AUTHOR'S NOTES: Wow. Thanks for the wonderful responses. I have no idea where this is going. This chapter wrote itself - I kept picturing Josh and Toby in this scene. I'm not that experienced with creating dialogue and I am trying to be truthful to the characters, so if you think this doesn't sound like either one of these guys, please let me know and I'll work on it.
I think this story, as it continues, will be less about the actual photographs and Colin than Donna's eventual reaction to what happened to her and Josh's ability (or inability – dunno yet) to help her. I have another story out there -"Red Lights" – which is also a work-in-progress. It deals with the events of "Gaza", "Memorial Day" and "NSF Thurmont" and will probably be a prequel to this...
PHOTOGRAPHS (2)
Toby swallowed hard... once, twice...he blinked a few times, his hands shaking slightly as he looked at the magazine. "She saw this?"
"Yeah."
"She ok?"
"I don't know. She yelled at me for getting upset about it and stormed out to go to therapy."
"Where'd she get this?"
"Dunno. She wouldn't tell me. Told me it wasn't important."
Toby looked up at Josh, sitting on the couch, his head in his hands, and felt an overwhelming sense of protectiveness for the younger man. The feeling had been surfacing more and more since the moment they made eye contact after C.J.'s news of the Gaza bombing. It had seemed, in that moment of shared fear and pain, the two men forged a bond that years of campaigning and executive service hadn't been able to create.
"Josh...."
"Mmm?"
"How is she doing?"
"Fine."
"Josh..."
"What?"
"How is she really doing?"
"I don't...I don't know," Josh responded slowly, lifting his head to look Toby in the eye. He pondered opening up to a man who was normally reticent to involve himself in other's private lives. But he felt that they now shared some kind of private relationship that others couldn't understand. In the moments before Andi's phone call that day, they were both sharing the same terror and it was a feeling that still lurked in the back of Josh's mind during his waking and sleeping hours.
"I've tried to get her to talk. I've tried to get her to tell me what she remembers, what she is feeling, what is going on in her head and she won't do it. She changes the subject or tells me that she's ok – that she's talking to one of Stanley's people and that's all she needs right now. I don't know if that is enough. Toby, she's never once mentioned it to me. You know, the...thing."
Josh was up and pacing now, his voice becoming more and more agitated, "It's not natural. It's not right. God, Toby – she saw what happened to me after Rosslyn, when I came back and pretended that nothing had happened. I mean c'mon! She needs to talk about it."
"She's talking to Stanley's people?"
"Yeah – once a week."
"Well, then, she is talking about it, Josh."
"But she's not talking about it to me!"
The exasperated tone in the other man's voice made Toby smile slightly. For years he had watched Josh chase various women around Washington, while the whole time, right under his nose, was someone Toby thought was the perfect match. Granted, since the attack, Josh had been stuck to Donna like a burr, watching her every move, lurking in his doorway while she worked, as if he needed to keep an eye on her at all times. Toby was surprised Josh let her go to therapy alone. Although the Deputy Chief of Staff would find it a little hard to disappear from the office for whole afternoons, Toby was sure it had been contemplated. To those who didn't know him, Josh's continued barbs and sarcasm toward his assistant probably made it appear as though things had returned to "normal", but to those who knew him, who had seen his stricken face that day, he was indeed a changed man. Perhaps, Toby thought, an epiphany had taken place in that incredibly bullish head....
"What do you want to do?"
"About...?"
"The photographs," answered Toby, looking down again at the picture of the black Suburban, finding his eyes drawn to the face of the woman in the window.
"What would you do?" Josh answered, sitting back down on the couch and staring intently at the Communications Director, knowing that Toby's fierce devotion to his family outweighed some of his better angels.
"What?"
"What would you do if that was a picture of Andi, and not Donna, in that truck?"
Toby studied the picture for a moment, the muscles in his jaw working and his brow wrinkling in thought. After several moments of silence, his face became set, the lines on his forehead disappearing – he looked up at Josh and quietly replied, "If it were Andi in this picture instead of Donna, I would hunt this fucking bastard down and kill him."
Josh exhaled heavily, the vehemence of Toby's words pulling the air out of the room.
"Yeah," he replied. "At least you and I are on the same page about that." He looked down at his hands and then back up at Toby, "However, given who you are and who I am, that's not really an option right now."
"No, it's not... And I don't think it would solve anything if you killed him anyhow. The pictures are out there, Donna has seen them, and the damage is done." Toby rubbed his hands over his face and wondered if there really was any justice in the world. If you combined the lifelong tragedies of the Bartlet clan – staff and First Family, included – it was a miracle they were all still functioning on a daily basis.
"Have you taken this to C.J.?"
"No – not yet," Josh replied, standing up from the couch and walking over to Toby's desk. "I'm going up there now. I just wanted to show you – Andi is in a couple of these pictures and I thought you should know."
"Yeah. Thanks."
"No problem."
Toby noticed a decidedly tired slump to the other man's shoulders and wondered how he was holding up. Since his return from Germany, the swagger was a little more subdued and both Toby and CJ had worried about him. He wondered what Josh's reaction had really been when he saw the photographs for the first time.
What would you do if that was a picture of Andi and not Donna?
The thought made Toby sick to his stomach and he realized he didn't have to wonder what Josh felt because it would have been the same thing he would have felt if their roles had been reversed.
"Josh."
"Yeah," Josh stopped and turned, halfway out of Toby's door.
"She'll be ok. You know that, don't you? She's tough. She'll be ok."
Josh looked at Toby for a beat and then turned again to walk out into the bullpen.
"Yeah."
(To be continued.)
