Okay, I have enough inspiration left for about one last chapter. Then time start a new and maybe more action-orientated story (not to mention I have a SG1 fic I really should finish). Thanks to all my reviewers you guys are fab. Keep them coming and I'll keep writing :)
"And then I brought you here." She finished softly, waiting for their reactions.
Silence, and then…
"How could you?" The question asked with grief and anger, Shalimar had both in extremes, "I might have expected this from him," gesturing to Adam who winced, was it really only hours ago he'd confessed his own secrets? "But you're my best friend Emma." Shal was shaking, truly distraught now, "How could you hide something like this from us? Didn't you think we had a right to know?" She radiated distress and pain and in this place of more energy than matter, it was almost more than Emma could bear. Brennan had put a hand on her friend's shoulder as if to still her agitation, but he was stricken too, and more hurt than he'd ever admit to showing. Emma half-shrugged helplessly, "Of course you did Shal, but I wasn't sure it was the right thing to do."
"The right thing?" this from Jesse, his pain was a physical thing here, knife-like in its intensity, "You're dying and we're going to be killed in some kind of mental explosion and you wondered if telling us was the right thing?" He shook his head incredulously, "Well you picked a perfect time to come clean Emma."
"And why didn't you tell us?" This from Brennan now, directed at the sombre Adam, "You knew what was happening, what gives you the right to decide to withhold information again. What is it with you Adam? Is this all just a game to you or something?" Adam shook his head heatedly,
"It wasn't my decision."
"Like hell it wasn't!"
"Stop this!" she heard herself cry out. "Stop this right now." They were so shocked at her tone they actually did, turning to look at her. "I didn't bring you all here to fight with each other."
"So why did you bring us here Emma?" Shal asked, her voice soft and sad.
"Yeah, I'd like to know too." This from Jesse. "I mean, if we're all going to die anyway, what's the point of this little confession? Just needed to ease your conscience?"
"No!" How could they misunderstand like this? "You aren't going to die, I can save you!" Adam looked up sharply, he hadn't expected that.
"In that case why don't you just do it already?" Brennan demanded.
"Because she still can't save herself." Everyone turned to stare at Adam, he continued, as infuriatingly calm as ever. "Right Emma?" She nodded slowly, meeting his gaze, not daring to look to the others just yet.
"Oh…Emma." Shal whispered, and when she finally looked, she saw her friends eyes shining with tears. Shal moved forward to hug her, and Emma didn't resist.
"There must be something you can do?" Jesse was asking, almost pleading with Adam. She could almost hear Adam shaking his head. "Emma's structure is breaking down at the genetic level, her cells just can't keep up with the rapid mutations anymore."
"So fix it. God Adam, you can't just let her…" Brennan's voice trailed off and he fell silent.
"Let her die? Brennan, I'm not letting anything happen. What's happening to Emma is the natural result of the increasingly rapid mutation of her genes. People just weren't meant to alter the natural structure on such a deep level…" Adam's voice faltered, even now, he found it hard to admit his mistakes. That was okay, they all did.
"So we're what? A bunch of experiments gone wrong? Thanks Adam, got the memo already." Brennan was continuing harshly, Emma pulled gently away from Shalimar.
"Brennan, that's enough." He stopped, glaring at her. But his anger wasn't really at her, not even at Adam. It was at the whole world, the universe and whatever law decreed he'd lose a friend today. She'd feel exactly the same in his position. "You wanted to know why I brought you here?" they all froze, not even moving to nod. They all knew the answer already, but she said it anyway.
"I brought you here to say goodbye."
The silence was oppressive, they weren't sure what to say to that. It was hard for them to believe, even Adam, that this really was goodbye this time. So she didn't wait for them to respond, to argue, to try and force hope on her. She'd make it easy for them.
"So this is where I end. One way or another, it's over for me today. But, you guys so long left to live and to love life. And I don't want your lives tainted by what happens to me." She swallowed, forced back a wave of some indeterminable emotion, and let them in on another of her more controversial decisions. "So when you leave here, you'll remember none of this. You'll be back at Naxcon, and I can't help you there. If-when you save yourselves and escape, you won't recall this place, our conversation, or any of this. And," she pressed on, refusing to let them interrupt her, argue with her, "and this is it. It's my decision, and it's unfair, and it's selfish, and…and it's what I want." She told them simply, her gaze searching the eyes, the souls of her dearest friends. "I needed this, and whether you remember it or not, I hope somehow, deep down inside, you'll know we had this. That as petty and cruel as this world can be, it let us have this chance to say goodbye." Spent, she stopped, waited.
A silence as long as any she'd known stretched out, not that time really mattered here, finally Brennan spoke up,
"And you won't change your mind?" There was a note of resignation she'd never heard from him before, his voice was so tired, so sick of everything. She nodded, offered him a shaky smile, "It's the right thing to do, I'm sure of it."
"Well you've never steered us wrong before." From Shal now, her expression determined, her voice overly bright, "If that's what you want, we'll do it." Jesse nodded, Adam followed slowly. "But we're going to miss you so much…" Her friend's voice broke down, tears running down her face. Emma reached forward and pulled her into a hug, burying her face in Shal's hair and crying herself. All the talking, all her thinking, her careful decisions didn't make this any better. The enormous power inside her couldn't take away the pain of this final parting. She held onto her friend as though mere physical pressure could save her . But even Shalimar's fierce love and devotion couldn't hold her here now. Drawing back at last, she hesitated to let Shal go, to say goodbye to the best friend she'd ever had. But Shalimar herself pulled away, leaving a hand on her shoulder, tears still falling from sparkling eyes. At Emma's attempt to vocalise something of what she was feeling, Shal shook her head, "Don't say a word." She said simply, squeezing her shoulder and brushing a hand against her face before stepping back to her teammates. Emma watched Brennan put a arm round her, as Shal turned to him for comfort. She almost broke down again, after this, they wouldn't be her team anymore, she could never be there for them again, she could never take the sharp edge off when the pain became too much. They'd have to cope with it all on their own.
That wasn't quite true, they had each other. And as for herself, she had her memories, their friendship, and all the love in the world to travel on. What more could anyone want?
Jesse was in front of her now, she hadn't seen him approach, he was confused, hurt. His eyes searched hers, wanting an explanation maybe, or he just wanted her to tell him this was all a joke, that she wasn't putting him through the worst experience of his life. He shook his head ever so slightly, reaching out to touch her face, "You're really going aren't you?" It wasn't really a question. So she just looked at him, more tears filling up her already brimming eyes, "Oh God, Emma…" He slowly drew her into his arms, holding her close. His grief was gentler than Shalimar's, but no less painful. It was so tempting to just reach into his mind and soothe the sharper edges away. But it would only hurt him more when it returned, and she wasn't there to help. So she just hugged him tightly, as though it could convey just how much she loved him, and then she withdrew, smiling at him, letting him preserve this last impression of her in his memory, for what little good it might do. Maybe his subconscious would remember what his conscious mind would forget. As he released her, his eyes still searching hers, he asked hesitantly, but ever so hopefully, "See you around?" She closed her eye, it would be so easy to lie to him. At this stage, did the truth really matter? She leaned forward and impulsively kissed him on the cheek, she shook her head ever so slightly, "I don't think so Jesse."
He nodded, sadness, compassion, and love all blurred in his features, and he smiled through the grief that she felt surging through him. If anything could have changed her mind, that heart-rending smile would have.
But it was too late for that now.
So she smiled bravely back and let him step away. He joined Shalimar who had pulled away from Brennan and instead put an arm around Jesse. Brennan hesitated, glanced at them, then at the sombre Adam, before finally coming towards her. She wasn't even trying to prevent the tears spilling now, though she smiled through them at her friend. He paused, indecisive, then running a hand through her hair, "Emma…" he faltered, then giving up, pulled her close. One hand stroked her hair, and he whispered softly "we'd have stayed till the end you know."
She hugged him tighter "I know."
And then they drew apart, he was the first member of mutant X she'd met, the first she'd reached out to, even if he wasn't in mutant X back then. His mind was the first she'd connected to and for that, he'd always be special to her. But now he dropped his hand from her, and said seriously, "You gonna be okay?"
She nodded, "I'll be fine, and Brennan," he looked at her, "Thanks."
"What for?"
"Just…everything."
He stared hard at her, then nodded in a puzzled fashion. "Anytime."
He joined Jesse and Shal and the three clung to each other like survivors of some disaster, forcing away tears and watching her anxiously as though she'd vanish if they looked away.
And now came the hardest goodbye of all.
She walked slowly over to where Adam stood, where he had been watching their goodbyes. She smiled a little, feeling shy for some obscure reason. "Emma…" he began uncertainly, before she hugged him as hard as she could. He held her tightly, like the others, afraid if he didn't she'd just vanish. She didn't mind, she was afraid if they didn't remind her to hold on for awhile, she'd lose them.
"You aren't going to tell them?" she whispered, forcing back tears. She knew the answer already.
"No. They're going through enough right now." he replied softly. "Knowing wouldn't change anything, and I don't feel like another debate over my decisions today." He drew back, hands on her shoulders and the hint of a twinkle in his eye, "Assuming I have a choice in this one?"
"Adam, you know I only did that because-"
"It's alright Emma." His expression understanding, "You did the right thing. I should have told you all so long ago, but I was concerned…"
"That we wouldn't understand." she finished for him. "It's okay, I'm not sure in your position I wouldn't have done the same." she sighed, bit her lip, "Will you ever go back?"
He looked at her steadily for a minute, then smiled. "If I'm lucky."
She smiled back though tears continued to trickle down her face. She stepped back at last, and he dropped his hands from her shoulders. "Time to go?"
He shook his head slightly, his face unreadable, but his heart was saddened beyond expressing. "Only if you're ready."
Emma thought for a second, then met his eyes with a smile. "I am." And she felt at last, she truly was.
He offered her his arm, and taking it they walked back to their friends.
