Title: Hidden
Fandom: F-Zero
Genre: Romance
Rating: G
Warnings: None
Pairings: John Tanaka/Jody Summer
Finished: Yes

I've been sitting here for a long time, long enough to see the sun set and the stars come out to cast their faint glow over the water. The clouds have since retreated, leaving the sky clear, and the moon full and bright. I find that a little odd... didn't John tell me that the rain wasn't due to stop until the end of the week? A good reason not to believe those foreign planet forecasts - forecasting the weather is different than it is on Earth. And it's inaccurate.

The light from the sky reflects off the waves of the sea, and the reflected light dances on the walls of the buildings. My 'White Cat' is parked on a platform that overlooks the waterfalls on either side of the Drift Highway, which is currently empty at the moment. I sigh. Big Blue is quite a fantastic sight in the evening, but I just can't appreciate it fully; there's too much on my mind.

What came over me earlier? I had only gone over to check if it was still raining, and was soon crying. I don't usually let myself get to that point - not while there's another person with me, especially. While I have my problems now and then, I'm strong, and very rarely will I let those kind of feelings show. And I can't for the life of me figure out what it was that upset me. It could possibly be the rain itself, it's always borne such bad news to me, and every encounter in the rain has never had a good outcome, tonight included. I hate it. I despise that rain. I blame that rain.

I guess you can't leave feelings Hidden forever, no matter how you try.

Which brings me to tears again, just thinking about it. I open the hatch to my machine, and hop out of it quickly; I need a little fresh air, I think. The air is cold, much colder than I expected it to be, and the wind whistles sharply between the tall buildings. I shiver slightly, but close my eyes, almost enjoying the biting cold. While somewhat unfomfortable, it makes me feel a little better. But I shiver again, these federation uniforms aren't very insulated, so I decide it's best to move around a bit instead; I don't want to get back into 'White Cat' just yet. Walking slowly across the long platform, I still make an attempt to sort out things in my head.

Not only was that tearful incident earlier troublesome, but the one that followed afterwards troubles me most.

It's no secret that John has some kind of feelings towards me, everybody knows that. It's very rare that he shows his affections publicly; after all these years I've known him, it's become very obvious that he's a very shy and inroverted man. That works rather well for me, he doesn't get in my way when I work, he doesn't do much of anything, really. But now and then he'll muster up all the courage he has in him, and make a feeble attempt to try and get me to return those feelings. And every time, I shoot him down. In all honesty, I feel more guilty every time I've done it. But earlier this evening... I can't believe I let my guard down. He tried to comfort me, and as usual, I tried to ignore him. But he didn't let me this time, there was something forceful about him, possibly concern or something of that sort. Eventually, I let my guard down. He embraced me, and I broke down, and I'd never done so before. It almost felt good to cry, to be held.

To be loved again.

Those damned tears are coming back again! But for a different reason now. It was so long since I'd felt so loved by a person, they always seemed to be after something. The only other one who had loved me as a person was my father. But that was years ago, and he's been gone for a long time. It was raining when I recieved the news, that he had been killed while on a trip. That was the last time I cried. Until today. And while John held me, a rush of emotions and memories came at me, and I wanted to cry even harder. I sobbed briefly, and he held me even tighter. Suddenly... everything stopped. I didn't feel pain, I didn't feel the need to cry any longer, even though there were still tears in my eyes. It scared me, to be honest. I immediately felt guilty, I felt bad for everything I had done; John has only wanted to give me what I've wanted, and like a complete idiot I shot him down any chance I got. Am I really that selfish?

While I was caught in my thoughts, he tilted my chin up and just looked at me with this worried look that made me want to cry again. I'd never felt so bad in my life, believe it or not. I was still so lost in my own mind that I didn't realise that his face was coming closer, and it was only when I felt his lips brush against mine did I realise what was happening. I hate to admit it, but I was scared. I ripped myself from his grasp and left immediately.

And now I'm here. It seems to surreal to me, like it never happened. But I know it did, and strangely, I don't want to forget it. What scares me is that somehow, I didn't want to run away, part of me wanted to stay with him. It's that part of me that I've been picking apart all evening, that part of me that makes me want to plunge right into that big blue sea that opens up beneath this platform. But an even larger part of me wants to stay alive and sort this out, even if it means falling in love.

I never thought I'd say that. I never thought I'd feel this way. Of all the people in the world, I fall in love with the one I hated most. I'm almost afraid to go back... But it's been a few hours since I left, and knowing John, he's probably having a panic attack right now because of my disappearance. But I can't bring myself to leave. I really should, I'm almost numb from the chilling winds up here, and I've begun to shiver violently.

Almost as if on cue, I hear the sound of an engine coming up through the tunnel. I pray inside my head that it's only a transport machine, but I'm proven wrong when the 'Wonder Wasp' drives up onto the platform. Once again, I want to dive right off the platform, and would've done so if I didn't feel so numb. The 'Wonder Wasp's' hatch opens, and a very weary John Tanaka hops from its cockpit. I look away from him as he approaches me, but I can feel his presence beside me a moment later.

"Are you alright? I was getting a little worried," he says good-naturedly. To be honest, I wouldn't have expected him to say anything at all. I turned to him.

"I'm not surprised," I answer, and there's a bit of a bite in my voice that I didn't intend to be there. I see an expression of hurt flash over his features for only half a moment, and I immediately regret saying anything at all. I suddenly feel intense pity for him, and knowing that it's entirely my fault makes me scream inwardly. Not knowing anything else to do at the moment, I throw my arms around his neck, and draw him close to me.

"I'm sorry," I mumble into his shoulder. He had stiffened up as soon as I touched him, but relaxed a moment after.

"What for?" he says breathlessly.

"For everything... I've ever done..." I whisper bitterly, but I really do mean it. There's a brief pause.

"You're so cold." He whispers, and wraps his arms very tightly around my waist, "And don't be sorry about anything..."

Neither of us say anything for a while, we only stand on that wretched platform with the freezing wind whipping at us violently. Despite the fact that Iam beginning to lose the feeling in most of my body, I am happy enough to cry.

But I've done enough crying.