Title: Most of the Time, Life Just Doesn't Go Your Way
Summary: 6 POVs, post-Killer Date. Deep thoughts.
A/N: Gotta love plot bunnies, eh? This is my first fic in years, so please excuse if it sucks. ;) Constructive criticism always welcome. Short, yes... but yeah. Don't really have an excuse for that. ;) It's up to you to figure out whose POV each section is, though I don't think that's too challenging. Enjoy.
Disclaimer: if I owned this, the theory in H's POV would be canon. :P Obviously, wiser people are in charge. No infringement meant.
I hate Stetler. The guy's a jerk, he doesn't respect the us, and he's a creep. So when he hits the nail on the head during the investigation into my stolen badge, it disgusts me. What have I become? Do I miss Speed that much? That I'm not even trying to date anyone, I easily lie to Calleigh, I'm so reckless with my own life that I got someone killed. This is when I realize: I need help. I can't believe I've fallen so far.
Lies. All of it. His death, the coverup, the funeral, the mourning. Lies. Sometimes I wonder if I'm going insane; if the job has finally gotten to me. What am I going to find out next? That Speed was in the Witness Protection Program and his position was compromised so they faked his death to get him out of here? Uh-oh. That must be the insanity
talking. I need to get out more. Or maybe stay in... nothing makes sense anymore.
I want to blame Ryan... but deep down I know it was my own fault. Gabriella never should have been put in that database, And I never should have pulled that file out in front of a CSI. Any of them would have looked, the nosy bastards. Still, it's a little unfair, don't you think? Reviewing my cases from the last six months? What a waste of time. I didn't make any other mistakes... I think.
I feel like a jerk. None of the techs like me, Delko hates me, Calleigh humors me, and I barely even see Horatio anymore. He's the one who hired me in the first place. I know I can't replace Speedle, but it seems like they expect me to. While not wanting me to. Confusing, isn't it? But it seems like just last week that I was in uniform, and I still can't seem to do anything right. When it doesn't have to do with a case, anyway. Do you think there are classes on how to teach a guy how to interact with his coworkers (without pissing them off)?
I feel bad for Delko, sure, but I can't help but be angry at him too. When he tells me what Stetler said, it sounds to me like Rick's right on the money (as much as I hate to admit it). Delko won't even use Tim's nickname anymore. Did we ever actually call him "Speedle"? It's been a long time, at the very least. Not since we all became friends. But what right does Delko have to just throw his life away? We're all hurting here, but we cope or get help. I'd do anything for him, I hope he knows that. He's not just hurting himself anymore.
Something is wrong. For as long as he's been on the job, perfected the art of concealing the truth, he can't lie to me. Not for long, anyway. Something is wrong, but what? What more could go wrong?
