By Leanne Ashley
Quick summary: (AU) SeeD battles Ultimecia & her followers. When a prophecy foretells the coming of a savior (Sorceress Rinoa) SeeD, led by Squall, is ordered to protect her from Galbadia's assassins as she journeys to defeat Ultimecia. Squall/Rinoa
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Chapter 16: About Yesterday
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And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
"Squall, how do you know that name?" Rinoa repeated. "Why did you say it just now?"
Squall got up quickly to his feet. His sapphire eyes darted rapidly from side to side as he struggled to get a hold of the situation. "Rinoa…" he gasped hoarsely. "'Rin'… Did I…? Did I used to call you that?"
She shook her head and regarded him cautiously. "No, you… didn't call me that…"
In turn, he stared down at her just as carefully. Suspiciously, even. "Why does it seem like you know what I'm talking about?"
Rinoa continued to appear unaffected. "I was just wondering—"
"How I know that name? It's short for yours, isn't it?"
"I don't know what you're trying to imply, Squall."
"I'm not implying anything. All I'm saying is that you're reacting as oddly as I am to all this."
"It just… surprised me, that's all." Rinoa half admitted. "Why'd you say it?"
He felt himself calming down. She had a way about herself that made everything less chaotic than it had to be. Brushing the perspiration from his brow, he sat back down next to her in the leather red passenger chair.
"I just remembered something from my past. In a dream, anyway."
"What happened?"
It was… at the orphanage… "It was somewhere."
I was talking to this girl that I remember…"I was talking to someone."
Everything about her… the sound of her voice, the words she sang, the comfort I felt… It was all so familiar… "It felt like I knew her…"
Everyone just called her 'Rin' but… "But I could be wrong." Squall shrugged. "I was only about eight years old… Could've been anyone passing through the orphanage."
There it was again. The blur, the memory… It was pulsing like a red alert fire hazard. The image was becoming clearer. The girl… black hair, brown eyes… It was being triggered.
"Perhaps." Rinoa murmured shortly.
…Was it…?
He watched her cautiously from the corner of his eye as she stood. "Don't worry about it," she said uneasily, her voice cracking the process. "Squall, I can't sleep. I'm going to get some air."
He nodded without speaking and stared off to the side darkly. He waited until he heard the doors click shut before he stood abruptly from his seat to follow her. As much as he dreaded losing his temper, he knew the interrogation was inevitable.
What are you, crazy? Rinoa hissed angrily to herself. It didn't mean anything! It could've been anyone! What are the odds!?
She was pacing forward in no particular direction from the Ragnarok. She wasn't running away, she just needed to think. To scream. To… remember. She didn't notice that Squall had descended from the lift and was following her in hot pursuit.
He was far from being an idiot. As mysterious as Rinoa was, he could see right through her when she hid something. And something wasn't right. Somehow he sensed the connection in her eyes and maybe, just maybe, he sensed it too. In fact, now he was almost positive. Slowing his pace, he caught up to her and stopped several feet away.
"Rin…" he hazardized.
Rinoa froze in her tracks. Her blood seemed to stiffen. She laughed bitterly to herself. 'Her' blood? Now that was amusing. It wasn't even hers.
Brushing the newly formed tears from her eyes, she turned slowly to face him. "…What?"
"Why didn't you ever say anything?" he demanded.
She couldn't stop herself from crying softly as his bitter stare tore her apart. "What do you want me to say?" she seethed through her tears.
"That you were there!" Squall yelled with a sharp gesture of his arm.
"I can't!"
"Why!?"
"Because I can't remember!"
He narrowed his turbulent blue eyes in confusion. "What…?"
"…I can't remember… Squall…" she closed her eyes as her damp cheeks endured yet another downfall of tears. "They took everything when they… when I…" she shook her head in frustration. "I'm not the 'Rin' that you remember."
"Then… who are you?" he asked skeptically.
She sighed. "I was… Sorceress Rinoa first. That's it. I was created, remember? Big ball of floating, formless energy…"
"…who was given a human body…" Squall finished with hidden bewilderment. "You weren't created with one…"
"No…" Rinoa smoothed back her hair and brushed her dampened cheeks. "Shiva told me… when I was mature enough, I was to posses a parentless girl from an orphanage and grow from there. Shiva chose a girl named Rinoa Heartilly…well, me… We are one in the same person. Have been for nine years. However, when I was taken away from humans, Shiva chose to wipe any of the original memories I should have… So I really don't know if I was there with you…"
She hesitated with a soft, yet sad smile. "But hearing you say the name Rin… It felt familiar. Like I hadn't heard it for the longest time…I guess that's the lost side of me speaking."
"You were there with me…" Squall told her quietly. "Why else would Shiva erase my memories? Why else would the other GF's erase the memories of everyone else from the orphanage? It never had anything to do with the junctioning system!" He laughed in disgust of himself and shook his head. "They didn't want us to know. Why the hell didn't I see this all before?"
"Squall…" Rinoa whispered.
"Sorry," he said quickly. "It's just a lot to absorb."
"I know… I'm sorry too."
"…Let's get back," Squall said turning towards the Ragnarok. He gestured for her to follow but kept several steps ahead. It was hard to look at her. She may have not remembered anything from the orphanage, but he did. While she spoke, the pieces had all fallen together. More images, more sounds, more emotions… Little by little, his past was rebuilding itself around Rinoa… or Rin…. The absence of Shiva was probably helping give space while Rinoa's presence was what triggered the memories to flood back. No wonder he always felt so comfortable around her. She was familiar in so many ways.
And it kind of scared him.
If only she knew what he'd gone through when she vanished from the orphanage. How torn apart and alone he felt. How this had all somehow turned him into the bitter, cold-hearted Commander he was today.
He could hear the rain falling. The sounds, both distant and close, slamming against the cold slabs of rock.
Everything was black, but…
"...Rin... I'm...all alone. But I'm doing my best..."
…the voice was so clear.
I was always waiting for 'Rin' to come back. She was my friend at the orphanage.
"I'll be ok without you, Rin. I'll be able to take care of myself."
Always getting into trouble, always scraping her knees…But, when she cried she always yelled for me… never for any of the adults.
"…Rin…"
I always looked out for her. Didn't much like talking to her, but I didn't mind listening...
"If you're in trouble, Rin… I'll save you… somehow…"
Then one day she disappeared. Vanished. Probably taken by Shiva… but I blamed myself.
"I'm sorry I was always so mean. I hope you'll come back…"
After a couple nights of that I just sort of… forgot about her… It seems Shiva made us forget her too. It was like 'Rin' had never existed. But deep down… something inside me wouldn't forget. I never wanted to be friends with anyone. Without even knowing why, I pushed everyone away, started fights, ignored the adults… I guess that was how I wanted to protect myself… Now I finally know the reason behind it.
Rinoa Heartilly…black hair, big brown eyes… thoughtful sense of humor, stubborn for the most part… I remember a day when she stood at the top of a large mountain of boulders by the beach. I called her stupid for standing so close to the edge. She called me a 'Meany' but then lost her footing. I ran as fast as I could but she had already fallen from the cliff. I remember only seeing the rushing waters below before I completely lost it. I screamed her name like it was the end of the world, fell to my knees, and cried like a baby. And all the while I couldn't hear her crying softly just below me. She had only fallen to one of the ledges right underneath. I saved her on my own, of course… but from that day on, I didn't want to let her out of my sight.
Is it really possible to fall for someone when you're just a kid?
I thought I did… I went mad after she disappeared. And even after she was taken from my memory, some of that madness still stuck around. I guess I needed her…and now I sort of had her back. …Sort of.
Guess it was inevitable that I had fallen for her all over again.
As Rinoa stood watching the night sky from the viewing window, her ivory skin glowing in the intense moonlight, she was at a loss of words. She would've liked to think that Squall was thinking of another girl from another orphanage. That her past could remain a question mark so she didn't have to think about it during the final battle. But everything fit so well. So ironically well. Now a part of her was begging to have the mission stopped. A part of her that belonged to the little girl… Rin… Now she was grown up and saying 'I've lived my life through you. Don't kill me without giving me a chance!'
But that's why the Seven Day Sacrifice was made… so this body could live on and have a chance…
She felt cold. Her body shivered in response as she hugged herself and continued staring out. The doors slid open behind her. It was Squall. She didn't have to turn around.
It was still late. After they returned to the Ragnarok, Squall seemed to immediately wander off on his own to sleep or …think. She wasn't sure. She wasn't sure at all as to how he was reacting. How was she reacting? Did this revelation really make things that much harder?
As Squall made his way to Rinoa, he froze when he saw her in the moonlight. She was wearing what looked to be something borrowed from either Selphie or Quistis. A plain white shirt that seemed to fit like a nightgown clung to her figure and radiated with her skin. Her black hair, shining brightly and cascading against her shoulders, made her all the more enticing. She looked beautiful. Not only that, she looked indescribably sexy.
He gritted his teeth. This was not the time to be giving in to his natural testosterone-driven instincts. Swallowing hard, he walked up to her, letting his eyes drift anywhere but where she was standing.
God, I can't handle this…
"Squall…" she began with some hesitation. "I hope this doesn't change anything."
"It doesn't really…" he shrugged. "But it does answer a lot of questions about the past. Both of ours actually. I'm just glad to know that nothing happened to you back then… sort of…"
Rinoa smiled softly. "Small world, I guess."
"Yeah… We should let everyone know tomorrow."
She nodded and stroked a hand down his arm. "Okay…"
Is she trying to drive me insane…? He swallowed hard again and tried to take his eyes off her. No such luck. Was she waiting for him to do something? No… that's how innocent she was. She was almost completely unaware of the impact she could have on a male. He could see it in her eyes as she again, stroked his arm and said simply: "I think we should try getting some sleep…"
Screw it…
She had only taken a few steps when Squall's hand shot out and grabbed her forearm. He pulled her roughly into his arms and kissed her with a little more force than he had the first time. She couldn't help but gasp in surprise of his sudden aggression. The need to be held, the sensation, the comfort… it was all so captivating. She kissed him back, wrapping her arms around his neck as he tightened his grip around her waist. She knew it wasn't right… but it sure as hell felt like it. She couldn't stop herself from giving in and neither could he it would seem…
He couldn't stop kissing her. He couldn't let her go. God, how he couldn't let her go. He released her lips and trailed down her neck, taking in the taste and smell of her soft, ivory skin.
For Rinoa, the feelings were completely foreign. As Squall kissed and teased her neck, the feelings of pleasure shocked her very existence. She almost couldn't breathe as he picked her up and held her against the cold steel wall behind her.
"…Squall…" she managed to gasp. "Stop… we can't do this…"
Once again he was brought rudely back to reality. Common sense had hit him as he reluctantly placed her back on the ground. It wasn't right to start something with her. She didn't want him to care so much and he couldn't let himself get attached…all just incase…
Damn!
"Right…" he said shyly. "Sorry."
She placed a hand to his face and gently brushed the copper strands from his eyes. "I don't know what's going to happen, Squall. But I do know that I want to be with you when it's all over."
"Everything'll work out," he assured. "It has to." Won't it?
"Promise?"
I wish I could…"Yeah… I promise."
Authors note: I hope that wasn't too complicated. I rewrote it several times cause each time I'd read it and be like... what the hell am I talking about?? hehe I'll go over it again: two different things happening at once... 'Orphan Rinoa' being raised at the orphanage, and the 'Savior' prophecy coming into play. Rinoa is raised with Squall and the others while the Guardian Forces are off accumulating their energy to make a sorceress/savior. Rinoa was chosen to host the powers because... umm.. I'm not sure. Right place at the right time? The powers were given to her (thus the melding of the sorceress spirit and Rinoa herself making 'Sorceress Rinoa') and she was taken away by Shiva and the others to be raised on their teachings (ie. how to use her powers, what her prophecy is...blah blah) But because no one, particularly Ultimecia's followers, was to know of what was happening, the memories of those who knew Rinoa Heartilly were wiped (a little extremely too) And just in case Sorceress Rinoa tried to come in contact with someone from her past, her memory of "Rin's orphanage life" was taken away as well. I hope that makes sense... I can clarify some more in the later chapters. Beginning lyrics are from the song 'Gorecki' by Lamb.
