Chapter Fourteen:
"I Shall Believe"
"Sir, I'm sorry, but you're going to have to put that out."
"Like it's going to bother her. She smokes more than I do."
"It's hospital policy, sir. You'll have to put it out or leave the building."
"What if I open the window?"
"Spike, just put it out."
The voices guided Faye back into consciousness. Spike. Jet. Some woman she didn't know. Her eyes struggled to open.
"She's waking up," the female voice said. "I'll get the doctor."
"Yeah, you go do that," Spike replied.
The brightness of the room caused Faye to squint when she was fully awake. Her eyes focused on the figure to her left – Jet. She then looked to her right and found Spike there, cigarette still clutched between his middle and forefingers. A small smile crossed her lips. "Not ... dead ..." she weakly whispered. She blinked a few times as she grew more conscious of her surroundings. The two men were the only ones in the room with her. No sign of Ed. Or even Vash or Meryl. "What happened?"
"You took a bullet for Vash's brother, that's what happened," Jet answered. He glanced at Spike. "Almost died because of it, too."
Her hand lifted. The IV needle was taped to it. She winced a bit as she shifted in bed, trying to move into a sitting position. "How long have I been in this place?" she grumbled.
"A week," Spike said.
"And everyone else?"
"Back at the ship."
"Oh?" She frowned, a bit letdown that they hadn't come.
"It's nothing personal," Jet put in, noticing Faye's reaction. "Vash couldn't come if he wanted to. And he did want to. The bounty is still out on him. Well, his brother, but you know ... " He looked to Spike then cleared his throat. "Um ... I'll just see what's keeping the doctor ..."
Faye watched Jet leave the room then focused her attention on Spike. "Vash's brother ... is he ...?"
"He's on the ship. He hasn't said much since the church, though." Spike pulled up the nearby chair and sat down. He took a drag from his cigarette. "I think your stupidity stunned him."
"My what?"
He shook his head. "Why in the hell did you do that? You had your gun in your hand. You could've taken Lao down easily."
She looked away. "I'm ... I'm not sure. It just happened." She sighed. Memories of that day began to surface in her mind. The expression on Knives' face was the most clear, however. The shock, the confusion, the whatever it was. "What happened after -"
"We don't have to worry about them anymore," Spike cut in. He tapped his ashes in the empty water glass next to her bed. "The Red Dragons have been in disarray since Vicious' body, along with half a dozen of his guys', was discovered. No one's mourning them. Especially not the police." He paused. "The Syndicate's done, I think."
She absently nodded. "You're free, then?"
Spike took another drag then slowly exhaled the smoke. "In a way, yeah."
"Well ... that's good." She felt awkward. It probably wasn't the right thing to say, but it was all she could think of at the moment.
"Look, Faye ..." He stopped when she shifted her gaze to him. He sighed as he shook his head a little. "Never mind."
Pushing herself into more of a sitting position despite the pain, she quickly said, "No, what were you going to say?"
He glanced up at her but continued to stare at the smoldering cigarette between his fingers. "If you hadn't show up when you did ... well ... I guess I should ... " He rarely said the words to anyone, least of all to Faye Valentine. "Thank you."
She blinked. She must be in a dream. Or dead. Did Spike just thank her for saving his life? Her surprise turned to something more casual when he looked at her. "So .. you're not mad about it?"
"No." He finished off the cigarette and tossed the butt into the glass. "Whatever happens now, it's for a different person." One hand brushed over his right eye. "I don't see the present and the past at the same time any longer. That ... life is over."
Her head tilted to one side, puzzled by his comment. She understood what it mean on the surface, but something else was intended on a deeper level.
"I should leave. I don't want to be here when that nurse comes back." He rose to his feet. He looked down when Faye grabbed his wrist. "What?" he asked, flicking his gaze up to her.
"I ... " She paused. The rest of what she wanted to say to him became caught in her throat. 'love you'. She only stared at him for a few moments before giving him a slight smirk. "I guess this means you won't be the same jackass, huh?"
"No." He leaned over, his face two inches from hers as he smiled a little. "I'll be a much better one," he finished.
An eyebrow cocked. "I wouldn't expect anything less," she smoothly replied.
When Faye let go of his wrist, Spike left her room. As he exited, he was surprised to find Jet standing outside of the doorway. The older man leaned against the wall, with his arms folded across his chest and a strange grin on his face.
"What?"
Jet only chuckled.
He narrowed his eyes. "Oh, to hell with you," he angrily snapped. "What're you doing eavesdropping on us, anyway?"
He shook his head, still chuckling lightly. "Let's go, before that nurse comes back." He clapped a hand on Spike's shoulder a few times then started down the corridor.
After shaking his head, Spike gave one last look to Faye in her bed. He found her sitting fully upright, holding a piece of glittering jewelry in front of her with a smile on her face that he'd never seen from her before.
What's that about? he wondered.
Shoving his hands in his pockets, he walked quickly to catch up to Jet.
In the room, Faye unfastened the clasp of the necklace Wolfwood had given her. Careful not to jostle the IV loose from her left hand, she latched it around her neck. Her free hand brushed over it then she looked out of the window. The blinds were open and she could see across the city for miles.
Thank you ... she thought with a smile.
"How is he?"
The sound of Meryl's voice brought Vash out of his thoughts. He looked to his left to see the woman standing beside him. He shrugged then turned his attention back to Knives. His brother sat in the main living area of the Bebop, where he'd been for the better part of an hour. This was the first time in a week Knives ventured out of the room in which he'd been confined.
"I'm not sure. He hasn't said anything to me." Giving one last glance at his brother, he moved away from the doorway, down the corridor so they could talk without being heard. "I don't know what to think."
"Do you believe he'll continue to hurt people?"
He shrugged again. "I wish I could tell you. I've never seen him like this before."
Meryl bowed her head. "I've been meaning to say something, Vash," she murmured. "About that day in the church ... "
"The man you shot."
"No," she said, shaking her head. "The man I killed." She swallowed. "I'll ... I'll understand if you ... "
"If I'll what?" he asked when she didn't continue.
She blinked back the tears. She didn't want to cry, not in front of him. But what she wanted and what happened were two different things. "If you don't ... " What do I say? 'If you don't want to be around me anymore, I'll understand?'
"Meryl ..."
She lifted her head, a few tears rolling down her cheeks as she gazed up at him. He didn't seem angry, or even sad. He just had that expression on his face, the one she never knew how to decipher. What would he say? Could he forgive her for killing that man? Could she even forgive herself?
"I'll help you through it," he quietly finished.
For a moment, she was stunned. Then she lost any control she had over her emotions. Relieved wasn't a strong enough description for how she felt after hearing him say that. She hugged him, pressing her face into his chest before he could witness her final breakdown. Despite the tears, she was comforted. That's what he did for her. Until she'd met him, she'd never felt this way. Sure, she would have troubles, but they just weren't as bothersome when she was with him. She needed that now more than ever.
Vash returned her embrace. Why she would ever think he would turn away from her because of that, he'd never know. Did she do it after what happened with Legato? No. She'd been the one to pull him back to where he had to be. The very least he could do in return was the same.
In the main living area, Knives continued to sit on the sofa and stare at Wolfwood's cross. Vash had brought it with him both times – on Gunsmoke and to the battered church on Mars. He'd thought his brother did so because Vash wanted to destroy him. The priest who once carried it had changed, though. It wasn't about destruction; it was about salvation.
He'd thought about a lot in the past week. Mostly about the woman, Faye. She didn't have any reason to take that bullet for him, but she did. She knew what he was, what he'd done, and even though it wouldn't have been fatal to him, he avoided injury because of her. Why?
Rem Saverem, she'd given up her life to save as many humans as possible. He'd never considered it a brave act, more a confirmation that the race was weak and useless. That day in the church, he'd meant what he said about giving up his own life for the future. He didn't even think about it, nothing else mattered. Did that make him ... like her?
"Hey, mister."
Knives lifted his gaze from the floor. The little girl from the spaceport stood in front of him.
"Are you okay?"
He only stared at her.
Rem sat on the sofa. "You look kinda sad, that's why I'm asking."
"Do you know who I am?"
"Yes. You're Vash's brother. I have a brother. He's younger and bugs me all of the time."
"If you know who I am, why do you ... care?"
"I don't know." She looked down at her hands clasped together in her lap. "My mom died because of what you did to that spaceport. Died saving me."
"You should hate me."
"Well ... I don't." She looked over to him. "Do you want me to?"
"Why wouldn't you?"
"My mom told me that it wasn't right to hate other people. You only hurt yourself when you do." She frowned. "Besides ... it won't bring her back."
Knives stared at the girl. This was as confusing as what happened with Faye. Why didn't she want to hate him? He hated humankind for what they'd done to him and to everything they'd ever touched.
"If you were able, would you try to kill me?"
She blinked, rather surprised by the question. "No. That doesn't solve anything."
"It wouldn't make you ... feel better?"
"Did it make you feel better?"
Why did she care about how he "felt"? Human beings were a mystery. No wonder Vash liked being around them – he and they were the same.
"I guess it didn't," she finally said. She looked up to him again, into his eyes this time. "I understand why you'd hate everybody, though. Meryl, she told me a few things about you. How somebody treated you bad when you were a kid."
"It wasn't about that."
Her eyebrows arched. "Oh? I just thought ... Well, I'd be kinda mad if that happened to me. So, if that's not it, then why did you do it?"
He remembered his days on the Project SEEDs ship, when he and Vash were younger, and the abuse they suffered. It only drove Vash closer to Rem and further away from him. They were supposed to rely on one another, not the trash on that ship. He'd spent so much time by himself because of it.
Rem noticed the change in expression on Knives' face. He seemed much sadder than he did before. "You're really lucky to have your family with you," she quietly said. "You're never alone when they're around. I know I said my brother bugged me but I'd give anything to see him right now." She tried to smile. "Anyway ... I'm sorry I bothered you."
"Are you ... her?"
Rem stopped in the doorway and turned around. "Am I who?"
He gazed on the young girl for few moments. "Never mind."
"He asked me the same question." Rem paused when Knives looked to her again. "Whoever she was, she must've been important." With a slight smile, she left the room.
Knives returned his attention to the floor. Why should he ever care about her forgiveness? Why should he care if any of them forgave him? They deserved everything he did – no matter who they were.
Didn't they?
"Hey, kid," MacGruder greeted with a smile as he caught up with Rem in another corridor. "Guess what?"
Rem shrugged. "What?"
"Ed found your family!" Ed happily declared as she appeared in the corridor behind MacGruder. "Yep, she did!"
Rem's eyes widened a little. "You found them?" she asked, her voice hushed.
Ed nodded. "They've been lookin' for you, too!"
"But ... how?"
"Once the Red Dragons were outta the picture, your old man was able to to go the ISSP to try to find you," MacGruder explained. "Ed's been monitoring their computers the last week, hoping to find them -"
"And I did," Ed finished.
MacGruder patted her on the head. "Sharp kid. Linares went to get them, to bring them back here."
A smile appeared on Rem's face and tears filled her eyes. "I'm ... going to see them again ..."
"Didn't I tell you I'd find your father?"
Ed narrowed her eyes at him. "You didn't, I did!" she snapped, jerking a thumb at herself.
"All right, all right!" He looked to Rem again. "You'd better get ready to go. Linares shouldn't be too long."
Rem hugged him. "Thank you!" She did the same for Ed. "Both of you!" Smiling broadly, she stepped back. "I should say goodbye to Vash, too."
Ed's smile dimmed. Vash had stayed close by Rem that entire week, to make sure that she was okay. It was just his way. Still, she couldn't help how it made her feel. She looked up to MacGruder when he put a hand on her shoulder.
He glanced at Rem's retreating figure. "You did a good thing for that kid."
She smiled a little. "Everybody needs a family."
"They sure do."
"Hello?" Rem pushed the door to the room Vash had called home while on the Bebop open. She poked her head inside then looked around the entire room. She smiled when she found him sitting in the far corner. "Hi!"
Vash looked up as the girl hesitantly stepped into the room. Immediately, he noted the happiness in her manner. Something had happened.
"Is Meryl here?" She peered behind the door, making sure she hadn't barged in where she shouldn't have.
"She's keeping an eye on Knives." He gestured for her to come in. "I just ... needed some time by myself."
"I'm sorry. I only wanted to say goodbye before my dad got here."
"Your dad?"
"Ed and Mr. MacGruder found him!" She beamed. "He's coming to get me soon." Her smile faded as she approached him. "Is anything wrong?"
Vash averted his gaze. "No."
She knelt in front of him. "You're a bad liar. Has anybody ever told you that?"
After a few moments of silence, he murmured, "You really do remind me of her."
"You said so before. Your brother asked me if I was her."
His eyes widened slightly as he looked to her. "You spoke to him?"
"Uh huh. Who was she, anyway? Was she your mom?"
"Yes. And no."
"She's not around anymore, either?"
He shook his head. "She died when we were young. She died trying to save us and so many others."
Rem's face fell into a sympathetic frown. "I know how you feel," she softly replied. Her eyes shifted back to him. "She's still with me, though."
He nodded absently. "Re – she's still with me, too. I ... dream about her; I feel her."
After a pause, Rem brightened. "Did you know that you can see her anytime you want?"
"I ... can?" he asked, puzzled.
She held out a hand to him. "Come on. I'll show you how!"
"Why are we here?" Vash asked as he followed Rem across the deck of the Bebop. Dusk had fallen and night was well on its way over the planet. The chill in the air didn't seem to bother the girl, though. She only pulled him along.
"I'm gonna show you." She finally stopped at the edge of the deck over-looking the water, then tilted her head back.
Vash followed her gaze to the sky. The stars were beginning to become visible. What were they looking at, though?
"Right there." Rem pointed to a star. "Just to the left of the really bright one – that's my mom." She shifted her gaze to Vash. "Do you see it? The one I mean?"
He nodded.
"My mom told me that when people die, God makes them into stars, so they can watch over us. Whenever we want to see them, we just ... look up." She smiled as she turned her attention back to the star. "When they twinkle like that? It means they're smiling down on us."
Vash looked from the shimmering star to the girl. "How do you know ... which one she is?" he quietly asked.
She shrugged. "It's something you feel. You just ... know." Her eyes flicked back to him. "Did you find hers yet?"
He shook his head. "She wouldn't be here, not in this sky. Not now."
"It doesn't really matter when it happened, she's still up there – somewhere. You just have to figure it out." After a minute or two of searching the darkening sky, she pointed. "I bet that's her. The really shiny one – right there. Whoever that is, they're happy."
Vash found the star in question. Oddly enough, he could almost believe that was his Rem. She'd always had a distinct glimmer and glow about her in life. His eyes widened slightly when he heard the tune of the song Rem used to sing. It took him a moment to sort out the girl beside him was humming it.
"Where did you learn that?"
"Huh?" She looked up to him. "She used to hum it to us, mostly when she put my brother and me to bed." She smiled. "You know it?"
"You changed the tune."
"No, I didn't. That's how she sang it." She raised an eyebrow. "Did that lady sing it to you, too?"
"Something like it."
"Well ... everybody finds their own way to do things."
"Ramona!"
She turned around, then a broad smile lit up her face. "Daddy!" The girl rushed into her father's open arms and hugged him as he lifted her up from the deck. "I thought I'd never see you again! I missed you so much!"
"And I thought I'd lost you!" Saverem replied as he hugged his daughter. Then he noticed Vash standing not far away, watching them. Gently, he put Rem down, never taking his eyes off of the man. "You're the one who's taken care of my daughter this past week?"
He nodded.
He smiled slightly. "Thank you."
"You have a special daughter," Vash quietly said.
Saverem looked down on the girl. "She's her mother."
Rem managed a smile, even though she felt a pang of sadness at the mention of her mother. "Can we go home now, Daddy?"
"Yes, honey. Yes, we sure can." He took his daughter's hand in his and gave one last nod to Vash.
"Good-bye!" Rem called out as she waved to Vash. "You'll find her star one day! I know you will!"
Vash lowered his hand as Rem and her father vanished from the deck. Even though he was happy she was with her family again, he wished she didn't have to leave. She wasn't his Rem, but she was close enough. He turned around, tilted his head back and scanned the stars until he found the one Rem pointed out to him earlier. The star shimmered even more brightly, drawing a smile from him.
Maybe I already have found her star ...
End Chapter Fourteen
Song Title Used: "I Shall Believe" by Sheryl Crow
