Disclaimer: I don't own anything from M*A*S*H*, no matter how much I would
love too, I don't so please don't sue me!
Sorry it has taken me so long to update! I have had a busy schedule since the holidays and also had a bit of a writers block, but what are you going to do. I hope you enjoy!
*STARY*
*****
The next day at breakfast, everyone was sitting at the table when the Colonel came in. "Morning Colonel, pull up a bench." Hawkeye says, taking a sip of his coffee.
"No, that's ok, I just came to tell you, the Marines just started to try and take a hill."
"How long till we get casualties?" BJ asks.
"4 hours tops. I'd rest as long as you can, because it's going to be a long couple of days."
"Days, now that's something I haven't heard in a long time." Hawkeye says, sighing, "I mean, we have only had a day stretch in the past few weeks. I'm eager to have something new." He says, rolling his eyes.
"Just be prepared."
"I for one am never prepared for these types of things, how about you Beej?"
"Never." He says, shaking his head.
"Well, if you excuse me, I'm going to go back to the Swamp and crash for a bit."
"Same here." Beej says.
"Would anyone like to crash with me?" Hawkeye asks smiling, looking around at the nurses, "Biggalo? Able? Baker?"
"No." They say at the same time.
"Suit yourselves." He says smiling, and getting up off the bench. "I will see all of you in a few hours."
"Likewise." BJ says, walking out of the Mess tent.
"Major." Margaret asks, "I was wondering if you would like to come into the supply tent and help me take inventory.
"Not a problem Major." Frank says.
Able gets a quirky smile on her face, "Major, why don't you let Baker, Biggalo and I do that for you?"
"No, nurses, you need your rest. I will do it. It's my turn anyway."
"I thought it was Kelley's." Baker asks.
"No, it was mine." She says gruffly, and walks out of the tent.
The young Captain smiles as she watches the Head Nurse walk out, with Frank following her. "I thought she was going to kill you girls."
"Able, knows what she's doing." Baker smiles.
"We all do." Able replies smiling. "You better rest Doctor."
"Yeah, it's going to be a long couple of nights." Biggalo says.
"I don't think I can sleep anymore." She says, shaking her head. "I should be fine."
"Well, we better go back to our tent for a while. Marines mean young people." Able says.
"Then we have to get the OR up and running. The Major will whoop our ass if we don't."
"We have an hour Able." Baker says.
"We'll see you for show time Kimberly." Biggalo calls over her shoulder.
"Bye girls." She says, taking another sip of her coffee. She all of the sudden gets lost in her thoughts. She doesn't even hear the Chaplin come and sit next to her.
"Is everything alright Kimberly?" He asks, in a soft manor, but she still jumps.
"Hi father." She smiles. "Yeah, I'm fine, I guess."
"That does not sound too convincing my child." He says.
"Yeah, I know." She says sighing.
"I'm here to talk if you need it Kimberly. This is the reason they have me over here."
"I know Father." She smiles. "I'm just nervous about the wounded coming in."
"That's understandable." He tells her.
"Hawkeye and BJ don't seem to show any fear of the wounded. they barely blink when they come in. They just sit there and joke around during surgery, but me on the other hand, I can't do that."
"You have to understand, Hawkeye and BJ have been her a lot longer than you. You have been here for a month, BJ has been here for almost a year, and Hawkeye has been here for almost 2 years.
"I know father, but I just feel that I should be more relaxed during surgery and I can't. I wish I could but I can't. I can't just go back to sleep for a few hours knowing that wounded are coming in. I wish I could be like them, and do that, but I can't."
"You will one day Kimberly. I remember all of our first day's here. Hawkeye and BJ didn't come like that, it just became routine for them, and they are trying to make the best out of a good situation."
"I know. I just wish I could too. I wish I could look past these boys dropping like flies. I can't stand to lose a patient, and for the others it seems like its routine too."
"They both take out their frustrations in different ways my child. Hawkeye gets quite upset after losing a patient, as does BJ, but they gamble and drink to take away the pain they had. You should sit back one day and listen to Hawkeye talk when he is losing one of his patients, or BJ. They are just like you, scared, but they are able to deal with it, just like one day you too will be. Death is a part of life, and unfortunately the ones who die on our tables, it was just there time."
"Do you honestly believe that father?"
"Yes, I truly do." He says. "You'll be fine Kimberly. We all will be fine." He smiles, and she smiles back.
"Thanks Father."
"That's what I'm here for." He smiles, and takes a sip of his coffee.
A few minutes later, the announcement over the PA system comes, "Attention All Personal, incoming casualties at all locations! All OR shifts on duty. Get your dancing shoes and prance on over! That is all.
"There early!" Kimberly says, noticing that it has only been 2 hours since Potters information.
"They usually are." Father says, blessing himself.
Kimberly stands up and runs out to start triaging, but she hears a voice, "Kimberly, go with me to the Chopper landing." She realizes its Hawkeye, and runs up with him. Soon after they get the patients triaged, they head in to scrub up.
The first patient Kimberly has turns sour on her. She was working on a boy of around 20 who had more holes than a golf course. She was just about to start on his liver when she heard her gas passer say, "Pulse and BP dropping Doctor. You better hurry up."
"I don't understand it!" She says, trying to pick up the pace. "Don't you die dammit." She curses, stitching up another hole.
"I lost the pulse."
"No." She says frantically working. "Rib spreader." She calls to her nurse, she cracks open the ribs, and performs open heart massage.
"Nothing."
"Dammit, come on." She says continuing.
"Still nothing." After a few more minutes, the gas passer says, "He's gone."
She slams her fist on the side of the table, and covers the boy up with the cloth. "What a waste." She mumbles, throwing her gloves down on the ground. "Coreman?" She calls to him. IN her head she is thinking, "Great Kimberly, you just killed number three." But she knew in her back of her mind that she had to keep going.
The wounded just kept coming. It seemed almost never ending. A lot of the boys didn't make it this night. Hawkeye lost 2, BJ 4, Frank 3 and Kimberly; she lost 8 boys by the time they were done. They had operated on over 100 boys by the time they were done, and out of those 100, only about 17 passed away. The 2 days and 2 nights of the operations, most of the doctors thought that to have been a successful day, except for Captain Miller.
"Who's on Post-Op duty?" Hawkeye asks.
"What day is it?" BJ replies.
"I'm on Post-Op Duty you cretins." Frank says, gruffly, "You think that you could remember who's on duty once!"
"Sorry Frank, my mind was on the 2 days of causalities that I have had my arms in. Frank says nothing, but goes back into Post-Op to start his shift.
"Care to come have a drink with us Kimberly?" BJ asks her.
"No thanks. I'm gonna go to bed." She replies in a very sullen mood.
"You did good work in there Kimberly." Hawkeye reinsures her.
"Humph." Was her only response, as she walks away, kicking the dirt, frowning, as she heads to her tent.
"How many did she lose?" BJ asks.
"I don't know, I lost count. She just had a bad batch. Half of those kids shouldn't have even been on her table. We've all been through it."
"That's true, but does she know that?" BJ questions.
"We'll just have to wait and see how she does tomorrow."
Kimberly got back into her tent, and slammed the door, and then she proceeded to kick her foot locker in the process of walking to her bed. She flopped face down and screamed into her pillow. "Why me?! Why couldn't I save those boys! I lost 8 today! Christ, why did eight have to die. They should call me Doctor Death." She says, starting to cry. "I killed eight boys." That night, she cried herself to sleep, and the next day was even worse. Kimberly had put it into her mind that she was a horrible doctor, and she was not fit to work as one. She worked her way into a bit of a depression where she wouldn't talk to anyone. She would just mope around the compound. The first to notice her personality change was Radar. He immediately went to the other two Captains as soon as he could.
"Captains?"
"What is it Radar?" Hawkeye mumbled as he cracked open an eye at the young corporal.
"Have you guys seen Captain Miller today?"
"No, why?"
"It's just, well, she's different."
"Different? How so Radar?" BJ asks curiously.
"She is all sad, and not talking to anyone, just kind of sitting in her tent unless she is called to check up on a patient."
"Well, I guess we have our answer Beej." He responds, getting up and pulling on his boots.
"Yeah." BJ says and does the same as Hawkeye.
They both quickly head over to the young Captain's tent, and knock softly. Hearing no answer they walk right in, and see her lying on her bed, looking up at the ceiling.
"Can we come in?" BJ asks, hoping to get a response, but there was nothing.
"I'll take that as a yes." Hawkeye says, sitting on the edge of her cot. "Mind telling us what's bothering you?" She sits in silence, barely glancing at the man on her cot. "I know you had a rough day in the OR yesterday, but that is no reason to go silent on us. It happens to us all." He tells her, watching her bite back the tears. "So what, you lost eight wounded in two days, but how many did you save? When you think of it," he starts, knowing that if this doesn't get her angry, nothing will, "How significant are those eight lives in a war?" BJ looked at Hawkeye in absolute shock. All Kimberly did, was sigh and turn over. Hawkeye shakes his head and stands up. "If you wanna talk about it Kimberly, you know where we are. Let's go Beej." The walk out the door, and slowly go back to the swamp.
"I think we have a problem." BJ says, "She should have at least responded to that comment you made."
"I know." Hawkeye says sighing. "I think we better have Radar put a call into Sidney." They walk to the CO's office and run into Radar. "Hey, Radar, we need you to put a call into Sidney Freedman's office for us. I think he better come down and talk to Kimberly."
"Sure thing Sir." He says, dialing for Sidney, "Hello Sparky? It's Radar. Yeah, I need you to patch me a call to Dr. Sidney Freedman. No not for me, it's for one of the men here.. Thanks Spark." He says, then turns to Hawkeye and says, "It's ringing sir."
Hawkeye takes the phone and waits to hear the Psychiatrist's voice, "Hello, Sidney? Hawkeye Pierce. We are having a bit of a problem with our New Doctor. Captain Miller. Miller lost around eight patients yesterday and hasn't said a word. Yeah. Sure, Tomorrow around 12, see you then. Thanks Sid." He says, and hangs up. "He'll be here tomorrow at 12."
"Who will be here tomorrow at 12?" Potter asked his young cutter.
"Sidney. Miller is taking her eight patient loss pretty hard, and we think it may be best if Sidney talked to her. She hasn't talked to anyone, and hasn't left her tent unless it was to check on a patient. BJ and I went into her room, and couldn't get a rise out of her to save our lives."
"Good idea then. He arrives tomorrow at 12?"
"That's right Colonel."
"Very well. What time does she have duty tonight?"
"She's next shift." BJ says. "I really don't think she should be doing it though."
"I agree. Any volunteers to taking the shift and their own?"
"How about this, BJ, you and I will split the shifts."
"Sounds good." BJ says.
"Alright, I'll go tell Miller." Potter says, walking out of his office over to her Tent.
"Captain?" He calls to her, knocking on the door, when there is no answer he slowly enters, seeing her lying on the bed. "You are off duty tonight. Pierce and Hunnicut will be taking your shift. Tomorrow, however, Dr. Sidney Freedman is coming. He wants to have a little talk with you. He's a good man Kimberly. He wants to help you a bit." He tells her, not getting a response. "Listen dear, you have to understand that there will be days like yesterday where you lose a lot of young boys, but you have to move on and help the ones worth saving. We need you here Kimberly, and you have to realize this. I know its tough, but sometimes we have to do what we don't like. War is one of them." He says, walking out of the tent, shaking his head, and thinking, "I hope Sidney can help her." And that was all that was said about Miller, that night.
Sorry it has taken me so long to update! I have had a busy schedule since the holidays and also had a bit of a writers block, but what are you going to do. I hope you enjoy!
*STARY*
*****
The next day at breakfast, everyone was sitting at the table when the Colonel came in. "Morning Colonel, pull up a bench." Hawkeye says, taking a sip of his coffee.
"No, that's ok, I just came to tell you, the Marines just started to try and take a hill."
"How long till we get casualties?" BJ asks.
"4 hours tops. I'd rest as long as you can, because it's going to be a long couple of days."
"Days, now that's something I haven't heard in a long time." Hawkeye says, sighing, "I mean, we have only had a day stretch in the past few weeks. I'm eager to have something new." He says, rolling his eyes.
"Just be prepared."
"I for one am never prepared for these types of things, how about you Beej?"
"Never." He says, shaking his head.
"Well, if you excuse me, I'm going to go back to the Swamp and crash for a bit."
"Same here." Beej says.
"Would anyone like to crash with me?" Hawkeye asks smiling, looking around at the nurses, "Biggalo? Able? Baker?"
"No." They say at the same time.
"Suit yourselves." He says smiling, and getting up off the bench. "I will see all of you in a few hours."
"Likewise." BJ says, walking out of the Mess tent.
"Major." Margaret asks, "I was wondering if you would like to come into the supply tent and help me take inventory.
"Not a problem Major." Frank says.
Able gets a quirky smile on her face, "Major, why don't you let Baker, Biggalo and I do that for you?"
"No, nurses, you need your rest. I will do it. It's my turn anyway."
"I thought it was Kelley's." Baker asks.
"No, it was mine." She says gruffly, and walks out of the tent.
The young Captain smiles as she watches the Head Nurse walk out, with Frank following her. "I thought she was going to kill you girls."
"Able, knows what she's doing." Baker smiles.
"We all do." Able replies smiling. "You better rest Doctor."
"Yeah, it's going to be a long couple of nights." Biggalo says.
"I don't think I can sleep anymore." She says, shaking her head. "I should be fine."
"Well, we better go back to our tent for a while. Marines mean young people." Able says.
"Then we have to get the OR up and running. The Major will whoop our ass if we don't."
"We have an hour Able." Baker says.
"We'll see you for show time Kimberly." Biggalo calls over her shoulder.
"Bye girls." She says, taking another sip of her coffee. She all of the sudden gets lost in her thoughts. She doesn't even hear the Chaplin come and sit next to her.
"Is everything alright Kimberly?" He asks, in a soft manor, but she still jumps.
"Hi father." She smiles. "Yeah, I'm fine, I guess."
"That does not sound too convincing my child." He says.
"Yeah, I know." She says sighing.
"I'm here to talk if you need it Kimberly. This is the reason they have me over here."
"I know Father." She smiles. "I'm just nervous about the wounded coming in."
"That's understandable." He tells her.
"Hawkeye and BJ don't seem to show any fear of the wounded. they barely blink when they come in. They just sit there and joke around during surgery, but me on the other hand, I can't do that."
"You have to understand, Hawkeye and BJ have been her a lot longer than you. You have been here for a month, BJ has been here for almost a year, and Hawkeye has been here for almost 2 years.
"I know father, but I just feel that I should be more relaxed during surgery and I can't. I wish I could but I can't. I can't just go back to sleep for a few hours knowing that wounded are coming in. I wish I could be like them, and do that, but I can't."
"You will one day Kimberly. I remember all of our first day's here. Hawkeye and BJ didn't come like that, it just became routine for them, and they are trying to make the best out of a good situation."
"I know. I just wish I could too. I wish I could look past these boys dropping like flies. I can't stand to lose a patient, and for the others it seems like its routine too."
"They both take out their frustrations in different ways my child. Hawkeye gets quite upset after losing a patient, as does BJ, but they gamble and drink to take away the pain they had. You should sit back one day and listen to Hawkeye talk when he is losing one of his patients, or BJ. They are just like you, scared, but they are able to deal with it, just like one day you too will be. Death is a part of life, and unfortunately the ones who die on our tables, it was just there time."
"Do you honestly believe that father?"
"Yes, I truly do." He says. "You'll be fine Kimberly. We all will be fine." He smiles, and she smiles back.
"Thanks Father."
"That's what I'm here for." He smiles, and takes a sip of his coffee.
A few minutes later, the announcement over the PA system comes, "Attention All Personal, incoming casualties at all locations! All OR shifts on duty. Get your dancing shoes and prance on over! That is all.
"There early!" Kimberly says, noticing that it has only been 2 hours since Potters information.
"They usually are." Father says, blessing himself.
Kimberly stands up and runs out to start triaging, but she hears a voice, "Kimberly, go with me to the Chopper landing." She realizes its Hawkeye, and runs up with him. Soon after they get the patients triaged, they head in to scrub up.
The first patient Kimberly has turns sour on her. She was working on a boy of around 20 who had more holes than a golf course. She was just about to start on his liver when she heard her gas passer say, "Pulse and BP dropping Doctor. You better hurry up."
"I don't understand it!" She says, trying to pick up the pace. "Don't you die dammit." She curses, stitching up another hole.
"I lost the pulse."
"No." She says frantically working. "Rib spreader." She calls to her nurse, she cracks open the ribs, and performs open heart massage.
"Nothing."
"Dammit, come on." She says continuing.
"Still nothing." After a few more minutes, the gas passer says, "He's gone."
She slams her fist on the side of the table, and covers the boy up with the cloth. "What a waste." She mumbles, throwing her gloves down on the ground. "Coreman?" She calls to him. IN her head she is thinking, "Great Kimberly, you just killed number three." But she knew in her back of her mind that she had to keep going.
The wounded just kept coming. It seemed almost never ending. A lot of the boys didn't make it this night. Hawkeye lost 2, BJ 4, Frank 3 and Kimberly; she lost 8 boys by the time they were done. They had operated on over 100 boys by the time they were done, and out of those 100, only about 17 passed away. The 2 days and 2 nights of the operations, most of the doctors thought that to have been a successful day, except for Captain Miller.
"Who's on Post-Op duty?" Hawkeye asks.
"What day is it?" BJ replies.
"I'm on Post-Op Duty you cretins." Frank says, gruffly, "You think that you could remember who's on duty once!"
"Sorry Frank, my mind was on the 2 days of causalities that I have had my arms in. Frank says nothing, but goes back into Post-Op to start his shift.
"Care to come have a drink with us Kimberly?" BJ asks her.
"No thanks. I'm gonna go to bed." She replies in a very sullen mood.
"You did good work in there Kimberly." Hawkeye reinsures her.
"Humph." Was her only response, as she walks away, kicking the dirt, frowning, as she heads to her tent.
"How many did she lose?" BJ asks.
"I don't know, I lost count. She just had a bad batch. Half of those kids shouldn't have even been on her table. We've all been through it."
"That's true, but does she know that?" BJ questions.
"We'll just have to wait and see how she does tomorrow."
Kimberly got back into her tent, and slammed the door, and then she proceeded to kick her foot locker in the process of walking to her bed. She flopped face down and screamed into her pillow. "Why me?! Why couldn't I save those boys! I lost 8 today! Christ, why did eight have to die. They should call me Doctor Death." She says, starting to cry. "I killed eight boys." That night, she cried herself to sleep, and the next day was even worse. Kimberly had put it into her mind that she was a horrible doctor, and she was not fit to work as one. She worked her way into a bit of a depression where she wouldn't talk to anyone. She would just mope around the compound. The first to notice her personality change was Radar. He immediately went to the other two Captains as soon as he could.
"Captains?"
"What is it Radar?" Hawkeye mumbled as he cracked open an eye at the young corporal.
"Have you guys seen Captain Miller today?"
"No, why?"
"It's just, well, she's different."
"Different? How so Radar?" BJ asks curiously.
"She is all sad, and not talking to anyone, just kind of sitting in her tent unless she is called to check up on a patient."
"Well, I guess we have our answer Beej." He responds, getting up and pulling on his boots.
"Yeah." BJ says and does the same as Hawkeye.
They both quickly head over to the young Captain's tent, and knock softly. Hearing no answer they walk right in, and see her lying on her bed, looking up at the ceiling.
"Can we come in?" BJ asks, hoping to get a response, but there was nothing.
"I'll take that as a yes." Hawkeye says, sitting on the edge of her cot. "Mind telling us what's bothering you?" She sits in silence, barely glancing at the man on her cot. "I know you had a rough day in the OR yesterday, but that is no reason to go silent on us. It happens to us all." He tells her, watching her bite back the tears. "So what, you lost eight wounded in two days, but how many did you save? When you think of it," he starts, knowing that if this doesn't get her angry, nothing will, "How significant are those eight lives in a war?" BJ looked at Hawkeye in absolute shock. All Kimberly did, was sigh and turn over. Hawkeye shakes his head and stands up. "If you wanna talk about it Kimberly, you know where we are. Let's go Beej." The walk out the door, and slowly go back to the swamp.
"I think we have a problem." BJ says, "She should have at least responded to that comment you made."
"I know." Hawkeye says sighing. "I think we better have Radar put a call into Sidney." They walk to the CO's office and run into Radar. "Hey, Radar, we need you to put a call into Sidney Freedman's office for us. I think he better come down and talk to Kimberly."
"Sure thing Sir." He says, dialing for Sidney, "Hello Sparky? It's Radar. Yeah, I need you to patch me a call to Dr. Sidney Freedman. No not for me, it's for one of the men here.. Thanks Spark." He says, then turns to Hawkeye and says, "It's ringing sir."
Hawkeye takes the phone and waits to hear the Psychiatrist's voice, "Hello, Sidney? Hawkeye Pierce. We are having a bit of a problem with our New Doctor. Captain Miller. Miller lost around eight patients yesterday and hasn't said a word. Yeah. Sure, Tomorrow around 12, see you then. Thanks Sid." He says, and hangs up. "He'll be here tomorrow at 12."
"Who will be here tomorrow at 12?" Potter asked his young cutter.
"Sidney. Miller is taking her eight patient loss pretty hard, and we think it may be best if Sidney talked to her. She hasn't talked to anyone, and hasn't left her tent unless it was to check on a patient. BJ and I went into her room, and couldn't get a rise out of her to save our lives."
"Good idea then. He arrives tomorrow at 12?"
"That's right Colonel."
"Very well. What time does she have duty tonight?"
"She's next shift." BJ says. "I really don't think she should be doing it though."
"I agree. Any volunteers to taking the shift and their own?"
"How about this, BJ, you and I will split the shifts."
"Sounds good." BJ says.
"Alright, I'll go tell Miller." Potter says, walking out of his office over to her Tent.
"Captain?" He calls to her, knocking on the door, when there is no answer he slowly enters, seeing her lying on the bed. "You are off duty tonight. Pierce and Hunnicut will be taking your shift. Tomorrow, however, Dr. Sidney Freedman is coming. He wants to have a little talk with you. He's a good man Kimberly. He wants to help you a bit." He tells her, not getting a response. "Listen dear, you have to understand that there will be days like yesterday where you lose a lot of young boys, but you have to move on and help the ones worth saving. We need you here Kimberly, and you have to realize this. I know its tough, but sometimes we have to do what we don't like. War is one of them." He says, walking out of the tent, shaking his head, and thinking, "I hope Sidney can help her." And that was all that was said about Miller, that night.
