000000 Disclaimer=me no own 00000000 Yay! Thanks for the reviews! I know it's taken me a long, long time to update and for that I'm very sorry-but I loved the reviews!! So thank you!! 00000000
Lt Malcolm Reed: The Bugger Files: Mental log:
I hate all aliens and they hate me.
It's a mutual hatred.
Now the only good thing about today is that being in the prison cell means I don't have to go through with the photoshoot. The bad news however, is that unless by some miracle Archer can convince these people I am actually an adult and not a child, they're going to lock me away for life-with no appeal no nothing.
I can't believe they think I'm a child.
Do I look like a child?
I mean I know I'm not that tall but still!!
I hate this planet. I hate these people and if that stupid kid comes over and hits me again I'm gonna deck 'im! Screw the whole be nice to children act! He's taller than me!
At least the food's not bad. Well they gave us something that was moving, so I left that, but they gave us a banana.
At least I think it was a banana.
Well it looked like a banana and it tasted like a banana.
But when Archer, Trip and Hoshi came to see me they all looked at me like I'd grown an extra head or something!
I suggested a heroic rescue attempt and although Trip looked enthusiastic Archer told me they'd only speak to Trip for some odd reason. Which gave me much confidence as Trip couldn't talk his way out of a paper bag that had flashing red signs saying "EXIT HERE!" at the sides.
Well, I don't mean that, the man can talk a hind leg off a donkey but somehow I don't install as much confidence in his diplomatic skills.
Mind you, if the jurors are women one flash of that smile and they'll be putty in his hands. Swine.
I think I'm allergic to something in here; my arms are itching like crazy!
Could be that kid......................what in the name of arse is he doing?? Urgh. That's not natural.
Great, I go to jail and they stick me in a cell with the planet dipshit. Joy.
I swear, if my arms don't stop itching soon I'll be scratching bone!
HOLY FREAKIN' MOTHER OF ALL THINGS UNNATURAL!
Oh.Bugger.
Just breathe, don't stop breathing, calmly grab the attention of the nearest guard and try and explain that –YOU'VE TURNED BLUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SHITSHITSHITSHITBOLLOCKSDAMNFUCKSHITECRAPPOOFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!
Oh God! I'm gonna die in a jail cell with a complete nutter who's doing............odd things..................
Malcolm get a grip!
So you look like a smurf-big deal! At least you're not having your photo taken.
Hmmmm, look like a smurf or be nude, smurf/nude, smurf/nude.
Wow, doesn't life just get better and better!
I need Phlox. Urgently. As in yesterday.
That sounds so wrong...............
OH THANK GOD!!!
Archer and Hoshi have come back!!
Try and restrain yourself, I know you want to go press yourself up against the bars and scream:
"SAVE ME YOU STUPID GOBSHITE OR I'LL DIE A SMURF!"
I know this because I'm the voice inside of your head and I'm telling you that Archer won't like being called a gobshite whether you're blue or not.
YES! Progress! The guard is coming over!
The guard is shrugging-how can he not notice I'm bright blue? Is he colourblind? Or is he just enjoying me scratching like mad and swearing and cursing randomly? Maybe he's just an arse.
He's just an arse.
Ok Malcolm, time for a heroic moment that will make them give you lots of sympathy and that whole:
"I won't leave a man behind!" spiel
It's working.................it's working...........................OY!
The gits buggered off!
Well that's the last fucking time I do anything for them!
Next time I'll just stand there and make them grovel........................then I still won't save them.
I cannot believe they've just walked away.
The total arses!
So now, I'm stuck in a jail cell, facing a lifetime imprisonment for God only knows what and I'm bright blue! Could this day get any better?
Somebody up there hates me. A lot.
00000000 Ya know what to do! Please review! 0000000000000
Lt Malcolm Reed: The Bugger Files: Mental log:
I hate all aliens and they hate me.
It's a mutual hatred.
Now the only good thing about today is that being in the prison cell means I don't have to go through with the photoshoot. The bad news however, is that unless by some miracle Archer can convince these people I am actually an adult and not a child, they're going to lock me away for life-with no appeal no nothing.
I can't believe they think I'm a child.
Do I look like a child?
I mean I know I'm not that tall but still!!
I hate this planet. I hate these people and if that stupid kid comes over and hits me again I'm gonna deck 'im! Screw the whole be nice to children act! He's taller than me!
At least the food's not bad. Well they gave us something that was moving, so I left that, but they gave us a banana.
At least I think it was a banana.
Well it looked like a banana and it tasted like a banana.
But when Archer, Trip and Hoshi came to see me they all looked at me like I'd grown an extra head or something!
I suggested a heroic rescue attempt and although Trip looked enthusiastic Archer told me they'd only speak to Trip for some odd reason. Which gave me much confidence as Trip couldn't talk his way out of a paper bag that had flashing red signs saying "EXIT HERE!" at the sides.
Well, I don't mean that, the man can talk a hind leg off a donkey but somehow I don't install as much confidence in his diplomatic skills.
Mind you, if the jurors are women one flash of that smile and they'll be putty in his hands. Swine.
I think I'm allergic to something in here; my arms are itching like crazy!
Could be that kid......................what in the name of arse is he doing?? Urgh. That's not natural.
Great, I go to jail and they stick me in a cell with the planet dipshit. Joy.
I swear, if my arms don't stop itching soon I'll be scratching bone!
HOLY FREAKIN' MOTHER OF ALL THINGS UNNATURAL!
Oh.Bugger.
Just breathe, don't stop breathing, calmly grab the attention of the nearest guard and try and explain that –YOU'VE TURNED BLUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SHITSHITSHITSHITBOLLOCKSDAMNFUCKSHITECRAPPOOFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!
Oh God! I'm gonna die in a jail cell with a complete nutter who's doing............odd things..................
Malcolm get a grip!
So you look like a smurf-big deal! At least you're not having your photo taken.
Hmmmm, look like a smurf or be nude, smurf/nude, smurf/nude.
Wow, doesn't life just get better and better!
I need Phlox. Urgently. As in yesterday.
That sounds so wrong...............
OH THANK GOD!!!
Archer and Hoshi have come back!!
Try and restrain yourself, I know you want to go press yourself up against the bars and scream:
"SAVE ME YOU STUPID GOBSHITE OR I'LL DIE A SMURF!"
I know this because I'm the voice inside of your head and I'm telling you that Archer won't like being called a gobshite whether you're blue or not.
YES! Progress! The guard is coming over!
The guard is shrugging-how can he not notice I'm bright blue? Is he colourblind? Or is he just enjoying me scratching like mad and swearing and cursing randomly? Maybe he's just an arse.
He's just an arse.
Ok Malcolm, time for a heroic moment that will make them give you lots of sympathy and that whole:
"I won't leave a man behind!" spiel
It's working.................it's working...........................OY!
The gits buggered off!
Well that's the last fucking time I do anything for them!
Next time I'll just stand there and make them grovel........................then I still won't save them.
I cannot believe they've just walked away.
The total arses!
So now, I'm stuck in a jail cell, facing a lifetime imprisonment for God only knows what and I'm bright blue! Could this day get any better?
Somebody up there hates me. A lot.
00000000 Ya know what to do! Please review! 0000000000000
