Author's note: Finally, this chapter is finished! R&R&Enjoy.
Spanners cleared his throat nervously and edged down the steps. Lister watched his every mover, jaw agape.
"This," said Ace, "Is Spanners."
Ah, Lister thought to himself, so this is the illustrious Spanners.
"How do you do?" Spanners held his hand out.
Oh, Christ, this Lister is posh, "Er, yeh, I'm OK, I guess. You?"
Oh, Lord, this Lister is dire, "Yes, I'm fine, thank you."
There was an awkward pause.
"Fellas," Holly's voice echoed around the landing bay, "I don't mean to interrupt this fascinating discussion, but I have a problem."
"What kind of problem?" Rimmer asked.
"Duh! I can't get my image up on the smegging screen!"
"Well, what can we do about it?" Rimmer asked.
"Don't worry," Ace called from the ground, "I know what to do."
Of course you do, Rimmer and Spanners thought in unison.
"There you go," Ace said to Holly, "All fixed up and ready to go."
Holly appeared on the screen, "Thank you, Ace," she blushed.
"You know, we didn't get much of a chance to talk during my last visit," he mentioned, causing Holly to avoid his eyes; she didn't like being reminded that she'd fainted last time, "You look awfully like someone back home."
At that point Rimmer walked in behind him.
"Is that a good thing?" Holly asked.
"Oh, yes, it's a good thing," Ace said softly. Rimmer stuck his fingers down his throat in disgust; Holly glared at him prompting Ace to spin round.
"Ah, Arnie," he said unruffled by the interruption, "Just giving Holly the once over."
"I can see that," Rimmer winced. He hoped to God that Ace didn't have a thing for Holly; that would be too embarrassing for words, "Kryten wanted me to let you know that he's checked all the cargo decks for the supplies you want and there are none anywhere."
"None?"
"Well, not enough."
"Right, fair enough. Well, I guess I'll be off then."
"Off?" Holly whined, "Off where?"
"To another dimension."
"Do you have to go?"
"'Fraid so, old girl. I'll try and come back soon, I promise."
"Oh, please!" Rimmer said holding his hand on his stomach, "If I wasn't dead, I'd be throwing up right now!" he stalked out feeling more than nauseous.
"So," Lister broke the silence between himself and his counterpart, "How'd you end up on this trip with Ace, then?"
"Well, it was primarily based on the thesis I wrote, but Ace hides it behind a load of 'it's your spirit that counts' smeg."
"Woah, woah, woah!" Lister raised I hand in disbelief, "You wrote a thesis?"
Spanners nodded.
"You? A 'Lister' wrote a thesis. I never thought I'd see the day…"
"Have you never written one?"
"Lister writing a thesis?" Rimmer smirked as he strode through the doorway, "That'll be the day!"
"Shut up!" Lister retorted, whilst Spanners giggled.
"Anyway," Rimmer continued with extra emphasis on the first 'a', "Spanners, Ace wanted me to get you. Seems you're already off again."
"What?" Spanners asked, disappointed. In the couple of hours he'd been on the Dwarf, he had fallen in love with their way of life. And he couldn't see why Lister complained about it so much. He would happily lead this life for him! In fact…
"Lister," he span round quickly and began to speak agitatedly, "I've had a thought. You're sick of this life, right? You want adventure, yeah? And I want to get away from it. So why don't we, you know, swap lives!"
Lister stared at him then burst out laughing. Spanners looked hurt.
"I'm sorry," Lister said through gulps of air, "I couldn't help it! Swap lives? It's a big step."
"Why not?" Spanners asked.
"Yeah, why not?" Rimmer echoed.
Lister thought for a bit. Maybe he wasn't being so crazy. It was true that he longed for excitement, and he knew that Spanner's was looking for a more laid-back life. Plus he got on surprisingly well with Rimmer, and Lister did like spending time with Ace. The more he considered it, the more it made sense. He nodded slowly, "Yeah, OK."
Ace and Lister made their way to the foot of the flight of stairs that led to the cockpit of the Wildfire. Rimmer and Spanners were the only ones present to see them off.
"Where is everyone?" Lister asked.
"Grieving," Rimmer said, simply.
"All of them?"
"Holly's grieving 'cos Ace is leaving, Kryten's grieving 'cos you're leaving, and Cat's grieving 'cos he spilt soup on his eight-sixth favourite suit."
"I see. Well, time to say goodbye. See you round."
"Yep," Rimmer always thought he'd be jumping for joy the day Lister left, but something didn't feel right about this; the decision had been too rushed, and he hadn't had time to process the information properly.
"Bye, Ace," Spanners said quietly, "I'll miss you."
"Right back at you."
There was a long and very awkward silence before Ace exclaimed, "So, Dave, ready to DJ?"
Lister nodded, "Sure!"
They made their way up as Rimmer and Spanners looked on. None of them could help but notice the tears in their eyes as the Wildfire sped off once again.
A/n: This is actually quite a sad chapter! I didn't mean it to be!
