Dragonlance Chronicles in a Nutshell
Dragons of Winter Night Part II
Narrator: (In the movie trailer voice) After being separated at Tarsis by a gang of rabid draconians, Gilthanas, Laurana, Sturm, Tas, Flint, and a brain-dead knight have journeyed to the Icewall (that really cold place which is a wall of ice, hence, the Icewall) and found a dragonorb. Now they will travel to Sancrist, to deliver it to the knights…
Laurana: Put a lid on it ya old geezer. (Throw the dragonorb at him)
Tas: (staring at the orb) Wow! Look at all those pretty swirly colors! (Suddenly grabs it and switches over to Gollum's voice from Lord of the Ring) My Preciousssss! We must not let them have it! (stares distrustfully at the others)
Derek the Brain-dead Knight: NOOOOO! I must take this and save my land, and get that new promotion I was dying for! (Suddenly looks possessed) I will take that, Hobbit!
Tas: (regains himself) Hey! I'm a kender, not a hobbit!
Sleet the White Dragon Whose Brain is Nearly as Dead as Derek: I have come for the ring! Uh, I mean, Dragonorb! (blasts the ship with ice breath and sinks it)
Narrator: Thus ends the quest of the ring, er, Dragonorb.
Laurana: Put a cork in it! (somehow managed to get onto an island and is swinging a big chain and mace)
Silvanesti elves: We are Santa's good little helpers. We know if you've been naughty or nice. Santa is coming! Look there's his reindeer! (points to Sleet)
Gilthanas: Shut your trap! (shoots arrows at Sleet) I, unlike some of you, plan on making my way out of this alive. (glares in disgust at Derek and Sturm, who wish to die in honorable combat and have people sing campfire songs about them)
Silvanesti elves: You have been naughty! (Throws coals at Gilthanas and knocks him out)
Laurana: Come near me and die! (Holds her mace and chain at ready) You know you want me.
Silvanesti elves: Hey! Aren't you the one who started the Tanis Half-Elven fan club? Wow! You must have been really nice, to start a fan club for someone else! Okay! You can visit Santa's workshop!
Sleet: I'm bored. See you around.
Silvara: Oh, grandmamma! I have come, your little silver riding hood, to deliver lunch for you. Oh! The big, bad wolf! (Hits Sturm with her basket)
The Silvanesti elves break into a chorus of "Santa Claus is Coming to Town."
Silvara: (Notices comatose Gilthanas) Here! A good whiff of my cooking will wake you right up! (Holds basket under his nose)
Gilthanas: AAAAAAGGGHH! What died in there!
Silvara: (Hangs her head) I'm so sorry. Don't you understand that…YOU SHOULD NEVER INSULT A LADY'S COOKING!
Gilthanas: (meekly) yes ma'am.
Everyone somehow makes it to the place where the Qualinesti are hiding out.
Speaker of the Sun and all Qualinesti elves: NOOOO! Laurana has returned! RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!
Laurana: As the chairman, treasurer, secretary, and sole member of the Tanis Half-Elven fan club, I greet you. Now… Tanis enjoys his coffee heated to 88o in the morning. He also likes it when I…(yammers on for hours about Tanis)
Speaker of the Sun: Can I have the dragonorb?
Derek: No.
Speaker: Okay.
Everyone: …That's not how the script goes.
Speaker: Oh! Right! Sorry. I mean, I will have the orb no matter what it takes. (tries to look serious, but bursts into giggles from stage fright)
That night, everyone sneaks out of the place 'stealthily,' but instead wakes just about everyone with their 'whispers.' All of Qualinesti sighed in relief that Laurana was gone.
The next night…
Gilthanas: Silvara is not in her bed! I shall search for her! (leaps into the woods gallantly)
I hear splashing water! (Sees Silvara bathing and gets a nosebleed) lol. The fair maiden is bathing. (He's staring at her body..)
Silvara: Hey! Who's there! PERVERT!
Gilthanas: It is only me! I'm sorry. You see, I couldn't sleep. I was thinking that what I am doing is right but wrong and I should be doing this but I shouldn't and… (mumbles something incoherent)
Silvara: (touches his arm amorously) I'm sorry for your trouble. (Drops her voice to a sexy, husky, seductive whisper) I will, try to make it better…
(They get closer and…suddenly, the frame switches over to a painting of a koala bear ;)
A day later…
Silvara: Sturm and Derek, you take the dragonorb to Sancrist. The rest of us will take the lance Sturm stole from that knight on the silver dragon.
Sturm and Derek: Okay.
Days later…
Silvara: We have arrived! This is the Tomb of Huma!
Everyone: cool.
Tas: OOOOOO! What does this button do? (Opens the lid and jumps down it)
Fizban: You have found me! (does a little dance around the room) Where's my hat!
They get back to the others. Theros Ironfield pops out of nowhere with the silverarm of that Duncan Ironweaver or something.
Silvara: Well, I have a confession to make. I'm actually a silver dragon.
Gilthanas: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Silvara: (dramatically) I give to He of the Silverarm, the power to forge the mighty dragonlances!
Everyone: …
To Be Continued…
Author's note: I added the Santa's elves thing for Christmas. I never liked Sturm, so I'm treating him horribly. Ex. Getting eaten by a slug, slapped by Alhana, hit by Silvara.
I bet that most people read and don't review. If you don't review, I'll tell Santa to send you coal for Christmas! To anyone reviewing, Mucho Gracias! Domo Arigato! Xie Xie! (lots of thanks in Spanish, Japanese, and Chinese) And Merry Christmas!
