I've changed the rating, but I can't edit past chapters until Friday or Saturday… Stupid finals! This new chappie is all about Cali Girl Alanna and Sexy Raoul… In the next chapter I'm envisioning someone with a hair fetish… Bon appetite!

To my wonderful reviewers from last chapter: Amaya, Tabby Minerva and wild black fire… Thank you for your compliments and helpful input.

Chapter 7: The Random Recess in the Random Room

In the "courtroom":

Writer: I have ordered a short 5 minute recess while the jury deliberates about… umm… some crime, I'm sure.

In the Random Room:

Alanna: Ugh! I, like, vote guilty because that guy was, like, totally checking out my ass and I do not condone sexual… like, attractiveness… to me! I mean, I, like, totally hate all men! They are stupid and smelly and big and gross and babies and, like… (sighs exaggeratedly) I don't know a single one who can wear a skirt and, like, still look amazingly HOT!

George: I also vote guilty… I mean, I know you thought he was checking out your ass, Alanna, but in reality he was staring past you at my sexy abs and I take offense to that! My rock-hard ass is sooo much hotter than my sexy abs!!!

Alanna: What sexy abs? Oh, you mean, like, those inflatable ones you ordered off the internet?

George: What are you talking about? We don't even know what the internet is… and stop telling everyone my secrets, Cali Girl (AN: No offense, I'm one myself, I just like playing with stereotypes… and I totally say like, like, ALL the time!)!

Jon: It's okay, George. I mean, everyone knows about my fake parts, that I had Alanna buy so that I would feel manlier when we were sleeping together!

Thayet: What?! You told me that slut had never even seen you naked! You told me it was all real!!! You lying prig! How could you? I'm going to tell my Alanna on you…

Alanna: Thayet… I'm, like, right here. I heard everything. Besides, you shouldn't go, like, crying to your Alanna when you're upset, like, all the time… You're supposed to, like, find some hot guy to spill your guts to.

Raoul: (with one of those hot model-y Spanish accents) Si, senora… I am sexy Raoul… Do you need a hot, sexy shoulder to cry on? Because I have dos shoulders… and I am sexy Raoul!

Daine: Oh, Thayet, I cannot ever believe Jon would do such a thing to you. He's always been so forward about his problems when we were having sex. Bad Kingy!!!

Alanna: (mutters) More like bad thingy…

Thayet: Oh, Jonny! You slept with Daine?! How will I survive?

Raoul: I am sexy Raoul… Come with me, senor—er...—rita and we shall make beautiful coconuts together!!!

Thayet: Oh, Raoul… you're so strong and nice…

Raoul: Y sexy!

Thayet: …and you have the most beautiful coal-black hair I have ever laid my soft little noble's hands on!

Jon: Uh! But the other night you said that my hair was the most beautiful…

Thayet: I know what I said, you terrible prig! Next time you should think about the consequences of your actions and be nicer to your wife so she doesn't take fake compliments back!

Daine: Oh, my poor Thayet. He never really loved you did he? He's been loving me all along and it's only now that you found out… I feel so sorry for you, darling.

Thayet: Oh! Daine, how could you do this to me?! I can't believe my life is ruined!

Meanwhile, in the "courtroom":

Writer: I wonder what's taking them so long. The man is obviously not guilty!

Back in the Random Room:

Alanna: George, like, don't go anywhere near me! How could you agree to sleep with that bitch?!

George: What?!

All: Yeah, Alanna, we haven't got to that part yet…

Rewind!

Daine: Oh, Thayet… I didn't mean to ruin your life. I just really needed some cash and the king was the richest person I knew!

Jon: Dainey? Are you saying you never loved me or my inflatables?

Daine: No, sweety. It was just your money, I'm afraid.

Jon: But… was it at least good for you?

Daine: erm… Let's see what Thayet's doing!

Thayet: Oh, Raoul… I'm afraid that unlike my (sob) adulterer husband (sob), I cannot take you when you so clearly belong to Buriram.

Raoul: But… but… I do not understand… I am sexy Raoul!!! No senora can resist my gorgeous manly physique!

Thayet: I'm sorry.

Raoul: It is okay… I am just (sob) going to go to my room now… I'm not crying, don't worry about me (starts sobbing hysterically)!

George: That took guts, Thayet.

Thayet: Why, thank you George.

George: Please… call me… Super-Hotty!

Thayet: Hehe… Oh, George. You are so funny!

George: Really? Why don't we go into your bedroom where we can talk some more about how funny I am?

Thayet: (giggly) Okay!

George: Alanna, my dear, I'll be right back… in about twenty minutes.

Alanna: George, like, don't go anywhere near me! How could you agree to sleep with that bitch?!

George: She's HOT and her hair is sooo silky.

Alanna: But, uh, like, uh… You've always favored redheads!!!

George: Well, habits change.

Jon: No they don't. "Habits are hard to break…" That is the saying.

George: Whatever suits the context.

Alanna: You are, like, sooo not my hubbie anymore! I want a divorce!!!

George: Fine!

Alanna: Fine!

Writer: (peeking in) Umm… the 5 minutes are up you guys. Have you reached a verdict?

Alanna: Yeah, whatever!

In the courtroom:

Writer: Members of the jury, what is your verdict?

Jon: We vote…

Alanna: Um, you are so, like, not the one who speaks here! That would be me!

Jon: Fine, witch!

Alanna: We have decided that all men are, like, guilty, because they're all stupid idiots and no one likes them!!!

Writer: Are you sure?

Alanna: Yes. Now poof us before I, like, kill someone!!!

Writer: Fine, there!

Everyone is poofed away.

Writer: Did something happen in that room? Oh, well. I guess I'll never know.