Chapter Four: Here In My Garden Of Magic

"Seifer. " Someone called. Seifer turned around in the dark Timber alley, creating only a soft murmur of his trenchcoat and a swish as his gunblade sliced the air. It was a woman's voice which called to him. Somehow familiar... He looked around. There was nobody there, and the others hadn't noticed anything.

"Over here. " The voice whispered. Strangely familiar, although he couldn't name it. Seifer then isolated the sound: it was coming from a run-down building whose entrance was boarded up.

"I'm going to check out this building," he said to the others and turned to tear away the planks which were blocking the door.

"Someone should go with you," Quistis said.

"Are you kidding!" Seifer hissed, his eyes narrowing as he looked at her savagely. "I can manage on my own! And I'm the captain. I get to decide who goes where."

"It's your funeral," Irvine said and shrugged.

"You, Kinneas, are gonna stand watch outside in case anything happens to me," Seifer said. "Not like I need your back-up, but you gotta feel involved sometimes." Irvine frowned and leaned against the wall beside the door. Quistis stood for a second, undecided, and then she said:

"Zell and me will talk to the guards at the city gates. They may know something more than they're showing."

"Go ahead," Seifer said. "See if I care." Quistis narrowed her eyes and looked like she was about to snap at him, but she bit back her words.

"Fine then," Zell said, annoyed. "Let's go, Quistis."

When they were out of earshot, Quistis groaned in exasperation.

"What's with him lately?" she said. Zell laughed.

"Lately? Come on, Quisty, he's been like that forever ," he said.

"No, he's different..." Quistis looked up at the sky and squinted as the late afternoon sun hit her face. It was descending, and it would be dusk soon. "He's... not like himself anymore. Sure, he tries to maintain his image of a big, tough, rough guy who doesn't need anyone's help and can kick anyone's ass, but sometimes he drops his guard and softens down. For example, when I told him to put his gunblade away, he obeyed. The old Seifer, the one I know, would never do that. I wonder what's got into him..."

Seifer pulled some planks away from the door and threw them onto the street, creating a loud echo between the cramped walls of the alleyway. He could now see the padlock and the thick girder placed horizontally across the door. Some more planks were removed and thrown onto the floor with a noisy clatter.

"Hey!" Irvine said. "Keep it down, will you! Someone's gonna wonder what the noise is about and see us."

"No, they'll see you ," Seifer snapped back. "I'll be inside." He then raised his gunblade in the air over his head and prepared to swing.

"What the--?" Irvine said, "Hey, wait a second, you're not gonna--"

Seifer swung the gunblade, and it hit the padlock with an echoing clang, sending sparks flying. The padlock was almost broken; Seifer raised his gunblade again and prepared for another swing.

"Kinneas, I'll try to put this simple enough for your slow brain to understand," Seifer said to Irvine, his eyes glued to the padlock. "When I go in, whatever you hear, whatever happens, if you have a sudden urge to be a smart-ass: don't go in . Don't follow me. If you want to act a dumb hero, go rescue a kitten standing on a rock in the middle of a lava pool or something."

"But we've got orders," Irvine objected. "And there's also SeeD mission protocol; you can't just violate it like that."

"I do what I want," Seifer said. "I'm the captain, I'm the leader of this mission and I decide what we do. Got that?" He then swung his gunblade at the padlock. There was another clang: the padlock broke and fell to the ground. Seifer removed the girder from the door and yanked at the knob with his gloved hand. After some pulling, the door opened with a creaking sound. A rich musty smell splashed his face, and utter darkness seeped from the inside.

"You stay here," Seifer said to Irvine. "And try to be inconspicuous." With that, he stepped inside the building and slammed the door behind him. Irvine shrugged again and sat on the street floor, leaning against the building wall. He forced his hat down to his eyes, placed his rifle across his lap, his hand resting near the trigger.

Darkness. Just thick, black darkness and the musty smell which usually skulked around old attics and rotting cellars. Seifer could only hear the muffled sound of his footsteps on the wooden floor and the rustle of fabric as his unbuttoned trenchcoat moved around him. He squinted his eyes, but still couldn't make out anything in the complete darkness. Was this just a wild-goose chase? And then, he heard the voice again.

"Seifer. Here I am! "

A small, feeble light shone somewhere ahead. Seifer readied his gunblade as the light grew brighter. Soon the whole room was illuminated and Seifer saw something what he least expected.

Light draperies and silk curtains hung all over the room, so that its actual size couldn't be guessed. The musty smell was gone, to be replaced with a soft smell of lily-of-the-valley. The curtains were all white or a light beige colour, and gave the impression of a cozy cloud. He saw shadows moving here and there, silhouettes that may be people. Seifer held a firmer grip on his gunblade and frowned.

"Where are you? Come out, cowards!" he yelled. "Or are you afraid of taking me on!" He stepped forward into the draperies and the shadows fluttered and disappeared. The voice that had been calling him giggled, and then Seifer recognised it. The voice he heard so many times lovingly talking to Squall, laughing at Squall's attempts to dance, scolding Squall for his coldness and at the last day, yelling and crying at Squall before leaving him forever. Seifer's insides burned with jealous rage every time he saw them walking Balamb's corridors, hand in hand, smiling to each other, blissfully unaware of the rest of the world. He was downright jovial when they split up. He now saw her shadow behind one of the silk curtains, and he moved the curtain aside with a gloved hand, his gunblade still ready, just in case this was one of Ultimecia's scams.

When he removed the curtain, he saw that it wasn't. She looked exactly like three months ago when he had last seen her: her long, dark hair highlighted with strands of light brown to make it warmer, her almond-shaped, blue-grey eyes resting on her pale, heart-shaped face, her rosy mouth shaped into a smile. Only her clothes were different. She was dressed in a long, black dress fit tightly, showing her perfectly-shaped body, her cleavage deep enough to reveal the necklace with the ring she always wore. Long, bell-shaped sleeves hung all the way to the beginning of her fingers. She smiled at him and pointed to the gunblade in his hand.

"You won't need that, will you?" She titled her head to the side, the way she used to do, and look puzzled when Seifer still didn't sheath his gunblade. "Seifer. What is it?" She took his free hand in her two small ones and looked into his sapphire-blue eyes. Seifer was still frowning, not being able to put the pieces of the puzzle together.

"Rinoa," he then said, pulling away his hand. "what are you doing here?" Rinoa didn't say anything, just continued looking at him. "We were told that Ultimecia's alive, and that she's supposed to be in here." Rinoa giggled again at his frown.

"Oh no, she's dead. Dead, stiff as a stone."

"Then what's all this... this meaningless decor?" It reminded Seifer of Edea's chambers, and that was a prospect he didn't like to consider.

"Well," Rinoa said, "this is where I live. You don't like it? Fine, I'll change it." She casually waved her hand and the curtains and draperies disappeared, only to be replaced by a rich meadow full of flowers in a myriad of colours, extending all the way to the periwinkle-blue horizon. Warm sunlight streamed from the sky.

"What the--!" Seifer shouted. Rinoa giggled softly.

"No? Alright then." She waved her hand again and the silk curtains were back.

"Rinoa, what...? How did you...?" It then dawned on him. "You're a sorceress?" She gave the smallest of nods and smiled. Seifer looked anew at her. "How?"

"I stole Ultimecia's powers before she died," Rinoa said calmly. Seifer hadn't noticed that she took his hand again, but now saw that she was holding it. "That's why I called you here: I knew something like Ultimecia's resurrection would trigger your emotions and you would immediately come rushing to Timber." She smiled. "Squall isn't here, is he? He wouldn't be. Seeing me again would probably hurt him too much." She stopped talking and looked thoughtful. "Seifer, have you ever loved me?" Seifer was so taken aback by the question it must have been visible on his face, because Rinoa almost giggled again. "I mean, we did date for a while. So it's only natural that I ask you that."

"We're not dating now. As I remember, you were with Squall." The harsh tone of his voice made her look hurt, but Seifer didn't care. "And we haven't got anything to talk about anymore, so why don't you go and play with your little magic?" He turned away from her and was starting to walk away. Anger crossed Rinoa's pretty face and she raised an arm towards him.

"You're wrong!" she said, and Seifer felt every muscle in his body freeze. He was completely rigid: he couldn't even blink, much less walk or fight. "We've got a lot to talk about, Seifer!" Seifer felt the muscles in his hand involuntarily relax, and he dropped his gunblade which fell to the floor with a clatter. Her footsteps echoed behind him, and she was now standing in front of him, looking angry; an expression Seifer had rarely seen on Rinoa's face.

"I know you feel something for me, Seifer," she said. "You can't hide your thoughts from me now, not anymore. You couldn't hide them from Ultimecia or Edea, remember?" Seifer did. He also remembered how good it felt to be kissing Rinoa, all those years ago. But this wasn't the Rinoa he loved; the woman in front of him was someone completely different, someone so alien, like he had never truly got to know her. "But you want to taste the feeling again; how good it felt being a sorceress' knight." She extended a hand and caressed his cheek. He wanted to turn away and slap her, make her wake up and become the Rinoa he knew. "Don't you feel like fighting again? Not SeeD, that's not real fighting. It never gives you the exhilaration that fighting for Edea did." Seifer had to admit that she was right. "You can fight for me," Rinoa said. "I can give you that back." He was just about to let her know that he agreed, when a floorboard to the right of them creaked. Rinoa turned around in a snap, but lost her concentration on Seifer and he felt he could move freely again. Before she realised what had happened, Seifer grabbed her hands so that she couldn't cast anymore spells.

Rinoa screamed, but he pinned her to the wall and put a hand over her mouth. Her chest rose and fell rapidly; she was hyperventilating, and Seifer saw that she was genuinely scared.

"I'll remove my hand, Rinoa, if you promise that you won't scream. If you don't obey, I will hurt you." Rinoa saw the anger in his eyes. He wasn't bluffing. She nodded, and Seifer removed his hand from her mouth, only to replace it on her wrist. The long sleeves had slipped down to her elbows in the struggle, and Seifer felt something strange under his hands. He averted his eyes from her face, and looked at her arms.

Bulging white veins rimmed with coal-black which looked like they didn't belong to Rinoa's own bloodstream meandered across her arms in mysterious patterns, ending at her wrists. With shock, Seifer remembered that he had seen the same veins on the left side of Edea's cheek. The only difference was that this was much bigger and more foreboding. Then a strange sound came to Seifer's ears. He looked at Rinoa, and saw that she had bent her head down, and tears were coming down her face, dropping on the dress and making it wet. His hands relaxed, letting go of her wrists, and she slid down to the floor, sobbing like there was no deliverance. She quickly pulled down her sleeves so the veins weren't visible anymore.

"I t-tried everything!" she sobbed. "But t-they j-just won't go away! Ultimecia is alive, S-Seifer, b-but she's very weak, and she needs someone t-to help her. A-and she called me, t-that night when Squall and me..." she gulped, "so I left, b-but I d-didn't know... I didn't know, I s-swear!"

"What didn't you know?"

"T-that this would happen! These... b-brandings!" Seifer frowned.

"You're lying. There's something more. What does Ultimecia plan, Rinoa?" She looked up at him like he was mentally ill.

"Lying? How..." she gulped again, "how can you think that! You think that I enjoy having these... these things ... all over me! You have no idea! You have no idea how it feels to be serving someone, wondering constantly if you're doing the right thing, if you chose the right side, what will happen to your friends afterwards! You, then again, wouldn't know, would you? You haven't got any friends!"

"That's right, I don't," Seifer said coolly. "I don't need any friends. I got me and my gunblade, and that's all I need in the world. Ever since I was a little kid, I wanted to be a sorceress' knight. I wanted people to fear me. People like me don't make friends, don't you get it? We only make enemies. You think that Squall, Quistis, Zell, Selphie and Irvine are your friends?" Seifer was almost shouting now. "Think again! Sure, they were all mopey when you left, but did any of them do anything about it? NO! Squall sat and whimpered in his room for a week, and the others just said Ah well, life goes on, and went to get a hot-dog! You think they care! Hah! They've forgotten all about you and are just as happy as they were before you left!" Rinoa stared at him, wide-eyed. "You're so naive, Rinoa!" Seifer said. "You're better off alone than with any of them."

Seifer stood in front of her, looking down on Rinoa with a kind of a sad rage in his eyes. Rinoa hugged her knees and gazed into empty space, her eyes glassy, looking like she was going to cry again. In that split second, Seifer recognised in her the Rinoa he knew, before any of this started, almost a year ago, before they even knew about Edea, Ultimecia or their power struggle to dominate the world. At that moment, something happened to Seifer, like someone had flipped a long-forgotten switch in his heart.

He sat down beside her and grabbed her by the hand. A wicked smile grazed his lips and Rinoa knew what was coming. Seifer's other hand went behind her neck, right under her hair. And then he kissed her. Rinoa trembled. Squall didn't kiss like that. Squall never kissed like that. Being kissed by Squall was something you could laugh off, and Squall was always kissing like he was apologising for something. Being kissed by Seifer, on the other hand, was a deeply passionate act you could do nothing about but surrender to it. There was also viciousness and spite in it, like in everything Seifer did. She hadn't realized this before, but that was why she loved him.

What seemed like too soon, he separated their lips, looked at her and said in his deep voice: "Don't worry, Rinoa. I'll help you. We'll have our revenge on them!"


Author's Notes: You have NO IDEA how much trouble the last paragraph (the kissing) gave me. And I've realized that no matter how hard I try, I can't make Seifer lovable, gentle, understanding nor a nice character, because he's simply not like that. I'm really angry with myself about that and I don't like the last paragraph, not one bit. I hope this doesn't put you off from reading more! In the next chapter... you know what, I have no idea! I haven't even started thinking about it yet. Be good and review, OK?