A/N Reality check time!
Please take the short quiz below to see if you're in need of a reality check
True or False.
1. It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
2. I, Merrysprite, own the rights to Harry Potter.
3. Rocky Mountain Oysters are really a bull's balls.
(Hint: Two out of three are true; no lie!)
Chapter 3
The Months Go Marching One By One, Hurrah, Hurrah!
Late July- To Owl Or Not To Owl, That Is The Question.
"Harry, come on! We're going to be late for training if you don't get the lead out!" shouted Ron.
"I'm coming. I just wanted to finish this set before I shower." Harry placed the free weights back on the rack, and turned towards the mirror encompassing the length of the south wall. He looked at his image critically. He didn't see much difference in his physique, but he found he had much more energy since he started his workout program. He would alternate days of weight training and jogging early in the morning, a program that Hermione had put together for him. After one month, he found that he had to go in a notch on his belt and his shirts were snugger around his shoulders. Not very much, but slightly. Overall, Harry was proud and pleased with his progress. Additionally, and surprisingly, was that Ron had joined him, saying that Harry shouldn't be the only buff one around. They were only slightly competitive and mostly encouraged each other to push a bit further.
However, the best encouragement for Harry was a picture of Ginny that Hermione had taken the day of Ginny's send off to Edinburgh. In the picture, Ginny was waving goodbye as she stepped onto the train. She looked both excited and a little sad to be leaving. Every time PictureGinny stepped on the Train, she would step back down. As if she didn't want to go. Harry liked to think she wanted to stay because of him. This picture kept Harry going in the beginning when he really didn't want to get up at six in the morning. Hermione must have known her schedule would be difficult to keep up since he was taking a brutal six-week summer course for Auror training. She would know he would need some incentive to keep up with the program.
"Harry! Stop admiring yourself in the mirror before you break it and MOVE IT!" Ron yelled, sounding remarkably like his Mother. Harry hustled over to the locker rooms. After a quick shower, Harry met Ron by the front door.
"Well it's about bloody time, do you really want to be late on a day Kingsley Shacklebolt is teaching practical applications for defensive jinxes and curses! You know if you're late, he'll use you as the offense. Blimey, back when we knew him in the order he was pretty cool, now that he's our teacher I'd swear he's turned into Snape's long lost brother!" Ron grumbled. They quickly walked down the block. They couldn't just Apparate from the gym since it was a muggle one, so they traveled the underground to work.
"I almost forgot" Ron began, pausing at the turnstile, "Mum told me Ginny owled her a letter." Harry stumbled going through the turnstile at this news.
"What did she say, everything alright? She didn't mention me or any, um, other bloke did she? And why didn't you tell me this last night when you came home?"
"Mate, don't get all upset, she's fine, and I didn't tell you last night because you were half-asleep on the couch when I came in. See, I was being right considerate, tell that to Hermione next time you see her. She was saying, just the other day, that I don't have any consideration for others, and I said of course I did. That didn't mean I had to kiss arse to the man at the library when he told me to keep it down. He was rude about it! Now that I think on it, what in Merlin's beard was I doing there? Harry, she dragged me to a LIBRARYfor a DATE! She does that all the time. I must love her, cause I'm in the library more often than when we were in school."
"But did Ginny mention me or anyone else?" Harry questioned a bit snappishly.
"What? Oh, sorry, no mention of you, but on the good side, there was no mention of any other bloke, either. She said she was too busy to even get out and see the city. She liked the classes though, and um, there was something else. Wait, it'll come. Oh yeah, she was looking into getting a different flat mate. Said her current one was driving her balmy."
Harry rode the rest of the way in silence. Ginny had owled her family and Hermione, but had yet to owl him. They had owled when she was at school, about once a week. Maybe he should owl her first? He mentioned this to Ron. As they walked to the broken down phone booth entrance to the MOM, Ron said to ask Hermione. It wasn't until much later that day that they broke for lunch and went to meet Hermione. She was interning at the Department of Mysteries. That's all they knew, what she did everyday, or what she was going to do after her training (or even how long her training was.) was never discussed by her. Ron and Harry guessed she was becoming an Unspeakable, she never confirmed or denied it, much to Ron's dismay. He hated a secret kept from him. After settling down around her desk, Harry brought up the subject of owling Ginny.
"I think you should wait, Harry. It's only been a month and besides the owl she sent me was all of five sentences long. Her training has kept her quite busy, you know. If she doesn't owl in another month, then owl her. Besides, we've got more things to do with you, so you'll be busy as well." Hermione said this last bit very casually, which made Harry rather nervous.
"Er…What things Hermione?" Harry asked anxiously.
"Nothing too major." was her reply, with a quick look to Ron.
"Ron, wh…what changes?" Harry couldn't keep the note of panic out of his voice.
"Dunno exactly mate. You're okay to me. Not as good as my fine form" Ron flexed his arm muscles, "but okay. Anyway, how bad can it be?"
- Mid-August – Hairy Harry, Why Ya Buggin' ?
Harry woke up and stretched in bed. His sinewy muscles rippled and expanded the tee he'd worn to sleep. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and went to get his tracksuit and trainers. Today was a jogging day, and thank Merlin it wasn't as hot out as it was the other day he'd ran. He was sure he'd turned into a puddle of sweat before he'd make it home. He banged on Ron's door as he passed by and shouted at him to get his lazy arse out of bed. In the kitchen, Harry grabbed a nutrition bar to eat as he waited for Ron. Hermione had enlisted Neville's help for this part of her health program. With his knowledge of herbology, he had created a nutritional health bar that tasted only mildly horrible, but seemed to work. Harry felt invigorated and sharper and even his skin looked smoother and clear. Neville would never say what was in these bars. If Harry knew he was eating shrivelfigs, bubotubers, puffapods, ginger and other assorted ingredients he would have a rough time getting the mixture down. The twins had gotten wind of Neville's bars and had offered to sell them in their shop at Diagon Alley, for a small percentage of the profits. Nourishing Neville's Meal on the Fly, The Broomstick Breakfast Bar for the wizard or witch on the go, had been a success and they were working on some meal supplement shakes to sell next.
"Bung me a bar, will ya Harry." Ron walked into the kitchen still sleepy and a bit haphazardly dressed. His shirt was half tucked in, and his shoelaces were untied. Harry looked at him and noticed that Ron had gotten big. Not fat, but wider in his chest, Hermione was definitely reaping some benefits from her program. Since Ron had always been the taller of the two, (and frankly Harry was just happy he reached six feet), but Ron must be about six-four by now. He looked more like a man then the boy he'd been in school. Until he made a brilliant trip over his shoelaces, spun around in an attempt not to fall on his face, and landed with a thud on his backside.
"I give it a 9.4 for style and execution, but it lacked originality." Harry laughed.
"Shut it you, it's too early in the morning for this. Let's just get going" Ron was heading for the door when there was a thud at the kitchen window. Both men spun around, wands at the ready, and looked out the window. There was a harried-looking brown and white speckled owl standing on their fire escape. Harry quickly opened the window and took the letter attached to its leg; it was addressed to him. Ron gave the bird a few owl treats and it flew away.
"Who's it from?" asked Ron.
"Gah…"
"Oy! Is it from Ginny?"
"Uh-huh" Harry just stood looking at the letter.
"Well either open it or lets go running." Ron said exasperatingly.
"Uh-huh."
"What uh-huh? Which one? Open it or running?"
"Open it"
Harry nervously opened the letter. He scanned it briefly. Briefly not because he read it quickly, but because it was so brief.
Dear Harry.
Sorry it's been so long since I've owled, been busy with classes, homework and more homework. Not that I'm complaining. (Who am I kidding, yes I am!) How's Auror training going? Ron says Shacklebolt is Snape's long lost twin brother in class. Hope he's not THAT bad. Well I have to go; I'm interviewing a prospective new roomie. Take care!
Ginny
That was it! Harry shook the envelope hoping he had missed something; nothing fell out. He was happy that she had owled, He just felt disappointed it wasn't a bit longer and sooner and filled with words of adoration or at least saying she missed him. She'd signed it Ginny, just Ginny, but she had put Dear Harry.
"Well now, she's owled. Isn't that what you've been waiting for?"
"Yeah…" Harry could at least owl her back now; maybe her next letter would be longer.
"So don't look so down, everyone has gotten the short letter from her. Now, can we get this run behind us?" Ron said as he headed out the door. Harry perked up a bit more at this news; at least everyone else had received such a brief letter. "Oh and before I forget, Hermione said she made another appointment for you." And Harry's good mood totally evaporated.
For the past three weekends, Hermione had been dragging Harry to hairstylists on his Sundays off, and every Monday morning his hair had grown back in.
Harry thanked Merlin it had; the styles were horrifying. A muggle stylist with a Mohawk did the first one, which should have been a dead give away that his hair would turnout freaky. He'd gone home that day with a half shaved-half shagged look. He dreaded going to training the next day, but when he woke up his hair was back to its normal flyaway look. He guessed Hermione looked for the exact opposite for the next one. This was a barber, and looked to be about a hundred and ten, give or take a decade. He cut it short on the right side, leaving the left side long; Harry feared a repeat of last week's atrocity when the barber combed the left over the right. Yeah, a comb-over, like Harry would ever have a bald spot with the amount of hair his head grew. Again, come Monday morning, with much trepidation from Harry, a look in the mirror showed him back to normal.
When he saw Hermione that Monday at lunch, she looked at him the way a scientist looked over a Petri dish, as if he was some sort of experiment. With a determined glint in her eye, she said she had another appointment for him, this time with the woman who cut her hair. Harry didn't know what to say to that, Hermione was a dear friend and he loved her like family, but her hair was still bushy and he had always suspected she cut it herself. He stupidly said this aloud.
That Sunday he found out she did do her own hair.
She shaved him bald. On purpose.
Thank Merlin AND Morgan Le Fay by Monday he was back to his old look.
Now, it was onto the fourth and hopefully final stylist. Hermione dragged both Harry and Ron down Diagon Alley. Apparently noticing the lack of Hair Salons for Witches and Wizards someone had open a brand new one just a few weeks ago. In a burst of creativity, it was named Hair Salon for Witches and Wizards. With a great deal of anxiety, Harry walked in behind Hermione and Ron; he was surprised to see Terry Boot waving him over to a chair.
"Yoo-Hoo, Harry, darling, it is so good to see you! And you Ron, my you have grown, it is certainly good to see YOU! Look at your muscles, mind if I touch?" Terry wiggled a bit closer to Ron.
"I, um, have to go… and get that… thing, alright? Right, very important, um, gotta to, bye" Ron flew out the salon's doors.
"I'll be back later." Hermione said apologetically to Terry, to Harry she said, "Sit, stay, and behave."
"Woof!" Harry grimaced and wondered if he looked as nervous as he felt, he wasn't trying to hide it either.
"Don't sweat it, Honey. You're in good hands now, I have been dying, DYING, to get my hands in your hair for years!" exclaimed Terry.
"Um…maybe..." Harry started nervously.
"Don't worry Sugar, not like that, maybe if you were Ron, but alas, that's one boy who'll never be my bum chum. Oh, what a shame, the things I could teach him. Like how to dress! Did you see what he was wearing, not that you're much better, now that I'm looking a bit closer. Boy, if you have the body, then bare it! Now, have you heard…"and so the time flew, along with some snippets of Harry's hair. Terry kept up a constant stream of gossip and chatter. Harry was lulled into a relaxed state. There was something sweet smelling in the air and the Wizarding Wireless was on low in the background. An hour later Terry tapped his shoulders and said all was done.
"Now luv, you are going to take this gel and shampoo with you and use it, EVERY day. Just like it says on the bottles. It's my own special brand. It'll stop your hair from flying all over. Now off you go, and when people ask who did your hair you tell them I did, and for Merlin's sake, get some new clothes. Those rags are ruining my hair style!"
-Early September- Does The Wizard Make The Cloths Or Do The Clothes Make The Wizard
"Yes, I know you don't want to ask them for help. Yes, they probably will tease you, at first, but in the end they are an asset to you and your plan." Hermione said in her most cajoling voice. Harry still didn't budge from his chair in the living room of the burrow. It was a rare Saturday off for him and Ron, and Molly Weasley had invited everyone over for dinner. After the delicious meal, Harry was too stuffed to join the Weasley brothers out back in the shed to watch some more musicals. Hermione used this chance to persuade him to ask Fred and George for some clothing advice. After seeing Harry's new do', she agreed with Terry's suggestion for new clothes.
Harry was actually quite chuffed with his new style. Terry only trimmed the ends a bit and added gel to keep it from looking as if Harry had just stepped out of a wind tunnel. Harry discovered he liked the slightly wet look it gave him, mostly he was glad that it wasn't too different from the way he usually wore it. He wondered how Ginny would react to him. He had sent Hedwig to deliver his letter to her in August, and Ginny had written back immediately. Since the first letter they had owled every week, he never mentioned what he was up to, and she spoke mostly about her classes. However, they were owling more often then Hermione and Ginny, or Ron and Ginny. Not that he was keeping tabs or anything.
"Halloo? Anyone answering?" Hermione waved her hands in front of Harry's face.
"Eh? What did you say again?"
"Honestly, I think you're as bad as Ron sometimes. Fred and George? Clothes shopping? They really are sharp dressers, the only other persons I would ask are Lavender and Parvati, but I think since its men's clothes you want the Twins are the best choice."
"Fine, fine, we'll ask them." Harry replied, finally worn down by her arguments.
"Good, I had Ron fill them in on what you want while they were in the shed. They should be coming back any moment now." Hermione looked pleased.
"I should be mad at you for that, and I will be later when I'm not so stuffed I can barely move." Harry knew that the Twins were the best ones for the job, he just didn't feel up to the teasing and what if they didn't want him with Ginny? He thought they would be okay with it, but if they weren't he was in for a lifetime of pranks, who was he kidding, once they found out, he was in for a lifetime of pranks any way he looked at it. Just then, Fred and George bound into the room, with Ron and Percy close behind.
"Can it be that the Boy Who Lived…", said George.
"-is really the Boy Who Loved?" added Fred.
"The Man Who Conquered the Dark Lord…"
"-is really the Man Who's Conquered By LURRVE."
"Fancies our precious sweet little sister…"
"Our precious sweet innocent little sister…"
"And wants our help to win her love again…"
"After she went through the trouble of getting over you?" The Twins leaned against one another as their peals of laughter echoed through the room.
"Oh shut it, you too. Can't you see he's in Lurrve? And he only wants your help buying new clothes." Ron added with a snicker.
"Alright already, are you going to help me or not?" Harry asked testily. He really felt that the less people who knew, the better chance he had of not making an arse out of himself if Ginny turned him down. After a few more moments of laughter, the Twins gave each other a glance.
"I suppose…"started Fred.
"We do owe you for the start up money," said George.
"But most importantly, we like you Harry…"
"Think you'd be a right enough chap for our lil' sis…"
"And don't forget we do have impeccable taste…"
"That is important too…"
"We can give you some pointers and tips…"
"On how to be as chic and trendy as we are..."
"Ron, we'd even be willing to take you along…"
"You can thank us later Hermione." Ended Fred (or was it George?).
"Now wait just a second…" Ron started to say when Percy interrupted.
"Of the goosy and the gander, Sir? Who's gender is the grander, Sir? To render total candor, Sir: The splendor is the male's!" Percy sang out.
"I think I know this one!" Said Hermione excitedly, "The Scarlet Pimpernel, excellent book, I believe your father has the movie on tape."
The next few weekends were spent in all sorts of shops, both muggle and wizard. The Twins favorite place was ToughHides-DragonLeather for the Discriminating Wizard. The Twins persuaded Harry to spend some of his inheritance, he had received the rest of the Potter fortune when he had reached his majority and rarely touched it. He hadn't grown up with much at the Dursley's, and was used to living on his Auror paycheck, but for the sake of Ginny and the Plan, he would gladly put a dint on his fortune at Gringotts. Besides, He rather liked the dragon leather pants.
-Late October- Live To Ride, Ride To Live
"Now you slowly let off the clutch, at the same time you give it a little gas." Remus instructed Harry for the eighty-sixth time that day. "Try not to stall it, that's it, you're in first gear, now for second…"
Ron had actually thought up this part of the Plan and it was the best part as far as Harry was concerned. Ron had noticed that Ginny would sometimes go to the shed, sit on Sirius's bike, and pretend to be riding it. They had taken the motorcycle that Harry had inherited from Sirius out of the back of the Weasley's shed, where it had been collecting dust for the past three years, and put it to use. Harry had asked Remus if he could teach him how to ride it after learning that his dad, Sirius, and Remus all use to ride together until Lily made James sell his bike after a crash. And much to the envy of all the Weasley brothers, Harry had fun-filled lessons every weekend with his ex-professor. Not so surprising, riding the bike in the air was a breeze for Harry, it was on the ground where he had the most difficulty
"Brum, brum, brumbbbbbblat..." It was a sound Harry knew well. He had stalled, again. Thankfully, he didn't end up rolling into the tree, again.
"That's alright Harry. Sirius had the same problem when he first got his bike." Remus chuckled.
"Did he? Well, I'm sure he's still laughing his arse off at me for all times I've stalled it into the ditch, or the tree, or the bush…"
"Er…Well, maybe, if you want to think that…"
"You don't think he'd want to be taking the piss out of me for my riding skills?" Harry asked as he once again tried to shift into first gear.
"Beat the piss out of you more likely!" Remus snickered. "Try to understand, he loved this bike like a child. He would always go on and on about it. 'Remus, it a 72 Triumph, it's a classic!', 'Don't breath on it, it's a 72' Triumph!', 'Put one dent in my Triumph and I'll hex you so bad your mother won't recognize you, I don't care if it only takes a wave of my wand to fix it'. So, I think Sirius probably wants to strangle you about now."
Harry blanched at this news. "Why didn't you TELL me this before?"
"Because even more important to him, would be taking it out again after so many years of disuse. He loved to ride it, said that the bike wasn't happy if it wasn't being ridden often enough. He used to say he never felt as free as when he was riding. We, your father and I, enjoyed riding, but Sirius LOVED it. So he'd want you to use it, it's why he left it to you. He just wouldn't be happy about the amount of times I've had to repair it after you crashed it into the local flora and fauna."
"Hmm…well then I'd better improve fast or my afterlife will be hellish with him yelling at me"
"Let's take a break for now. I've wanted to ask you why you decided now to learn, you've had the bike awhile. Not that I mind teaching you, it breaks up the monotony of teaching DADA at Hogwarts. And by the way, Dumbledore said to come by and visit more often." Remus said with a smile. Harry wheeled the bike off the road, trying to think of an excuse that wouldn't make him look like a complete cake.
"Yeah, of course, I'll come round for tea next week; tell him I'll call around on Saturday. As for learning, well, I just thought that it would be a good time now and I've always wanted…"
"Harry, I didn't ask to hear a load of bollocks. I've noticed that you've changed a bit, new hairstyle, new clothes, working out. I just wonder who the girl is." He probed.
"Um…It's Ginny Weasley." Harry said, sitting down in the grass by the bike.
"Do her brothers know?" snickered Remus.
"Most of them, and they're fine with it. Even helping me a bit" Harry said a bit defensively.
"What do you mean 'helping'?" Remus sat in the grass on the side of the road beside Harry. Harry looked at Remus and knew his friend would have some sound advice for him. So, he began his story.
"Well, I've liked her, loved her, for a long time now. But, according to Hermione, she got over me back in fifth year. I don't blame her for that, I was a blind prat, not interested in her, barely knew her. As I got to know her, I fell in love. How could I not? She's fantastic, really incredible, she's beautiful and nice, unless you do something to make her angry and then, whoa, does she have a temper, and she's smart…"
"I know all this, Harry, I did teach her in her second and seventh year. I've met her many times, both at school and at headquarters, I'm aware of who she is. No need to go on so."
"Er…sorry about that. Anyway, I thought, since she was out of school and had no boyfriend; this would be a good chance to…"
"Chat her up?"
"Yes, but more, I'd really like more with her. I'll settle for being her boyfriend for starters, but…I want more with her."
"You sound serious"
"I am. I'll do whatever it takes. She used to fancy me; she used to blush around me all the time. I want to make her blush again, only this time, I won't be a gormless prat and ignore her. This time, I'll know what to do."
"And that would be…"
"Kiss her until she's breathless, and she agrees to have twenty of my kids." Harry answered this without thinking and immediately blushed when he realized what he said. Remus thought this was hilarious and rolled on the grass with laughter. When he finally caught his breath, he said he was reminded of James and Lily. James also had decided to do what ever it took to get Lily, and once he did, he basically had planned to do the same thing.
"Although, you're farther along then James, at least Ginny at one time liked you." Remus gave a small snort of laughter. "I'll give you a bit of wisdom that your father could have done with, if we had known it. Women like Ginny, and your Mum, want - no need - Men. Not boys or guys or some bloke, but Men. And being a Man has little to do with one's age, it's all about one's attitude. There are some things that every Wizard should know. Like how to leave a tip, the Scougify charm, and of course, how to undo a bra."
"What!" Harry exclaimed, not at all prepared for that last bit.
"Don't be so shocked. I haven't always been ancient, or single. You could still learn from your old professor, you know."
"I'm beginning to see that you left out quite a bit from your classes at Hogwarts, mind giving some more lessons?"
"Well, if it will save you some of the embarrassment that James went through, I will. Although, it was really quite amusing to watch at the time. But first let's master the bike."
-November- 22Things Every Wizard Should Know.
"I never knew…" Ron said in awe.
"Yes, well it isn't exactly part of the core curriculum at Hogwarts, and you did have other things on your mind while you were there, both of you. But, it's dead useful knowledge just the same." Replied Remus. "Harry pass the bottle, please"
"I never knew…"
"Will you stop saying that!" exclaimed Harry as he handed the bottle of Ogden's Old Firewhiskey to Remus. Remus filled three tumblers with some of the fiery liquid.
"Yeah, but, I never kne—"and Ron was abruptly cut off by a pillow flying towards his face. "Wow, mate, I didn't even see your wand move before you levitated that at me."
"Stop saying you never knew, we know you never knew, that's why we're here." Harry was really regretting asking Ron to come with him to Remus' flat. "And for the love of Merlin, don't tell Hermione what you never knew that you now know or she'll know what we know and what you were doing tonight."
Ron blinked a bit at that, but seemed to have wrapped his mind around the twisted logic, and nodded his head. " 'kay, pass the FireWhiskey"
"Here you are, some fortification. Alright now, we gone over the basics, all you need is practice and I am not going to be the girl this time around." Remus said rather forcefully. Harry and Ron gave him a look. "Never mind, just wait a second."
Remus took out his wand and transfigured a standing lamp in to a mannequin. "It's quite simple, really. It's just a clip with two hooks, take the two parts at the center of the back, and push them together to unhook; with enough practice, you can do it with one hand. Ron, you first"
"What! But Harry needs this more than me;wait a second, why do you need to know this, Harry?" Ron looked at Harry suspiciously, "I thought you're feelings for Ginny were honourable?"
"Ron, this is just part of what we're here for. Of course, my feelings are honourable, I want… I want …"
"Ron, relax, it's just part of the program."
"You're just stalling."
"I am not stalling, watch!" Ron stomped over to the mannequin, almost knocking it over. He embraced it, put his hands up the back and two seconds later the bra was unhooked. Harry was quite impressed. So was Remus.
"There!" said Ron smugly.
"I see someone has had practice." Remus said teasingly. Ron blushed redder then an apple. Harry laughed until he realized Ron had probably practiced on Hermione, EW, not a good thought at all.
"Yeah, well, you're up Harry." Remus flicked his wand and the bra snapped together again.
Harry approached the mannequin slowly, he felt ridiculous, and so he closed his eyes and tried to pretend it was Ginny before him. He gently put his arms around mannequinGinny and slid them up the shirt. He felt the strap of the bra and made for the back and center. He fumbled with the clasp, he needed to calm down and do it slow. He tried again, but this time when he pushed the two ends together he did it with a bit more force and lost his balance and fell on top of mannequinGinny.
"Oy! That's my sister your falling on top of." Ron said snorting with laughter. "Boy, did you bollocks that!"
"It's quite alright Harry, not everyone masters it immediately. Just takes time."
"And you better take all the time in the world, before you try that with my sister!"
Harry picked the mannequin up again and tried once more. This time he had much better success and the bra came off with ease. He wasn't as fast as Ron was, but he had time. Ginny was due back the first Friday in December, she had owled him today with the news. She had even said she hoped to see him at the train station. Harry was feeling very good about his plan, his progress, and most importantly his chances with Ginny. They had begun to owl more than once a week, and the letters had taken on a more personal note. They had discussed Voldemort, the final battle at Hogsmeade, her family, his family, and many other topics and still he had so much more to tell her. Through it all was the sure thought that he was the man for her, the man with the Plan. And if that meant he had to humiliate himself in front of his friends, then so be it.
"Okay, then Remus, pass the firewhisky and tell me what's next"
Men,
Here's the list, study it, practice it and good luck!
Remus
22 Things Every Wizard Should Know. (not in order of importance)
1. Get into a Good Restaurant- shouldn't be a problem for you Harry, just tell them your name.
2. Leave a tip-for everyone from waiters to porters to hairdressers, all people in service, if you don't they'll tell the Daily Prophet.
3.Learn and use the Scourgify Charm- I've seen your apartment, enough said.
4. Apparate- Yes, I know you can, it still needs to be on the list.
5. Set the mood- flower (her favourite) music (her favourite) food (her favourite, see where I'm going with this Ron)
6. Undo a bra- Practice, Practice, Practice.
7. Wear Dress Robes- And not look like a ponce, or a wrinkled mess.
8. Do the groceries- something beyond instant, frozen meals.
9. Read a woman's wand hand- Your woman in particular Harry, she does have a temper. It'll help you duck faster.
10. Learn and use sewing charm- no woman wants a man with holes in his socks.
11. Do the laundry- see item three.
12. Choose the right wine- Red with meat, White with chicken and fish, learn a few name brands.
13. Throw a party- Yeah, you're getting practice on this one, I know.
14. Keep your bar well-stocked- life is more than just Firewhiskey and Butterbeer.
15. Cure a hangover- much needed after the above two.
16. Smoke a cigar- It's needed for life's big celebrations.
17. Purchase flowers- find out her favourite.
18. Manage stress- don't take your anger out on others, Harry you've learnt this, Ron—well practice makes perfect.
19. Learn some basic defensive spells- I think you've both got this covered.
20. Prepare breakfast in bed- James used this often to beg forgiveness.
21. Send proper letter vie owl- when the above didn't work, this usually did.
22. Be a gentleman- a man your Mother will be proud of and your girlfriend will brag about.
p.s. Harry, let me know how everything goes.
