Title: Armageddon HP Style

Author: Jennifer

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Harry Potter characters (damn!), nor do I own any of the original scenes or dialogue from the movie.

Chapter Fourteen: Jumping the Canyon

Ron, Blaise, and Volga stared at the large canyon in the rock that lay before them. "This is great," Ron said with sarcasm. "We just happen to run into the grand canyon on this rock." Then he was struck with an idea.

"What did Commander Teg say in training, about how if she kicked you in the balls you would float away?" Ron said to Blaise. Blaise nodded.

They got in the Armadillo. "Okay, Volga, go over the plan again," Ron said.

"We drive to the edge of the canyon, turn main thrusters off, we float right over it, and then we turn thrusters back on, and we gonna go down nice and slow."

"Yeah, let's do this," Blaise said.

"Is this going to work?" Ron asked.

Volga shook his head. "I don't know."

"You know what? Just lie to me, okay?"

"The odds are fifty-fifty, no more like seventy-thirty. But the good thing is, if this works, you'll all be heroes like me."

"Screw it. We're jumping over this canyon," Ron said, driving toward the edge.

As they got closer and closer, Volga prepared to press the button to turn off the thrusters. "3, 2, 1…up!" he yelled before turning them off.

They reached the edge and began to float right over it, just like in the plan.

"Yeah, baby!" Blaise yelled.

Ron laughed triumphantly. But what he saw next wiped the smile off his face. They were heading right toward a piece of rock, and couldn't turn. "Whoa, whoa, whoa!" he screamed.

The wheel of the Armadillo punched through the rock. The three astronauts were thrown backwards.

"Okay, we're floating into outer space," Volga muttered.

"Alright, this could be a little bit of a problem," Ron said.

"Thrusters on," Volga said, pressing a button. But unfortunately, they didn't work. "I HATE THIS MACHINE!" Volga yelled angrily. "I'm going outside," he said.

"Wait! You're going outside?" Ron questioned skeptically.

"I AM THE ONLY CERTIFIED ASTRONAUT HERE AND I'M SAVING YOUR ASS!" with that, he put on his helmet and climbed outside onto the top of the Armadillo.

"Yeah, we'll listen to him. Right," Blaise said sarcastically.

"Hurry up, Volga! We're about a mile off the asteroid!" Ron yelled.

"Just a second!" Volga worked hard at trying to fix the thrusters. "Working now?"

"No, it's not working!"

Then, they hit another rock. This time, it hit Volga. "We lost Volga!" Ron screamed.

"No, I'm still here," Volga called.

Finally, Ron pressed the button and the thrusters came on. They landed back on the asteroid with a THUD! Ron slowed the Armadillo down until it had stopped moving.

"Thank you, Jesus. Thank you, Lord, oh, thank you!" Blaise prayed.

Volga came back in. "Now I'm really a Russian hero!" He exclaimed triumphantly.

"Yeah!" Ron yelled.

"Good odds, good odds," Volga exclaimed breathlessly.

What would happen next? Only God knew…