SPECIAL DISCLAIMER: In addition to not owning TP's stuff, I also don't own Peeps… or Wonder Woman, 'cause I don't think I wrote that in the last chapter…

ALSO: Has anyone noticed how they're cracking down on grammar and stuff here? I can't type three exclamation points next to each other or an exclamation and a question mark or... And the little star things don't work... wait, did they ever work?

Reviewer Answers:

Lady Leah of Chaos: Alanna really is fun to bash!

Lady Kaia: You read this in the middle of class! Where do you go to school? I wanna go there!

Lylei: Yay for Author Alert! And I'm not surprised you forgot about this fic… I forget about most fics unless there's a really good one that the author updates on a lot.

Amaya Sakura: Ooh, an original… What's it about?

wild black fire: Every time I type your name Word wants to capitalize it… Oh, well… Anyway, hope you like this new chapter. I churned it out randomly while listening to my sister's hip hop itunes songs and occasionally blasting 1985 and Vacation out of the speakers.

maliaphire: Ha! You know what? I completely forgot about my birthday! It's the 29th, thanks for asking!

Tiffy: hilarious if illogical… that review stuck in my mind for some reason… it sounds really cute… I don't know, I'm crazy… don't listen to my ramblings… hehehe…

Chapter 8 Part 2: Devilish Secrets

To continue from last time:

Owen: Oo! I have an idea! I do, I do! Pick me, please pick me! I have a really good idea!

Writer: Yes, Owen?

Owen: Let's put him on trial, so he has to tell us all his dirty secrets!

Neal: Excellent idea, Owen, my boy!

Kel: I believe that's the smartest thing you've ever said!

Numair: And that's not saying much…

Owen: Hey!

Writer: Hush, everyone! I will now do something that has never been done before in the history of Tortallan Court! I shall poof in the courtroom! OOOOOOO, AAAHHHHHH!

Alanna: I don't think you know how to do your ooh's right.

Writer: Shut up! Everybody watch as the courtroom comes to you!

Courtroom is poofed in.

Alanna: Wow… That was only the stupidest thing I've ever seen.

Writer: Hmph!

Neal: Okay, time to persecu—er—prosecute Joren.

Owen: Hehehe… Ya ha ha ha… lightning flash

Joren: What the hell? I thought you were supposed to be jolly.

Owen: Yes, but today I get to be jolly evil, right Neal?

Neal: Um, evil doesn't really work for you, Owen.

Joren: See? Told you so.

Owen: Oh yeah? Well… runs over to phone booth Watch this! spins around in phone booth and pops out in a devil costume Ya ha ha ha!

Joren: Hehehe… You look really cute.

Kel: Hehehehe… Yeah, all pudgy and like… like…

Neal: Like a big red marsmallow Peep devil! erupts into laughter

Owen: Wah! I want to be evil! Evil, evil, EVIL! I WANT MY MOMMY! runs off

Writer: Okay… Well, then.

Joren: Yeah, I think I'll just go home now…

Alanna: Hell no! You ain't goin' nowhere! We need to know more about Wonder Joren!

Numair: Yeah, what goes on in that head of yours, Jorey?

Kel: Maybe we could save you…

Alanna: Forget saving him! We just want to laugh at him!

Neal: So, Joren, what did you dream about last night?

Joren: This is ridiculous! And I don't have dreams… OF ANY SORT!

Alanna: Right… and I'm a Mithran priest.

Neal: Why don't you tell us about your little dreams, Joren?

Alanna: Yeah, Jorey, tell us all about them.

Joren: Hell no!

Numair: Ooh, ooh! Let me do a spell on him, please! It'll be so much fun!

Kel: You guys…

Alanna: Good idea, Numair!

Kel: …you can't just look in someone's head…

Alanna: Hey, Neal… Can we legally do a spell on him?

Kel: …even if it is Joren…

Neal: Hmm… There's nothing that would directly allow us to do it, but let me look in my Book of Tortallan Law and Court and Other Stuff.

Kel: …it's just morally wrong…

Neal: Here we go. We expect him of treason, so a truth spell is allowed. Go ahead Numair!

Kel: …and I'm afraid that I can't just let you…

Numair: casts spell Joren, what were you doing dreaming about Kel naked last night!

Kel: WHAT! Let me at that sick bastard. I'm gonna f#&# beat him to a pulp!

Joren: I was… meep!... I was… argh! I was dreaming about how sexy she looked in that armor the other day!

Kel: Ahhhhh! I'm gonna kill him!

Alanna: Hehehehehe… Hahahaha!

Numair: Okay… Well, we know Joren has a thing for lady knights…

Joren: Ugh! Lady Knights? No way! Lady Alanna is uglier than a horse's ass!

Alanna: Let me at that bastard!

Joren: No, it was Kel's hair. So… sexy!

Numair: You think that Kel's short, unevenly chopped, plain, straight, dull brown hair is SEXY!

Kel: Hey… My hair isn't unevenly chopped!

Joren: Well, yeah.

Numair: Do you think that my hair is sexy?

Joren: Eh… Let me feel it… Hmm… Not bad, but it's got a bit too much gel in it… I like things natural.

Numair: Sniff, sniff… That is natural! breaks down sobbing

Daine: Oh, look! Now you've gone and made him cry! I hate men who cry!

Numair: Wah!

Daine: Numy, just ask him another embarrassing question. It'll make you feel better and hopefully get you to stop crying.

Numair: Okay… Joren, what's your deepest, darkest secret?

Joren: No way!

Numair: You have to say! There's a truth spell on you, remember?

Joren: No, I can't say it! Not in front of… HER!

Alanna: Ooh! It involves a Her!

Kel: If this one involves me too, I'm really gonna kick his tiny little ass!

Joren: No, it's…

Alanna: Yes…

Joren: It's…

Alanna: Yes…

Joren: Will you stop saying yes?

Alanna: No…

Joren: Okay, I have something to confess!

Neal: Out with it!

Joren: I… am… in love with…

Alanna: WHO? WHO? WHO?

Joren: THIS FLOWER! breaks down sobbing Aw, she's so beautiful… Look at that petal! JUST LOOK AT IT!

Kel: Okay, I think he's finally gone off the deep end.

Alanna: Yeah, I don't even see a flower.

Neal: I think he's talking about that purple Wakeflower.

Numair: Oo! Wakeflower? Where!

Daine: No, bad Numy! No! Neal, why'd you have to say Wakeflower!

Numair: Wakeflower? WAKEFLOWER! Me want Wakeflower! charges Joren

Joren: No! It's mine! My flower! they start wrestling

Alanna: Boy, men sure are smart!

Joren and Numair wrestle some more and roll over the wakeflower

Joren: Now look what you've done! You killed it! My baby! My poor sweet flower-wower! Crushed in the prime of her life! Wah!

Numair: Sheesh, get a grip! It was only a flower!

Joren: Only a flower? ONLY A FLOWER? Joren charges Numair and they wrestle again

Writer: Okay, well, this looks like it might get messy, so I'm gonna poof now! Bye!