Author's Note:
I don't actually have any children so most of this chapter is based on things I've seen and nothing I've experienced. This chapter is all Letty and the girls and took me an unusual amount of time to write -- and I'm still not very happy with it but oh well.
The next chapter holds a very important conversation between our favorite couple, but it won't go up for about a week. (Most of the conversation is still in my head)
Thank you all so much for your reviews.
They were both sitting Indian style on one bed, looking very solemn indeed. They'd expected their mother or worse their father or even worse both.
When Letty walked through the door, their spirits soared. Auntie Let wouldn't punish them.
"We are very sorry." Dolly began, as Letty sat across from them on the other bed.
"We didn't mean for him to get hurt." Jessa added.
"He didn't get hurt." Letty said softly, looking at her precious girls, taking in the pixie faces and bright eyes.
The girls exchanged looks quickly, it was quieter than the reaction they'd expected, but they didn't think anything was wrong.
They were still too young to realize it was much worse when punishments began quietly.
Jessa corrected herself, "We didn't mean for him to get scared."
Letty nodded, her eyes watchful, not sure how to approach this situation. Last time she'd punished them she'd been nearly sick with nerves, because she hadn't known what to do, or rather what to expect.
This time, however, as she'd told Brian, was nothing like last time.
This time she knew exactly what to do and what to expect. She'd lay out new rules, lay out a punishment, and receive hysterics.
It didn't make it any easier.
"Auntie Let..." Dolly said hesitantly.
Her aunt had never been this quiet around them.
"I think I don't have to tell you two that what you did today was wrong, right?" she said slowly.
They nodded their heads, as she knew they would, "We knows." Jessa answered.
On their faces she could see they both believed that the punishment was almost over.
"And we won't ever do it again." Dolly continued.
"It was bad."
"And we won't do bad things anymore."
"I'm glad," Letty said thoughtfully.
Dolly sighed, "Thank god that's over." she said uncrossing her legs.
"Yeah," Jessa assented, swinging her legs off the bed.
"Let's go back to the bar-cue," Dolly said her gaze encompassing her aunt.
Together the girls headed out.
Letty's soft voice stopped them at the door, "I'm disappointed in you girls." Her voice was gentle, but touched with sadness.
"Huh?" they said turning to face her again. Surprised, she hadn't moved.
The smiles on their faces died, never in all their lives had their aunt looked at them like that, with no warmth, with no laughter. With nothing but sadness.
It made them feel cold.
Slowly they walked back to her.
"What do you mean? What is dis-pointed?" Dolly asked, a little nervous.
"I expected more of you," Letty answered her eyes firm, " I don't know why though, no one else does."
The girls eyes widened.
Was Auntie Let mad at them? Is that what dis-pointed was?
The concept was so far fetched neither one could really comprehend it. Mom got mad, Dad got furious, Sonya got frustrated, the guys got tired, but Auntie Let... she never got anything.
She was always laughing with them.
"Everyone else in this house tells you to do or not to do something..." she continued, looking not at them but past them, "... then keeps an eye on you to make sure you do as your told."
She looked at them suddenly, first at one then the other, "Not me though, it never occurred to me you wouldn't do what I said."
The girls looked at each other again, "We didn't mean for him to get scared..."
"I told you not to use the new equipment, not unless an adult was with you," Letty continued, "I explained it you."
"But we knew how to use it, Auntie Let." Dolly explained.
Nodding, Jessa agreed, "Yeah."
"I told you not to unless their was an adult with you." Letty repeated, her voice still soft.
It was scaring the girls.
"We're sorry." Jessa added, quickly.
"That's good," Letty said her voice suddenly stronger, "Sorry is good. Sometimes sorry can fix things. Other times it can't."
"We will never do it again." Dolly said, her voice tremulous for the first time.
"I did what no one in this house has ever done, I trusted you to do as I said -- and you didn't -- you let me down." Letty continued.
"We forgot Auntie Let," Jessa said her voice also shaky, "We won't again, we promise, and everything's okay now."
"Yeah, everything, okay." Dolly agreed.
"I always thought we had an agreement girls..." She continued as if they hadn't spoken. "...true none of us ever talked about it, but I thought it was there nonetheless," she looking at them, making sure they were listening to her, "I give you everything you want and in turn you obey me. I buy all the junk food you want and in turn you go to bed when I say so. I take you anywhere you want to go and in turn you stop arguing when I say so. I thought that was our agreement."
This time when she paused, the girls said nothing. This time they just stared at their aunt, the beginning of horror on their tiny faces.
They were beginning to get the feeling that disappointed was a lot worse than mad.
"I see now, I was wrong."
Dolly got frantic all of sudden, running to her aunt, placing her little hands on Letty's arm, and squeezing, "We won't do it again Auntie Let, we cross our hearts...."
"...and hope to die, stick a needle in our eye." Jessa added, still a few feet away, "We won't do it again."
Tears filled Letty's eyes suddenly, she couldn't help it, "Oh girls," she said breathily, reaching out she drew Jessa to her other side than looked at them both. Stroking their little faces, "You're just babies," she said almost to herself, "You have no idea what almost happened out there."
"Yes we do." Jessa assured her, a little put out at being called a baby.
"Taylor almost got hurt." Dolly continued.
Letty smiled shakily, shaking her head, "No, Dolly, Taylor almost got killed, he could have died."
The word meant nothing to the girls.
Died.
They'd never had anyone do that. They didn't know what it meant, the pain it caused, the absolute finality of it.
She saw the blankness on their faces, and pressed soft kissed to each brow, praying to above that they would never know.
"If he had," she continued, softly once again, "...sorry, would mean nothing girls. If he had, your promises wouldn't matter. Sometimes when we don't do as we're told things happen that can never be taken back, things that don't turn out okay."
"Do you girls understand that? When things aren't okay?" she asked, after a few second went by and neither said anything.
Jessa nodded, "Like when we broke the angel on the Christmas tree and couldn't put it back, cause the glue wouldn't stick it."
"Yes, like that." Letty nodded, "Sometimes things can't be fixed."
"Like if cousin died?" Dolly asked.
New tears filled her eyes, the moment of panic when the rope slipped, filling her mind again. Pushing it away she nodded, "Yes."
"Auntie, what happens if you can't fix something?" Dolly asked after a moment.
Letty took a deep breath and stood, walking away from the girls, looking down at them she began, "We move on. Your mom bought a new angel for the tree, right?"
The girls nodded.
"We, as in us three are going to move on too." She said firmly. Hardening her heart for what was to come.
The girls faced her, fear on their faces, "Wha....what do you mean?" Jessa asked.
"You are little girls and it's time I started treating you like little girls. That means no more missing school, no more weeknight trips, and no more late nights."
Tears filled their eyes instantly.
"But..."
"We're sorry..."
"So sorry...."
"We'll never disobey again..."
"We swear..."
"We'll be good..."
"Please Auntie Let..."
"I know you're sorry, and like I said that's good. And I'm sorry too. I'm sorry that I have to do this..." she had never meant anything more.
Seeing their tears was killing her, but she knew this was the only way.
The girls were precious, but in danger of becoming not just spoiled brats but little monsters and she'd be damned if she'd let that happen.
"...but..." she continued taking a deep breath, "...it has to be done. We're going to have a new arrangement now. One we are going to talk about. From now on if you girls want me to take you somewhere, you're going to have to earn it."
"Ea...earn it?" Dolly stuttered, tears had started pooling in her eyes.
Jessa was faring no better.
"Yes, earn it." Letty affirmed, "That means behaving, and not just for me, but for everyone. When you want me to take you somewhere I'm going to need three people to tell me that yes, the girls deserve to go."
"But... but what if we can't find three people..." Jessa asked.
"Then you don't go."
"But, that's not fair." Dolly whined, a tear sliding free.
Letty strengthened herself against those tears.
"It is perfectly fair, because if you deserve to go, you will."
"But what if we deserves to and somebody say no..." Jessa complained.
"That won't happen." Letty answered confidently, "If you deserve to go, you will, I promise. But if you don't, then you will not."
Tears came now, a rush of them on both faces Their breathing became more erratic, little chests began to heave. Sniffling started as the girls made their final plea. "No, Auntie Let this isn't fair..."
"...this is bad punishment...."
"...we're sorry..."
"...too much punishment..."
Letty took a deep breath, preparing to drop the bomb, "This is not the punishment girls."
They both stopped for a moment -- the pleas, the tears, the sniffling -- it stopped as they stared at her in panic -- what could be worse than this?
"This is simply the way things are going to be, this is our new arrangement. Since the other didn't seem to work too well." She waited for this to sink in.
"The punishment is that I won't be taking you out for the rest of this month, you won't be repelling for this month either or the next, and you owe your cousin and uncle an apology."
This took about five seconds to sink in before the girls raced over to her, wrapped their arms around her legs and howled.
Full throttle, head-on crying and pleading, while they looked up at her in despair.
"The circus ballet is next week...."
"You promised..."
"We go every year..."
"It's not fair..."
"We're sorry...."
"So sor...sorry..."
"Never again..."
It was too much, she couldn't take it. Her defenses weren't strong enough for this...
Dropping down quickly, she pulled them into her arms, pressing their wet cheeks against hers.
"Oh please girls, shhhhhhh, calm down...." she whispered tears stinging her own eyes.
Maybe she should have let Brian handle this, she felt about two minutes away from saying 'forget it'.
"...please Auntie Let..." their voices were hoarse from all the crying and Letty knew that downstairs everyone could hear their pleas.
"Girls, hey, hey girls, listen to me..." she said as firmly as she could. Pulling them away from her she, smoothing their hair, wiping at their tears as they took shuddering breaths.
"Why are you crying? What is the big problem?" her words were soft, as she knelt before them.
"We...we can't see the show..." Jessa stuttered, still sniffling heavily and ending on a wail.
Letty nodded, "Is that the only problem?"
If after everything she'd just said, that was the only problem, then they were in bigger trouble than she'd first thought.
Her heart pounded in her chest as she stared at the girls.
They were looking at each other, almost if they were talking -- nonverbal communication, that's what it was....
Suddenly, they both started to cry.
Not the loud, messy tears they'd just displayed -- but muted, sobs.
Sounds that tore at her heart much more.
"What else is wrong, girls?" she asked, she wanted them to say it...
She wanted them to see, to see how important other people's feelings could be. It's what had bothered her outside by that picnic table -- their complete disregard for their cousin's feelings, for everyone's. If they wanted to do something with someone -- that was all that mattered. What the other person wanted never even entered into the equation.
She wanted the girls to care, to care about what their actions did to people and how people reacted.
She needed them to say it, she needed to validate, for herself, that they weren't completely lost. That they could still be turned into caring, adorable spoiled brats.
"Girls?" she prodded.
"You don't love us anymore..." Dolly wailed, before covering her little face with her hands. A trait learned from her mother.
For a moment Letty was horrified, shocked into silence.
Then the world exploded as Dolly's words resounded not just in her head but her heart.
"Dolly how could..." she stuttered, not knowing where to begin, "...hey look at me... both of you..." she waited, "There is nothing you could ever do to make me not love you. Do you understand that."
They just stared at her.
"You're my ladybugs... always will be. I just... I always thought that us three, we were buds, ya know. I figured 'hey they may not be good for other people but they are for me'. So I didn't worry when your mom told me you got in trouble for not listening to the teacher, or that you were bossy with the other kids at school, or even that she was having trouble with you, because I thought if I asked you to stop, you would."
"We would," Jessa said quickly.
"No you wouldn't," Letty answer just as swiftly, "I should have worried, because today you proved that wouldn't stop. But that doesn't mean I don't love you," she said almost desperately, "I will always love you." she said softly, her tears finally spilling.
"Do you believe me?" she asked softly, her heart in her throat.
They nodded softly, looking at her almost shyly.
"Good. Now come here and give me a hug."
They went to her instantly, tangling their arms together in an attempt to hold onto her for dear life.
She was no better, wanting to hold them, smooth their hair, and wipe their tears at the same time.
She held them like that --tenderly, tightly-- for what seemed like an eternity wrapped in an instant.
Then a small, hesitant voice said in her ear "Auntie Let..."
It was Dolly and she was almost shaking.
Letty tried to pull back to look at her but the girl was clinging, hard. "What is it?" she asked, wondering if maybe she'd gone too far with her lesson.
There was a pause, then, "I'm sorry I dis-pointed you."
The five words shook Letty to the core. Not just because of the un-tainted sincerity in them, but because she'd said I, not we.
Dolly had just been the first of the twins to take responsibility for her own actions -- quite an accomplishment for a not-yet five year old.
Her grip on them tightened, as Jessa whispered a solemn, "I'm sorry too."
Letty closed her eyes and a released a breath she hadn't known she'd been holding.
They were sorry they'd disappointed her -- their was hope.
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