4
That night, Meg lay in her bed wide awake, unable to stop the stream of thoughts swirling inside her head. Lise was- Christine had-! It was unthinkable. And what did Raoul know of it? He thought Lise was his own, naturally...but it made no sense! Christine would never have allowed... But Meg knew better than that. The Phantom of the Opera had scared them all into submission with his mysterious messages in which he seemed to know everything about them. He had picked through their lives, drawn out the raw details, and set them on display for all to see.
And now Christine's life could no longer be that perfect, precious, free life every girl dreamed of. And all because of the Phantom. Meg had never even seen him close; she knew him only as 'the Phantom'. Only Christine really knew him- she had slipped once and called him 'Erik'. A little ashamed, Meg had wondered how such a creature even deserved a name. But perhaps it wasn't his fault he had been cast out of society... Meg remembered the look on Christine's face as she had described the Phantom's pain: Christine had looked as though the pain were her own. She pities him, Meg thought. If it were me, I could never forgive him for...
Meg didn't even want to think about what had happened. She had been brought up respectably, and respectable girls didn't pay attention to those kinds of issues, because they didn't exist in their perfect little lives.
But Christine had once been a respectable young woman, too. Meg knew that the one thing in the world that Christine wanted was to go back to when she was merely a chorus girl in the opera. Meg knew that however much Christine loved her voice and talent and the fame, it was all because of the Phantom- and now, that one-time Angel of Music had destroyed any chance of a perfect- or at least, almost perfect- life. Oh, to the public of course it seemed fine and fair: they all believed that Christine had simply married Raoul, then had a child, and was living out her happily-ever-after. But now Meg knew better. She used to be envious of Christine- catching the eye of a most fine man; a young, handsome man in a position of power- but Meg also now realized that while Christine had cared for him, it was only in the early stages of affection- she would never have thought of getting married until much, much later.
It was the Phantom who had almost forced her to marry. If she hadn't, what would the world think- her, with child, and no husband to show for it? It was completely unthinkable. Nothing of the sort ever happened at all, anywhere- or at least, not in the view of the public. Anything so terrible as that that happened, stayed well hidden behind walls, in the privacy of the homes of those unfortunate souls.
Meg cared for her friend, more than anyone could imagine- and she would surely support the poor thing, no matter what. But, still. Meg was just glad, and immensely relieved, that it hadn't happened to her.
Christine sat at the desk in the little study, scribbling furiously in her journal. This secret was truly beginning to take its toll on her, and she couldn't contain the thoughts roaming her mind- the thoughts she couldn't even admit to Meg.
'Meg knows now', she wrote. 'I've shared the great burden I've been carrying ever since those days in the opera- but I still can't live my life with such a secret. How can I be expected to say, "Oh, it's all alright, time heals all"? Because it doesn't. No matter what people say, something like this- even if the world knew the secret- would never fade. I can't live a normal life like this. I can't just go back to Raoul and act completely normal, and live a lie- especially not after reliving it, while I told Meg.
The thing is, when Erik first appeared to me, I believed him to be my Angel of Music- my father once told me a story of a girl, Little Lotte I think it was, who had an Angel of Music. Or something to that extent. But my father told me that after he died, he would send me my own Angel of Music.
And my father did die- quite early, I'm afraid. It was truly traumatic for me- I didn't know how I would ever get on. But then, as I began to despair of my career in the opera, and my boring, useless life, Erik came to me from behind my mirror- I thought at the time it was some sort of ghost-trick, or some magical effect. Really! But he told me he was my Angel of Music- I suppose he had heard me call out in despair in my dressing room- and he, with his hauntingly beautiful voice, began to teach me. He brought out in me what I didn't even know I had. And I became the star of the opera. The prima donna. In my wildest dreams I had never even thought it would ever come to that!
But then things started happening. And I knew it was all because of the Phantom of the Opera- who, incidentally, was the very same Angel of Music I had been getting instruction from. The only one who knew of this secret tutor was Meg, good friend that she was- and still is. But, I began to fear the Phantom- my Angel- Erik- and the only other man I cared about- or even knew well, for that matter- was Raoul, the Vicomte de Chagny, and my childhood friend. I remember taking a deep liking to him as a child- just mild affection, as children do sometimes experience. But I knew he loved me, and what more could I want in life? He would provide a home, security, and he cared profoundly for me- so I had the safety of knowing he would never hurt me.
But I didn't love him. Not at all. I cared for him, certainly- but as a friend. After all, we can't stay children in childhood affection forever. But when he proposed to me, I accepted- for what I saw in it was an opportunity, a way to get out of this Phantom of the Opera business if I needed to.
But as fear of the Phantom grew, my admiration for the Angel and- I admit- love for Erik grew, too. He was like three different people: as the Phantom, he was the terrifying, mysterious ghost who controlled the opera, and we were all wrapped around his finger. As the Angel of Music, he was like a reminder of my father: he continued to teach me, and I knew he cared for me- truly cared. But then, on the few opportunities when I got to be with him as Erik...
I don't know quite to think. It's nothing to do with his scars- well, I admit, at first I was shocked and a little repelled. But I realized he was just a man, like any other, who longed for affection and trust- for all his life, he had been shunned from the world; he hadn't ever been given the time of day. Everyone treated him as an outcast; as if he weren't even a human. But although this made him bitter against people, it also gave him an interesting view on the world and people in general: he was an outsider, so he saw people simply as they were, without condemning them. Although he was torn up by those who judged him- which was basically everyone- he realized, in his heart, that by judging people he could make their lives content, or miserable like his. And his heart was good, and caring- and although it sometimes scared me a little that he was so possessed with me, I admit it was flattering- and eventually I came to see that instead of being that mysterious monster I had first thought he was, I saw he was really and truly just a human being, like the rest of us. And so, as other human beings do, feelings began to grow- and they were different than any ordinary feelings, because of the situation. After all, no-one could know how I felt about him- it was preposterous! First, none would believe me- and if they did, they would think me mad or possessed by him and do away with me. And him, too. And so I couldn't do anything at all to protect him from the fate I saw coming from the start- I knew they would find him out, for he was growing ever weaker with feelings for me as I was for him. During that song in his opera- 'The Point of No Return'- I realized he had written that with me in mind, and I knew what was coming soon. And, oddly enough, though I could have stopped it- I did nothing. Somehow, I let it happen because...because I wanted it to happen. That it a shameful thing to say, I know; but Erik has made me feel so... I can't describe how it is when I'm with him. And when I pulled of his mask, somehow, I had forgotten the stage and the place- I was just overcome with emotion; I wanted to...well, I don't know what I wanted to do, exactly. I think part of me was still undecided- I wanted it to happen, what happened down there in his lair- but yet I was afraid. I couldn't decide if I wanted to let it happen, or if I wanted Raoul and his police to find him out and stop him. I think that if I had not taken the mask off- if I had finished the song and the opera as usual- it might not have happened. And, well, who knows what my life would be like then? But I just know that there's something in store for us both. I still feel it, even now, years later.
And so...now begins another difficult part of my life. Being back here in the opera house, with all these memories coming back to me... I hear his eerie voice resounding from behind the stage; I feel his presence in my sleep. And although he hasn't come up since those long-ago happenings, and though he might have gone, he is here now. I can feel him. And it is time to make amends.'
Lise was still jumpy and excited about being a part of the opera now. She was living her dream- just doing what she did best, singing, sharing her voice and talent with the audience, in return for their grateful applause-
Don't get carried away, Lise! she said to herself. Don't get too full of yourself. You've not even begun yet! Listen to yourself, much too confident for such a little girl.
But deep down inside Lise knew she wasn't a little girl anymore, and it had been at this age that her mother had joined the chorus at the opera. That was all she really knew about her mother's time in the opera- well, that she had soon afterwards gotten the leads in every play, too- but her mother seemed touchy on the subject. So Lise didn't bother bringing it up, and instead pictured herself there in the spotlight.
She wandered aimlessly up the great red-carpeted staircase, then back down again. Then she strolled down the hall, admiring paintings of famous operas on the way, and finally found herself at the door of her soon-to-be dressing room. Once she got started on her operas.
The door was partly open, and a broom was lying against the wall just outside the door. Lise realized that the maid must be cleaning in there, and began to back away, but then noticed that the maid wasn't in there after all. Lise supposed it wouldn't hurt just to glance around again. After all, there didn't seem to be much to do at the opera house, unless there was an opera going on.
She tentatively poked her head in and around the door, glancing around- and then she did a double-take.
The mirror was...open. It was a door- a double-sided mirror. How odd. Lise entered the room, still cautious, and looked out the mirror-door into a dark hallway, more like a tunnel.
Lise wasn't one to back away from a potential adventure, and was scared of almost nothing- and so in she ventured; though still cautiously peeking back over her shoulder every once in a while. She heard a sudden noise and started- but then realized the noises were her own footsteps hesitantly padding down the hall.
Finally she came to a strange body of water- like a pond or lake of some sort. She couldn't tell where it went to- there was too much fog and mist hanging ominously over the water.
Unfortunately Lise noticed with slight regret that her adventure might have to end here. If the lake went anywhere, she couldn't get to that where, because there wasn't any boat- and she certainly wasn't desperate enough to swim there! Besides, it didn't really matter that much anyways-
Then she spotted something large and wooden further down along the 'shore' of the lake- and discovered it was a wooden raft of some sort. Beside it were two long planks of wood. Lise interpreted these as oars and, feeling her mother was too caught up with her old friend to notice she was gone, she took off into the mist.
Sofie the maid wasn't one to put herself into danger unwillingly, and she certainly didn't want to get fired from her job either, and so, although curiosity gnawed at her as she stared at the lake, she turned and began to creep back down the hall- until the sound of water splashing startled her. She spun around, breathing fast- and out of the fog came a long, narrow, wooden makeshift boat. And in it...
Sofie wanted to scream but couldn't find her voice. Her feet were rooted to the spot. The Phantom! It had to be. The dark coat, the white mask-
"Don't even try to go," a grave, husky voice cut into her thoughts. "I see you've discovered the door to my secret."
She didn't know what to say. What could she say? "Oh, terribly sorry, I didn't know. I'll be going then, shall I?"
Not exactly.
Before she knew what was happening, the man had taken her arm with a firm grip, and she found herself walking obediently with him towards the boat, and he sat her down in it. "Curiosity killed the cat," the Phantom said, with a grim smile. "Discovering secrets comes with a price."
That night, Meg lay in her bed wide awake, unable to stop the stream of thoughts swirling inside her head. Lise was- Christine had-! It was unthinkable. And what did Raoul know of it? He thought Lise was his own, naturally...but it made no sense! Christine would never have allowed... But Meg knew better than that. The Phantom of the Opera had scared them all into submission with his mysterious messages in which he seemed to know everything about them. He had picked through their lives, drawn out the raw details, and set them on display for all to see.
And now Christine's life could no longer be that perfect, precious, free life every girl dreamed of. And all because of the Phantom. Meg had never even seen him close; she knew him only as 'the Phantom'. Only Christine really knew him- she had slipped once and called him 'Erik'. A little ashamed, Meg had wondered how such a creature even deserved a name. But perhaps it wasn't his fault he had been cast out of society... Meg remembered the look on Christine's face as she had described the Phantom's pain: Christine had looked as though the pain were her own. She pities him, Meg thought. If it were me, I could never forgive him for...
Meg didn't even want to think about what had happened. She had been brought up respectably, and respectable girls didn't pay attention to those kinds of issues, because they didn't exist in their perfect little lives.
But Christine had once been a respectable young woman, too. Meg knew that the one thing in the world that Christine wanted was to go back to when she was merely a chorus girl in the opera. Meg knew that however much Christine loved her voice and talent and the fame, it was all because of the Phantom- and now, that one-time Angel of Music had destroyed any chance of a perfect- or at least, almost perfect- life. Oh, to the public of course it seemed fine and fair: they all believed that Christine had simply married Raoul, then had a child, and was living out her happily-ever-after. But now Meg knew better. She used to be envious of Christine- catching the eye of a most fine man; a young, handsome man in a position of power- but Meg also now realized that while Christine had cared for him, it was only in the early stages of affection- she would never have thought of getting married until much, much later.
It was the Phantom who had almost forced her to marry. If she hadn't, what would the world think- her, with child, and no husband to show for it? It was completely unthinkable. Nothing of the sort ever happened at all, anywhere- or at least, not in the view of the public. Anything so terrible as that that happened, stayed well hidden behind walls, in the privacy of the homes of those unfortunate souls.
Meg cared for her friend, more than anyone could imagine- and she would surely support the poor thing, no matter what. But, still. Meg was just glad, and immensely relieved, that it hadn't happened to her.
Christine sat at the desk in the little study, scribbling furiously in her journal. This secret was truly beginning to take its toll on her, and she couldn't contain the thoughts roaming her mind- the thoughts she couldn't even admit to Meg.
'Meg knows now', she wrote. 'I've shared the great burden I've been carrying ever since those days in the opera- but I still can't live my life with such a secret. How can I be expected to say, "Oh, it's all alright, time heals all"? Because it doesn't. No matter what people say, something like this- even if the world knew the secret- would never fade. I can't live a normal life like this. I can't just go back to Raoul and act completely normal, and live a lie- especially not after reliving it, while I told Meg.
The thing is, when Erik first appeared to me, I believed him to be my Angel of Music- my father once told me a story of a girl, Little Lotte I think it was, who had an Angel of Music. Or something to that extent. But my father told me that after he died, he would send me my own Angel of Music.
And my father did die- quite early, I'm afraid. It was truly traumatic for me- I didn't know how I would ever get on. But then, as I began to despair of my career in the opera, and my boring, useless life, Erik came to me from behind my mirror- I thought at the time it was some sort of ghost-trick, or some magical effect. Really! But he told me he was my Angel of Music- I suppose he had heard me call out in despair in my dressing room- and he, with his hauntingly beautiful voice, began to teach me. He brought out in me what I didn't even know I had. And I became the star of the opera. The prima donna. In my wildest dreams I had never even thought it would ever come to that!
But then things started happening. And I knew it was all because of the Phantom of the Opera- who, incidentally, was the very same Angel of Music I had been getting instruction from. The only one who knew of this secret tutor was Meg, good friend that she was- and still is. But, I began to fear the Phantom- my Angel- Erik- and the only other man I cared about- or even knew well, for that matter- was Raoul, the Vicomte de Chagny, and my childhood friend. I remember taking a deep liking to him as a child- just mild affection, as children do sometimes experience. But I knew he loved me, and what more could I want in life? He would provide a home, security, and he cared profoundly for me- so I had the safety of knowing he would never hurt me.
But I didn't love him. Not at all. I cared for him, certainly- but as a friend. After all, we can't stay children in childhood affection forever. But when he proposed to me, I accepted- for what I saw in it was an opportunity, a way to get out of this Phantom of the Opera business if I needed to.
But as fear of the Phantom grew, my admiration for the Angel and- I admit- love for Erik grew, too. He was like three different people: as the Phantom, he was the terrifying, mysterious ghost who controlled the opera, and we were all wrapped around his finger. As the Angel of Music, he was like a reminder of my father: he continued to teach me, and I knew he cared for me- truly cared. But then, on the few opportunities when I got to be with him as Erik...
I don't know quite to think. It's nothing to do with his scars- well, I admit, at first I was shocked and a little repelled. But I realized he was just a man, like any other, who longed for affection and trust- for all his life, he had been shunned from the world; he hadn't ever been given the time of day. Everyone treated him as an outcast; as if he weren't even a human. But although this made him bitter against people, it also gave him an interesting view on the world and people in general: he was an outsider, so he saw people simply as they were, without condemning them. Although he was torn up by those who judged him- which was basically everyone- he realized, in his heart, that by judging people he could make their lives content, or miserable like his. And his heart was good, and caring- and although it sometimes scared me a little that he was so possessed with me, I admit it was flattering- and eventually I came to see that instead of being that mysterious monster I had first thought he was, I saw he was really and truly just a human being, like the rest of us. And so, as other human beings do, feelings began to grow- and they were different than any ordinary feelings, because of the situation. After all, no-one could know how I felt about him- it was preposterous! First, none would believe me- and if they did, they would think me mad or possessed by him and do away with me. And him, too. And so I couldn't do anything at all to protect him from the fate I saw coming from the start- I knew they would find him out, for he was growing ever weaker with feelings for me as I was for him. During that song in his opera- 'The Point of No Return'- I realized he had written that with me in mind, and I knew what was coming soon. And, oddly enough, though I could have stopped it- I did nothing. Somehow, I let it happen because...because I wanted it to happen. That it a shameful thing to say, I know; but Erik has made me feel so... I can't describe how it is when I'm with him. And when I pulled of his mask, somehow, I had forgotten the stage and the place- I was just overcome with emotion; I wanted to...well, I don't know what I wanted to do, exactly. I think part of me was still undecided- I wanted it to happen, what happened down there in his lair- but yet I was afraid. I couldn't decide if I wanted to let it happen, or if I wanted Raoul and his police to find him out and stop him. I think that if I had not taken the mask off- if I had finished the song and the opera as usual- it might not have happened. And, well, who knows what my life would be like then? But I just know that there's something in store for us both. I still feel it, even now, years later.
And so...now begins another difficult part of my life. Being back here in the opera house, with all these memories coming back to me... I hear his eerie voice resounding from behind the stage; I feel his presence in my sleep. And although he hasn't come up since those long-ago happenings, and though he might have gone, he is here now. I can feel him. And it is time to make amends.'
Lise was still jumpy and excited about being a part of the opera now. She was living her dream- just doing what she did best, singing, sharing her voice and talent with the audience, in return for their grateful applause-
Don't get carried away, Lise! she said to herself. Don't get too full of yourself. You've not even begun yet! Listen to yourself, much too confident for such a little girl.
But deep down inside Lise knew she wasn't a little girl anymore, and it had been at this age that her mother had joined the chorus at the opera. That was all she really knew about her mother's time in the opera- well, that she had soon afterwards gotten the leads in every play, too- but her mother seemed touchy on the subject. So Lise didn't bother bringing it up, and instead pictured herself there in the spotlight.
She wandered aimlessly up the great red-carpeted staircase, then back down again. Then she strolled down the hall, admiring paintings of famous operas on the way, and finally found herself at the door of her soon-to-be dressing room. Once she got started on her operas.
The door was partly open, and a broom was lying against the wall just outside the door. Lise realized that the maid must be cleaning in there, and began to back away, but then noticed that the maid wasn't in there after all. Lise supposed it wouldn't hurt just to glance around again. After all, there didn't seem to be much to do at the opera house, unless there was an opera going on.
She tentatively poked her head in and around the door, glancing around- and then she did a double-take.
The mirror was...open. It was a door- a double-sided mirror. How odd. Lise entered the room, still cautious, and looked out the mirror-door into a dark hallway, more like a tunnel.
Lise wasn't one to back away from a potential adventure, and was scared of almost nothing- and so in she ventured; though still cautiously peeking back over her shoulder every once in a while. She heard a sudden noise and started- but then realized the noises were her own footsteps hesitantly padding down the hall.
Finally she came to a strange body of water- like a pond or lake of some sort. She couldn't tell where it went to- there was too much fog and mist hanging ominously over the water.
Unfortunately Lise noticed with slight regret that her adventure might have to end here. If the lake went anywhere, she couldn't get to that where, because there wasn't any boat- and she certainly wasn't desperate enough to swim there! Besides, it didn't really matter that much anyways-
Then she spotted something large and wooden further down along the 'shore' of the lake- and discovered it was a wooden raft of some sort. Beside it were two long planks of wood. Lise interpreted these as oars and, feeling her mother was too caught up with her old friend to notice she was gone, she took off into the mist.
Sofie the maid wasn't one to put herself into danger unwillingly, and she certainly didn't want to get fired from her job either, and so, although curiosity gnawed at her as she stared at the lake, she turned and began to creep back down the hall- until the sound of water splashing startled her. She spun around, breathing fast- and out of the fog came a long, narrow, wooden makeshift boat. And in it...
Sofie wanted to scream but couldn't find her voice. Her feet were rooted to the spot. The Phantom! It had to be. The dark coat, the white mask-
"Don't even try to go," a grave, husky voice cut into her thoughts. "I see you've discovered the door to my secret."
She didn't know what to say. What could she say? "Oh, terribly sorry, I didn't know. I'll be going then, shall I?"
Not exactly.
Before she knew what was happening, the man had taken her arm with a firm grip, and she found herself walking obediently with him towards the boat, and he sat her down in it. "Curiosity killed the cat," the Phantom said, with a grim smile. "Discovering secrets comes with a price."
