0000 Disclaimer= me no own 00000 Aww thanks for the reviews! CrashCart9- yeah pain meds make you do odd things............:D 0000000
Lt Malcolm Reed: The Bugger Files: Mental Log:
Somebody up there is screwing me over big time!
Being locked away I can handle.
Looking like a smurf I can handle..........................well almost.
But being examined by an alien doctor who has never heard of pain medication and favours medical instruments of the sharp pointy kind, is a step too far!
This morning I thought my biggest problem was that I was itching like a man possessed.
Mind you, this morning I also thought the cell was made of stilton and that I could defeat the guard using mainly a blanket and a dirty sock. But that's not the point.
The point is those evil scheming traitorous bastards returned to tell me the best medical care they could wrangle was the alien's doctor.
Now I hurt.
Fortunately they managed to get Phlox in when I started singing:
"I know a song that'll get on ya nerves"
Phlox had arrived by the time I'd moved onto "I am Henry the Eighth I am"
Phlox being a sadistic, twisted, evil, heartless, cruel person, laughed quietly to himself. His one redeeming feature is that he does believe in pain medication.
Oddly enough however being dosed up to the eyeballs leaves you prone to sick pranks from Dipshit cellmate.
Then when I came out of it and started to be myself again, Dipshit cellmate got his arsed kicked.
Dipshit cellmate is now half the alien he used to be.
Dipshit is now curled up in a ball randomly calling me a 'henachterd' Hoshi assures me this means Chicken Shit.
Intrigued I swiped her translator and used it to translate useful little sayings into alien tongues.
For instance:
Fuck off= Metanyei!
Screw you= Fidkichsi!
Piss off=Yankayei!
Arsehole=Blupouslig
Bite me=Hoiliega
Are just a small selection of what I translated, that is until Hoshi returned guns blazing, swearing at me in at least ten different languages to take it back.
But you know what brain of mine?
I don't care.
Life's a bastard and so I am, so fuck you world!
On the disease front, I reckon I'm screwed. Bright blue, itchy and any pain relief Phlox gave me has now worn off, so now I'm scratching again and drawing blood which is now a very interesting shade of yellow.
Well, it's either blood or pus.
So I've made a decision about how I want to be buried when I die.
I want to be buried FUCKIN' FACE DOWN SO THE WHOLE OF THIS GODFORSAKEN ALIEN PLANET CAN KISS. MY. ARSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Of course such measures will be unnecessary if Trip miraculously manages to save me before I die of whatever alien disease has turned me blue.
Ok, room spinning, Dipshit going against laws of nature, need to lie down. Medication has now fully worn off..............................
Bugger.
000Please review!!0000
