Disclaimer: Still don't own it. Oh! Oh, no. Thought I had it then, but, no.
Author's note: OK, so Spanners is depressed. How is our Lister faring?
Lister entered his room and tossed his empty beer can towards the bin, missing it completely as always. He stared at it for a while wondering whether or not to go and pick it up. Is this what my life has become? He wondered to himself, spending my time debating the fate of a beer can.
"No matter how much you stare at it," Rimmer's voice came from behind him, "it won't move unless you pick it up."
"Ha, ha," Lister said, fully aware this was a pathetic comeback.
"So, done anything of use today, Lister? Oh, no, of course you haven't," he continued before Lister could reply.
"Smeg off, Hat-rack Head," Lister said jumping onto his bunk, opening another lager.
Rimmer frowned; he knew how out-of-control Lister's drinking was becoming. And although it was only because there was cank-all else to do, it was becoming a concern.
"Lister, I really think you should stop drinking," Rimmer tackled him.
"Don't worry, I'll put this one in the bin," Lister replied.
"No, I mean-"
"Look!" Lister yelled, "I just wanna relax. Got a problem with that?"
Rimmer shook his head exaggeratedly and left the room speedily.
Lister slumped on the bed and whipped out a book. Why was he lumbered with this life? A life where he had to drink and argue with a hologram to keep his sanity. A life where his ex-girlfriend was dead. A life where a man that he was forced to see every day had the most annoying voice, character and hair known to the universe. Surely there was someone somewhere who was devoid of all these distractions? 'Message' flashed on the screen. Lister stuffed the book under his pillow; he couldn't risk letting anyone know that he kept a secret diary.
"Play message."
"Mister Lister, sir?"
"Hi, Krytes. Problem?"
"I'm afraid so. Another dimension jump."
"I see. OK, I'll be there soon."
"Yes, sir."
Lister finished off the lager and threw it at the bin, missing again.
Author's note: I like this story! Next chappie probably won't be for a while 'cos I'm going on a music course in Weymouth. Ugh. I must remember to take my Red Dwarf DVDs with me. And maybe mysteriously lose my clarinet…
