AUTHOR'S NOTE: A great many of you won't like this chapter. You may even hate this chapter – totally your right. But I've had these characters take the moral high road and now I'm going to have them be less than saints – I needed to take Josh to this place. The idea for this came from a combination of an experience Birdie had this weekend (which, in the end, doesn't really play out in this story, but she brought my muse back) and a story by KHo in LiveJournal. If you've never read any of her stuff, it's lyrical – musical and brilliant. If you haven't read her stuff, run, don't walk, over to LJ and take a look.
For The Girls (my three muses, my sisters, who keep me going every day with e-mails and love) – thank you. For slimwhistler, Jesus, woman... what else can I say that I haven't already said? Without your encouragement, I probably wouldn't still be writing. And for outtabreath, driver of the Million-Shipper March bus due to leave for John Wells' front door at 7am this Thursday, don't hate me for this.
PHOTOGRAPHS (18)
The City of Brotherly Love.
Josh snickered. Nice motto. So far on the news, in the three days he had been in Philadelphia, there had been ten shootings, three muggings and a car fire (referred to as a "car-B-que" by the local radio DJs).
Brotherly love, my ass.
He was sitting in the back of Pennsylvania campaign headquarters late at night working on the schedule for tomorrow's meet-and-greet with the city's Latino civil leaders. They had met today with the city's black leaders, skillfully managing to dodge shaking hands with the city's mayor, John Street. A man with a political background like that was a liability, no matter what his race.
The storefront they had called home for the last several days was primarily empty. There were a few college kids from Penn on the phones out front but almost everyone was over at the National Constitution Center for a party fundraiser. Josh had been in attendance for an hour or two, but left Santos in Rhonna's ever-capable hands and went back to the "office."
Tomorrow was going to be busy. The meeting with the Philadelphia Latino group was going to be in front of the Liberty Bell and the staging had to be perfect.
The Liberty Bell. His conversation with Donna at the Lincoln Memorial flashed through his mind.
"An event, I might add, which is rivaled in the annals of Josh Lyman History with the time you stood at the Liberty Bell and recited the entire Declaration of Independence in front of a group of retired school teachers."
"They loved me! They were enthralled with my boyish charm and good looks!"
"They did. Mrs. Randall wanted you to come and have lunch with them. Except, Sam, Toby and C.J. tracked us down..."
Josh sighed and put his head in his hands. He hated Philadelphia now.
Concentrating on a much unwelcomed walk down memory lane, he didn't hear the entrance of Natalie, a campaign staffer who had joined with Rhonna when Josh convinced Santos to run back in December. Soaked to the skin and smiling, Natalie had an effortless grace and "zing" about her, an attribute that along with her steadfast loyalty, calm demeanor and caring attitude toward the younger staffers had made her the campaign's coordinator of college volunteers in every city they visited.
"Josh! What are you doing here?" she said, dripping on his floor and laughing at the same time.
Josh couldn't help but smile – the woman was infectious. And pretty, even wet to the bones. Apparently, the torrential downpours from earlier in the evening hadn't stopped.
"Tying up some loose ends on tomorrow's schedule."
"Why aren't you at the Constitution Center? Aren't you supposed to be keeping the boss on a short leash?" she teased, leaning up against the doorjamb and brushing a lock of wet hair out of her eyes.
"Nah," Josh said, smiling at the reference to Santos, "I let Rhonna play prison guard tonight. What are you doing here?"
Dropping her bag on the floor just inside of the door, Natalie shrugged out of her now soaked windbreaker, "I wanted to stop in to see what the kids were doing." She pointed toward the front of the store where the Penn students were wrapping up for the night. "Sometimes they get a little eager and I have to remind them that calling someone at 11:00 p.m. and asking them to donate is a surefire way of getting a resounding 'fuck you' and losing a vote."
Josh laughed heartily. He could remember having the same problem on the early Bartlet campaigns until they got a handle on their younger volunteers. He looked over at the brunette and realized that he had never really looked at her before. Even soaked to the skin, Natalie's green eyes sparkled and she emanated ease.
"You realize that you are dripping all over the floor," he pointed to the puddle forming at her feet.
"Well, if you weren't hogging the office, I would change. I had a bag of clothes under the desk here and was going to change before I went home."
"Oh! I'm sorry," Josh made to get up from the desk, but Natalie waved him back.
"Just don't look, ok? Turn around."
"What?"
"Turn around, Josh. We have only one office here – yours – and that bathroom is the size of a portapotty. Just turn around and face the wall for two seconds."
Swiveling his chair around, Josh couldn't help but laugh and admire the woman who could so easily order her boss around.
"So why aren't you at the Constitution Center?"
"I told you. The schedule for tomorrow." Josh was still facing the wall and was disturbed to note a large crack that climbed from the floor to the ceiling.
I hope we're deducting that from the rent.
"Uh-huh. That schedule was done at 4:00 today, Josh Lyman, because I checked it."
"Small changes."
"It's necessary for the campaign manager to finalize small changes to the schedule? You're anal Josh, but not that anal."
"I'm anal?" Josh's eyebrows shot up.
"You can turn around now."
Josh swiveled his chair around and saw that Natalie had changed into a University of Wyoming sweatshirt, black yoga pants and was braiding her hair into a long braid down her back.
"And yes, you're anal. I'm going to go make coffee. Want some?" And with that, she was out the door and down the hall to the coffee machine.
Sitting at his desk, Josh shook his head and smiled. He was tired, lonely and aching for company and Natalie's breezy personality was very welcomed.
Josh stepped out from behind the desk and wandered out to the front of the room. Natalie was talking with two young women who were the last of the students to leave for the night.
"...and if you have any problems whatsoever, here is my cell phone number. I mean it, call me. You're sure that the bus is coming? I have a couple of dollars and would be happy to get a taxi for you guys."
"No, Nat. We're fine. The bus should be rolling through in about five minutes which is just enough time for us to get soaked before we get on."
"Ok. Thanks, guys. For everything. Take care and be safe."
The girls exited the building and Natalie locked the door behind them, dimming the lights in the storefront. As she turned around, she caught Josh, watching her from his spot against the wall.
"What?"
"Are you like that every night?"
Natalie grinned, "Pretty much. I like to make sure they get home ok. I've been talking to some of these kids for months now. They aren't just volunteers, Josh, they're friends."
Busy with the coffee pot, Natalie didn't see Josh studying her. Inside he was chuckling at her calling the college volunteers "kids" as he knew she was only a few years older than most of them.
"How about I help with the schedule and whatever you have on the desk back there and then we get out of here?" Natalie said, pouring the water into the coffee maker. "Maybe both of us can get some sleep tonight."
Pushing himself off of the wall, Josh nodded and said, "Deal."
XXX
An hour later, they were done. The details of the Latino group meeting, the next day's interviews and the coverage for the Primary were done and they were each leaning back in their chairs, sipping on mugs of hot coffee.
"I'll never be able to sleep tonight now that you made me drink coffee strong enough to run a car," Josh joked, holding up his coffee cup.
"Ahhhh... that is what age does, Josh Lyman. Makes you forget that it is all mind over matter," Natalie teased. "You obviously do not frequent Starbucks for their high test brew."
Josh put his hands behind his head and leaned back. Sighing deeply, he closed his eyes.
"When was the last time you ate, Josh?" The voice was quiet and caring. The same voice she had used for the two co-eds an hour before.
He opened his eyes and looked across at her. "Dunno."
"Okay, that's it. Get your coat."
"Huh?"
"Oh that's articulate," she said, rolling her eyes, "And who is working on speeches for the candidate? You? Great."
Josh stood and walked over to grab his suit coat and trench coat from the back of the door. Shrugging into both, he had to smile. This woman was a force unto herself.
"Where are we going?"
"To the hotel to get something to eat."
"Yes ma'am," Josh did a mock salute.
As they approached the door of the storefront, the wind and the rain were apparent outside the front windows. The rain was blowing sideways and the streetlights were dancing wildly in the heavy wind.
"At least it isn't cold," Josh said somberly.
Natalie looked at him, "Well, you won't melt, that's for sure. Let's go."
XXX
Running into the Marriott lobby, they were both soaked and laughing hysterically. She had grabbed his hand to drag him along and they had run down the street like two kids, splashing in puddles and dodging the spray thrown up by the taxis zooming up and down.
"Tell you what," Natalie said breathlessly, "Let's go change and come back down. I'll meet you in the bar."
"Sounds like a deal."
They each went to a separate bank of elevators and hopped in. The Santos campaign was all over the hotel and no one was in connecting rooms.
Josh got up to his room, opened the door and walked in. Throwing his trench over the chair, he checked his cell phone and noticed a missed call.
Must have been while I was on my way over.
He noted that the number was from Washington.
God, I wonder what it is.
He started to return the call when he flipped the phone shut.
One night. One night to not think about the campaign, Washington, the Primary... or Donna. One night.
Changing his clothes into a t-shirt and a pair of jeans, Josh slipped his cell phone into his pocket and went down to the hotel bar.
XXX
Natalie was sitting at a table by the window sipping on a beer. She saw him walk across the bar and gave a little wave. She was in a pair of jeans, a t-shirt and a v-neck sweater the color of her eyes. Her hair, still wet, was twisted up on the back of her head.
"Hey."
"Hey."
There was a moment of awkwardness and then the two started laughing. Josh found it was easy with this woman, the laughing. Her smile was infectious and every gesture was genuine.
"So..."
"I ordered for you."
Josh raised an eyebrow.
"Don't. I may be a vegetarian, but I don't assume the rest of the world is. Especially not you. Who do you think makes lunch orders half the time? I got cheese nachos and you a dead piece of cow. Burnt."
Smiling, Josh reached for the second beer on the table and took a swig. It had been a while since he had felt this, well... comfortable.
After making some small talk, they sat quietly munching on the food. Josh reached over and stole one of her nacho chips and Natalie was helping herself to the fries on his plate.
"So tell me something," Natalie began, slowly chewing on a french fry.
"Hey. That fry touched the burger..." Josh said, finding that it was hard to needle this woman into reacting. But it was fun to try.
"Stop changing the subject, ass." Natalie shook the french fry at him.
Josh took another bite of the burger and said, with his mouth full, "Ok. Go ahead."
"That's so pleasant, Josh. Do you do that at fundraisers? If so, I'm going to believe that the Congressman sent you back from dinner tonight and that you didn't come voluntarily."
Cocking one eyebrow, Josh just looked at her.
"Ok," Natalie said, shoving a nacho chip in her mouth and talking at the same time. Josh just laughed.
"Tell me why you look so sad all the time."
Josh stopped, mid sip on his beer, and looked at her across the table. Natalie didn't flinch and continued to meet his eyes. It wasn't an accusing look, or a prying look, it was an honest look. There was no duplicity in her eyes. After years of working in Washington, Josh new when someone was out to gain an advantage. This woman was not.
"What do you mean?"
Natalie took a thoughtful sip of her beer and sat back in her chair. She studied the man in front of her and thought of how to tell him he looked... haunted.
Leaning forward and picking up a chip, she used it to articulate, "We have theories, you see."
The eyebrow cocked up higher and Josh took another pull on his beer, "Theories?"
"Yeah, as to why you look so sad all the time and why you are so reserved."
Josh sat back in his chair, crossed his arms, and said, "Please go ahead. I'd love to know what the staff thinks about me."
"Oh for Christ's sake, Josh," Natalie said, her eyes flashing, "No one is talking about you that way. We just wonder. And some of us worry."
Relaxing his arms, Josh picked up his beer again. "Sorry."
Natalie shook her head, "Amazing. Ok, so John..."
"John?"
"John Anderson who handles travel?"
"Oh yeah."
"Anyway, John seems to think that you miss Washington, you know, the fighting on the hill, the glamour, the intrigue. And Amy..."
"Amy?"
"Josh, do you know any of the staffers?" Natalie said, teasing.
Josh smiled, "Ummmm... some."
"Ok, well, pretend you do so I can continue with my discussion," Natalie sipped her beer and continued, "Amy seems to think it's because of the shooting at Rosslyn."
Josh winced, as he always did when Rosslyn was mentioned.
"Sarah seems to think it's because you regret eating all of those babies."
Choking on his beer, Josh said incredulously, "I eat babies?"
Natalie was smiling now, "Well, you know... All of those incredible deals you pulled off on the Hill? Sarah seems to think you are into witchcraft and that you got your incredible diplomatic powers by eating babies. Don't ask."
Josh laughed. Watching Natalie over his beer, he realized again, how pretty she was and how her face lit up when she laughed.
"And you?" Josh said softly.
Natalie looked up at him. She studied him for a moment, her eyes never leaving his face.
"I think it's a woman."
Josh looked down at his plate. Her words had struck him and taken his breath away. They were said simply, without guile, and were utterly true.
"I think we're about done here."
Natalie nodded and collected her coat. She waited while Josh paid the bill with the bartender and then they both walked over to the elevator banks.
The lobby was empty and neither one of them had pressed the button for their elevator.
"Josh..." Natalie started.
"It's ok."
"No, Josh, listen..." she walked over and put her hand on his arm and there was a sudden jolt of electricity through him at her touch.
He raised his head and looked in her eyes knowing she had felt it as well. Natalie looked at him, reached over and hit the "up" button on his bank of elevators.
When the doors opened, she stepped in and dragged him in behind her. For the entire ride up on the elevator, they simply looked at one another. Josh studied her eyes and she looked at the line of his jaw. Not a word was spoken.
When they got out of the elevator on Josh's floor, the hallway was empty.
"Natalie..."
"No strings," she whispered, standing in front of him. "No strings, no expectations, no relationship, no regrets." She began to walk backward down the hall, facing him, with her arms spread out to her sides, "See any strings?"
Josh smiled and followed her down the hallway.
"1311," he said quietly.
Reaching his door, she stood as he opened it and silently invited her in. As she walked through the door, she stopped in front of him and said softly into his ear, "No regrets."
XXX
Later, in bed, side-by-side, Natalie was propped up on one elbow watching him. She softly ran her finger down the scar that ran along his breastbone. Josh winced slightly, but didn't move.
"Does that hurt?" she said quietly.
"No. Just feels weird," he replied without opening his eyes.
"What was it like?"
"Getting shot? I don't know. Not much of it I remember." He turned his head and looked at her, losing himself in the green of her eyes.
"What do you remember?"
"The hospital, mostly. Waking up and seeing the President and Leo. And then after, Donna..." He stopped. The name caught in his throat.
Donna.
A quiet moment passed and Natalie said softly, "She's the one, isn't she?"
Josh nodded.
"Tell me what happened."
"Natalie, I'm not sure..."
"Josh Lyman, remember what I said? No strings, no regrets. You've bottled this up until you are a walking ghost. Let it out."
Looking over at her, he realized that she was right. And that in this room and with this woman, there was no past, no future, only now. There was no history, no mistakes to right, no anniversaries, no red lights. It was simply the two of them in the moment.
So he told her.
He told her about their time in the White House, Rosslyn, Gaza, the fight, the campaigns. He told her everything. And when he was done, the tears slipped slowly down his cheeks as he lay next to her.
"Josh, I am so sorry," Natalie softly touched his wet cheek in a manner that Josh found oddly comforting.
He turned and looked at her. "My story for yours."
She laughed softly, "I have no story."
"Yes you do. I can see it in your eyes. What are you doing here with us?"
It was Josh's turn to prop himself up and look down at Natalie, who lay down on her back and snuggled under the covers.
"Running, I guess," she said quietly.
"From what?"
"Maybe from me. From having to settle down and meet someone else's expectations. I like this life. I like the movement and the travel. I like these kids – the ones who are still dreamers and believe what the rest of us lost faith in long ago."
Josh looked down at the woman in front of him and pushed a stray lock of her hair away from her eyes. Natalie smiled at him and caught sight of the watch on his wrist.
"Oh shit! It's 4:00 a.m.! I have to be at headquarters in two hours!"
She quickly hopped out of bed, put on her clothes and slipped into her shoes. While she was dressing, Josh put on his jeans and t-shirt.
"I'll walk you to your room."
"No. If someone sees us, there will be nothing but trouble. I'm just a couple of floors up anyway." She was smiling at him and he couldn't help but smile back.
"Natalie..."
Her hand was on the doorknob and she slowly turned toward him.
"Go to her, Josh."
He cocked his head and looked at her.
"Go to her. It's not too late. You've been living as half a man and while it may help Matt Santos, it's not helping you."
She reached out and touched his cheek and then reached down and grabbed his hand. Opening his fingers, she softly kissed his palm.
"No regrets."
And then she was out the door and down the hallway. Josh leaned up against the jamb of his open door and pressed his head back against the molding.
No regrets.
(To be continued.)
