Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter

THANK YOU ALL FOR THE REVIEWS!

Lyla Hayden: heehee it was too late for me to update twice yesterday (I'd be in trouble with my parents if I stayed up later lol) YAY THIS CHAPPY'S LONGER! teehee

fish057: What'll happen to Ron? You're question is answered here. Heh, I was making an experiment with the Pansy/Hermione thing lol

Inylan: YAY! Ron is one of my favorite characters in the books so when someone says he's gonna die I just slap 'em hee. THANK YOU! BIG HUG!

nestea2525: oopsy, I never responded to the part where you said you were my fan (slaps herself) well YAY I HAVE A FAN!!!!!! BIG HUG! BIG OL' BEAR HUG!!!!!!!!

Lillei: ah yes, the mystery within Justin Finch-Fletchley...hee, I luv making him mysterious, and he's got good reasons to be that way! Hope ya like the new chappy!

Crimson Colored Cloaked Figure: thank you! here's the update!

Psi: WHAT!? (slaps Psi upside the head...playfully) Ron's not gonna die!! Although he does face a lot of big depressing and not so depressing changes...heh

Skittles: Yes (nods) I totally agree (sniff) he needs attention, which is half of why I'm writing this fic heehee enjoy the new stuff!

Does anyone know any good publishing services that can publish me stuff for free or below one hundred dollars?


Chapter Four: Breaking Apart


As days passed Ron felt more attached to his journal and more separate from his friends. Even though his writing style had changed immensely, his complaints grew into hate for his friends. He was so close to his journal that he put a spell on it so that if it was read by someone else then he'd feel a pressure in his chest. He wasn't really thinking at the time he put the spell on the journal.

He felt distant. Like everyone was pushing him away, like they didn't want him anymore, and instead of writing it with sadness he wrote it with seething anger, as if he didn't care if they would never be his friends.

Although he didn't notice it, or probably did but didn't care, his friends became suspicious of him. Including someone he did not expect.

-

The morning sun of Friday brightened the sleeping dorm of the Gryffindor sixth year boys. Three beds lay empty while two still occupied the redhead and raven head.

Ron felt the suns light warming his face yet burning his closed eyes. He stirred and turned away but was already waking up. The young Weasley opened his eyes slightly and sat up getting used to the light.

Once his eyes were in focus he gasped and realized he was late for History of Magic. Feeling energy race through him he sat up and ran to his trunk, dropping the journal that had lain on his lap that night to the floor close to Harry's bed.

He dressed quickly and grabbed his textbooks, rushing to the door and almost forgetting to wake Harry up.

"Harry! Wake up we're late!"

"Hm?" the raven head sat and looked around blearily, he turned to Ron but the door slammed shut. "What the bloody hell?" he looked around and swore under his breath.

He shot out of bed, dressed himself hurriedly and rummaged through his trunk for his textbooks, throwing them out before taking what he needed and running off to class.

-

Hermione's eyes were drooping as she tried her hardest to pay attention to professor Binns' lesson. But his droning tone made every student fall asleep including the bushy haired Gryffindor.

She felt someone tap her arm, turning around she faced Draco who was on the verge of falling asleep as well.

"Where's Harry and Ron?" he questioned, biting back a yawn, Hermione shrugged and looked at the empty chairs beside her.

The door burst open waking everyone in the class up as Ron ran in, huffing and puffing before sitting on his seat. "Sorry," he apologized to the shaken ghost/professor.

"Where were you?" Hermione hissed in a whisper, glaring sternly at the redhead. "You've missed nearly half of the lesson."

"So?" he whispered back, "I overslept."

"And Harry?"

"He's coming."

Hermione blinked at Ron's rather angry answer. She frowned again but turned back to listening to the lesson.

For the second time the door blew open and Harry rushed in to his seat. "Sorry sir! I overslept," he panted, plopping down to his seat. Hermione sighed and rubbed her temples, not noticing Ron's glare for her lack of disapprovement on Harry's lateness.

"May we continue?" Binns eyed the late students a bit snappishly, they nodded and he continued with the lesson.

As Ron took the time left to catch up on some sleep he could faintly hear Hermione bugging Harry to take notes. He was obviously in another world and barely listened to her.

'Must he always daydream?' Ron thought irritably, he usually chuckled lightly at his friends' predicament but now it just annoyed him to no end, 'hm, guess I should write that in...' he frowned as he remembered about his journal.

He remembered waking up and running around getting dressed but he didn't remember putting the journal away, he never hid it last night.

"Shit," he murmured.

Harry yawned, "wha?"

"Nothing," he raised his hand and stood up, "professor, can I go to the bathroom?"

"Class is almost over, Weasley, you can go when it's over," the ghost answered, still a little peeved at being interrupted from before.

"Fine then," Ron put his hand down but he didn't sit, "guess I'll have to piss here," he unzipped his trousers.

"Alright fine, just go!"

Ron smirked slightly in triumph and rushed out of the classroom, his friends watching him go with worry.

"Something's wrong with him," frowned Hermione, forgetting about the lesson.

"Tell me about it, he didn't even wait for me," Harry grumbled, suppressing a yawn.

"I don't get it, what's wrong?" Pansy whispered, not helping but listen to the conversation. "Is there something going on in his life or something?"

The Gryffindors shrugged shaking their heads. "He seemed fine a few weeks ago," Harry said quietly.

"We'll have to ask him later, and for the love of god take notes!" hissed Hermione. The raven head flinched and took out his notebook, quill and ink from his bag.

"No need to be so angry," he looked down at his notebook, missing the murderous look on Hermione's face. "Aw crud," he grumbled, recognizing the black book as Ron's journal. "I must have taken it by mistake."

"Taken what?" Draco leaned closer to take a look at the journal, "is that a new notebook? It's pretty small."

"It's not mine it's Ron's," Harry held the book, "he's been sketching in it for days, maybe he's getting better," he opened the book and his eyes fell on the first entry of the journal.

-

"Damnit!" shouted Ron, standing up from the mess he made in the dorm. The journal was gone, and he was beginning to feel a small pressure in his chest. "No," he whispered, his face fallen in horror.

He rushed out of the dorm and out of Gryffindor tower, ignoring the odd looks from the few students who were walking by.

'Whoever's reading it will see blood red hell!' he thought furiously, running faster. "Ah!" he skidded to a stop and leaned against the wall while his hand went to his chest, the pain of the pressure growing.

He felt as if someone was pressing a large flat book against him, pushing the air out so he could barely breathe.

'Why did I put that bloody spell on that book!?' he thought angrily, sliding down to the floor, beads of sweat rolling down from his forehead in his concentration to breathe.

-

"What are you doing?" Hermione hissed, "we're supposed to take notes not read!"

Harry didn't answer; his eyes went left and right reading every word in the journal as his anger flared up. "That little..." he couldn't finish the sentence he was so mad.

"Harry?" Draco leaned over Hermione to look at the raven head, "what's wrong?"

"Look what the bastard's wrote about you!" Harry whispered furiously, turning the book to Draco. As a minute passed by the blonds' expression changed quickly to shock.

"What?" Pansy leaned over her desk to look, her expression changed as well, "who the hell does that little weasel think he is!"

Everyone in the class turned to face her. She was too angry to tell them to bugger off.

"Let me see that," Hermione snatched the book, curiousity getting the better of her, she scanned through the words, "how could he say that?" she whispered in a hollow voice.

"You never told us you were with Pansy?" Harry frowned. Hermione jumped a little and looked at Pansy fearfully, her face matched hers.

"We wanted to keep it a secret," she said shakily.

The group jumped a little when Binns cleared his throat, hovering over them. "May I ask WHY you aren't paying attention to my lesson? Miss Granger I'm astonished," he looked at the blushing brunette.

"I'm sorry, sir, it's just...just-"

"Class is over professor," Harry interrupted, gesturing to the leaving students, "can we leave?"

"Very well, but your essay on vampire rights doubles," he floated away leaving an even angrier group. "Oh and when you find Mr. Weasley, tell him he has detention tomorrow evening at eight for not returning from the bathroom."

"Oh we'll find him, sir," Pansy stood up, swinging her book bag on her shoulder, her voice struggling to stay calm. The others stood as well and grabbed their things before turning to leave hoping to find Ron and give him a piece of their minds.

-

Ron sighed in relief as the pressure was lifted from him, he breathed in deeply numerous times before his breathing returned back to normal. Once he calmed down he heard footsteps rushing over to him along with furious shouts.

"Great," he mumbled, "why the bloody fuck did they have to be the ones who found it?"

Something was thrown at him, smacking his face before hitting the ground; he kept his face down, staring intently at the journal lying innocently before him.

"Nice drawings, Weasley," Pansy spat, "I really got the meaning of it!"

"You read my journal," he whispered in a low voice, still not looking at them.

"How dare you insult Draco," Harry said in a low angry voice, his wand in his hand.

"You nosy little git!" Ron shouted looking up and facing the enraged looks of his friends, "how dare YOU stick your nose where it shouldn't be!"

"I wouldn't be talking," Hermione crossed her arms, "you were the one sneaking up on me and Colin."

"It was only once and it was a mistake you fucking bitch!" shock filled his eyes but his angry expression didn't fall. 'Why did I call her that?' he thought in shock and fear, 'she's my...friend...'

'No she isn't.'

'Who-' his thoughts were interrupted by a fist making contact with his face, his head slammed against the wall causing him to go dizzy in sharp dulling pain. He looked at his attacker and saw one very infuriated Harry, Hermione and Pansy looked equally mad. The only thing he was shocked about at the moment was why Draco hadn't said an insult yet, and why he looked so neutral.

'They're not your friends.'

Either it was because he felt so weak or because he didn't care at the moment, Ron let those words sink in, his hands were balling into fists, it took a lot of effort not to swing a punch at the raven head.

"You said you were lonely?" Harry said in mock kindness, "why don't you feel even more lonelier, our friendship is over!"

'There, he said it. Punch him; make him feel the pain you're in right now.'

Ron suddenly felt very empty, his fists loosened and he could feel his face pale in shock. No longer friends? Six years of friendship and now it was over?

'He never cared for you! That's why you were always stuck in the shadows, make him pay!'

He didn't care who the voice was at the moment, his fists returned and the emptiness inside him filled with burning fury.

Harry and the others were about to walk away but Ron wouldn't stand for it. He leaped forward and pushed his former best friend to the ground. He raised his fist and couldn't wait until he could hear the cry of pain escape the other boys' lips.

'Yes, punch him; make him pay for keeping you in the shadows, for keeping you from being happy!'

'Make him pay,' he repeated, swinging his fist towards Harry's shocked face.

'STOP!'

Ron blinked and stopped; his fist centimeters close to Harry's face. 'What? Who are you?'

'Don't hit him, don't listen to the voice, she's manipulating you. Harry still cares for you just don't hurt him.'

Strong arms grabbed Ron's shoulders and pulled him off of the raven head. The young Weasley watched in a trance as Draco pulled Harry to his feet, not even taking a glance at him. "You have detention with Binns tomorrow at eight in the evening," he said quietly.

Ron couldn't hear the insults thrown at him from the others, just their shoes tapping against the marble floor as they walked away from him.

-

The Quidditch pitch stood dark and empty in the night. Ron lay on the grass staring glumly at the star filled sky.

He didn't go to any of his classes for the rest of the day; he was too ashamed to face Harry and the others. They were sure to tell Dean and the rest about what happened and make them not talk to him.

He sighed and closed his eyes, wishing he could turn back time and burn the journal. More importantly though, he wanted to know who those two voices were.

One belonged to a woman and the other belonged to a man, not even a man, he sounded very young, maybe even Ron's age, he sounded familiar as well.

'No more friends,' he thought sadly, 'Jesus, you hate me don't you? You love seeing me suffer, right?' he glared at the stars; his vision began to blur as he felt tears fill his eyes. 'I'm not crying in front of you, Jesus, I won't give you the pleasure of seeing me like this.'

The only thing the stars did was glitter brilliantly as usual.

'Great,' he blinked a few times to ebb away the unshed tears, 'I've gone insane, talking to god as if he were real,' he stopped and shook his head, 'no, he's real.' "WHY WON'T YOU HELP ME!?" he yelled, his eyes shut tightly, "OR KILL ME OR GIVE ME A FUCKING REASON!?" he choked back a sob but he still refused to cry. "YOU FUCKING SON OF A BITCH!"

Somewhere on the Hufflepuff stands sat a lone figure, watching Ron scream his lungs out to the clear night sky.

His eyes were filled with pained sadness; he closed his eyes and let loose the tears he was holding. They glimmered against the stars and moons' pale light, rolling down his cheeks and dripping off his chin, landing like slow raindrops on his shirt.

"These tears I cry for you, Ronald Weasley," he whispered in a steady voice, looking at the helpless boy.

-

"I can't believe him," Ginny shook her head. She and a few others sat with Harry and Hermione at the common room, listening as they told them what happened. "Why would he do that?"

"He probably felt that way ever since he even became friends with me," Harry crossed his arms.

"The journal, where is it?" Dean asked, he had been listening to the story intently. "Are you sure you didn't miss a line where it said April Fools or something?"

"If we did then he wouldn't have called me a fucking bitch," Hermione answered quickly.

"Oh right, but where IS the journal?"

"He probably took it when we left him, what I can't believe is how Draco didn't do anything, he was the one who was insulted the most," Harry said, anger returning.

"That's because he was acting maturely, unlike some people," Hermione eyed the raven head.

"He was asking for it."

"Yes he was but...oh forget it! Why should I defend him?"

"Pansy's probably ranting on and on about the whole thing with the Slytherins," sighed Harry, scratching the back of his head.

"But you do understand," Colin finally spoke, "why we kept our relationships a secret?"

"Yeah of course, but why didn't you tell us?"

Colin and Hermione shrugged. "Veritaserum,"

"You're worried over a little truth potion?"

"Duh," Colin almost drawled, "if Pansy and Blaise's parents break out of Azkaban then they'll probably find out something through the papers, they'd give the potion to Blaise or Pansy or their FRIENDS, they find out the truth and we're dead."

"Oh..."

"Where's Trevor?" Neville looked around, his toad had run away once again, everyone sighed and laughed lightly. "No really, he was just here."

-

After shouting and shouting Ron began to have the feeling that he was not alone. He opened his tired eyes and looked around the field; he couldn't see anyone so he closed his eyes, too tired to go back in the castle.

He suddenly felt something hovering over his whole body. The redhead opened his eyes again and he gasp when saw Justin calmly hovering over him like a ghost, he was so close to him that he could feel his body heat.

"H-how are you doing that?" Ron asked shakily, sliding away from the floating boy.

"How am I doing what?" the Hufflepuff asked innocently, floating closer to the Weasley boy. His face was so close to his that he could smell his sweet breath.

"That! The floating and the-" he stopped when he saw a mischievous glint in Justins' eyes, "what?"

"I wonder how your hair would glow if it were as dark as blood," he said, trailing a few fingers through Ron's ginger hair.

"Don't touch me," the red head said harshly, crawling back even further.

"How can you say I even touched you," Justin floated closer, his nose almost touching the other boys' nose, "if what you see might be a hallucination."

"A dream?" he whispered, he couldn't break eye contact with the boy, there was something deep in his hazel eyes, almost like they were transforming. "A dream," he breathed out.

His eyes opened to the blue sky that held scattered clouds. Ron stood up and left the quidditch pitch, cursing under his breath.

The common room held a few fifth years, Colin among them, they didn't speak to him but they began to whisper. Ron could feel Colin's glare burn into his back.

Once he reached the dorm he stopped, looking at it nervously. Harry would be in there, he prayed to any kind and caring god that he was either asleep or gone, along with the others.

He turned the door knob and entered, he sighed in relief to see the dorm empty. At least of any human.

"Trevor?" Ron looked at the toad; it croaked at him but didn't move, he was sitting over a small book, the book that caused everything in Ron's life to fall apart.

The redhead walked to the toad but he hopped off and onto the floor, it looked back up at him, Ron could sworn he saw confusion in it's eyes before it croaked again and hopped away.

Ron looked back at his journal. He felt the urge to write again.


well yay it was longer (dances) Review please!