Author's note: In this chapter, Ace was going to turn out to be this really horrible, controlling type of person…but I couldn't do it! I love him too much! So, in the end, I thought he could be too helpful. Which in some ways is worse. But, whatever, it's my story. R&R please! Thank you to Sunrise over the Tango Factory and reddwarfaddict who appear to be the only people remotely interested in my writing. If you ARE reading it and NOT reviewing it, then PLEASE review it, even if it's bad because it all helps! Thank you again. x
Lister fiddled with the controls of the Wildfire, more than bored. It seemed that every mission he went on with Ace he ended up stuck in the cockpit so that he 'wouldn't get hurt' or 'to stay out of trouble' or, the one he hated most, 'for the best.' Frankly, he had had more excitement back on Red Dwarf.
"What's the problem, old fella?" Ace asked him one day, "You look sadder than a geek at a science-fiction convention."
"I'm just…frustrated. Frustrated with…everything. Lack of excitement. Lack of fun. Lack of…can I be totally and completely honest? Lack of women and sex."
Ace's eyebrows raised of their own accord, "So, you miss women?"
Lister nodded and turned away from him - he couldn't believe he just said that.
"Hmm…" Ace pondered, "You know, I think I know someone who might be good for you. Bethan. She's really lovely, and I think you two could really hit it off."
Lister's eyes lit up, "Really?"
"Yep. I'll introduce you when we get back."
"Bethan, this is Ski-…sorry, I mean, Dave. Dave Lister."
"Hello, Dave," a bright young brunette women said cheerily.
"I'll leave you two alone for a little while," Ace said, fired a quick salute and walked away with the hint of a smile on his lips.
He watched the proceedings from a distance. Although he couldn't hear anything, he could see their actions and he worked it out from that.
Bethan was doing much of the flirting: touching his arm, giggling, flicking her hair. But Lister didn't seem to be reciprocating much. Finally he placed a hand on her shoulder, leant in close and said something to her. She tipped her head back a bit, looked him up and down, hit him hard and ran.
Lister reported back to Ace with an irritated frown and a hand clamped over his cheek. Ace winced, "Not so good?"
"Hopeless! I think I'm out of practice."
Another young woman crossed his path.
"Hi," he said cheerily, but she just looked disgustedly at him, Lister thought his luck changed when her expression turned into a deeper, more lustful one. That is until she said, "Ace! Hi!" Ace shot her a smile and she skipped off again.
"See?" Lister turned to Ace, "At least in the last universe they talked to me!"
"It's not a big deal…"
"Not a big deal? My sex life's so appalling I think my virginity's coming back!"
"Oh, don't be silly."
"It's true!"
"Skipper, don't think about it!" Ace said forcefully, putting a hand on Lister's shoulder, "Concentrate on something else. Let's go for a spin in the old girl," he said nodding towards the Wildfire. Lister nodded glumly and shuffled over to the stairs.
"Skipper, can you calibrate the main conduits to lock with the transponders on Alpha Delta IV?"
"What?"
Ace sighed, "I taught you that on the first day you were with me, remember?"
Lister grinned, "Er, not so much…"
Ace didn't look very amused. He hit a blue button twice, "Skipper, you'll never get anywhere if you don't try."
"I do try!" Lister retorted, "It's just hard for me to…you know, remember stuff like that. It's really complicated."
"I know that," Ace said, "but you have to move past the complications. You just have to know these things."
Lister sighed and slumped on the panel.
"Don't hit that button!" Ace cried, but it was too late; Lister's elbow made contact with the small red button. There was a flash of bright yellow light and the craft went wild, spinning beyond control. Ace managed to take control of the joystick and steadied the Wildfire.
"We've changed position!" he yelled, "Where are we?"
"According to the navicomp we're…oh no…"
"What? Where are we?" Ace repeated.
"We're back in…that dimension."
"Your dimension?"
"The one and only. Hang about," Lister hit the light panel that had been flashing at him, "we're picking up a distress signal. Oh smeg!"
"What is it now?" Ace said, struggling to maintain his suave 'Ace' persona.
"It's from Starbug. It's the guys."
