What the Characters Have To Say

Summary: Ever wondered how the characters feel about what J.K. did to them in the 5th book? Actually all the books? Now you can find out…

Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. J.K. and she has killed them mercilessly. Doesn't mean that I'll stop reading the books though. The views expressed are purely those of the author's.

Beta: siriusly137


Harry Potter

Background info: Harry Potter is 16 going into the 6th book of the series named after him. He enjoys lawn bowels, watching cricket and ironing clothes. Total ponce and poof of course.

Well, Joanne was always kind of mean to me when you look at the books. I mean, I was always geeky and kind of unattractive. So I was like a retard in the first book. I always made stupid mistakes. And well – I can't play chess anyway so that didn't really effect me. But making my touch burn a man. Quirrel was a really nice guy. So is Voldemort but she's just so mean to them. Why do they always have to harm me or me them? --questioning face--

So in the second book, it was kind of strange. I was more of a loner and off on my own. My friends were stranger too. And then there was that poor house elf, Dobby. Look at what she did to him – totally unacceptable. And that sock was disgusting. And why is it always the Quidditch games that get cancelled. It was like she was blaming everything on me that book.

The third book was slightly better. It was turning out better and everything. Then she had to introduce a girl. I mean Cho is really nice and everything, but haven't I suffered enough already --mournfully waving arms about--. My whole personality was being deformed. And Sirius, adding him was just looking for trouble. --sighs mournfully--

Fourth book. This is where J.K. really showed her true colours. Why did my friends suddenly start hating me? And then the thing with the dragon? And the merpeople? And Krum! What was with that! And of course – the girl I liked had to go with someone else. I'm feeling a lot like a victim here. It like she's manipulating my life or something! Can't anything go right for me! AT ALL! And then she killed Cedric… he was such a nice boy. J.K. probably finally realised how cruel she was being to me and decided to give me an actual chance at a girl. J.K. is truly wrong. --chews lip--

So when the 5th book came out – I was hopeful, maybe she could do something good with it. But no. the book is sooo long winded. It could have been so much shorter for one. And then Umbridge came in. She's actually a really nice old lady. She'd prefer to make cookies for everyone with the house elves then ever teach a class. She is such a granny. She was almost like the family I never had. She was the most motherly figure in the book. Even more so then Mrs Weasley. Any way. J.K. obviously got fed up with me. She turned me into a hormonal raging teenager. Girlfriend chances flew out the window. I became thick headed and stupid. I killed Sirius – nicest bloke I've ever known. My only 'written' family. Was she angry at me or something? --starts sobbing uncontrollably--


Ronald Weasley

Background info: Ronald Weasley is the rebel of his family. Not even meant to be in this series at first but no on else could get it. High on dope continuously and suffers from bad withdrawal symptoms. Likes girls, smoking and getting high.

Hey dude? Wanna cig? Right ok. I always ended up the sidekick with Jo. That all she ever did for me, ya know what I mean?

Anyway – in the first book I was like brother number 7 at the school. Loser no 7 more like it. And I had that stupid smudge of dirt man. It was sad. I was a creep in that first book. I was dumb as. And that Harry kid – he was strange dude. What she did to him – not nice at all…

So second book. It was like – I'm here and I'm queer! Get used to it. Dude, Jo totally stuffed me. I was like a protective older brother – deformed man. Kids should have their own freedom. But no – I had to be a control freak.

Third book was where I got rejected from the story. Jo was so mean to me then. All I could do was be the dumb side kick. Just a kick in the side! snort, snort get it. Right. I missed out on practically everything.

Fourth book she turned me into a jealous bastard dude. It was like I became a sex crazed freak or something who thought that if he was as famous as his friend he would get laud young. What is J.K. on? I recommend crack.

Anyway – fifth book was where she turned everyone upside down. From being my own man – I went to helpless follower of the trend. That is not cool dude. I was like --pauses momentarily to figure out right word-- a sheep!


Dementor No. 7

Background info: Not meant to be here.

raspy voice-- me…. From … lord of rings… not meant to be here… Joanne.. not… nice…. BAGGINSSSS!