stuck again as Piotr resumes a normal sleep position. "Can't... breathe..."

Author: If you couldn't breathe, you couldn't talk. So there.

Back to the street, where Pietro is coming down it. He obviously enjoys being worshipped. "Damn straight!" He is walking down a piece of carpet that is continuously being rerolled and placed in front of him so he doesn't have to touch the ground. "It's dirty!"

Author: It's a good thing I picked a movie where they can swear...

"Come on everybody, put your hands together for your grand Vizier!"

"Everyone knew the sorcerer, Pietro, was immensely powerful. Over the years he had gained the king's trust... and no one else's."

Back to the cobbler's shop, where Remy finally manages to stand up. "Dis is disgustin'! Remy feel dirty."

Author: This is bad. He's talking in third person.

Remy stumbles down the stairs, going head over heels and dragging Piotr along for the ride. Pete finally wakes up. "Huh? Hey!" They spill out onto the street, and various cobbler stuff, mostly tacks, fall out onto it.

One tack, sadly, lands just in front of Pietro's outstretched foot and he steps on it. Pietro screeches in agony. Piotr runs around his back, but is spotted. Pietro pokes him in the nose, crying, "Seize him! Take him! Seize him! Take him!"

Remy frees himself and slinks off as Piotr gets cornered by Random Card-Like Guards with Big Swords.

The Three Courtiers are highly amused by this, and chant- "No way! Chantin' was not in my contract, dammit!"

"You want the yarn or not, Viccy?" Storm asks.

Sabretooth seems hypnotized. "I'll be good..."

Anyway, the Courtiers chant, "Take him and seize him! Take him and seize him!"

"Take him to the palace!" As Pietro utters this command, Piotr gets ringed in by the RCLGwBS, who make their swords into an H shape around his neck.

"I cannot even do a dramatic gulp."

Author: Pity.

Leaving Piotr in a state of undetermined peril, the scene switches to the palace, and Princess Kitty's room. "I, like, get to be a princess? Cool!"

Author-eyes bug out, faints-

"What was that, like, about?"

"She's never had a character not complain about casting in her parodies," Storm explains.

"Oh, like, right."

Author-deep breath- I'm better now, do continue.

Everyone Else-thinking- Damn.

Mystique walks in, still clutching her bananas, as Kitty gets out of bed... fully dressed.

Author: Plot Irregularity Number One.

"Good morning!"

"Oh..." Kitty sighs.

"Why, what's the matter Princess?" asks Mystique, in Caring Motherly Mode. Which is very unusual for her, by the way. "Hey! I'm a good mother!"

Everyone Else-snort-

Author: Oh, yes, so you dump your son off a bridge to save yourself, and manipulate every little detail of your adopted daughter's life? I am SO sure. ...I don't know where that came from.

"Oh, I'm in a royal rut nanny," Kitty explains, as she puts on her crown and the heart-shaped pendants that go with it. Or rather, Mystique puts them on. "I know I could do more, if I just had the chance. This life I live in regal splendor seems a waste. It's all pomp and circumstance nanny. If I could help father, instead of just sitting at his side..." She walks over to a model of the palace and picks up a little figurine, placing it by another one inside the palace. Cue Song Music... "If I could help just one person... maybe then he'd understand there's more to me... I'd be doing something useful!" She walks over to a fountain and gazes at herself in it.

"Who puts a fountain in somebody's room?" Storm asks, head cocked.

"Yes the pretty face

Yes the sunny smile

Yes each hair in place

And yes, she can beguile," she does a dramatic (and obligatory) Reflection Splash, walking over to the murals on her wall, all which feature a younger her.

"Proper and polite

Never makes a wave

Born just to delight

And bred to behave," she touches a picture, covering herself, and then launches into the Obligatory Eastern Style Dance-thing.

But she is more than this

There's a mind in the body

Of this pretty miss!" She dances out to the balcony, scattering irate pigeons, still in Random Eastern Dance Mode.

She is more than this

So much more

So much more

She is more than this!"

Her nanny joins her, all trembly and such. "I hate being old ladies," Mystique mutters, then goes into an equally trembly voice. "Just like your mother, out here without a veil." She drags Kitty back inside, and gets her to sit down, ignoring how she goes on singing pointlessly.

"Outwardly she's free

Inwardly she's bound." Mystique affixes a veil onto Kitty, and puts on her shoes.

"Jeez, high maintence?" she mutters.

"Well I am, like, a princess!" Kitty chirps.

Author: And you're also complaining about it.

"Given half the chance

She might prove profound!

Have a thought or two

Different from the rest." She drags Mystique up, clinging to her face. Mystique mumbles confusedly.

Has a point of view

That must be expressed!" She releases Mystique and launches back into Random Dance Mode. Mystique is still fixing veils onto her.

Yes she is more than this

There's a mind in the body

Of this pretty miss!

So much more

So much more

She is more than this!" As she finishes, for some reason Mystique gives her two roses. She admires them and then wrinkles her nose."Ugh, it's that awful Pietro!"

We see poor Piotr, being dragged along by the RCLGwBS. He glances up and their eyes meet."As Pietro's guards were taking me inside the palace, I gazed upon the princess for the first time. I had never seen anyone so beautiful."

Author: Say it with me now- awwww!

As usual, Remy's tagging along. He glances up and spots the golden balls, fascinated. "Ooooooh... sparkly!"

"And the thief had never seen anything like the golden balls."

"Hello betty... cha-ching!" He tries to get into the palace- and thus to the "sparkly" golden balls- but they close the gates just before him. "Hey, wait wait, guys, don't close them- ah, no..."

"All right, that's that!" Storm cries.

"Finally! I must shower, t' get dis awful memory from m' mind," Remy mutters, walking off.

"Eurgh," Piotr mutters. "Does anyone have any spare brain bleach?"

Pietro is dancing around. "Ha ha! Finally, I don't have to be a vegetable or something equally freaky! And I get to be a villain!"

Author-cackles- Wait till you see what I did to Toad...

(That's that. Took me long enough. Bad idea to start a new story, you say? Well, I say this: I shall only update this on weekends, weekends I say! ...then why am I uploading this on a Wednesday? Because it's been lurking around on my computer for a week and a half now and it's beginning to bug me. Eh, whatever. Next chapter: Pietro plots, Piotr gets in trouble, and yes, we see what I did to Toad!)