000 Disclaimer, I own nothing except my beloved Malcolm doll 000 Ok, here's an update people! Yayness! This updated was prompted by a request from HoVis who is about to do her SATs which no matter what teachers say are not the be-all and end-all of education, that's your GCSE's for which I should currently be revising for….but this is more fun :P Ok, so good luck in your SATs HoVis! Also thanks to everyone for their reviews! I feel loved! 000
There are posters. All round the ship.
I knew something was wrong when I was wolf-whistled on my way to the Armoury-that sort of thing doesn't happen much unless the person in question is drunk and/or blind.
Then I saw it.
It was horrible. It was worse than horrible. It was like the going to school naked dream only realising you can't wake up and you aren't at school but on a ship full of adults in full possession of a piss-taking, sadistic streak.
There, on the wall in front of me was….well me. Bright blue and as naked as the day God made me, in my birthday suit with naught but a towel to protect my modesty-a towel on the verge of falling off. I also had a phase pistol for some odd reason; I think I was checking it over, although I'm not quite sure what I'm doing. I certainly don't remember it……I was distracted at the time...
But what was the caption I hear you cry?
'THE SMURF MAN ALWAYS PROTECTS HIS OWN'
I then found another right beside it that read:
'PRAY FOR MERCY FROM MALCOLM…IN THE NUDE'
I briefly contemplated suicide-or mass homicide to get rid of evidence and gossipers.
Unfortunately it goes against all my survival instincts to die and even Captain Archer would notice if half the crew died suddenly.
I swear to God I'm gonna kill them. I'm gonna wreak my revenge in so many ways they'll be on their hands and knees pleading for mercy. If they expect me to take this lying down they have another thing coming!
But how did this happen?
OhGodOhGodOhGodOhGodOhGodOhGodOhGodOhGodOhGodOhGodOhGodOhGod
After the shower yesterday…that toy phase pistol…
Perhaps I'd better record the full story just in case I need to prove my motives for murder…
I had just taken a shower and I went to get a fresh uniform. I saw a phase pistol on the table, wondered why it was there. Realised it was a toy phase pistol. The door opened I swivelled round to face the intruder phase pistol raised (I'm not entirely sure why I did this-if it was a real intruder they would have probably noticed a distinct lack of unconsciousness if I ever tried to pull the trigger) There was a blinding flash and when I could finally see again there was no one there.
I now know some sadistic bastard took a photo of me, but at the time I merely thought I'd had some sort of drug induced hallucination (which is entirely possible as I have no idea exactly what medication Phlox has me on) Ok, I'll admit I didn't really get chance to think about it as someone from the armoury commed me to say the scanners had slid out of alignment and none of the other equipment was responding.
But the bastards. The evil, evil bastards!
How could they do this to me!
Have I ever done anything, anything to give them reason to commit such a heinous crime!
No!
Right. First I'm gonna finish ripping down all those sodding posters, then I'm gonna find out who did it and flay them within an inch of their lives!
Or I could bide my time after discovering the culprits and how the mood takes me for revenge.
I have nothing to lose. I'm still blue and the entire ship has seen me in the buff. I can suffer no more humiliation…
000 Please review! 000
