A/N So, today I'm selling, along with the silly idea that I own any of the Potterverse, prime oceanfront real estate in Nevada, it's a steal. Call me at 1-800-U-SUCKER.
Chapter 2
She's not a bloke, or; Ron: Master of the Obvious
The day after Ginny's graduation party, which had gone on without any more embarrassing moments, Harry was waiting for Ron to pick up Hermione and come back to the flat. He was doing some last minute cleaning so he wouldn't have to listen to Hermione go on about the mess. He was a bit nervous; he was going to let them know about his feelings for Ginny and, of course, The Plan. He was unsure of Ron's reaction. For all that they were the best of friends; Ron was Ginny's brother first and foremost. He felt Hermione would be most sympathetic towards him. She always liked to talk about her feelings, his feelings, and most of all Ron's feelings. Ron much preferred deeds to dialogue.
He smiled thinking about that. Finally, after six and a half years of watching them argue about everything under the sun, Hermione and Ron had scratched the itch that was really bothering them. It had been spectacular, a truly legendary moment in Gryffindor history, maybe all of Hogwarts, considering how often the story was told and re-told to other houses.
"Ding-Dong the Dark Lords Dead" chimed his doorbell. Ron rang that bell every chance he got. It always made him laugh.
Harry walked quickly to the door, all thoughts of Ron and Hermione's relationship flying out of his mind. With a stop to tuck some socks that had been lying around away behind the cushions of the sofa, he reached the door and opened it.
"Well, I think it's still a bloody funny door bell" Ron said to Hermione as he stepped aside to let her go in first.
"It was a nice gesture from Dobby, but really it's just getting old," replied Hermione. "Hi Harry, weren't you just saying a few days ago that you wanted a new door bell?"
"Er... Yes…" It never paid to get in the middle of even a minor argument between them.
"Oy! Harry, how could you change a classic like that?" said Ron as he plopped down on the sofa. A stray sock peaked out from behind the pillow.
Seeing this Hermione began to straighten the room, checking behind all the furniture, she replied, "It isn't exactly a classic, it's a rip-off from a muggle movie."
"Yeah, but it's still bloody funny, anyway what would you replace it with?"
"Semi-Charmed Kind of Life, by Third Eye Blind?" Harry grinned.
"No, how about I Like Big Butts and I Cannot Lie, by Sir Mix-a-lot? Now that's classic and it was sung by knight." Ron guffawed.
"Hrmf! You are still so immature Ron, honestly. Sir Mix-a-lot was never knighted, that was his stage name." Hermione glared. She set a pile of laundry down in front of her as she sat next to Ron on the sofa. She ignored Ron when he tried to put his arm around her. Ron just grinned over her head as Harry took the chair opposite the sofa.
"So Harry, what's bothering you that you had to personally invite me over? It's not like I'm not over often enough as it is. Is everything alright? You seemed a bit distracted and, well…intense." inquired Hermione, as usual getting straight to the point.
"As long as you don't start going on about your scar, really, don't need anymore about that!" Ron said emphatically, looking a bit nervous. "Merlin, please say it isn't the scar!"
"No, I mean Yes; everything is fine, sort of. I'm okay. Er…that might be part of the problem, but I'm getting ahead of myself. Let me start from the beginning. Um…"
Harry just wasn't sure how to begin, "For a while now you both have been attempting to set me up on blind dates and well, I appreciate that but…well, I wish you wouldn't set me up with random girls anymore, because…" Harry took a deep breathe, about to go on when…
"BLOODY HELL, ARE YOU SAYING YOU'RE A PONCE!" exclaimed Ron, clutching Hermione as he felt his world turn up side down. "Not that there's anything wrong with that." he hastily added, a look of shock on his face.
"WHAT! NO, NO, I'm not saying that!" Harry calmed down a bit," I'm just saying…"
"Ron! Really, now what is Harry suppose to say to that, with you using that derogatory term for homosexual." Hermione looked like she was trying to hide a smile. Harry looked at her a moment. He had a feeling she already knew where he was trying to go with this conversation.
"Listen, I am not saying…" Harry began.
"Wow, you think you know a bloke, but you never really do. Harry, mate, it's okay if you are a ponc…I mean hom...I mean you-know. You're still my friend. We can still be roommates. And it would explain why you turned down Susan Bones when we bumped into her at the Ministry. I mean she was practically throwing herself at you, barely said hi to me." Ron stated thoughtfully.
"No, listen, what I'm trying to say…" Harry began again.
"Well Harry I think you're very brave to come out of the broom closet, so to speak. Is there a certain someone you like?" inquired Hermione with a grin. Harry was becoming very flustered. Ron was staring at him as if a second scar had formed on his head.
"Well, who is the bloke?" asked Ron.
"I didn't say it was…" Harry started to say, but Hermione interrupted again.
"So, who DO you like?"
"Oy! I hope it isn't Terry Boot, he's just too out there."
"It isn't Terry." Harry said quickly before either of them could say something else. "I don't …"
"There's nothing wrong with Terry, but I doubt Harry likes him like that." Hermione stated this emphatically, and with a sly smile said, "No, Terry's not the one for Harry."
"Well, I heard Malfoy's a little on the fence, if you know what I mean, but the twitchy little ferret is just like his Dad and likely to end up in Azkaban. So, I'd likely have to knock some sense into you if you fancied him. He's a right prat, that one is." Ron scratched his chin as he mulled over possible partners for Harry. Harry felt a bit nauseated over the thought of him and Draco Malfoy, eww, nope didn't even want to continue that line of thought. He definitely lost the thread of the conversation, and tried to set it straight, straight like he was.
"Both of you, just stop a second, and listen to me! I don't need you to set me up on dates with any guys or…"
"Is it Colin Creevey?" interrupted Ron.
"WOULD YOU STOP INTERRUPTING ME!" shouted Harry.
"Oh, Ron, he isn't gay. He's just in touch with his feminine side." scoffed Hermione.
"Jack Sloper?"
"Ron! He dated Ginny her fifth year!"
"Yeah, I suppose, but I never did like him. Horrible Quidditch player you know. Anyway, is it someone at work? Maybe Arnold Peasgood?" guessed Ron. Harry was getting a headache now.
"Isn't he a bit old?" Hermione asked.
"Gilbert Whimple, the bloke…"
"GINNY! I LIKE GINNY!" screamed Harry, totally frustrated by his friends.
"She's not a bloke," said Ron, the master of the obvious.
Hermione started laughing. Harry just stared at Ron, as if by doing so he could help his friend figure it out faster. Ron blinked, blinked again, and dropped his mouth open in a silent O.
"Oh, well that's a bloody relief, cause regardless of how sophisticated and worldly I may seem" (Hermione blinked at this), "I don't think I'd be all that keen on sharing a flat with someone I'd have to watch my back with, or should I say backside." Ron was the only one who laughed at his lame witticism. Both Harry and Hermione were waiting for what Harry said to really sink in.
"Hold on, what do you mean you like Ginny? When did that happen? How'd that happen? Why aren't you saying anything Hermione, aren't you surprised?" Ron asked rapid-fire.
"Ron, I've told you a million times that not all people are as emotionally stunted as you. Yes, I figured it out a long time ago, and no Harry you weren't obvious. Just little things I noticed." Hermione stood up, "Now, I'm going to go make us all a cuppa tea and give you both a chance to talk."
Ron's gaze followed Hermione's progress into the kitchen. He looked over towards Harry and smiled. He leaned back onto the sofa.
"She thinks I'm going to be upset about you and Ginny, so do you by the look on your face. Well, I've thought you two should have gotten together back in our sixth year, but Ginny was dating Dean and then Jack, and you were dating Hannah. But you sure did pick a crappy time to tell her."
Harry was flabbergasted. Ron being rational? Then the comment about crappy timing clicked in his head.
"What do you mean? She's not dating anyone right now?"
"No, not that I know of, and we Weasley brothers have ways of keeping tabs! But she did say she was going away to Scotland for six months to train with the Medi-Witchs in Edinburgh. She announced it last night."
"When did she do that? I only left the party to help your Dad bring in the T.V. and VHS player."
"Well mate, she said it and she's going. She leaves in a few days."
Harry did some quick thinking, it was no good, his plan wouldn't be ready by then, and anyway he didn't want to rush this. His future happiness was at stake. He realized he'd have to post-pone his plan. With disappointment coloring his speech, Harry informed Ron of his Plan. Hermione walked in with the tea during the telling and Harry had to start over again. Both Hermione and Ron were remarkably quiet through out his Plan outline, considering the earlier part of their conversation. After Harry finished explaining, they gave their opinions.
"Harry are you sure this is the way you want to go about this?" Inquired Hermione, "You could just ask her out on a date, go to the cinema, a nice dinner."
"No, Hermione luv, Harry has it right. If we go about this the right way, she'll go tumbling head over arse for him again." Ron squeezed her hand as he disagreed with her. "And with you helping him, cause you're the only girl I know who can explain the mad things you birds do, Harry will win the affections of my sister, they'll marry, he'll be my brother-in-law, they'll have twenty kids…:
"Slow down, Ron!" giggled Hermione," let's get them dating first."
Hermione looked at Harry who was waiting for them to decide if they were going to help or not.
"You want to make her blush, hm? Well, you need to make some changes, nothing major, just some small, cosmetic changes. Stand up Harry. Let's see we have six months to whip you into a sex-god worthy of Ginny's blushes. Yeah, we can do that"
A/N Many, many thanks to my wonderful beta EmmaMoonPotter,Gracias, Merci, Vielen Dank, Takk De.
Longer Chapters to Come
