Disclaimer: If I owned Fullmetal Alchemist, one do you really think this wouldn't be an episode? and two, there would be a lot more EdXRoy.

Author's Note: This idea came from reading A superdooper happy funtastic week, by Harada Risa.

Thanks Harada Risa, FiReChAoS347, Madam Midnight, kori hime, crazgrl017, Shale 101, A Mid-Boss named Malik, and Chaos of Hearts.

I've been asked to do one of these stories with an insane Ed. I've also been asked about miniskirts. This is my answer:

SEQUEL IN THE WORKS. TWT five years after this one. Ed will be 21. Ed will be drunk. The title will be I Bet. IT WILL BE ROYXED, this one is no pairing.

This is a crack fic.

Info from http : www . fullmetalalchemist . info / character3 . html Spoiler warnings.

I'll Be Fuhrer

Chapter Three: To McDonald's For More Coffee

"What are we going to do about taisa?" First Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye sat down at the meeting table. Lieutenant Colonel Maes Hughes, Major Alexander "Strong Arm" Armstrong, Second Lieutenant Heymans Breda, Second Lieutenant Jean Havoc, Frist Lieutenant Maria Ross, Warrant Officer Vato Farman, Sergeant Major Kain Feury, Sergeant Denny Brosh, Sheska, Major Edward "Fullmetal" Elric, and Alphonse Elric all set around the table, Hughes at the head, being the highest ranked.

"Why don't we just grab taisa and tie him to a chair until the caffeine wears off," Ed said.

"Roy once had a girlfriend who liked things kinky, he learned to break through rope," Hughes said.

"Too much information in one day," Ed said.

"Ano, sirs," Fuery said from near the window.

"Yes, Fuery," Armstrong said.

"You might want to take a look at this," Sheska said.

"What's going on?" Alphonse said as everyone got up and walked to the window.

Standing on the steps was Colonel "Flame" Mustang in toilet paper, coffee filters, lunch slop and all directing an army of massive portions made up completely of sporks.

"He isn't about to do what I think he's about to do, is he?" Havoc said.

"He is," Hughes said.

"He's going to overthrow the government," Hawkeye said.

"WITH SPORKS!" everyone shouted.

"Apparently," Hawkeye replied.

"We have to stop him," Al said.

"He'll kill himself," Ed agreed.

"Well, he might and he might not," Armstrong said.

"Sir, he's leading the 'troops' toward Central," Ross said.

"That's bad," Breda said.

"What should we do, now?" Sheska asked.

"It would be fun to see what happens to Roy when they see this," Hughes said smiling.

"So we fallow him," Ed said.

"And we make sure he doesn't get killed," Hawkeye said.

"Then let's go," Armstrong said.

Meanwhile Roy made a pit stop. The caffeine was beginning to wear off and he was thirsty. He took off the slop, toilet paper, and coffee filters and commanded his army to come to a halt, outside of a McDonald's. He walked inside.

"Welcome to McDonald's how may I help you, sir?" the cashier said.

"May I, please, have all the coffee you have here?" he asked.

"ALL OF IT!" he shouted.

"Yes," Roy replied acting way to sane for someone who had drank the equivalent of an Olympic swimming pool filled with coffee before noon.

"Ano, okay, sir," he said. "Would you like that in cups or would you like to drink it out of the coffee makers?"

"Coffee makers, I have to be environmentally conscious," Roy said.

The coffee maker was unplugged and handed over. Roy drank its full contents in two minutes, without a signal breath.

"Do you have any more?" he asked.

"Ano, that was the last of it, sir," he replied.

"Oh well," Roy said.

He walked outside. There he put one hand out in front of him pointing toward Central and shouted, "ONWARD TROOPS!" He and his spork army headed towards Central and stealing coffee from each and every fast food place on the way.

The cashier watched him leave and was about to start making more coffee when a blond teen walked in.

"Welcome to McDonald's what can I get you?" the cashier said.

"Did you just see a black haired colonel leading an army of sporks come through?"

"Yeah, he stole the coffee."

"WHAT!"

The teen ran out. "HE'S HAD MORE COFFEE!"

End Chapter

Next chapter will have homunculi and Scar.