So sorry we took forever getting this up! School became important! But our goal is to finish this before the end of the semester, which is next week. So… you should get a fast update! Tracee and Em.


Luke carefully opened the shop door. The owner was on the phone. "Okay, the coast is clear. Move in, Jake."

Jake the Bunny hopped into the pet store.

Luke saw, across the street, a pop machine. And no Rand in sight. Luke did like Sobes. "Good luck, Jake." He ran across the street, narrowly dodging traffic.

Jake could see the bunny cages. It would be so easy with his human intelligence to just open them. Why, this really was going to be easy. He continued hopping forward.

Al the store owner spotted one of his bunnies out, again for the fiftieth time that week, the damn thing. Well, he was spending too much money on this 900 number anyway. "We'll catch up later, Star, I really need to go."

He snatched the bunny up and shoved it forcefully into the bunny cage.

Jake tried to wiggle away, but Al was strong and knew how to handle wayward bunnies.

Oh well, Jake thought. I can get out of this. And Luke will no doubt help out.

Meanwhile, Luke was having trouble with the pop machine. He tried the Force, he tried everything he knew, but still his Karma Sobe would not be released from the wicked machine! There was a number on the front to call if the machine ever malfunctioned… but no! He couldn't resort to that just yet! There was one thing he realized he hadn't tried. Luke pulled out his handy dandy light saber. He went into his fighting stance and proceeded to split the machine right down the middle, Mountain Dew gushing out just like the guts of the snow monster he had killed on Hoth.

Lights began to flash behind him. Luke blinked back the sweat falling into his eyes; he couldn't be passing out, it was just Mountain Dew.

"Alright there, just step away from the pop machine nice and easy…" the overbearing cop said.

She was tall, taller than Luke, any way. Luke felt warm. "Uh…I was, just…ah dislodging my Sobe from the pop machine."

"Uh huh…sure you were…and I am just going accidentally handcuff you and shove you into my police car," said Lucinda the supercop. "You should have just paid for your Sobe like normal people. Now off to prison we go."

"But I did pay for it, and the machine ate my dollar," Luke protested.

"Sure, that's what they all say." Lucinda roughly shoved Luke into the cop car, twisting his arm hard. "People like you make me sick."

Luke cowered in the cop car and Jake was forgotten.


Finally, the community center was in sight. Rand, Edmund, and Harry had a hard journey; they had not managed to get the first class car on the train. Harry was covered in someone else's breakfast. Rand kept apologizing profusely.

"What a waste of perfectly good Turkish Delight." Edmund sighed.

"You want some?" Harry asked.

"No…you can keep it."

"I thought so."

They exited the train and entered back into town on platform 9 and 3/8ths. On the other side of the wall waited Rand's girls. "Hi!" they all cried in unison.

"Hi," Rand squeaked holding on to stomach the best he could. "What are you doing here?"

"Our D&D session was getting a little stale," Min said. "We have to wait for all the guys to level up. They're doing it without playing, of course, but it is still a scary thing."

"Hey, what's that you have behind your back?" Elayne asked, peering at Rand.

"Erm, nothing," replied Rand. "Nothing at all."

Meanwhile, Edmund was smiling flirtatiously at Min.

"That's not nothing!" Aviendha exclaimed. "What is it?"

Rand held it out tentatively. The Ring. The One Ring. To rule them all!

"You didn't!" Elayne squealed. "Oh, Rand! You're so sweet!" She wrapped her arms around his neck and planted a big one on his lips, nearly causing him to drop the Ring. "Now where are the other rings for Min and Aviendha?"

"Uh… uh…." Rand glanced to Harry and Edmund for help. "Uh… Don't worry, I'll have the rings for you in no time. I just wanted to show you one ahead of time."

Min gasped. "Is there another woman?"

"No!" Rand exclaimed. "I swear!"

But the girls were glaring at him with flames burning in their eyes.

"You lie," said Elayne. "There's only one ring there!"

"Uh…" Rand shoved the Ring into Harry's hands. "Run!"

Min grabbed Edmund. "We're holding him as a hostage until we get all the rings!"

Meanwhile, Harry was off like a bolt of lightning.


The house was smallish, perched precariously on what seemed to be stilts. Jim and Ender couldn't figure out how the house managed to stay up. They decided it had to be the stairs. They shrugged. Besides that, it was a nice looking house, covered in bits of candy that littered the neighborhood and created an eyesore that severely decreased the real estate value of the neighborhood, but that was beside the point.

The little old lady guided them up the stairs, smiling. "I hope you like my home." She smiled, her crooked teeth poking out between her crinkly old lips.

Ender shuddered and hoped he died before he reached sixty. Jim had grown up at a seaside inn in England and was used to ugly old people with bad teeth.

"Come in, come in," she said, opening the door. "Don't be shy. Now what kind of cookies would you boys be wanting?"

They looked each other and shrugged. "Cookies are good. Whatever."

So the little old lady pulled out all the cookies she had and served them to the boys. She even offered to bake them some raisin cookies, but they turned up their noses at that. But it was amazing the cookies were so good, considering she used a Benjamin Franklin stove to do all of her baking.

"So where are you from, my boys?" the old lady crooned. "I'm very interested."

Ender answered shyly, "Some place in the United States. I don't remember where. And then there was that horrible academy, and various planets. I have no home. I am a drifter." He rubbed his eyes, which were beginning to feel droopy. "Say, these are lovely plates you have. Such a nice ivory color."

"Why, thank-you. I make them specially."

The little old lady did have a lot of awfully nice stuff. It was all bone white for some reason, though. They just couldn't figure it out. Why would such a nice old lady live in such a straight white house?

Jim's head drooped forward, but not before noticing the shelf—also bone white—filled with all sorts of sling shots and baseball gloves and bats. Probably just for all the other children who came there for cookies, he decided, as he fell asleep on the table.

Something wasn't quite right, Ender thought tiredly, as the old lady trundled them off to bed in the barred cage, locking the door soundly behind them.


The girls were closing in on Rand, evil in their eyes.

"Honey," Min said sweetly. "We just went to the mall today. And we when pulled out our credit cards, but we were told they were declined. Now we know you're so busy saving the world and all, but don't you think you could pay the credit card bills once in awhile. I mean, you own all these cities. Can't you just tax the people a bit higher? It's for us!" She batted her eyes.

Elayne and Aviendha nodded in agreement, smiling wickedly. "And we would just love some new curtains for the kitchen in the castle you're going to build us." More batting of the eyelashes.

Edmund squirmed in their clutches. "Rand, help!"

"Shut up, hostage!" Elayne shrieked.

"Oh, come on, Elayne," Min said. "He's just a cute little boy who can't harm us. Let's take us back to the old castle Rand built for us and stuff him full of treats." She winked. "We have Turkish Delights! And you will eat them until you squeal in pain!"

Edmund continued to struggle. "No! Not Turkish—hey, what I am saying? Three beautiful women and Turkish Delight? Let's go, ladies! See ya, later! I'm off pimpin'!"

Rand tried to say something, but it was too late. They were gone. He grumbled, "Now where did Harry get off to?"

There was one thing Rand knew: One girl equals no money; three girls equaled substantial debt. The other guys didn't know how good they had it.

Unfortunately, the girls had Harry microchipped. They knew exactly where he and the Ring were. And they would make sure he would not defer from his path to the jewelers.

Meanwhile, Edmund was quite happy in his hostage situation. Three gorgeous girls googling over him.

"Oh Edmund!" Avienhda said. "You're so adorable! Such a cute little boy! I hope someday I have a son just like you!"
The girls cooed. "Yeah."

"Are you bored?" Min asked. "Do you wanna play with Rand's PS2? Or X-Box? Or…" She giggled.

"We have an Atari!" Elayne shouted. "With Pong!"

"Yes!" Edmund cried.

"We were going to give it to Rand for his birthday," she continued. "But you're so much cuter. So much more adorable. And we just couldn't resist. It's been so long since we had small children around."

"Here," said Aviendha. "We stole all of Mat's Cherry-Vanilla Dr. Pepper. You can have all you want."

If this is torture, Edmund thought, chain me to the wall.


After visiting all of his 'friends' in search of rings, Frodo resorted to visiting his buddy Lollipop, the disfigured dwarf, in hopes that Lollipop might actually have a ring. With so many magic rings made, one would think that someday out there would have an extra just lying around the house, but no! And Susan was getting highly impatient. And she was scary when she was impatient.

All of a sudden, in the distance, he could hear Rand screaming in pain as he received a credit card bill. "Ahhh!"

Susan rolled her eyes. "He just doesn't know how to treat his girls. He doesn't deserve them."

If all girls are like you, Susan, Frodo thought. It's amazing people actually get married. He finally remember why he was single. If only he could warn Harry before he, too, was in the bonds of marriage. No, Ron was the engaged one. He had to warn Ron!

They knocked on the door of Lollipop's hut.

"I ain't buying any damn Girl Scout cookies, so go away!" Lollipop's gruff voice called.

"It's me," Frodo called. "Frodo Baggins!"

"Bilbo?" Lollipop sounded excited. "Long time no see!"

"No!" Frodo cried. "It's Frodo!"

"Who? Frogo?"

"No! Frodo! Bilbo's nephew! Fro-do! Frodo!"

Lollipop popped his head out the door. "Oh, yeah. You. I hear you tried to trick Smeagol into answering wrong on that riddle."

"No, that was Bilbo."

"Oh. I always get it confused. Well, what do you need?"

"We need rings!" Susan said. "Five golden rings!"

Lollipop stared. "And I care why?"

"Well, you're my friend," Frodo said. "And I figured you might have one of those rings the dwarven kings received. Please, come on. You're my only hope. The Elves refused! In fact, most of them won't even talk to me."

"They talked to me," Susan said happily. "That Legolas is so dreamy! He almost asked me out on a date, I'm sure of it." She sighed.

"How many times do you have I tell you, Susan," Frodo said. "He's not interested in girls like you. In fact, sometimes I'm not even sure he's interested in girls. All he's interested in his hunting and killing and wreaking all kinds of havoc. Very un-elflike. Well, that's our Legolas."

"That's okay, my heart belongs to Jake."

Lollipop was getting bored. "I don't have a ring. Do you think a dwarf like me would have one of those rings? Come on. I do have brass rings. I have nose rings. I even have a belly button lint ring. But I don't have any gold rings. Say, why don't you try one of those supermarket quarter vending machines?"

Susan and Frodo exchanged glances. That was actually a good idea. "Okay, but where can we get change for a dollar?"


Luke finally managed to get himself out of jail by convincing Lucinda sweetly to let him out, that he really had been only trying to get his Sobe out. Which was the truth. And Lucinda knew him well enough by then to know he was a horrible liar. So he paid for the damages which the last of his paycheck from his job at the local Rent-a-Jedi. All the kids are renting Jedis these days. It was just in. Then he and Lucinda went out for coffee. And a movie. And dinner.

"Wow," said Lucinda, as they strolled from the theatre, clutching Luke's arm. "Didn't you just love that jack-a-lope at the beginning of the movie! That was worth the ticket price."

"Jack-a-lope," Luke muttered. "That's reminds me of something. I just can't remember what. Did I have a bunny with me?"

"No," said Lucinda, very confused.

"Hmm. Oh well." He hoped Jake was handling the mission okay.


Meanwhile, Al the bunny shop owner had gone home for the night. Finally, Jake thought. He was in the cage, but he could finally use his human ingenuity to free all the bunnies. With no stupid shopkeeper to stop him.

He would lead a bunny revolution.


Jim and Ender finally woke up to find themselves trapped in a cage—also made of strange bone-colored material.

"Where are we?" Jim asked, bewildered.

"I think we're still at the old lady's house," Ender said. "I guess we ate too many cookies."

"You can never have enough cookies," the old lady said, wandering back into view. "Now, who wants to go first?"

"I do, I do!" Jim cried, waving his hand in the air.

Ender stared at him. "Exactly what is he going first for?"

"Why, I'm going to have him over for lunch! I just read this delightful new book The Complete Idiot's Guide to Serving Man."

"Serving man?" Jim asked. "You mean Hu-man?"

"More specifically little boy."

"You can go first," Ender said, pushing Jim towards the door.

"Now let's not get too hasty," the old lady said. "I still have to set the oven first. And then there is the matter with tenderizing. You know how it is with cooking. You have to take your own sweet time."

"Well, come back when you're ready," Ender said. "We'll still be here."

"Of course you will," she said sweetly. "No one ever escapes from my prison."

"Prison?" Jim gasped, epiphany striking him. "Of course! The cage! The cooking! The oven! The candy-covered house! It all makes sense now!"

Ender rolled his eyes. "Moron."

"Except for the stilts," Jim continued. "Who puts stilts on a candy house?"

"I do!" the old lady cackled. "I am the great, the powerful, Baba Yaga!"

The boys stared at her. "Who?"

"Baba Yaga," she repeated. "You know, evil witch. Turns people into animals. Lives in a house with chicken legs. Eats small children. Baba Yaga."

The boys looked as confused as ever.

"Oh, well," she sighed. "That's what I get for coming to America. Stupid uncultured American kids."

"But I'm from England!" Jim said.

"Same difference," Baba Yaga said. "You're all the same. Only the Russian children have the intelligence to fear me. Which, come to think of it, is why I left. So it's my own fault you've never heard of me, I suppose. I really must get better advertising. Oh well. So Jim is going to be eaten first."

"You're going to eat me?" Jim looked ready to cry. "I'm full of cholesterol. Not to mention I probably have some disease from living on a pirate ship. You know, I had scurvy for five months!"

"I've had my shots," Baba Yaga said. "And I keep in shape, I can handle some cholesterol. Now I have to go see if the water is boiling. Oh, dear. I forgot to pick up seasoning while I was out. And carrots. I'll be back in half an hour or so, and then I promise we'll get started. Now what seasonings do you boys like? Rosemary, thyme, parsley, sage? Or maybe we should just go with brown sugar, because it's cheap, but tastes so darn good. Well, be good and I'll be back soon. Don't gnaw on the bones, please."

The boys stared at the bones. So that's what they were.

They waited until Baba Yaga had left the house, then noticed that one of the bones on the cage was almost broken through. There were teeth marks, and, when they looked closely, the faint markings of "Hansel was here."

The boys exchanged smiles. They had an idea.

"Come on," said Ender. "You gnaw on the bones."

"No!" said Jim. "You do it! It's gross!"

"I double dare you!"

"Well, I double dog dare you!"

"Well," said Ender seriously. "I triple dog dare you with a cherry on top."

Jim's face darkened. "Them's fightin' words. Tell you what we'll do. We'll both do it, and the loser owes the other a root beer float."

"You're on!"

Immediately they set to gnawing their way out of prison. Within ten minutes, they were free. Ender stole some slingshots, her purse, and her credit cards. Jim founds some old photos of her and posted them on the internet, after installing a webcam. Then they called the authorities. Then, after cleaning all the goodies off the outside of the house, they were off.

It was the least they deserved, after going through what they had gone through.


"You look absolutely gorgeous!" Lucy sighed. "I wish I could be a bride someday!"

"Don't worry," Hermione said sweetly, twirling around in front of the mirror. "You'll get your chance. Aren't you and Bean seeing each other anyway?"

Lucy sniffed. "He wishes."

"You know, he's not all that bad," Hermione insisted. "And he's a super genius. He'll make you lots of money."

"Yeah, but then there's the matter of that Petra girl, and I just don't think I could live up to her. I think Bean has her on a pedestal. Of course, it's not his fault she died shortly after their marriage. Besides, I was kinda hoping that Harry would wise up and realize that, you know, he could date me! I wouldn't mind! I always wanted to date a hero!"

Hermione sighed. "He's not a hero. He's an idiot! A loveable idiot, but an idiot nonetheless!"

"Yeah," said Lucy. "But I don't need an intelligent man to keep me company. Just his wallet." She tittered. "Just kidding."

"What's wrong with that?" Elayne asked. "Money can't buy me love, but it sure can make life a lot better."

"Speak for yourself," said Aviendha.

"So," said Hermione. "What do you think, girls? Should I get it?" Magical glitter sparkled off the dress.

"Yes!" said Lucy. "How much is it?"

Hermione glanced at the price tag. "10,000 galleons," she said. "Not too bad."

"But you have to get the matching veil!" Min said. "Not to mention those shoes we saw down the street at the troll shop."

"You mean the white high heals with the straps?" Lucy asked.

"Yeah. The one's made by elves."

"Weren't those about 500 galleons?"

"So? Ron will buy me anything I want! Because he loves me!"


Meanwhile, Harry was at the jewelers. "So how much is it to get three more copies of this Ring?"

The jeweler looked at the Ring. "Well, it is the One Ring to Rule Them All, so I don't know what kind of adverse affect this will have."

"I don't care," Harry said quickly. "But my friend is held prisoner by three beautiful women, which actually isn't all that bad for him, I'm actually kind of jealous, but their husband is a little angry. So, yeah, it's an emergency."

The jeweler stroked his pointed beard. "Hmm, let's put the price at $5,000 and your first-born son."

"Deal," said Harry. He was going to die single at this rate, so the child thing wouldn't be a problem. Then he whipped out Rand's credit card. "Here!"

Once the copies were made, Harry ran back to where Rand was crying over his bill. "I have the Rings! I hope you don't mind I used your card."

Rand sighed. "How much?"

Harry decided it would be best to lie. "Ten cents. Oh, and your first-born son."

"That's okay," said Rand. "The way the girls are acting, I may never have one."

So Harry and Rand went to the girls' other castle and, in a tarrying hostage exchange in which the negotiations included Edmund returning as soon as possible, the Rings were handed to the girls. Save the original. At least they thought it was the original. Oh, well.

"Look," said Elayne, holding up her hand with the ring. "I'm misty!"

"No, you're Elayne!" Min said.

"No, I'm misty! See? You can kind of see through my hand!"

"Hmm," said Rand. "Apparently the copying weakened the invisibility properties of the Rings." He didn't care. He was covered with kisses from his now-happy girls.

"What about the evil possessing nature?" Harry asked.

"I feel irritable!" said Aviendha. "Get me some strawberries!"

"Me too!"

"Me three!"

Instead, Harry, Rand, and Edmund ran as fast as they could away back to the community center.


Jim, Ender, and Luke were already waiting for them when they arrived back at the community center. They were playing Twister, a very innocent game, with Dorcas and Yoda.

"Step on me, you have!" Yoda cried in pain.

"Sorry, man!" cried Luke. "This is revenge for all the training you put me through! If it matters so much, why don't you use the Force? Use the Force, Yoda!"

Yoda scowled. "Used for friviliaties, used the Force should not be." Then he tossed Luke across the room.

Dorcas squealed like a fan girl. The Yoda fan club had began.

"Hey, guys!" Jim said as Rand, Harry, and Edmund came in. "Guess what me and Ender got to do!"

"We almost got eaten!" Ender exclaimed happily. Too happily. "By a witch! The one that ate Hansel and Gretal! What was her name again, Jim?"

"I think it was Helga. Or Olga. Wasn't she from Australia? She bribed us with cookies. They were good."

Ender nodded enthusiastically and pulled some out of his pocket. "I stole some more."

He passed the cookies around and everyone agreed they were very good.

"Are you sure she was trying to eat you?" Rand asked. "Maybe she just wanted some company."

"Nah, she locked us in a cage and went out to buy spices."

"Maybe that was her way of telling you not to leave the house," Dorcas said.

Jim shook his head. "She had a cookbook. And cooks are evil!"

"What was the cook book?"

"The Complete Idiot's Guide to Serving Man. More specifically little boys."

That settled the argument.

Susan and Frodo walked in. Frodo seemed to be reaching for her hand. Susan seemed to be heading toward the wall. At this rate she would hit her head on the door. Which she did.

Frodo stepped over her moaning body. "Anybody got change for a dollar? We need a 1.25 in quarters."

"Why?" Edmund asked.

"Because we do."

So Edmund happily handed over five quarters and received a dollar.

Susan mumbled something about Rand having some, but would use them all the time to buy the last candy from the machine!

"Thanks," Frodo said. "I'll be back in a second." He dashed out the door and was back in a minute with five cheap plastic rings. "How long has the little toy vending machine been out there?"

Susan screamed bloody murder.

"Where's Jake?" Harry asked.

Everyone looked at Luke, who shrugged.

"We got separated," was his excuse.

"So… you didn't get the bunnies?" Rand asked.

"No, but I met this great girl! Lucinda! She's a cop and VERY hot. She frisked me."

All the guys seemed to want more of the story. Dorcas and Susan rolled their eyes.

"What is it with guys and being frisked?" Susan asked.

Then a herd of bunnies hopped into the room. They were being driven by a large black and white bunny.

"See?" said Luke. "Jake got the bunnies. But where is he?"

The black and white bunnie bit Luke on the toe. Luke screamed like a girl.

The room fell silent as everyone looked at the bunny.

Ender muttered something about Monty Python and Killer bunnies. Dorcas giggled.

"Jake?" Susan asked softly.

The bunny nodded.

Susan broke down into tears. Everyone glared at Luke.

"What?" said Luke defensively. "He never told me about the two hour time limit on morphs!"

"Then how come you know about it right now?" Jim yelled.

"Uh…"

Everyone rolled their eyes.

Yoda smiled. "Make nice gloves he will now."

Jake the Bunny bit the Jedi Master, who swore loudly.

Dorcas gasped. "Yoda! You know better! We've been working on this! Go put another quarter in the jar!"

Yoda slunk off in shame.

"Oh, well," Ender said brightly. "So Jake's a bunny for the rest for the eternity. I'm sure he'll be happy. It's not like bunnies don't get of action or anything. Let's finish this quest, baby!" He winked at Dorcas.

She slapped him. "I'll babysit the bunny."

Jake looked very happy for a bunny.

Susan glared at Dorcas.

Dorcas shrugged. "It's not like he'll be back to normal any time soon. It's like babysitting… an animal. And I don't mean it that way."

Jake's ears fell.

So all of our Heroes, except for Jake, decided to go after the hamburger in the Sketcher's box. Yet again.

They all returned from the tallest building in the city looking very dazed, muttering about light reflecting from Venus.

Yoda looked at them and shook. "Suggestion, may I make. Go for the book and the weapon first. Hamburger last. Ignore my advice yet again, you have. Foolish humans."

Jake the Bunny looked very offended.

"Poor Jake," Susan cooed. "Did that mean Dorcas woman pick on you?"

Jake shook his head no.

Susan ignored that. "You don't have to lie for her! You can be honest with me!" She picked him and squeezed him. "Oh, you're so fluffy! Can I pet you?"

Jake's eyes grew wide with panic. He was no longer big enough to defend himself from the vile Susan!

"Who's a cute icle bunnywunny?" She sang. "You are! You are!"
Jake wriggled in horror.

Finally, Ender came to the rescue. "Put the bunny down. Here, give him to me."

Susan didn't want to, but Jake bit her. So she threw him down. "Jerk! Bad bunny! We're so over!"

"You were never together to begin with!" Harry shouted.

"What do you know, Harry?" Susan said hotly. "It's not like you've ever been with a girl!"

"Yes, I have!"

"Cho doesn't count!"

Everyone agreed to this.

Harry pouted. "Let's just go to the book store. I don't want to spend any more time with you people."

"Then… why are we going with you?" Edmund asked in confusion.

"Because I have a fear of being alone, after all my role models died! Because they all either die and leave me alone or get married! Which reminds me, they haven't told me the wedding colors. I need to know what color and style of tux to get."

Susan offered him her supply of wedding magazine she always kept on it.

Harry looked at the wedding dresses, wondering which Susan should wear. He finally selected the ugliest one for her.

Susan slapped him. Dorcas was impressed. From that moment on, they were best friends.

So, finally our heroes sallied forth into the dangers of the city and the still-burning library, which the firefighters were trying their best to save. But alas, books burn well. At least there wouldn't be a late feefor the Cat in the Hat.

They finally came to Jeeves, the old pawn shop on second street. If anyone had a dangerous murder weapon to destroy all villains, it would be Jeeves.

They entered the musty old shop, breathing in the scent of all things antique.

"So," said Rand. "We're looking for a weapons."

Jeeves pointed at a sign that read "No Bunnies Allowed." They threw Jake outside. Jeeves shook his head. "Oh, no. I don't sell weapons here."

"Sure you do," said Frodo. "I know for a fact that Gimli was in her last week, and you gave him an axe. You said it could sever a man's head from his shoulders without even breaking a sweat. Too bad Legolas didn't hear ya. Just kidding."

All Legolas lovers, including Susan, within a block of Jeeves', screamed in horror at the thought of Legolas loosing his head. Good thing Frodo was kidding. Or he would have died.

"Hey," Jim cried from a corner, pointing at a tiara. "I stole this from the island! How did you get it?"

Luke whistled and walked from the shop.

Jeeves muttered something under his breath. "Fine. I'll bring the weapons. Anything in particular you're looking for? And you know I don't sell these. If anyone asks, tell them Agent J showed them to you."

"Who's Agent J?" Harry asked.

"Just a random name I picked out. Be back in a sec." He returned shortly with a can of Pam. "Just take the lid off, point, and spray. And shake well before using."

Everyone stared at Jeeves.

"Can I try it?" Frodo asked.

"Sure," Jeeves said. "But only use a little, not a lot. I don't my shop destroyed. Again."

Frodo took the can, popped off the lid, and broke off the spray nozzle.

Everyone gasped.

Jeeves just said, "You break it, you bought it."

Everyone looked at Rand, who sighed and pulled out his credit card. "I'm going to be in debt forever. Between you guys and my wives, there will be no end in sight. I'll just plunge my country into famine!"

"Yeah, thanks man," said Edmund. "And do you think you could pay for a trip to McDonalds later?"

"NO!"

After discovering that they received some points toward the pawn shop from their purchase, they bought a battered copy of Farenheit 451 after Jeeves' hot young blonde assistant recommended it. Strangely enough, the cover seemed to be slightly burned.

"We have everything but the hamburger now!" Luke shouted happily when they joined him outside. A book was in his hand. Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen.

"Where did you get that?" Jim asked.

"Uh…"

"You stole it!" Susan shrieked. "First you let Jake get turned into a bunny, then you steal a book!"

Jim and Ender both high-fived Luke.

"Put it back," Edmund said darkly. "You broke a commandment, so put it back."

So Luke swore and threw the book back into the shop, inadvertently killing Jeeves and leaving his hot young assistant heir to the shop.

"Now let's go get the hamburger," Ender said. "How come we haven't done that yet? It sounds so easy!"

"I don't know," Harry said. "Every time I think about it, I have a strange feeling we've forgotten something."

"Well, we should go after it and finish this quest," Rand said. "Isn't it on the way back to the community center?"

"It's that close and we never went," Frodo said, shaking his head. "Are we just lazy?"

"Probably didn't realize how close it was," Rand said, setting out. "Let's go."

So they all went to the tallest building in the city. They walked up to the building. It was big. And tall. And its street number was 999.


SHOUT OUTS!

amieken: oh, wait and see what we have planned for Ron and Hermione!

buenonacho: Thanks for still enjoying the characters!

Frosty Pickle Juice: We thought it was gross, too, but we kept at it. Sorry!

hydraspit: Frodo gets a lot of crap from Susan. That he does.

Lady Kazaana: You can't cast magic missile because you're not there!

Lady Meridadoc: I'm sorry I made your throat hurt!

Skylamiat: Oh, Orson Scott Card is definitely American. Lives in my state. That's just… in there. And glad you enjoyed that particular cross over!

Tru Lys: So something CAN be stupid and educational? Yay!

xPussyWillowKittenx: THIS is what happened to Dorcas and Yoda!