Chapter Twenty Two
"You waiting for James, too?"
Lily spun around in shock, looking to see who had spoken. There stood Remus, though he looked pale and miserable, he wore a small smile. Lily was standing at the windowsill of the train station, petting her cat, and yes, she was waiting for James' train to pull in any second. She smiled at Remus, though his appearance scared her. He looked like he had just awaken from death.
"Yeah, I am. Are you feeling okay?" she asked in concern.
He only laughed bitterly, and she noticed a fresh scar on the side of his face. "Yes, Lily, I'm as fine as I can be right now. Though, like you, I am missing James. My two best friends and I have been inseparable for the past seven years, and these two weeks have been nearly unbearable. Needless to say, change is painful." There was a hidden disdain in his voice that Lily recognized, though dismissed.
"Yes, I miss him, too." She said, looking wistfully out the window, to the train that was coming around the corner of a far away mountain.
"But you're back with Travis now?" Remus said pointedly.
"Yes, I am." Lily said, trying to sound convincing. "I forgave him for being a jerk that one time and he said that he'd try to change." Lily said, feeling as though she needed to explain herself.
Remus just chuckled and shook his head. "What?" Lily asked.
"Nothing."
"Tell me."
"Well, I was just wondering how long you were going to make James wait until you forgave him."
Lily sighed. "For seven years of torture, Remus?"
"Yeah, for seven years of torture." He dared. She only shook her head and turned back to the window.
"I don't know, Remus. When I'm ready, I will."
Remus only shook his head. "Then maybe I'll have an easier time convincing James to come with me when I jump."
Lily looked at him apprehensively. "Jump where?"
"Well, the top tower of the school was looking rather tempting earlier."
"What?!" Lily exclaimed. "You're not serious!"
"Oh, I'm serious, Lily. My life is so screwed up." He looked out the window while Lily looked at him in disbelief. "My family has completely rejected me because I'm a wer- a wizard, I can't get a girl for the life of me, and now the kindest most wonderful parents I have ever known have been murdered. I figured if I can't find any happiness or satisfaction in this life, then why continue it?"
"Remus, there are always things worth living for. You may not have happiness at the moment, but there are things, wonderful things to live for."
"Like what?" he said unbelievingly.
"Like friendship." she said. Remus only shook his head.
"What would James, Sirius and Peter do without you? They're your best friends! And I know them - they'd rather go through a miserable life with you, help you through your trials and hard times, than live without you. It makes life more bearable with friends."
After a long time, he said "Yeah, I guess."
Lily smirked. "Besides, they'd be the 'Fearful Threesome' instead of the 'Fearful Foursome.' What would they do then? They'd miss you terribly."
He smiled. "And you'd miss me too, right?"
"Of course. What would I do without competition for the highest grade?" she smiled and pulled him into a side hug. "Yes, of course I'd miss you, Remus. You're the only Marauder I can seriously talk to."
"Besides James, of course."
"I'm serious, Remus. I don't ever want to hear you talk like that again." she said.
"All right. I'd miss you guys too much, anyways. I guess I was just stressing too much while my buddies were gone."
"Where's Peter?"
"Oh, he's running around, chasing down the food trolley, no doubt." Remus said with a chuckle.
"Well you'd better go find him, because we're going to need some help with all this luggage."
They both turned around to see Sirius with an armful of luggage, and behind him, was James.
Lily felt her heart almost drop out of her chest as she saw James for the first time in weeks. His handsome face, his manly stature, his very presence brought peace to her soul. She was worried that he would be overly disheartened when he came back, and even though there was a sadness in his eyes, there was a small smile, which made her heart skip a beat. Remus greeted the both of them with hugs, but Lily didn't hear any of it. All she heard was the pounding of her own heart and all he saw was James.
He walked directly towards her, the distance between them slowly disappearing. When Lily couldn't control herself any more, she threw her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly. When he pulled her closer by wrapping his arms around her waist, Lily felt a sudden calmness come over her heart. All thoughts of Travis vanished, all worries of Remus disappeared - the only thing she knew was that her heart was swelling with emotions that she readily accepted, a wonderful happiness spreading throughout her entire being. She couldn't think of any other place on earth she would rather be than in James' arms.
He pulled away, looking into her beautiful green eyes and cupped her chin gently. "Oh, Lily." he muttered. "It seems your lovely face is the only thing that can bring me any sense of hope or happiness right now." Then he leaned down.
"James, um, I need to talk to you." Lily said, ripping herself from his arms.
"All right," he said a worried expression on his face. Lily looked pointedly at Sirius and Remus, though James missed it.
"Oi, Remus - how about helping me tote all this luggage to the boats?"
"Of course, Padfoot."
As they walked away, Lily sighed and turned back to James. "Maybe you should sit down." she said, pointing to a nearby bench.
"How about we walk around outside?" Lily nodded at his request, then picked up Midnight and fell into step beside James. He reached out to pet the cat, but she hissed quietly and swatted at his hand.
"Lovely cat," he said sarcastically.
"Thank you." she said with a smile as they walked out onto the porch of the station. The wind was blowing on her face and it gave her confidence.
"Where did you get it?"
"Travis." Lily said shortly. James stopped dead in his tracks.
"Travis?" he asked, his heart dropping into the pit of his stomach.
"James, there's something I need to tell you."
James didn't say anything, only stared at her with a heart-wrenching fear in his eyes. Lily sighed and looked away, unable to look at him.
"I - James, I don't even know where to begin." Lily only sighed again. "While you and Sirius were gone, Travis and I got kinda close again. And, well . . . he asked me out again."
"And you said . . . ?" he said slowly.
"I said yes, James." she said, finally turning to face him. But what she saw broke her heart. He looked like she had just stabbed him in the back. He was a defeated and broken man. All because she was too afraid . . .of what? He was looking hatefully at the ground, the pain of yet another rejection evident in his eyes. After many long moments, he cleared his throat.
"But I thought . . ." his voice trailed off, so he tried again, running a hand through his messy black hair. "I thought we had something, Lily."
"Yes, James, we do." Lily said through her tears. "You are so special to my very dearest friend." She was standing before him, pleading for him to understand what she didn't even understand herself. "I hope that you . . . can forgive me for misguiding you in any way and I'm praying that our friendship will remain intact." she mumbled, her lip quivering, her tears unceasing.
Never in his life had James experienced such confusion or heartbreak. This girl, this smart, beautiful, wonderful girl, was standing before him in tears, begging to remain his friend, when it was his deepest desire to some day be more than that. But to see her in such pain only broke his heart more. He sighed and closed his eyes, the resolve for her happiness over his own was pulsing through his body, only confirming the one emotion he was feeling that brought his any peace of mind - love.
He looked down at her with a painful smile and cupped her chin yet again. "I guess as your friend, I'm required to be understanding."
Lily burst into painful sobs and he wrapped his arms around her once again with a tender smile. There was an overwhelming pain that shook her body as he held her closer.
"I'm so sorry, James." she managed to get out, amidst all the tears. Her heart was a jumbled mess, so she didn't want to say anything else that would expose her idiocy. But one thought continued to flash through her mind: Why is this so hard?
Suddenly, right before she broke down the wall around her heart, with confession of love on her lips, Midnight jumped off nearby bench and ran into the forest by the train station. Lily tore away from James, then regretfully ran after her cat. "Midnight!" she yelled, wiping her eyes, leaving James on the porch still recovering from the shock.
Long after Lily had disappeared into the woods, James was shaken from his daze by his three friends behind him.
"We've been looking all over for you, mate." Sirius said, patting him on the back. "Where's Lily?"
"Chasing the cat that her boyfriend, Travis, gave her for Christmas." he said bitterly, taking a seat on the bench.
"No." Sirius said in disbelief.
"Yup. I guess the necklace just wasn't enough."
"What necklace?" Peter inquired with a mouthful of candies.
"No, James, you didn't."Remus said.
"Yeah, I gave her my mother's necklace."
"I remember the day your dad gave it to her." Sirius said. "Wore it everywhere, she did. She loved that thing."
"So why did you give it to Lily?" said Peter. The other three looked at him. "Why do we even keep you around, Peter?" Sirius said, tousling his hair.
"I'm really sorry, Prongs." Remus said. "She just doesn't know a good man when she sees one."
"Sure she does. She was begging me to remain her friend." James said.
"Well, she's probably just confused then." Sirius said, trying to be of any comfort to his friend.
"Yeah, well, she's not the only confused one." James said with a sigh. "Come one. Let's go help her find that bloody cat."
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A/N: Sorry about the delay! Thanks for the reviews - keep it coming! You guys remind me to post when my life gets hectic. And doing this relieves my stress, I just love to write and post for you guys - it makes my day. Anyway, one more chappie... let the fun begin! -wink-
