By Leanne Ashley
Quick summary: (AU) SeeD battles Ultimecia & her followers. When a prophecy foretells the coming of a savior (Sorceress Rinoa) SeeD, led by Squall, is ordered to protect her from Galbadia's assassins as she journeys to defeat Ultimecia. Squall/Rinoa
Chapter 23: I'm Dreaming For…
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It's almost over, it's almost over
No more war and no more soldiers
To stand against his love
Away with all the things you've grown to hate
Away with anything that holds you safe
Away…
Look ma the sun is shining on me
Impatient, in love, and aching to be
Could you believe in heaven
If heaven was all you had?
With Every Light, The Smashing Pumpkins
As the curse began to lift, so did the shadows blocking the dim, golden sunrise. Ultimecia's castle continued to crumble; its vivid flames adding to the painting of a once desaturated sky. The unsettling gradient of gray to gold commanded the atmosphere; smearing the clouds, the sky, and even the peaceful ocean waters that splashed gently to the shoreline, grazing the hand of a young, motionless heroine.
She flinched slightly.
The cool liquid provoked a gentle shiver to sweep across her body.
Amongst the thick fog of clouded words and memories that dominated her head, her mind finally managed to express one single thought:
Huh…?
Her slender hand dug fiercely into the sand, letting the sharp grains push beneath her fingernails. Clawing for resistance, reassurance… an answer.
A cry of anguish escaped her throat when she felt the blood pulsing down her chin.
That… can't be good…
Weakly, she pulled herself up only to collapse onto her front as her body shook violently from convulsions. It was painfully difficult getting her limbs to cooperate.
God…damnit… I can't… breathe…
The bitter taste of sand and blood resided on her tongue as she continued to claw helplessly at the gravel beneath her.
"M-Ma…t-t…"
I can't do anything! Why does it …hurt?
"—R…on…"
Get up… Get up right now! GET UP!
"Mat…ron…"
GET UP! DON'T WASTE WHAT SHE'S GIVEN YOU!
"Matron…"
"Is your matron the first one who comes to mind?"
Although her body continued to shake, she immediately stopped struggling and held in her ragged breath. The voice was oddly familiar, yet she couldn't picture the speaker anywhere in her mind.
"Don't worry. You will regain more memories shortly. Right now, your mind is more concentrated on adapting to your physical changes."
She forced open her blood-caked eyes and winced from the sudden onslaught of vibrant colours. Something somewhere was on fire and the lights reflecting on the sea came close to blinding her.
"Matron…?" she managed to choke.
"No, my darling. I'm not your matron. You're thinking of the women who took care of you when you were growing up in that orphanage."
She cried out in pain once more. Her muscles felt tight and restricted, as if stuck in atrophy.
"Do not force yourself," the voice ordered sternly. "It's all in your head. Your mind has not adjusted to your physical state. You are no longer a child, Rin."
"Wha—What…?"
"You are no longer a child," the voice repeated. "It will all come back to you soon. Sorceress Rinoa has possessed you for almost nine years—since you were eight. You grew up alongside her and saw the world through her eyes… or perhaps it was the other way around depending on how you view it…"
"St…"
"Although it is true Sorceress Rinoa was primarily in control, you were still able to grow and mature with her."
"Stop…"
"But the mission is complete. Sorceress Ultimecia has been defeated and the world is safe. Sorceress Rinoa no longer has a purpose, and thus you are free to control your life—"
"STOP IT!"
The voice silenced as Rin slammed her fist angrily to the ground. With all the strength she could muster, she hoisted herself from the sand to face her 'visitor'.
"Unless—" she choked out hoarsely. "Rinoa's memories are screwing me up …I'm guessing you're Shiva."
The Goddess of Ice regarded Rin tediously and raised an eyebrow. "Correct. I see your mind is catching up with you."
"Forget that." she spat angrily, partly from disgust and partly from the build-up of blood and sand in her mouth. "Ever since I took the backseat to Rinoa I wanted to know this: why me? Why was it me?"
Sighing, Shiva deterred her stare. "In all honesty… you were an orphan. And as luck would have it, I saw you first."
Unstable, yet determined, Rin got up slowly to her feet while her knees threatened to buckle. "…That's it…?"
Shiva smiled and approached the exhausted girl.
"Growing up as beautiful as you are… That was the one thing we didn't have a hand in. You did that on your own."
Rin shook her head fiercely. "Rinoa told me once— she said I was causing a lot of trouble… then she took a shard of glass from a broken mirror…"
Absently, Rin began to tug at the gleaming string of silver around her neck. She could feel a smoother, slightly heavier object brushing briefly against her breast but thought nothing of it.
"Rinoa wasn't perfect. I warned her never to take her weakness out on you, but saving the world isn't easy. Please understand… now you have your life back."
"I was left in here to rot!" Rin snapped heavily. "You made the Seven Day Sacrifice! If that had succeeded then Rinoa would've lived inside me forever! This wasn't supposed to happen at all, was it? I'm not supposed to be here, Rinoa is!"
"Don't assume something so foolish," Shiva stated calmly. Gracefully, she placed an arm behind her neck and pushed locks of frigid hair behind her. Narrowing her bright blue eyes, she turned her back on the other girl and began walking slowly away.
"Sorceress Rinoa was created from the powers of the GF and Earth combined. On her own, she was merely formless energy. It was selfish to borrow a young orphan's body for it so we created the Seven Day Sacrifice. The intention of this was to keep YOU alive. It was our penance." Shiva explained. "After Ultimecia's defeat, the 'energy' must be returned. Sorceress Rinoa was never meant to remain 'living' after the world was saved… but you were."
The Ice Goddess stopped briefly and glanced thoughtfully at Rin's look of dejection. "We apologize for taking nine years of your life… but you helped save the world. You spared innocent lives and ensured the future for this planet. Pleaseaccept the gratitude."
At a loss of words, Rin clutched her arms and endured the sting of sand invading her eyes and sticking to the moisture upon her skin. The memories were returning gradually... she heard distant laughter, footsteps, and music… Random images flashed in the back of her mind; flowers, buildings, bright lights, monsters, people… friends… She placed a tentative hand to her brow and tried to find a place for every emotion she felt.
"There…" Shiva told her as she extended her arm to the side. "The Gates of Time are waiting for you. You can rot here if you wish… or return home to those who love you."
…Love…me…
"Shiva… what if the one they love… isn't me…?"
Her body had been there and so had her mind, but Sorceress Rinoa was the one they had grown to cherish. Rinoa was the one they protected. Memories of her true self at the orphanage were but a distant, faded memory to them. No way could she be regarded as the same person. She had been the vessel, but without Rinoa… would she now be considered 'empty'?
She hung her head in despair, letting strands of matted hair slip over her shoulders. "I still have what Rinoa built within me… I feel older… mature… I'm trying to remember everything, but I don't even know who I am. For a huge part of my life I was an outsider… to myself."
Struggling to hold her tears, Rin clenched her fist. "I'm just Rin. Plain Rinoa Heartilly. Not Sorceress Rinoa, not the savior…" …not the one he loves… "I can't be who they remember. What's the point in me going back…?"
Shiva turned to face her then, a look of intensity across her crystal features. "Don't accept being loved for 'Rinoa'. It's your life now… let them meet you, Rin.
…Just you."
The war was over now. Shiva's spell to contain our memories had been lifted and everything from the orphanage came back in a rush while I was in time compression.
I never fully understood it all. I argue with myself about it still…But hey, that's what I do best; I keep to myself. Who else should give a damn about my problems but me? If anything slipped out then annoying people all around would try to fix it. Didn't happen a lot… especially while I was growing up, but I was careful.
Except Rin. Annoying little Rinoa Heartilly. I lost count of the times she managed to crack a smirk out of me. Like I'd ever say a goddamn thing to anyone, but even at that age, I would've gone to hell and back for that girl.
Yeah… I didn't get it either.
Everyday she was at the orphanage she said something to me. Or did something to me. Anything to make me feel acknowledged. I pushed her off, ignored her, told her to 'shove it' a couple hundred times, too… but Rin never gave up on me. I returned the favour. I'd stop her from tripping, kept her warm with my jacket…And I still tried so hard to be mean to her at the same time. She really was an angel.
It was funny how my memory of her was all I could think of in time compression.
When I met Sorceress Rinoa, it was the second time in my whole life that someone had managed to reach me. How ironic that the two girls were somehow connected…
I …realize it now.
Rin…
"What's all the commotion over there?"
"That's Commander Leonhart. He just returned from a successful mission in aiding our Savior. Ultimecia's been defeated! Can you believe it?"
"It's wonderful," the brunette agreed. "I'd love to meet him."
"Well, get in line! Everyone's crowding him to hear his story!"
"I can see that," she laughed. Obviously being the center of attention wasn't his cup of tea as she watched him rub irritably at the back of his neck. "I'll wait. Don't let me keep you."
"Nice meeting you! And hey, welcome to Balamb Garden! Catch ya' later, ok?" the other girl said over her shoulder as she ran off excitedly. Before disappearing into the crowd, she shouted a fanatic, "Yeah, it's over!" to no one in particular.
People were excited, smiling, laughing... the air felt so tranquil, so renewed of its hope. Everything was just the way it should be. She looked down at her necklace where a single ring dangled from the chain.
Squall... Her brown eyes watched the back of his head thoughtfully. ...I remember you.
Smiling, she tucked the lion engraved ring back into her shirt and waited patiently to congratulate the hero.
The End.
— Leanne Ashley
