Disclaimer: If I owned Fullmetal Alchemist, one do you really think this wouldn't be an episode? and two, there would be a lot more EdXRoy.

Author's Note: This idea came from reading A superdooper happy funtastic week, by Harada Risa.

Thanks Harada Risa, FiReChAoS347, Madam Midnight, kori hime, crazgrl017, Shale 101, A Mid-Boss named Malik, Chaos of Hearts, Aseret Kitsune, Yuki/Inuyasha/YamiLover, Dragons Maiden, Aysha's Damn Username, Scar's fangurl, FantasyFreak, and Shingo-sama.

Dustwind: My dream is to raise an army of sporks and rule the world and shh...they don't know that yet. I can't believe this was speechless quality.

Shingo-sama: You're not short, Ed is. laughs and gets clobbered by an enraged alchemist

FantasyFreak: Well, it wasn't sugar, but I imagine sugar would have the same effect as this.

Scar's fangurl: Sorry, Scar was just the unlucky fifth member of my quintet. I like the word quintet.

Dragon's Maiden: Uses ninja CPR to revive Dragon's Maiden THANK YOU! I think I might need one this chapter.

Aseret Kitsune: Bows I aim to please.

Shale 101: I was debating whether to do the spoiler name or the non-spoiler name. In fact that is probably the only thing that I'm stuck on. I won't be using it, though because this is obviously before episode 25 (manga chapter 15), though you get foreshadowing from episode 20 and beyond, at least.

Advertisement: Read Shingo-sama's. Also read A superdooper happy funtastic week, by Harada Risa, she has said that this is the sequel of it. Read Dragon's Maiden's fics as well.

I've been asked to do one of these stories with an insane Ed. I've also been asked about miniskirts. This is my answer:

SEQUEL IN THE WORKS. TWT five years after this one. Ed will be 21. Ed will be drunk. The title will be I Bet. IT WILL BE ROYXED, this one is no pairing.

This is a crack fic.

WARNING: SINCE THE SINS AND SCAR ARE IN THIS, THERE ARE SOME MINOR, (SOME NOT SO) SPOILERS, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

Info from http / www . fullmetalalchemist . info / character3 . html Spoiler warnings.

I realize that some characters have been majorly out of character as far as crack fics IC goes. So I will change that this chapter. Or do an extreme parody of the crack fic charactertures.

I'll Be Fuhrer
Chapter Five: Sporks vs. Blue Pajamas

The three sins, Scar, Ed, Roy, and the army of sporks laughed manically underneath the flag pole outside of Central HQ. That, except the army of sporks, who couldn't laugh, and Ed, who really didn't want to be there, but was because he was dragged there.

How did they get there?

Earlier


Ed shook a spork off his leg and kicked it toward the colonel. "Taisa's one messed up man," he said.

"You can say that again," Havoc said, repeating Ed's actions.

"Taisa's one messed up man," Ed repeated.

"I meant metaphorically," Havoc said, sweat dropping.

"Oh," Ed said, blushing. "You know, no one has made a crack about my height since before this crisis started."

"And you are knocking the fact." Hawkeye said shocked,

"No, I'm saying..." he was cut off, however, by Envy.

"Hey, Chibi-chan," Envy shouted.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING AN ULTRA CHIBI MICRO BEAN WHO IS SO TINY THAT HE CAN SLIP BETWEEN THE MOLECULES OF THE CHEWING GUM STUCK TO THE BOTTOM OF AN ANT'S SNEAKER, IF THE ANT STEPPED ON HIM!" Ed said. "Cool, I haven't lost the touch."

Everyone sweatdropped and shouted, "HE DIDN'T SAY THAT MUCH!"

"Yeah, but he implied it," Ed said.

"Fullmetal, you should join us." Lust said… well, lustfully.

"Ano...Maybe later," Ed replied.

Gluttony and Scar began pulling the alchemist along, and everyone sweatdropped.

"Nii-san?" Al asked, uncertainly.

"I'LL BE FINE!" Ed shouted. "YOU JUST WORRY ABOUT YOURSELVES!"

"For such a short person, he has really good lungs," Winry said, popping up.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING ULTRA short chibi…" Ed shouted, his voice fading into the distance.

"And ears..." Fuery commented.

"He could be one of the Armstrong line; we Armstrongs are famous for our good lungs and ears." Said...guess who? ARMSTRONG. Give yourselves a nice round of applause. Armstrong sparkled a bit before he realized that everyone was already following Ed, except Sheska who had her nose in a book, not caring that there were still sporks... sporking her legs.

When they caught up with Roy, they found that the he and Envy were busy breaking into the Fuhrer's house. The army of sporks was preventing them from reaching Ed to save him. There is only a certain number of times one can get sporked in the ankles.

"So what now?" Hawkeye asked.

"We can take a picture," Hughes said. "Or, I can show them all pictures of my cute little Elysia-chan." He pulled out fifty or so pictures from his amazing picture space. "Here's one of her riding her tricycle. Here's one of her on the carousel..."

They tuned him out.

"Any valuable suggestions?" Al asked.

Winry pulled out a wrench and let fly. It clobbered Lust upside the head. "OW! WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT FOR?"

"FOR STEALING MY BELOVED!" Winry shouted back.

"YOUR BELOVED! I BELIEVE HE'S MY BELOVED!" Lust shouted.

"SHUT UP, BOTH OF YOU!" Envy said, "WE ALL KNOW HE'S MY BELOVED!"

Everyone sweatdropped.

"Don't I get a say in this?" Ed asked.

"NO!" Everyone shouted.

Roy, who really was Ed's beloved (AN: AGG...I said I wasn't doing shonen-ai, and I go and write it in), was busy in the Fuhrer's bedroom with... getting the Fuhrer's baby blue pajamas. The Fuhrer had baby blue pajamas with white clouds, and a matching night cap.

"I'VE GOT IT!" he shouted, saving Ed the embarrassment of another cat fight between Envy, Lust, Winry, Al, Havoc, Scar, Fuery, Hawkeye, Breda, Farman, Hughes, Sheska, and Armstrong, about who he loved more. (AN: This issue will be covered in the sequel.)

The group marched on.


Back to the beginning

Ed looked up at the flag pole. Anyone who looked out of the windows or walked down the street would see the Fuhrer's blue pajamas flapping in the breeze, along with a pair of white boxers with..."I'M ONE SEXY FUHRER!" written in bright pink lettering. This was a clear challenge to the Fuhrer, that Roy Mustang wanted a crazy duel.

What's a crazy duel?

A crazy duel is where two crazy people see whose ideas are crazier and who has more support of the people.

So, of course, the audience magically arrived.

"I'M COLONEL ROY MUSTANG, AKA 'THE FLAME ALCHEMIST', AND I CHALLENGE FUHRER KING BRADLEY TO A CRAZY DUEL FOR HIS CROWN!"

"I AM FUHRER KING BRADLEY AND I ACCEPT COLONEL ROY MUSTANG, AKA 'THE FLAME ALCHEMIST'S, CHALLENGE FOR MY CROWN, AS CRAZIEST MAN IN THE ARMY!"

Everyone sweatdropped. Then double sweatdropped when Ed was thrown in the middle to judge the contest.

"OKAY, RULES ARE SIMPLE! THE CRAZY METER WILL TELL US WHO IS CRAZIER, CURRENT FUHRER BRADLEY OR CHALLENGER MUSTANG. YOU HAVE THREE TRIES EACH TO FILL THE CRAZY METER ON YOUR SIDE. IF NEITHER HAVE FILLED UP THEIR METER, WHO EVER HAS THE MOST WILL WIN!" Ed began as a meter was brought out. The meter was strangely a large graduated cylinder with Nickelodeon slime above it. "NEITHER CONTESTANT IS ALLOWED TO HARM THEMSELVES, ANOTHER CONTESTANT, OR THE AUDIENCE, WHICH IS JUDGING AND FILLING YOUR CRAZY METER. WE WILL BEGIN IN FIVE... FOUR... THREE... TWO... ONE... BEGIN!"

End Chapter


Sticks out tongue Thought I was going to only do five chapters? Well the final chapter is next time and will be probably very random.

TELL ME:
What do you want them to do?
Who do you want to win? (Probably won't listen to)
Do you want SUDDEN CRAZY ELIMINATION? (more about that if you want it)