PART 17
"Well what did he say?" Lexie asked
"well he wasn't that impressed, but I simply said we wanted to wait until the business was up and running before we even began to think about food for the pub"
"mmm well, I'll be happy if we never provide food for the pub"
"yes but Lex we have to think about this from a business point of view, and not let emotions get in the way"
"huh that is all very well for you to say"
" I know Lex but"
"yes, yes the business I know" she said smiling "anyway thanks Arch for going to see Dan and sorting it out" Lexie said as she gave him a fleeting kiss, as she did she could feel him shrinking away from her, puzzled she dismissed it, thinking it must be in her imagination, then she looked at his face and saw he had a far away look in his eyes.
They had achieved a kind of tentative truce after the incident the previous day, when Archie had left Lexie on her own with Dan, but she sensed that was just symptomatic, there was much more to his distance than that.
"come on Arch" she said taking hold of his hand "we've got more decorating to do"
"you go on up, I'll join you in a few minutes just need to put some paperwork away"
"ok.......you alright Arch?"
"yes, shall I bring some tea up?"
"mmm please"
Lexie made her way upstairs, Archie sat down in the temporary office in the junk room. His mind drifting as he sorted the paperwork, the guilt creeping up on him again, about leaving Lexie. He wished he could dismiss these thoughts about letting her down, at least he had been able to sort Dan out, he could have kicked himself for having left her with him the previous day. He still though hadn't got his head round Lexie's revelation about thinking she had been pregnant, but then discovering she wasn't and how her body had physically reacted to her emotions. Oh snap out of it, he told himself, she's got over it and moved on, so must you. Wearily Archie got up and made his way into the kitchen to make two mugs of tea.
Archie made the tea and wandered upstairs, he stood for a few moments in the doorway of one of the spare bedrooms watching Lexie painting as she sang along to the radio. He suddenly felt overwhelmed by her presence, as if sensing she was being watched Lexie turned and smiled at him, he just about registered her voice, which sounded so distant
"come on Arch start getting creative with your paintbrush" she teased
he smiled at her, handed her the mug of tea, picked up his brush and walked over to the far wall. Lexie was once again baffled by Archie's behaviour, having noticed he wasn't really with her and had decided to ignore it rather as you would a child, hoping he would snap out of it and come back to reality or at the very least talk to her.
"Archie, ARCHIE! Have you been listening to me or are you away in fairy land again or do you simply not want to rise to the challenge" Lexie said half teasing and half exasperated
"what was that you said Lex"
"oh Archie get with it, I said we are having a competition to see who can finish their wall first"
Archie stood for a few moments with a lost expression on his face, then as if something clicked in his brain. he was back in reality, the guilt appeared to abate
"hang on Lex, that's not fair, you started before me" he looked at her dolefully, Lexie laughed
"well you better get cracking then hadn't you slacker"
"slacker? who are you calling a slacker"
"you!"
"right that does it" he said as he moved across the room and grabbed Lexie and began tickling her, she giggled, he caught her round the waist, they were face to face he was about to kiss her, when he stopped and a blank expression appeared on his face, he seemed unable to move. Lexie looked at him, but it was almost as if he couldn't see her, she reached out and traced her hand down the side of his face
"Archie what's wrong, you've not been yourself for days, tell me"
"nothing Lex I'm fine, just need to make sure I win this painting competition" and he turned back to the painting, leaving Lexie a little bewildered in the middle of the room.
He knew that sooner or later, he was going to have to explain how he was feeling, but at the moment every time they were close, all he could see in his mind was her face contorted with anguish, anguish he had caused.
They continued to paint in an uneasy silence, the radio providing some respite from the tense atmosphere. After about an hour, Lexie could stand it no longer, she put down her paintbrush and wandered over to Archie
"and currently in second place Archie Macdonald, is making good progress but, oh and he's missed a bit, and he still has about a third of his wall to paint, the question is will he make up time and catch up his wife"
"what did you say Lex?"
"oh Arch I give up, my wit and humour is wasted on you! I've almost finished I'm going to clean up and make supper, maybe by then you'll be back from where ever you are and wow me with your scintillating conversation!"
As she left the room her words 'wasted on you' reverberated like a stuck record round Archie's head, she had said what he was thinking she was wasted on him , too good for him, ok so maybe he was taking it out of context but she said it.
Lexie stood back and looked at the table everything was ready, the dishes laid out candles lit, the flour tortillas warming in the oven and the chicken ready to go, she smiled and hoped this would help Archie relax. She had no idea what was up with him, he seemed to have withdrawn from her, but maybe an easy relaxed meal where they could chat, might work hence the choice of Chicken Fajitas.
She got the wine from the 'fridge, "Arch its ready" she called out
Archie walked into the kitchen "Lex I'm not hungry think I'll give supper a miss"
Lexie glared at him "well thanks for telling me after I've prepared and cooked a meal, Archie Macdonald you are so thoughtless and selfish sometimes, well I guess it'll end up in the bin, honestly you've been in this strange mood, I've tried to cajole you, I've waited for you to explain, I've put up with it and quite frankly I've had enough, fine don't eat, starve for all I care, just suit yourself seems to be what you want to do lately anyway, you aren't interested in me at all it seems" she retorted angrily.
Archie just stood in the doorway and said "think I'll go and watch some television"
Lexie stared at his retreating head, sank down on a chair, resting her elbows on the table with her head in her hands, and began to cry. She just couldn't understand what was up with Archie, he just wouldn't talk to her, he'd always talked to her, what had she done wrong.
Archie slumped in front of the television, just hating himself. He knew he'd been unreasonable, he knew he was hurting and being unfair to Lexie, but he just couldn't escape from the thought that he didn't deserve her. The guilt about the pain he caused her by going to Nepal was all consuming, and when she did something like the special meal tonight it just made it worse.
Lexie tried desperately to work out what had triggered the mood in Archie. She smiled through the tears remembering the wonderful night they had spent at the Cheviot Valley Hotel just over a week ago, he'd been fine then, in fact better than fine, she smiled again at the memories, but the memory just made the pain worse and tears began to fall again.
Archie thought about Lexie, why he loved her, how much he loved her, all that they had shared together, he was disturbed from his reverie by the smell of her perfume, he looked up she was standing in the doorway, her face tear stained.
"Arch I'm going up to bed"
"ok, um Lex"
"yes" she responded turning back to face him
"oh nothing"
She turned back and he could hear her make her way upstairs. He wanted to go and wipe her tear stained face, to hug her and tell her everything would be fine. What was stopping him? His own guilt. He thought again about what she said that night in the restaurant, about moving forward and the future with all its possibilities, she was right. He was being a fool letting the actions of the past, spoil the present, when they had no bearing on the here and now, he'd been wallowing in self pity. He stood up and made his way upstairs. As he walked into their bedroom, Lexie was facing away from him, curled up and he could hear her softly crying. He walked round the bed and crouched down beside her, reaching out he stroked her hair
"Lex, Lexie, I'm so sorry"
she focussed her eyes on his
"Archie I I don't understand" she gulped fighting back the tears
Kneeling up, he put his arms round her awkwardly hugging her, kissing her head he began to explain his behaviour
"oh Arch, why didn't you talk to me" Lexie responded lifting her face to look at him
"I was as you would say thinking like a tree stump" Lexie smiled at him, he continued "until I realised, as usual you were right, in what you said in the restaurant about moving forward and looking to the future"
Lexie reached out and brushed her hand down his face "Arch I wondered what I had done, I couldn't understand what was going on in your head"
"you'd done nothing apart from being you, but it's probably best not to know the workings of my mind , sometimes I don't know what is going on in my head myself" he replied smiling now sitting on the bed next to her.
Lexie put her head on one side, smiled at him "oh come here you" she said enveloping him in a hug, they lay back against the pillows, half propped up "Arch, I don't think this is the end of it though, you still feel like you need to make amends am I right?" she asked
"no, um yes, oh I don't know, it's just trying to resolve in my head the consequences of my actions, but maybe they won't be resolved, but then again I suppose they are" Archie stopped "Lex am I making any sense?"
"a little, what exactly do you want to resolve and how do you think you can do that?"
"well I went to Nepal for Lizzie, for Jamie and for father, it seemed an important thing to do at the time, I think I was trying to build bridges and heal some wounds, but in all honesty did I really need to go to Nepal to do that?"
"well whether you did or didn't, you went"
"you didn't think I needed to go did you?"
"well it wasn't so much that, for me it was you putting everyone else before us, I was totally unprepared for that, but if you want me to be honest, no I didn't think you needed to go so far away, there was a moment when I hated Lizzie, I hated Hector and I hated Jamie for taking you away from me"
"but you didn't hate me?"
"no my anger was aimed at them not you, I couldn't be angry with you, that was too hard, after you'd gone I had to hold onto how much I loved you"
Archie pulled her towards him in a half hug
"I'm so sorry"
"I know you are Archie, but if you keep beating yourself up over what happened, behave as you have been over the past week, it makes everything worse. When I said the other day it was over and we move forward I meant it, but it only works if you think that too, and believe in our marriage and do you Arch? I can't do it on my own, it won't work"
Lexie's question hung in the air, the silence palpable, finally Archie responded "well I know I love you and am very much in love with you and I know that you feel the same about me. I know I want to be with you forever, and I want to share with you the future we have mapped out together, children, this house, the life we are building here, the business, so the answer to your question is yes" he turned and smiled at her "oh Lex I've been an idiot, got myself all muddled and in a state when the answer was so simple"
"finally, oh Archie Macdonald that head of yours"
"but you still love me despite my head"
"yes and I'm probably clinically insane! but Archie seriously you have to stop feeling guilty, you have nothing to feel guilty about, and you must promise me if you ever do again about all this you will talk to me and not bottle it up inside, promise"
"I promise sweetheart, oh Lex if only you could read my mind"
"well Arch I think maybe sometimes I can, did you know your head is telling you right now what Lexie would like you to do..."
"yes um no um yes"
Lexie rolled her eyes at Archie, looking at him meaningfully
"oh really I think I know" Archie said smiling
"mmm, perhaps you need a little reminder" she said as she began to slide her hands inside his shirt
"oh I think I am remembering" he replied as he leaned in kissing her neck and began to gently easing down the straps of her night dress.
