Dragonlance Chronicles in a Nutshell
Dragons of Spring Dawning Part I
Tanis (feels the effects of the dragonorb of Palanthas and talks in a zombie-like voice): Laurana, my true love, I must return to her.
(At the inn where the others were staying…)
Tanis (in a heroic voice): We must make haste! The forces of evil are ever vigilant, and we must stand strong against them!
Raistlin (sarcastically): So that's why we're running away like a bunny with its tail between its legs, wait, that doesn't sound right…
Goldmoon: Of course, I understand Tanis, but I'll have you know, I'm a pregnant woman, and I need many things. (Has Caramon putting her hair up in the latest fashion, Riverwind giving her massages while thanking the gods for a child with tears running down his face, Tika working her ass off making Que-shu delicacies, well, you get the idea.)
Raistlin (fretting): I don't like this at all!
Tanis: I agree.
Raistlin: Yes. I don't feel myself. (GASP!!!) Could it be…I'm losing my evil, cynical, sarcastic ways! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! (Chokes for air and collapses)
Somehow the gang of idiots, misfits, and fools make their way to Maquesta Kar-thon's ship. There, the crew gets worked to death carrying Goldmoon's many, many possessions.
Goldmoon: Be careful with that! It's a rare face powder I got from Paris!
Everyone: Um, lady, this is Krynn, we don't have a city called Paris…
Goldmoon: I know that! You remember that cute necklace I got from the statue lady, well, I wished for special face powder and a special trip to the hot springs in Sanction, and threatened to throw the necklace into the blood sea of Istar if it didn't grant my wish!
Companions (thinking to self): So that's why she wasn't there during the cockroach invasion we had last night. Raistlin jumped on a table and started screaming like a girl, while Riverwind fainted. Caramon had, in a rare moment of intelligence, burned the roaches into dust, mainly because he felt they were becoming a little too possessive of Tika. I mean, he was willing to share, but not that much.
Narrator (that's me! o ;): The ship set sail, no problemo, but then…
Kitiara: How dare you forsake me for that elf-bitch! It's an insult to my honor! Oh, hey Raistlin! Hey Caramon! Long time no see. Sorry about this. (orders her dragon Skie to attack the ship)
Helmsman, who is revealed to be Berem the Green Gemstone man (a.k.a. the dude with a big green gem stuck into his chest, a very creative way of committing suicide, no?): NO! I must escape! (Goes into berserker mode and steers ship into the maelstrom.
Everyone except Raist (who escapes using his dragonorb) falls into the whirlpool: NNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Narrator: No, the companions falling into the maelstrom has nothing to do with money. It was just more efficient as a line border. Now back to the story. Raistlin is in Palanthas.)
Raistlin (madly hacking up blood): I must see Astinus.
Bertrem: AAAAAAHH! A demon! (faints)
Astinus (appears out of thin air): Millennia ago, the world was created… (drones on with a long speech)…and thus, I will hand them my chronicles. Hey! That young mage has disappeared, oh well. (shrugs and leaves)
(Raistlin had found his clue in that story, being the evil, unlovable (sorry, Raist fans!) freaky nerd he is and discovered his salvation, or it should be damnation…)
Meanwhile in another part of Palanthas…
Tas: Hey Flint! I found an empty abandoned section! Let's explore it!
Flint: Idiot! There are probably horrible monsters in it! Oh well. Let's see it. Not like we have anything else to do.
Tas: Look! There's a dark spooky forest! (Runs in with Flint, and they were never seen again)
Narrator: Hold it! Rewind! (Tas and Flint run out of Shoikan Grove backwards) You're supposed to run away from the place screaming bloody devils!
Tas & Flint: Okay. (runs away) BLOODY DEVILS!!!
In Lord Amotheus's study…
Astinus: Once long ago, the wizards won the Lost Wars.
Everyone (thinking): Then why the hell was it called the Lost Wars?!
Astinus (continues): There actually was no war. Four of the Towers of High Sorcery began to show signs of rabid bunny infections. At long last, the mages, with tears in their eyes, left the towers in Losarcrum, Daltigoth, and Istar. Eventually, the rabid bunnies chewed up the towers, and the magic within the tower exploded. This didn't happen in Istar, as the Kingpriest Beldinas developed a highly effective bunny repellent. In Palanthas, the mages thought they had defeated the rabid bunnies, so they held a huge celebration. One of the Black Robes, however, was brainwashed by a rabid bunny. He jumped off the Death Walk, and painfully landed on the gate spires. The rabid bunnies used his mouth to summon an army of painters to the tower, and it was painted black. The mages abandoned the tower. The end.
Everyone (wakes up): What?
Gilthanas and Silvara: We're back!
Laurana: Nobody cares. Any ways, I've been made the commander of the armies. Obey me!
Gil&Sil: Shit.
Gilthanas: We brought the good dragons.
Laurana: I can see that.
Silvara: We couldn't rescue the dragon eggs.
Laurana: I can see that.
Gilthanas: The good dragons have broken their oath.
Laurana: I can see that.
Silvara: Gil and I are having a fight.
Laurana: I can see that.
Weeks later…
Flint: We get to ride a bronze dragon and fight!
Tas: YEAH!
After the battle…
Flint: We never want to ride a bronze dragon and fight again.
Tas: BOO!
To Be Continued…
Author's Note: I used narrators this chapter. That's kind of new. There are lots of weird sentences, I think. Did I overdo the bunny thing? I haven't updated for two weeks! Well, that's because I have a binder full of essays due in two days. I'm also working on other fics, so sorry to anyone who's actually reading this. Please R&R!
