0000 Disclaimer=me no own 0000 Thanks for the reviews!! Yeah, he was pretty out of it last chapter, but he's feeling more lucid in this one-I think 0000
Lt Malcolm Reed: The Bugger Files: Mental Log:
The devil has vomited in my kettle and pissed on all my strawberries.
I love the word pissed, it can mean so many things. Also variations of pissed are good to use too.
For instance pissy.
Here's it in a sentence:
Archer is a stupid pissy head with spaghetti for brains and caterpillars for eyebrows.
Still, at least he has the decency to look guilty everytime he sees me.
Mind you that could have something to do with the fact last time he came to see me I pretended to be sound asleep grunting in pain and feebly scratching every so often.
Although I did nearly destroy my arms scratching when I finally 'woke up' all that feeble scratching made it really itch, so then my arms were oozing that yellow stuff again.
Now I don't pretend to be any kind of doctor but I don't think the human body is supposed to ooze anything that colour. Not even pus looks that radioactive.
Can't actually stand up at the moment because my legs don't seem to want to move and neither does anything else. However when 'superior' officers aren't around I've taken to randomly throwing insults at the guard because Dip Shit is curled up in the fetal position and I'm mean but not that mean.
Anyway back to the guard. My plan is that:
a) Throwing insults will make me feel better Or!
b) The guard might get so angry he'll shoot me and Archer will decide to do a good old fashioned rescue attempt and tell the alien government to go fuck themselves Or!!
c) The aliens will think I'm mentally deranged and will set me free on an insanity plea.
Still I'm not sure the guard understands English, and judging from the state of dip shit in the corner there I'm guessing they don't do insanity pleas, otherwise that kid would've been with the men in white coats a loooong time ago.
But it does make me feel better.
Ha! Guard is now looking at me.
"Hey there's something huge and monstrous behind you!! Oh wait, that's just your arse."
Oh shit. He's coming over!
Damn and blast and bloody bollocks!!
Ow! Watch it you thick bastard! My skin is already oozing stuff!
Where's he taking me?
Bugger.
I could take him on. I could have him flat on his back in less than five seconds if I wanted to.
But you know it's good for first contact relations if I comply.
Hey! It's Captain Intelligence and Hoshi!
What? Where are you going you blind morons?!?! I'm over here!! Being dragged away!! No don't go that way! Turn AROUND!!
Oh bugger.
0000 For some reason I'm not that impressed with this chapter so it might be subject to change depending on what you lot reckon 0000
