Thanks to Sesshomaru's Angel for her review. It was very 'inspiring' (hint, hint). Here is the second chapter with a new one scheduled at the end of the week. Remember, the story will very gradually get brighter in the future, so don't be put off by the sad tone of it. Also, I still have no beta, so there may be little things that are incorrect in grammar and punctuation. They are little, though. Thanks!!!
CHAPTER 2
"What do you want, Severus?" I ask, not bothering to hide my anger at his mellow tone.
He looks surprised at this, as though he was expecting a professor in front of his title. "I didn't mean for things to turn out like this" For a moment, he sounds unsure and I am worried that delusions have finally set in from the pain. The cold, arrogant bastard that I have become so accustomed to is never unsure of himself, and even then Severus Snape does not wear his feelings on his sleeve. I narrow my eyes at him, trying to catch myself in a hallucination.
He straightens up awkwardly. I just sneer back.
"I don't want your excuses." I throw back at him, relishing the feel of freedom out of my cage. Severus puts his lighter to his cigarette and lights it, letting out a puff.
"Well, Ms. Granger, you don't want to know what went wrong with my genius plan?"
"Not particularly. Severus, you betrayed me. You betrayed us. You killed everyone I held dear. How did you expect me to react?"
"I killed everyone?" He looks at me questionably. "Don't act like the impetuous little girl. You need someone to blame for the lives of your pathetic friends, blame Voldemort. I will be your villain in only some ways." The placid façade is gone now, only to be replaced with anger.
I soldier on though, the chance to die knowing that I had said what needed to be said powering me. I know that weeks in such fatigue and cold will kill me, and that is what I want. I crave death as much as I crave a way to feel like when it was all said and done, I went down fighting.
"That's fair. There is a problem with that though. You did betray us, so no matter what kind of excuses or acts you want to hide behind, you are still partly responsible. Now let me go back into that miserable little cage and die"
For a moment, he stares me down, and I meet his gaze.
"No." he very simply tells me, rolling the cigarette in his hands.
For several moments, time stretches out between us until finally he speaks again.
"Did you know that Harry had a dream the week before he died?" He paused for a moment to let the information register with me. "It's true. He saw his death before it happened. Do you know what he asked of me?"
There is another deafening moment of pregnant silence. Severus watches me as though anxious, as though I should know what he is to say. The monster has me in his game now. I am at his mercy, completely perplexed. All of those years he called me an 'insufferable know it all' shatter in that one moment of victory when all I can do is manage a weak "I don't."
"He asked me to look after you."
The statement sank into me with viciousness. All of the tears and pain of a decade of war hit me, full force and merciless.
"No…" I murmur against the torrent of feeling, of grief and hurt. My knees give out and I sink to the ground, little more than a mass of weeping, hurting being. I cry then with abandon. Why should I care if anyone sees me, if they think I am weak. I am.
He makes no move to soothe me as though to emphasize the loneliness and desolation of my situation. So I cry for what seems like an eternity, tears that I had denied so long. There was so much pain, and it felt a little better to let it out.
"What do you want from me?" I ask, swallowing down the remaining tears.
He thinks on this for a moment, taking another drag from his cigarette. "Honestly, I want to keep a promise to a friend. It will be a way to redeem myself."
I stare for a moment, unsure of my response, the confusion rolling in my brain. Friend? When was Severus Snape, bastard extraordinaire and all over greasy git, friends with my Harry, and why in the world had I not known about it. I stumble over possible explanations in my head, then over possible comments to seal my own personal deal with the devil. For moments, I weigh the choices of life in submission or death out of stubbornness. And after careful consideration, I decide I would rather die. After all, what does one say to something like that, especially when that someone is as willful and hard headed as I am?
"I'm not your project, Severus. Go find some other way to redeem yourself, because I just might stick my wand through that cold lump of stone you call a heart while you're sleeping"
He just smirks in that eerie way of his and takes another drag of his cigarette.
"Aren't we picky. Let me explain it to you in other terms.You do this or you die."
Well, after a statement like that, what kind of choice does a girl have really. I smile as demurely as possible and tell him that I would rather die than look at his pasty face for the rest of my life. Severus grimaces as though the words cut him. God, how I wish they did.
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The next hour is a haze of events. I follow the monster to the den, numb and unfeeling in the cold despair that death is not eminent. My feet, battered and broken, shuffle along the cold stone floors. What is to become of me? Do I even care? The questions run through my mind repeatedly until I want to grab my hair and pull it out.
"We will be sleeping in here." He tells me, pushing open a large wooden door and motioning for the guard to leave. I shuffle in, my head down in an unusual show of weakness. I just want to lay down and sleep. Severus, as though reading my thoughts motions to a large bed.
"We will eat first. Then sleep." He tells me, guiding me to a small wooden table.
A wave of nausea hits me, and I lean forward to retch. It has been days since there was food on my stomach and the scent of it is making my stomach turn over. I run for the bathroom, my bare feet freezing on the freezing floor. After a long bout of retching in the cold tile bathroom, I emerge. Everything is him, distant and icy. I am surrounded by it. The room is white and the absurdity of it makes me want to laugh. Why in the world would death eaters need such a peaceful environment to sleep in? I am reminded of a hospital. It is so sterile. He is so sterile, the cold, white features of his face in sharp contrast to the black of his shirt and hair. He is trying to forget. I know that in one look at his ghostly white features. He wants redemption from his past. He wants a way out of his mess, and for a moment- just a moment- I understand why he is this way, so cold and unfeeling. With a life so full of horrors, being any other way would mean his death.
"Stupid girl, do you have enough sense to come eat." He shoots at me and all thoughts of understanding are gone. How does one understand a monster?
I shake my head at him and collapse on the floor below me. This room, it is a cage, a bit bigger than my old one but still a cage. This man, an icy, dark excuse for a human being, is my torturer. With the two together, perhaps I can still join Harry wherever he has gone. Perhaps, if I have my way I can join him relatively soon.
Severus smirks at me. I am getting really sick of that twisted, maniacal smirk. I want to wipe it off his face. "Suit yourself if you don't want to eat," he tells me, taking a bite of his meal and smirking again when my stomach rolls in response. "I know that you have resigned yourself to death, but between you and I , Ms. Granger, if you were meant to die, it would have happened long ago. No, I know you, and I know your kind. You are far too stubborn to just lie down and die…"
