Chapter Thirty Seven
"Alice?"
Lily and Alice were sitting in the Great Hall the day after testing reading over the most recent edition of "Witch Weekly" when they heard Frank's voice in the doorway.
"Hi, Frank." Lily and Alice said in unison, as he walked up.
"You want to take a walk with me?" he said with a smile, extending a hand to Alice. She grinned and took his hand, letting him pull her up. But he didn't move immediately. He stood there staring into her eyes for a long moment before bringing her hands to his lips. This made her heart skip a beat and stumble over her words.
"Um... Frank...are you okay?" she asked nervously under his intense gaze.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Walk with me." he said dropping his hands to his side but still holding hers, gently leading her from the room. Alice looked back at Lily in confusion. Lily only grinned encouragingly at her friend before they disappeared behind the corner.
"Lily?"
She turned to see who had spoken to her and was surprised to see the tear-stained face of Jenny.
"Jenny, what's the matter?" Lily asked, closing her magazine and leaned forward in concern. Jenny wiped at the tears of her face and made her way to sit beside Lily on the Gryffindor bench.
"Lily, are we okay?" she said in a wavering voice. "I mean, are you still upset with me?"
"Upset with you?" Lily asked.
"About James."
Lily froze.
"Lily, I have a confession to make." she said, swallowing her tears and taking a deep breath. "James was crazy jealous while you were dating Travis, so the Marauders had this insane idea to have James 'ask me out' to see if it would make you jealous. I felt like such a traitorous, back-stabbing friend for doing it, but I couldn't help but think that you were better with James." she said, choosing her words very carefully.
"You said so yourself, when you told me and Alice how you really felt about James. And I see you happier with James, I see you with James. He wants you, so I was just trying to help him. And I in turn was trying to make someone else jealous, but it didn't work - and that's not the point. Lily, I feel awful about everything. Even after you told us how you felt, I went behind your back and dated him, knowing full well it would hurt you. I don't blame you if you never want to speak to me again, I just didn't want to end the year and separate without saying I'm sorry." Then Jenny took a breath. "Now, you can yell at me all you want I know I deserve it. So just let me have it."
Lily sat there staring at Jenny for a long moment before she reacted and it wasn't how Jenny had expected either. She was waiting for an explosion of shouts or a smack in the face. But Lily only threw her arms around Jenny in a hug.
"I've missed you so, Jenny." Lily whispered, tears forming in her own eyes. "I don't blame you for anything. I let my pride and jealousy control me and I didn't care that it jeopardized our friendship."
They both pulled back and giggled at the others tears. "You said... the years about to end... no! That's so sad! I couldn't dream of life after Hogwarts without you and Alice." Lily said
"Me, either, Lily." Jenny said skeptically. "But I can't believe that you're talking to me after what I did, I mean-"
"Jenny, you were just watching out for me, being a good friend at all costs. You knew better than me that I belonged with James and not Travis. I can't believe I let this drag out so far - that was forever ago!"
"I know, Lily and I never meant to bring James between us." Jenny begged.
"Jenny, please," Lily said, "Stop apologizing and tell me about your guy."
"My guy?"
"Yeah, the guy you were trying to make jealous."
"Oh, him." Jenny said and Lily watched her facial expressions change from sad to painful, heart-wrenching despair. "No, he's not my guy. He's only sees us as friends - I could never make him jealous."
"Sure you can, Jenny." Lily said compassionately.
"I'm okay." Jenny said waving her off. "If there's one thing I've learned through this whole thing, it's guys aren't all they're cracked up to be." Lily laughed. "But you've got James.
"Yeah," Lily shook her head. "I've got James."
They both fell silent as the clock chimed 9PM in the evening, lost in their own thoughts for a few moments before Jenny spoke.
"He loves you, you know."
This sent a shock to Lily's system. "Who?"
"James."
"Oh."
"He's always loved you." Jenny continued with a peaceful smile, though Lily's heart was breaking. "When we were 'together,' he always talked about you and asked about you."
"Did he now?" Lily asked, sinking lower in her seat.
"I remember once I asked him if he regretted going after you for seven years, with you rejecting him every step of the way."
Lily's head snapped up. "What did he say?"
Jenny smiled. "He said 'Never in a million years would I regret loving that girl.' Then he smiled that smile he always wears when he's thinking of you and said, 'Besides, it's better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all.'"
Lily froze.
That was it.
That's what she needed to hear.
That triggered something in her mind. It was okay to give into love and live with it, as apposed to live without the man of her dreams. She could live a short life with his love and that would be priceless. It was okay to love James, it was better - it told her not to be afraid of love, which is exactly what Professor Dumbledore told her five months prior.
As much joy as this brought to her heart it also scared her to death. Did James think he was going to lose her? After all his years of trying, was he going to finally give up? But he couldn't - she loved him! She wasn't afraid anymore - she was willing to give in at all costs. But was she too late? Was he going to give up?
No. She wouldn't give him the chance.
"I have to talk to him." Lily said instantly, standing quickly.
"Good. I hoped you would." Jenny said with a smile.
"Where is he?"
"Last I saw, he was in the common room.
Lily bolted. Not caring if she bumped into people, disregarding McGonagall's warning to not run in the corridors, forgetting that she was the Head Girl and supposed to be the one enforcing those rules - she had to get to him before he completely gave up hope for her.
"Lemon Drops." she huffed to the Fat Lady. "Hurry, hurry! You've got to let me it!"
"Fine!" said the Fat Lady, opening the doorway to the porthole. "Kids these days..." she muttered as Lily entered the warm common room. She frantically searched for James, finding him by the fireplace, staring into the flickering red flames, leaning onto the mantel in deep thought.
"James, I need to talk to you." she said breathlessly, walking up to him.
"Why?" he spat viciously, turning to face her. "Just so you can break my heart again?"
"Well, no, James, I-"
"No. I can't talk to you right now, Lily. I can't hardly look at you." Then he turned and stormed towards the stairs for the dorms.
"Don't you love me at all?" she said in a quiet shaky voice, though loud enough to reach his ears.
He did not stop, he did not turn, he did not answer - he waited until he was safe behind his door, where she couldn't hear him.
"More than you know, Lily." he muttered, leaning his back on the closed door and sliding down in defeat, a tear trickling down his cheek. "But I can't give up on you. I just can't."
No matter what, he just couldn't let her go. Lily Potter just sounded too good.
---
Remus couldn't help himself. He was smitten still and silent as he watched Joselynn, his little angel friend. She was sitting up against a tree simply reading a book, but the scene was the most beautiful ever witnessed by the eyes of Remus Lupin. Her long chocolate colored locks were being gently tossed by the almost-summer breeze, her steel tinted eyes were dazed and dreamy, her blouse was halfway unbuttoned, and her legs were crossed at the ankles, revealing her long slender legs, with a small book in her lap.
"Josey, what are you doing?" Remus asked, when he finally found his voice. He was shaking himself from his thoughts.
She looked up and smiled, an embarrassed blush rising to her cheeks, though she made no effort to button her blouse. "Oh, nothing. Just reading some good smut-free romance."
"What? You mean, no ripped bodices or heaving bosoms?" Remus chuckled as he took a seat beside her on the grass.
"Nope just Prince Charming and his lady fair, falling helplessly in love." she sighed dreamily.
"How... girly of you." he smiled.
"Well, I would hope so." she said. "I'm glad you at least recognize a girl when you see one."
"Ah, but you, my dear Joselynn, you are anything but a girl." he said, making her pause and look up at him curiously.
"You are an amazing young woman, Josey. Heaven embodied, sweetly scented, with the wit and smile like that of Aphrodite."
"Remus, I..." she tried to speak through her embarrassment, but Remus' fingers covered her lips.
"Wait, I'm not done." Remus said, taking a deep breath and smiling. "You have intelligence and rare beauty that I've never seen before, but also a caring loyal heart, willing a sweet companionship that I never dreamed possible in a friendship. I just..." he paused then, looking up into here piercing gray eyes, with a determination to finally tell her the honest truth of how he saw her. But even with Lily's words in his mind, the amazingly beautiful sight before him shut out all emotions, and he lost all resolve.
"Well, I guess I just wanted to thank you for being such a wonderful friend over the past few years." he said, regret in his voice over what he wished he had said.
"Remus, you are so sweet. I value our friendship, too. But don't think it's going to stop when school ends. I plan on seeing you after Hogwarts." she said, touching his cheek affectionately. "I couldn't dream of life after Hogwarts without you."
Remus closed his eyes and leaned into her hand, relishing her touch for one moment. When he opened his eyes, she was staring intently at him, and their faces were close enough to touch. Remus felt the urge to lean in and claim her mouth with his own, and it was times like those that he knew they were too close.
He pulled away. She was too close, too comfortable with him in such an cozy situation. It wasn't good for him or her, though he terribly enjoyed it.
"So you like these books?" Remus said, desperately trying to change the subject and move on from the awkward moment.
"Yup." she said simply, putting a hand on her own red cheek. "Knight in shining armor, rescuing a damsel in distress - it's my favorite!"
"Why? Is that your dream man? A knight in shining armor?" Remus asked somewhat dejectedly.
"Well, I'm not looking for perfection because no one is. But yeah, a knight in shining armor would be nice."
Remus nodded and tried to cover his miserable sigh. He could never be a knight in shining armor. Maybe a monster in shining moonlight...
"What's the matter, Remus? Did I say something wrong?" she asked in a concerned voice.
"No, Josey, I'm fine." he said, trying to brush away the pain and rejection that was burning in his heart, though it wasn't easy. "I just have something to say, is all."
"Okay," she said.
Remus turned and cupped her face lovingly, wondering just how he was going to give her up. It would be hard, and extremely painful, but there was no way he would ever chance his beautiful angel to pain, danger or death. He would keep away from her, for such closeness between friends was not safe, especially considering Remus' past. He would simply have to leave her alone. And that finalization was not an easy thing for Remus to swallow.
He finally ripped his hand from her smooth skin, and jumped up. "Tag, you're it!" He knew it was childish, but there were tears in his eyes, and he needed a diversion desperately.
"Remus Lupin!" he heard her shriek. Then looking over his shoulder he saw her stand and drop her book, starting to run after him. "I'm going to get you!"
Remus chuckled, breaking out into a run. "You'll have to catch me first!"
---
A/N: Hi guys! Hehehe.....
I'm sorry about taking sooooooo long! I was trying to post all week, I swear! But the email connection at my house has been blown, so I haven't been able to read my emails except at work. So I'll answer your questions and stuff later, like tomorrow, and then hopefully I'll getmy computer fixed this week. And by the way, I probably won't post again until next week, cause my life has gotten so busy and hectic, there's no way I can post during the week anymore. So Saturday through Monday night, is probably when I'll get into habit of posting. So sowie! -huggles all-
I'm so glad you guys like Joselynn! I had some troubles with making my other original characters likable. Some people didn't Travis or Jenny for getting in the way of Lily and James, but I so love those two characters!.... only because I know more than you do - lol! So I"m glad you like Joselynn. She makes Remus' life somewhat happier.... and well, I can't say much more, other than you'll just have to read Daring Destiny! -evil grin-
By the way, I think I gave you guys the wrong idea about Joselynn. She is NOT a Veela. I only used that word so that you would understand more fully how she made Remus feel in her presence, not that was indeed was one. He became nervous and tongue-tied, so "in love" he couldn't breathe or think straight. Just so you could get his symptoms, but she's really not a Veela. FYI. -grin-
Okay, well, if you have't noticed (and maybe you haven't... lmao!) I've been trying to post less often. As we get closer and closer to the Grand Finale, I have less and less typed up, because that's where I stopped! lol! So I'm trying to write and/or type more right now, so I apologize for the delay..... well, that's a bunch of bull! I love putting you guys in total and utter suspense!
MUWAHAHAHA!!!!
Hehehe, I like to laugh like that.... adios chicas! muchas huggles! -grins at my own stupidity-
