Dragonlance Chronicles in a Nutshell
Dragons of Spring Dawning Part III
Tanis (heroically): We bold adventurers will now face our greatest challenge…RESCUING THE SILVER GENERAL!
Caramon: uh, Tanis, she's the Golden General.
Tanis: Same thing!
Tika: I'm under the impression that she's in Neraka.
Tanis: of course.
Tika: So, why are we heading the other way!
Tanis: Use your brains woman! Do you really want to rescue that annoying elf bitch?
Everyone: nope.
Tanis: Then it's all settled.
Fizban (Swoops down on a dragon): I command you to rescue her! You dishonorable wretched lot! Have you no shame that you would leave a defenseless woman alone in the clutches of evil. Gasp! The horror!
Everyone (looks ashamed for a moment then…): So?
Fizban: …
Flint (suddenly gasps): oh! My heart! OOOOOOOOOHHHH! IT BURNS US! IT BURNS!
Flint falls over dead.
Everyone: …
Caramon: Small loss to the world. If the total population is increasing by a rate of a baby a minute, and decreasing by a rate of…
Everyone backs slowly away from Caramon, who is wearing glasses and scribbling complex formulas on a chalk board.
Tika: EW! You're a nerd. We're sooo over. (Runs away crying into the sunset)
Caramon (blinks for a moment before he realizes what happened): NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO (breath) OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO (breath) OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO (breath) OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Everyone: O.o
Caramon: I'm coming my love! (Runs after Tika into the sunset)
The two eventually murdered the owner of the Inn of Last Home, took it over, and became millionaires. Caramon gave up his nerdy habits, but once in a while, Tika would catch him muttering to himself "If one man fathers ten brats, then the population will increase by…" Tika would then proceed to beat him over the head with a skillet. They ended up with five brats and lived happily ever after.
Tanis: Berem, tell me I'm dreaming.
Berem (the only one left other than Fizban): You're dreaming.
Tanis (sarcastic): Thanks a lot.
They walk for a bit, and suddenly find themselves in front of Neraka.
Raistlin (mysteriously show up from the shadows): Greetings Half-Elven. When we parted, I was little more than a lowly mage. But now, I am the greatest Archmage in the world! ALL SHALL BOW DOWN TO MY MIGHT! NO ONE WILL OPPOSE ME! I'LL MARRY, HAVE THREE KIDS, AND LIVE PEACEFULLY EVER AFTER! MWAHAHAHA! Uh, wait, that's not right. I mean I'll live lovingly ever after with five kids. Wait, that's not right either…
Tanis and Berem: O.o
Me: lol
Tanis and Berem enter Neraka.
Kitiara: Tannie baby, you've come back to me!
Tanis (in a hard voice): No Kitiara, I've not comefor you. I've come for revenge! This is for killing my beloved Sturm!
Tanis cuts Kit's head off.
Berem: … Wait, is that a shiny rock I see over there, surrounded by man eating dragon hatchlings? Cool!
Berem runs to the pillar.
Berem: Ooo! What does this button do? (Pokes a gem)
Unfortunately, he then slipped and impaled himself on the pillar.
Takhisis the Dark Queen: YOU WRETCHED MORTAL! YOU'VE MARRED MY BEAUTIFUL TEMPLE! I DON'T LIKE THIS PLACE ANYMORE! (Leaves in a huff)
The temple collapses; everyone except Tanis and Laurana dies. (Me: Die you wretched idiot heroes, die!)
Tanis: Laurana, I want to marry you for your wealth and power. Will you have me?
Laurana: Sure!
They skip off, have a weakling son named Gilthas, and lived unhappily ever after.
Raistlin went a-courting, but no one wanted him. Poor kid. He eventually bought a nice tower in Palanthas and lived with a dark elf named Dalamar, affectionately called Dally. The relationship between them is yet unknown. Meanwhile, back at Neraka…
A hand pops out of the rubble.
Kitiara: I live Tannie baby, I LIVE!
THE END, OR NOT
A/N: There you have it, the whole chronicles (around a thousand pages) cut short to less than twenty. Comments? Questions? Should there be a sequel? Review please!
