Dragonlance Chronicles in a Nutshell

Dragons of Spring Dawning Part II

Laurana (poses and sticks her finger up in a victory sign): Alright! I've beaten the living crap out of those pesky evil armies. Now my Tannie-baby will come back to me! No one can resist the Silver General!

Narrator: Actually, you're supposed to be the Golden General.

Laurana: Oh, screw you! (Throws a rock at the Narrator) Silver sounds cooler.

Flint (catching his breath after running to Laurana): General…the…prisoner…do…what?

Laurana: Let's chop his head off. No, let's burn him first. Death to the evil officer dude!

Everyone: DEATH TO THE EVIL OFFICER DUDE!

They burn Bakaris to death then chop his head off.

Narrator (flipping through the scripts agitatedly): No, no! That's not how it was suppose to go! You were-(looks at the angry mob in front of her with tridents and torches) Oh, uh, AAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!

Narrator runs away from the mob chasing her with stones. Later…

Narrator (covered in bandages): I have a proposal, Blue Lady.

Kitiara: What is it you mummified freak?

Narrator (ignores the comment): How about we kidnap that annoying Silver General?

Kitiara: I thought that elf-bitch was supposed to be the Golden General.

Narrator: WHATEVER!!! ARE YOU WITH ME OR NOT?

Kitiara: Sure. If I get my Tannie-baby back.

Narrator: (thinks to self) They really are alike. They even call Tanis by the same nickname. I don't think this will be a good time to tell them that Tanis is prefers men.
(Out loud) I think I can enlist the old dwarf and the kender. They both despise that elf enough. Maybe I'll even get her brother and his girlfriend to help too.

Kitiara: Excellent.

Later…

Narrator: So, will you guys help me or not.

Gilthanas, Silvara, Flint, and Tasslehoff: Sure! We'd love to.

Narrator: So, here's what we'll do…

Thus, the conspirators managed to kidnap Laurana, the Silver, err Golden General. They told her that Tanis was cheating on her with this woman named Takhisis. They then drugged her and threw her into a heavily cushioned room. That being done, they went back and told everyone that Laurana had been kidnapped by the Blue Lady.

Narrator: Now that bitch is out of the way, I need to check up on Tanis and his gang.

Tanis: Oh, my head. Hey, I must be in the afterlife. Wait, if I'm dead, then how can I still feel pain. (Ponders over it)

Goldmoon: NOOOO! I lost all my precious cosmetics and toiletries. What shall I do? Whatever shall I do?

Berem: Hi.

Everyone: This is entirely your fault! (Runs him through with their swords, daggers, medallion, you name it, and we all know how effective that is)

Berem: (Miraculously sits up unharmed)

Everyone: It's a monster! (Faints)

Tanis: (recovers) Let's explore this joint.

Everyone: Okay.

They explore, and find a plaque that says, something to the effect of 'Welcome doomed traveler, to the condemned city of Istar.'

Everyone: Cool! I've always wanted to see Istar.

Narrator: (pops out of nowhere) What the hell is wrong with you people?! It's supposed to say 'Welcome travelers to the city beloved of the gods. Welcome, friends, to Istar.' Are they mocking me. (gasp) That's it isn't it! They're all just mocking me! GRRRR!

That red robe wizard who lives in a pineapple under the sea: Hello. Well, enemies, I shall escort you to your friends.

Narrator: Dude, that made no sense.

They find Caramon and Tika, in bed, together.

Everyone: O.o

Narrator (shakes her head despairingly): Caramon, how do you feel now that your brother's abandoned you?

Caramon: I feel great! I feel so free! Now he can't force me into servitude by black-mailing me with sending out pictures of me and my 'conquests' to everyone we know. He also can't threaten to hurt my pet bunnies.

Narrator: (one the verge of tears) Why the hell did I take such a thankless job. This isn't how it happened in the script. Caramon, for Paladine's sake, since when did you have pet bunnies?!

Caramon: You don't know? I carry them under my breastplate. They're good protection, and they're really warm. See? (shows everyone his pet bunnies)

Everyone: O.o

The red robe wizard who lives in a pineapple under the sea: I'll take you to meet my darling, my dear Apoletta.

Everyone hurries to see the sea elf.

Apoleta: Hey there good looking. (looks at Tanis)

The red robe wizard who lives in a pineapple under the sea: Hey! Keep your eyes away from my wife.

Tanis: We need a way out of here!

Apoletta: Sure. Are you sure you don't want to stay? We can, entertain you.

Tanis: No thanks. I have two macho chicks after me already.

Apoletta: (comes out of the water, and you know she wears nothing) Okay. We'll get you to Kalaman, kay?

Everyone: O.o

Apoletta: I'll take that as a yes.

Everyone is taken to Kalaman. There, they are reunited with their friends.

Tanis: Sturm is dead?! No, it can't be! (breaks into sobs)

Flint: Err, Laurana vanished too. (trades guilty looks with Tas, Silvara, and Gilthanas)

Tanis: Who cares?! Sturm, my friend, my beloved.

Everyone: ?

Narrator: You have to get her back.

Tanis: And what if I don't?

Narrator (narrows her eyes and glares coldly at the half-elf): I'll tell everyone about your little secret.

Tanis: Damn. You remind me of Raistlin. Are you sure you two aren't related?

Narrator (does a perfect imitation of Raistlin's evil smirk): Nope. I'm not sure we aren't related.

Tanis (sighs): I suppose we have to go save Laurana.

Narrator: (does a little dance on the spot) At last something is going right!

Tanis: I'll hire some mercenaries, and they can save her.

Narrator: (breaks into tears) There goes my peaceful night of reading.

To Be Continued…

Author's note: The narrator is me incarnated onto paper. I really am similar to Raistlin. I use a lot of sarcasm; lots of people call me cold-hearted, calculating and manipulative. I don't have any ambition to rule the world or become a god. But I do want to beat everyone else, get better grades, go to a good college, and make lots of money. Wow, I was really horrible to myself this chapter. I forgot that red robe wizard's name, and I was too lazy to go check. Did I overdo the googly-eye thing? I'm not a supporter of homosexuals, but it was just interesting how so many people thought Tanis was gay. I'm going to do a Dragonlance Legends in a Nutshell soon, so look for it as soon as I publish the next and last chapter to DL Chronicles in a Nutshell. Please R&R!