Just Seth left after this. None of the darling O.C. belongs to me. Peace...
Things would be so much easier if she wasn't so goddamn beautiful.
Ryan was confused. He didn't need this, he didn't want any of this, he didn't ask for any of this.
Marissa just kept pulling him back, and sometimes he just...didn't...want. It.
She was beautiful. Yes. But Ryan liked to think he was a little deeper than that. She was...captivating. Hypnotizing. It was so easy to get lost in her and not be able to come up for air until she threw you into...well, Chino.
But she was more than that. Obviously. He kept going back to her for some reason. Because, Summer was beautiful, but he wasn't building Trojan horses for her. Julie was beautiful, but he still didn't understand how Luke could've done that. Well, yeah, but he didn't understand how Luke could've gone back to do it again.
Marissa just...she needed to be saved. Maybe he had a hero complex, that's what everyone said. But Marissa...she needed help. She needed a superhero; she needed someone with a superhero complex. She needed someone who would keep coming back.
He could still remember what it was like to be with her. He'd want to lie on her dad's couch, watching the ceiling, and stroking her skin for the rest of his life. His thumb's favorite place was the skin right behind her right ear, and he had missed it. His thumb had, at least. She didn't usually want to just lie still though. She wanted to see people, she wanted to laugh, she wanted to get his shirt off. She didn't know the definition of just being...comfortable. Except for when she was sleeping. When she was asleep, she was the girl of his dreams. The perfect, unbelievable, Victoria's Secret model girl of everyone's dreams. She forgot the rest of the world when she was sleeping. She couldn't do that when she was awake.
Like after the party on the yacht. He had slept with her head on his chest, her fingers dancing across his chest, and he had felt so...warm. He woke up the next morning to the most beautiful face he had ever seen lying in his neck. It was heaven. She looked so...delicate, so perfect, so safe. She woke up a few minutes later, though, and then she was running so that no one would find out she spent the night.
He wondered if she was drinking again. She had been drinking then, but on the days surrounding the yacht party. She had been too happy to have time to drink. Ryan wondered if she would ever be that happy again.
And then sometimes he wondered if she loved him. If she knew him at all.
Lindsay was...different. She didn't want to be saved, or even taken care of. It had been...refreshing. Ryan was so used to taking care of everyone, and it was just...exhausting sometimes. Between worrying about his mother, Seth, Kirsten, Sandy, Summer...Marissa. He didn't want to worry anymore.
Marissa didn't like Lindsay. That was obvious from the first time they had...well, talked to each other. Lindsay didn't like Marissa either. She said she was intimidated, but Ryan knew the truth. She just didn't like her. Marissa wasn't the kind of girl Lindsay ever surrounded herself with. Marissa could have grown to deal with Lindsay; maybe she could've been one of those girls Marissa would like to keep around to make her feel better about her life. Summer wasn't helping that cause anymore.
Ryan could see the change that went through Marissa when Summer went back to Seth. Marissa was trying to look happier, trying to hang out with Summer more. Ignoring Alex.
Ryan never really knew Alex. When she had been with Seth, he had been Seth's brother. And when she had been with Marissa...well, it was pretty obvious what he was to her then.
But he still wanted to get to know Alex because she was so important to Seth. And Marissa. Maybe she and Ryan could've even been friends. From what he heard about her, they seemed kind of similar. Not ready to trust, willing to dominate in a relationship, still vulnerable sometimes, comforted by having Seth around, broken by Marissa.
He couldn't believe it when Marissa, Lindsay, and Alex had all collided. He wished sometimes that Summer hadn't left the three of them alone. Summer had a way of being extremely intimidating, but she always tries to show she cares. Granted, it was harder for her to care about girls, because, not to be dirty, but she couldn't get anything out of them. Okay, maybe that was a little dirty. But Ryan knew it was easier to give in to members opposite sex.
But Summer was a good friend for Marissa, and she would probably try to be friendly with Lindsay. She really was good for Marissa. She could call her on problems, and Marissa seemed to actually hear what she was saying. When Ryan said it, she would just kiss him and laugh it off. It was never something that should've been laughed off.
Ryan sometimes seriously just wanted to be heard.
It was actually pretty ironic that Marissa and Seth didn't get along that well, because they really enjoyed doing the same things. It's not that either of them was selfish, it was just they...seemed to always have a main focus.
And Ryan loved both of them, in some sort of way, although he didn't like talking about either of those...loves. It was just awkward with Seth, and Marissa...that was supposed to be over. He had actually never told her how much a big deal that had been for him. Like, because Theresa, well, he had only told her that he loved her four times, two of them when he had been eight. And Seth, well, he still found it weird hugging Seth.
Marissa, she just...she didn't have time for things that didn't deal with her. He would've told her about Theresa and his feelings and all of that, but he mentioned Chino, and Marissa stiffened and changed the subject. She wasn't interested. And he definitely was not about to force stories about childhood or whatever on her.
That was one thing that bothered him. People saying he never talked. He used to be with Seth and Marissa all day, what was he supposed to do? He really did miss Lindsay sometimes; at least he got two words in around her.
But he wasn't bitter. Seth was Seth, so he forgave that. Marissa...it used to bother him a lot around the whole D.J., Lindsay drunk events. He really started resenting her. But later, he started feeling bad about that, which made it even worse when he got mad at her. It shouldn't be so hard to do all of this.
She had to realize that if they were even going to be friends, she had to...just...get better. And it seemed harsh to say, but he needed something stable to keep him stable.
But she was beautiful.
Not just beautiful, breathtaking. All over. Her face, her hair, her lips, her smile, her eyes. God, her eyes. They bored into him and made him think she really might be perfect for him. Maybe she was worth all of it. She could tell him stories with her eyes.
And sometimes, he still wanted to listen.
