Jesse and Adam sat caught up in their game. For Adam it was little more than a diversion, chess was a game to him, nothing more. Jesse was regarding it more as a battle of wills. Poor Jesse, his nature refused to conform to the boundaries of logic, usually not a problem with all the work they did 'outside the box'. But in chess, it made him an easy opponent.
Emma smiled from the dojo steps where she was watching. Adam had acknowledged her presence with a quick glance and nod. Not to mention the flare of sorrow she always felt from him now. Jesse however was so involved in the match he hadn't even noticed her yet. His concentration was constant, he didn't know how to take anything lightly, especially people. She supposed she shared that with him. Her empathic abilities mean that from first meeting someone she was helplessly bound to their thoughts and feelings. Jesse simply felt everything so much more intensely than most people. It was as if impulse and emotion in him was magnified, making him capable of great love and friendship, but causing him so, oh so much pain when he lost these. Most people had a protective barrier like water over a sandy floor which served to soften and diffuse strong emotions, lessening pain. Jesse had never built a barrier like that. Everything struck him so deeply, so strongly, that it shocked her he could carry on trusting, carry on caring, when he'd been through so much pain, so much suffering.
Sometimes she wondered how he could go on.
"Checkmate." Adam's amused voice cut into her reverie. Adam never gloated, but he often seem entertained at how seriously Jesse, and indeed all of them took these games, these half-hearted attempts to beat the silently acknowledged mastermind. Adam stood and walking out called back, "Next time Jesse, try and protect yourself, a reckless offensive will only work against you." Jesse shook his head, staring at the chessboard as Adam left, giving Emma on the slightest of sad smiles.
"I'll keep that in mind." Jesse finally noticed her, "Oh hey Emma."
She walked over, putting a hand on his shoulder comfortingly, "Tough match?" He smiled wryly,
"Not for Adam." Emma grinned,
"Well how about you have a go against someone who isn't a certified genius? That is, if you think you're up for it?"
"Ah, now that's a challenge I can't refuse." He began to set up the board as Emma sat down across from him, "So how are you doing?"
She smiled at him, only too aware of the concern hidden behind his words, "I'm good. You?"
"Well lets see, I'm not being beaten up, phasing at random, or being enlisted to collect radioactive materials, so pretty good all things considered." He looked up, "White or black?"
She considered, "Black." It seemed only appropriate. At Jesse's curious look, she shrugged, "You deserve a chance."
He gave a low whistle and shaking his head grinned slightly, "You might regret that."
"We'll see." He was staring at her again, gesturing to the board she prompted, "Go ahead."
Frowning, he hesitated, then moved a pawn forward a couple of spaces. "So did you and Shal have fun yesterday? You were out pretty late" Sounded like a simple question, but Jesse never asked the simple questions. She nodded,
"We had a lot to talk about." she smiled softly, "she's a good friend." He was looking at her strangely, he really wasn't sure what to make of this. That was okay, neither did she really. She pushed a piece forward idly, "Jesse, can I ask you something?"
He raised his eyebrows and moved a knight, "Why do I get the feeling I'm not going to like where this is headed?"
She moved forward again, "Jesse, please…" He raised his hands surrendering,
"Go ahead, ask. Just…nothing on chess strategy, please." He grinned at her, that warm but heartbreaking expression that just served to intensify the pangs in her heart. She was going to hurt him so much, this was worse than anything that would happen to her. Even if he lived through this, and he had to live through this, she'd seen him go through loss. It was like someone had taken his world and left him in a vacuum. He let it effect him, he wanted to feel the loss, he never just threw it off. People were too important to him to ever be forgotten, So he carried them round as mental scars, always ready to re-open. It physically hurt to see him like that.
And this was what she'd leave him with, if she left them alive at all.
He'd made his move, he was waiting for hers.
She took out one of his pawns. Small victory, he'd easily return the favour, but it was a start. "Jesse, I want you to stop worrying about me." Well that wasn't the most subtle thing she'd ever said. Evidently Jesse agreed, he looked pretty taken aback and the hit she was getting off him confirmed he was now seriously confused.
"What do you mean?" His knight avenged the pawn she'd taken. Time to really start the game.
"I know you're worried about me, and I want, I need you to stop." She moved a castle out into play, half heartedly threatening his queen. He eyed the board, considering.
"Is there a reason I should worry?" He moved a bishop cautiously into her half of the board, trying to figure out how she was playing this. She ignored the intrusion for now, sending her own bishop in to take an errant knight.
"There are always reasons Jess. But I'm asking you to trust me, and to try and stop for awhile." A pretty poor entreaty, Jesse took her castle inattentively, ignoring, or not noticing the more significant threat her bishop was making. He met her gaze with a pretty intense look of his own. Sometimes she wondered if Jesse could be empathic, it certainly felt like he was reading her sometimes.
"Well maybe if you explained a little more what's been going on with you recently, I wouldn't have to worry?" He suggested, watching as she mounted a defensive. "You've avoided us all for the last couple of weeks, spent hours cooped up in the lab helping Adam, and when we try to talk to you you're evasive and can't get away fast enough." He moved his queen, "Check."
Moving behind a sacrificial pawn, her king was out of danger. She considered her reply carefully. "Maybe I just needed some alone time."
"And why would that be?" He took her other castle. He was pretty good at this, but she could still beat him. She brought her own queen out into play, capturing a unwary pawn. "Perhaps what I'm going through, I have to do on my own." He raised his eyebrows and moved to take out a knight threatening his queen. They continued in silence for a few minutes, both concentrating, but not on the game. The silence was charged, tense, she couldn't bear it. Time for it all to end.
She moved her king from behind the piece shielding him, not a smart move. He looked up startled, "you sure you want to do that?" She nodded.
"Sure why not." She hesitated, could she really do this?
"Jesse, I'm going to tell you something, it's going to sound weird, maybe you won't even believe me, but I want you to hear me out okay?" He nodded slowly, a curious knight walking into her territory.
"Sure Emma. What is it?"
She looked at the board, she was in trouble. Jesse had set up a pretty good offensive, she was nearly cornered, but not defeated just yet. She could get out of this. Turn the tide, hunt down the white pieces and capture his side. But could she make him face another defeat. Make him lose not once, but twice?
Metaphors were a pain when it came down to it.
"I'm going through something at the moment…I have some…issues to work out. I'm not going to lie to you, I don't know for sure if it'll all turn out alright." She met his eyes in a gaze clear for once of any powers, pysonic or otherwise. "All I can promise you is this, whatever happens, I…I love you guys, and I'll try to make sure you're all safe. I'll do my best for you."
"Emma…what are you say-"
"And," She interrupted, if she didn't say this now, she never would. "I'll be okay too. No matter how it might seem, I want you to know, to remember, I'm okay." She blinked back tears but refused to look away. Jesse was about as bewildered as a guy could get, but she sensed something else.
He trusted her.
He believed her when she said she cared about them, that she'd protect them. And he believed her when she said she'd be alright. He stared at her, the game forgotten, and reaching out, took her hand.
"Okay." He said simply. He squeezed her hand before releasing it. She smiled at him, some ghost she hadn't even known was in her was laid to rest now. "My move?"
He shook his head, "I think we've played enough, don't you?"
She nodded and began to clear the pieces away. Jesse stood up, looked at her for a long minute, then began to walk away, turning just before he left, "Emma?"
She looked up, smiling slightly, "Yes Jesse?"
"Maybe someday, we'll play it to the end okay?"
She nodded slowly, "Someday."
Thanks to all my reviewers! You guys are great . Keep it going! I'll try to get the next chapter up soon. Comments, criticisms are welcome, but constructive critics only please, flames are useless and don't help anyone improve.
