Chapter Thirty Six

"I don't know where he could be, Professor. He was supposed to check back every hour and I haven't seen him for four hours!"

"It's a quarter to midnight, Miss Evans. I'm sure he fell asleep or met up with his friends - I'm sure there's nothing to worry about."

Lily and McGonagall were frantically searching to corridors in the late night for James. Well, Lily was. McGonagall was being dragged around the castle against her will.

"He's probably looking for you, Miss Evans. No need to fret. Or patrolling alone. Or occupying some girl in a corner." When Lily raised an eyebrow at the Professor, she only shrugged. "You never know with Mr. Potter."

"I seriously doubt that." Lily said. I seriously hope not, she didn't say. "He could be hurt or bleeding... he could be dying and it's all my fault!" she muttered with tears springing to her eyes.

It's because I was giving in, isn't it? she thought bitterly. It was her curse - her prophesy coming back to bite her in the arse. Because she as enjoying his affections and his kisses, because she was encouraging it, that's why he was now missing, possibly in danger - and it was her fault.

Suddenly, her heart skipped a beat. She saw James and was immediately relieved. But boy, did she have a wild imagination!

He was standing in a wide hallway, facing another character that stood in the shadows. James was bleeding from his nose and from other abrasions on his arms and face, apparently recovering from a duel. His clothes were torn and ragged, his body would shake voluntarily, and he was shaking his wand at the man in the corner, breathing heavily and he was staring viciously him.

"James--" Lily whispered and moved towards him, but McGonagall stopped her and whispered, "Just wait." They were too far away to hear what was being said, but James suddenly dropped his wand, fisted his hand and punched the man out of the shadows to reveal that of Lucius Malfoy, who was also bleeding from his almost shredded robes. Malfoy staggered and James grabbed him by the collar, pulling the Slytherin up to face him. That's when McGonagall let her move forward, close enough to hear.

"Let me tell you something, you slimy disgusting little ferret. I would much rather be in the company of a beautiful muggle-born with a heart of gold, than with a selfish ugly pure blood with no heart at all!" James said scathingly.

"So you do love her?" said a bruised and bloody Malfoy in an evil laugh.

"And if I do?" James replied haughtily, making Lily's heart suddenly stop.

"You'd sink so low as to love a mudblood?"

There was no pause in James reaction; he immediately punched Malfoy in the face, knocking him out cold and throwing him to the ground.

"Yes." he said firmly, wiping the drip of blood from his lip.

Lily had no idea what to think. They couldn't be talking about me, could they?

"James, I..." she tried to speak, but no clever words came to mind. She only stared at him in utter shock. He spun around, surprised to see Lily and McGonagall standing behind him.

"Mr. Potter, may I ask what is going on here?" the Professor asked calmly.

"I... you... he insulted Lily, Professor." James said simply. "I had to correct him."

"Well, Mr. Potter, I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't shirk your Head Boy responsibilities just to go pick a fight with a Slytherin, no matter how much he may have deserved it." she said when he began to protest.

"I'll leave you with a warning this time, but you two must finish your rounds of the school."

"What do I do with Malfoy?" James asked.

"Ah, just leave him there." she said, waving him off. "Now, Miss Evans, no more of this midnight business. I told you, Mr. Potter was fine. No need to get all up tight. I'm off to bed - you two finish up here and off to bed with you." Then she turned and headed off towards the Staff Dorms, only to hear "Kids these days," then leaving Lily and James alone.

"I'm sorry I didn't report back, Lily. But you didn't need to go get McGonagall." James said with a chuckle.

"Damnet James! I haven't seen you for four hours!" she screamed, smacking him on the arm, causing him to flinch as she hit an injury.

"So you did miss me?" he said with a painful smile, putting his hands on her hips.

"I thought you were hurt or dead and it was my fault!" she said, her voice cracking and turned her back to him.

"Oh, Lily. I'm sorry." he said, his arms snaking their way around her waist and pulling her to him. "Malfoy always talks bad about you and I can't stand it. So I just had to put a stop to it." Lily nodded and then turned to wrap her arms around his neck.

"But even if I was hurt, or dying for that matter, why would it be your fault?" he asked. Lily suddenly snapped away, thinking of a good excuse.

"Well... just because... I'm the Head Girl... and I'm supposed to be watching out for everybody." she said. That was lame, she told herself.

"Lily, you are the best Head Girl Hogwarts has ever seen, make no doubt about it." he said smiling down at her, looking into her beautiful emerald colored eyes. "And you don't need to worry about me all the time. I'll be okay without you."

As he pulled her into a hug again, his words spoke volumes to her heart. He would be okay without her. That was one thing that she didn't need to hear, or wanted to hear. It told her that he didn't need her anymore. After all the years of rejection, after he had finally given in and admitted to herself that she indeed loved him, he had finally gotten over her - and that tore her heart to pieces. Now she knew why some people avoided love so. Because it starts with a smile, grows with is kiss and ends with a tear.

When tears filled her eyes and her shoulders shook in anguish, James pulled away and looked down at her in concern. "Everything will be all right, Lily. I'm okay."

"But I don't want you to be okay." she mumbled through the emotion in her throat, wiping at her tears. I want you to need me like I need you.

"What?" he asked. He looking down at her curiously, questioning her words. She reluctantly let go of him, and pulled away. She just wanted to cry, to hold him and to hear him say that he loved her. But that would never happen, because he would be okay without her. And that broke her heart, as she now knew that no matter how long she lived, she would never be okay without him.

"Nothing, I didn't say anything, James." She said wiping her eyes and taking a deep breath, trying to be strong in his presence, but finding it hard not to throw herself in his arms where she wanted to be and knew she belonged. "I'm just drained and tired."

"Come on, lets go back to the common room." he said reaching out a hand for her to take. She looked at it for a moment before her chin began to tremble and turned to leave without looking back. "Lets go, then."

James, with a breaking heart, dropped his hand, closed his eyes and shook his head. This was it - she was pulling away again. He knew her so well, and he loved her even more, but he didn't know how much longer he do this. He might try to move on, try to convince himself that he was over her. But he knew that he would always love her and he would never be okay without her.

Swallowing his tears and following her back to the dorms, he sighed. Here we go again.

---

"Good luck, Lily."

It was the last day in April and all the Gryffindor 7th years were gathering in the corridor outside the Great Hall to take the dreaded Newly Educated Wizard Torturing Session, more officially known as the N.E.W.T.S. At the moment, Ravenclaw 7th years were in the Hall of Hell, finishing their exams and Gryffindor was the last. They were all waiting outside when Lily heard her name behind her.

She turned and smiled at him, but the greeting was bittersweet. She wanted to see him, to be with him all the time, but at the same time, just seeing him and being with him even for a moment broke her heart all over again.

"Hey, James."

"You nervous?" he asked, leaning against the wall beside her.

"Nah, I think I studied well enough. You?"

"Uh, well, I'm praying I'll do well enough. Considering I had a great tutor at the beginning of the year," he said with a wink, "I'm sure I'll do fine."

Lily blushed and then suddenly the doors opened. Ravenclaw students flooded out of the hall, cheering and running from the hall rushing to change and go find the parties in Hogsmeade.

"Well, here goes nothing." Lily said, turning away, not baring to see James' smile anymore.

"Hey, hang on a sec." James said, grabbing her hand and pulling her back. She looked up at him, fearing her emotions would show too blatantly in her eyes.

"I wished you luck. Don't I get anything?" he asked mischievously. When she looked up at him perplexed and didn't reply, he continued. "When you wished me luck before the game?" The one time she'd had enough courage to kiss James came flooding back to Lily as a memory then. But she blushed, and quickly, though hesitantly, kissed him on the cheek. Then pulling back, she looked back into his hazel eyes and held her breath before speaking.

"Good luck, James." Then she turned and fled into the crowd.

---

A/N: I should have warned ya'll not toget your hopes up about Lily and James... lmao! jk! I'm not going to promise that everything will be okay in the end, considering they die and all, but there's always Daring Desiny! -grin-

psst...

I'll tell you guys a secret...

THE GRAND FINALE IS ONLY A FEW CHAPTERS AWAY!!!!

Just thought you guys might like to know! -grin-

It's hard to believe it's nearing the latter half of the story, though it's NO WHERE near the end!

Please review - you know I love you guys like... eternally!!! -squeezes all in huge huggles-