Author's note: The Listers are too damn happy. Lets give 'em a bit of misery! This is probably my longest chapter so far on this fic, so get comfy!

"Red alert! Red alert!" Rimmer yelled as he ran round and round like a chicken without a head.
"Rimmer, calm down!" Spanners said, placing his hand on Rimmer's shoulder to keep him still, "You're going to have a nervous breakdown, just relax."
Rimmer closed his eyes and took several deep breaths. Suddenly his eyes snapped back open, "We're gonna crash, we're gonna crash, we're gonna crash, we're gonna cra-"
"What's the prob, dudes?" Holly dissolved onto the screen, replacing the strange fish display.
"What do you mean 'what's the prob'?" Rimmer asked her incredulously, "We're going to CRASH!"
Holly paused, "Nah."
"Yes we are!" Rimmer argued, "Kryten saw the meteor on the monitor."
"I can't see any meteor," Holly argued back.
"That's because you're useless!" Rimmer yelled.
"Guys!" Spanners interrupted, "Listen, meteor or no meteor, we have to try and stay on the same team! Otherwise we'll never get anything done!"
"Be on the same team as him?" Holly asked nodding towards Rimmer.
"Yes," Spanners said gently.
"What, like…all the time?" Rimmer asked.
"All the time."
Rimmer and Holly sighed in unison. Cat suddenly waltzed through the door.
"Hey, guys, why is it getting so hot in here?" he chuckled to himself whilst the others checked the temperature, "Hey, maybe its 'cos I'm steaming! Heh heh!"
"He's right, it's nearly sixty degrees and steadily rising. I think Rimmer was right about the meteor."
Holly sulked whilst Rimmer looked smug.
"Come on, everyone," Spanners leapt up from Rimmer's bunk, "to the drive room."

They met Kryten there who was busy trying to stop the navicomp from overheating.
"How big's this meteor then, Krytes?" Spanners asked the panicky mech.
"Vast, sir. Almost four kilometers in diameter." Spanners gave an impressed whistle.
"Speed?"
"Twelve knots."
"Course?"
"Collision."
Spanners heard a noise which sounded like a navicomp exploding. Maybe that was because the navicomp had indeed exploded. Kryten rummaged around the debris and fished out a charred tube of some sort.
"My bryll cream!" Cat said, ecstatically.
"Bryll cream?" Rimmer echoed.
"I've been looking for that for days!"
Spanners was outraged, "How could you leave that lying around the navicomp? You know how unreliable they are at the best of times; if it were to get a flammable hair product all over it…"
"OK, take a chill pill!" Cat laughed. Spanners busied himself with some controls to stop himself from hitting the deranged feline.
"Can we maneuver around this thing?" he said through gritted teeth.
"Yes, sir," Kryten replied, "If we move fast. Best co-ordinates to follow are 214 by 386."
"Check."
He hit several buttons and pushed several levers and Red Dwarf was eased to its left.
"It's not gonna be enough!" Holly yelled erratically, "Abandon ship! Get to a Starbug; I'll get us out of this."
They all ran to Starbug 2 and raced to the cockpit. In fact, Cat literally raced: "Last one there's got space measles!"

They assumed their usual seats and zoomed out into the big black. They could see the meteor clearly now, and all of them would have been extremely impressed if it weren't for the fact that they were all too close to mental breakdown.
"OK," Spanners said coolly, trying to remain calm, "Let's get out of the way and let Holly do her thing."
"There's a planet not far from here. Just a couple of klicks," Rimmer informed them, "Does it have a breathable atmosphere?"
"Yes, sir," Kryten confirmed, "But, thankfully, unpopulated. Suggest we camp there until Holly gets back to us."
"Sure," said Spanners, relieved that everyone seemed to be being a bit more professional now, "Cat, take her down."
"Aye, aye," said Cat throwing out a rather dodgy salute.

As Starbug tipped its nose towards the blue planet, a funny whirring noise came from the back of the cockpit. To be precise it was coming from Rimmer. To be even more precise it was coming from his lightbee.
"Mister Rimmer's losing power. We were in such a rush we forgot to pick up an extra battery pack."
"Oh, fan-smegging-tastic," Rimmer said sarcastically.
"It'll be OK," Spanners said trying to sustain the calm atmosphere he had recently obtained, "Put yourself into soft-light and try not to strain yourself with doing anything too strenuous."
Rimmer reached inside his stomach and located the switch. He faded out with his blue uniform, then back in with his red.
"But that means we'll have to do all his tasks as well as our own!" Cat complained.
"It's only for a few hours, Cat," Spanner reasoned with him.
"But I'm a Cat! I can't work at the best of times! Don't even ask me to do twice the amount!"
"Sir, we're all going to have to chip in," Kryten told him, "unless we want Mister Rimmer to fade away and die."
"Well…" Cat seriously contemplated it.
"Shut up, Cat," Rimmer interrupted, "Just pull your weight for once."
"For once?" Cat yelled, insulted, "I do pull my weight! Who got us out of that GELF zone? Who got us off the Low's ship? Who-?"
CRASH!
Starbug went nose-first into the blue planet's rocky surface.

A/n: Why do I like crashing Starbug so much? And why always into a 'blue planet'? See 'Love' if you don't believe me! Chapter 12. I did it again. Cuh, honestly...