For the time being, dinner and dancing wasn't on either of their minds. Nick just held onto Sara for dear life as she finally let herself fall apart in his arms. As their tears mingled, Nick leaned down and kissed her softly. He knew that if he didn't tell her now that he wasn't sure when he was going to have the courage. He assumed that she had the impression that he'd had an idyllic childhood, having grown up the youngest of seven. And while for a large part of his life that was true, when he was nine years old everything changed, he changed.
Sara had stopped crying, her breaths hitching up a little as she tried to gain control over her emotions. And as scared as she had been to tell him about the hell she had grown up in, she felt relief that he hadn't gone anywhere, that he didn't seem to be going anywhere.
Nick looked at her with a furrowed brow and there was hesitation in his voice as he stroked her forehead with his fingertips. "Sara?"
Sara had never felt more exposed than she had at that moment and she felt doubt creeping in that maybe all of this really was too much for him to handle. Fear flickered across her face. "Yeah?" Her uncertainty was reflected in her voice.
"I just..." Nick felt fear welling up in the pit of his stomach. He just wasn't sure he could get it out, he wasn't sure she would still want him if she knew what someone had done to him. He took a deep breath and shoved the fear right back down. "I just need to say something."
A strangled sob caught in Sara's throat and she suddenly felt sick at the thought that he was going to reject her just then. "You don't want me." Her voice was barely a whisper.
Nick felt sick that she would even think that and he pulled her closer and whispered fiercely into her ear. "No, Sara, it's not that, it's nothing like that. I love you. You hear me? I love you. I want to be with you more than anything. I love you."
As his words sank into her mind, she began to relax a little and she pulled back to look in his eyes. "I was just so afraid that once you knew about my family that you wouldn't want me anymore."
Nick shook his head. "Sara, I love you. Nothing in your past is going to change that."
"I'm sorry." Sara felt badly that she had doubted him, she'd known him for over four years and he'd never given her a reason to think that he'd judge her because of something that someone else had done to her. His reputation for being empathetic to victims should have underscored that.
Nick looked at her intently for a long moment before he took another deep breath and began to speak again. "Sara, I have something I need to tell you." There was pain in his eyes as images from that horrible night flashed through his mind.
As Sara focused on his face, she reached up and touched his cheek. "Nick?" She could tell that something was weighing heavily on him.
Nick cracked a nervous smile and let out a soft chuckle as he tried to fight down emotions wanting to catch in his throat. "When you said that you were afraid that I wouldn't want you after you told me about your family." He paused and tried to collect his thoughts. "I knew what you were feeling." He could see recognition on her face.
She trailed her fingers down the side of his cheek and furrowed her brows. "Oh, Nick, what happened?" She knew that look, it was the look that she'd seen on the faces of the families of victims and it was the look she'd seen reflected on her own face.
As Nick told her his story, about how he'd felt being violated by someone he was supposed to be able to trust, Sara could see the shame on his face, the shame that he had lived with a secret that in his world a man couldn't talk about. She felt her tears starting again, but this time they weren't for herself, they were for him, and she found herself holding onto him and tell him that she loved him much the same way that he had done to her.
They were both emotionally spent by the time he finished talking and by then the last thing that either one of them wanted was to leave the safety and sanctity of that hotel room. The secrets that they'd shared with one another had lent the room an atmosphere of intimacy and vulnerability that they weren't quite ready to let go of just yet.
They held onto each other, listening to the soft sound of breathing, soft touches turning into caresses, soft kisses deepening until the tenderness of the moment went beyond anything that either of them had ever experienced before. Lying there sated and content in each other's arms they drifted off to sleep safe and secure in the knowledge that the other knew their deepest darkest secret and loved them anyway.
