Dragonlance Chronicles in a Nutshell

Dragons of Autumn Twilight Part II

Tanis: We're back!!!

Companions: YAAAAAAAAHHHHH! (Looks around the Inn of Last Home)

(The inn is burnt, destroyed, in splinters)

Caramon: Wow! The redecorating is awesome! (Everyone nods)

Tika: Oh! How nice of you to come. Can I come with you guys, those lizard men (draconians) are looking at me funny. Do I have something in my hair?

Caramon: Hey there sweet cheeks. There's nothing wrong with your hair, but… how 'bout you and me, going steady?

Tika: Okay!

Raistlin: (raises eyebrow and sips his tea)

(Lord Toede comes through the door)

Toede: Howdy partners! Got the staff?

Tanis: Nope, we gave it to a statue.

Toede: Pity. I was hoping to use it to cure my face.

Goldmoon: Dude, no amount of plastic surgery can cure your face

Toede: (bursts into tear) you are so cruel! (Brightens up) Wanna go with me to Pax Tharkas and be a slave?

Companions: Sure!

Gilthanas: Don't forget me! I still have to kill Tanis for putting the moves on my sister!

Tanis: Come on! It was just a one-nighter, what harm could it have done?

Giltanas: Lots! Laurana has started the Tanis Half-Elven Fanclub, pasted your picture all over her room, and telling everyone the intimate details of your life. Everyone in Qualinesti has gone insane! It is horrible, HOOOOOORIIIIBBLLLLEEEE! (Gasps for breath and collapses)

(Everyone is piled into a cart)

Theros: GGRROOOOAAAN! MOOOAAAAN!

Everyone: SHUT THAT BLACKSMITH UP!

Goldmoon: (Takes off her medallion and hits Theros with it)

Theros: (Miraculously cured)

Fizban: Hail thee of king of England, may I humbly request to join your troupe and…Hey! Where's my hat! (Proceeds to hit Sturm on the head with his staff) You thief! You stole my hat!

Toede: Wow! Three people have wanted to join my procession in one day! I feel so loved! (Sniffs loudly)

(They proceed through the Qualinesti forest)

Porthios: ATTACK! LOOT THEM OF THEIR BELONGINGS! WE ARE THE MERRY ELVES OF QUALINESTI! (Elves cheer enthusiastically)

Tanis: (whispers to Gilthanas) has Porthios still got the idea that he's the heroic bandit king, who steals from the rich and gives to the poor?

Gilthanas: (gloomy) Yep. I knew I shouldn't have given him a copy of Robin Hood and his Merry Men for his Day of Life gift.

(Everyone is rescued and taken to Qualinost)

Speaker of the Sun: (in a sultry voice) welcome travelers to Qualinost. You may come, but you will never leave…

Laurana: (runs out in skimpy lingerie with Tanis's name written all over it) Oh Tanis baby! I knew you would come back for me!

Tanis: Well, actually, I met a much sexier chick named Kitiara in Solace, and…

Laurana: (turns into a fiery demon of doom) WHAT DID YOU SAY?

Tanis: Nothing darling.

(Both disappears into the forest while all the other elves sigh in relief, until strange moaning sounds start to emanate from the forest that scares the crap out of everyone)

Speaker: (cough) I want you guys to go to Pax Tharkas and free the slaves there.

Companions: Okay.

(They go to the Sla-Mori)

Tanis: The tunnel on the left is the right one because the tunnel on the right is the one that leads to the fortress and the mage says is evil, so it is the right one, but the left one is the one left and…

Fizban: Hey! I'm supposed to be the mumbling idiot here!

Raistlin: Let's go left.

(Companions head left)

Giant Slug: FOOD! (Tries to eat Sturm)

(Everyone high tails it out of there, leaving Sturm to rot)

Giant Slug: (Has a stomachache from eating the stupid knight and vomits Sturm back up)

Sturm: (runs away screaming like a girl)

(Everyone heads down the other path)

Raistlin: There's a door that leads to an evil dark elf mage. Don't open it.

Tasslehoff: (opens the door)

Dark Elf: (Throws confetti over everyone) Happy Halloween!

(Everyone proceeds to Pax Tharkas)

Verminaard: There are evil intruders in my fortress! I, Verminaard, promise to right wrongs and triumph over evil, and that means them!

(In slave quarters)

Elistan: I, the great Elistan, will bring darknes… I mean light to this world. (Ceremoniously accepts the Disks of Mishakal)

Laurana: (In really really skimpy armor that's causing all the men to drool and get nosebleeds) Lets free them and get back to it. (looks at Tanis slyly)

Verminaard: Evildoers beware! I am vengeance, I am the night, I am DRAGONMAN!

Ember/Pyros: I am powerful! Fear me and hear me ROAR!

Other dragon whose name I forget: Give me back my eggs!

(Kills Ember then dies)

Verminaard: NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (Splats on the floor)

Everyone: (sweatdrops)

(Later)

Goldmoon: Here comes the bride, Here comes the bride…

Riverwind: …

Elistan: May Paladine bless this marriage. Okay, party's over. Go home!

Everyone: AAAAAAWWWWW!

To be continued…

Author's Note: I hate Sturm. If you like him, you have issues. He is brainless! Well, actually, Caramon is the dumbest character, but Sturm's useless!