Okay, my dreams have been answered! Hopefully. The upcoming episode 4x4 is going to be the best ever if this is true! Apparently Greg and Sara's crime scene in the episode is some kind of biohazard and you actually get to see Greg take a decontamination shower! Shower! Sans close, the full monty Greg style! Anyone else crazy excited?

Whoo, got that out of my system, so here's another long one to make up for the slowness of the updates, enjoy. Oh, and as for medical facts, I do my best, but I'm no doctor so just play along, please.

Painful Journeys

By Goody

The room was silent as Nick finished the torturous story.

Knowing more than he wanted to, Brass sighed and swore softly, "Jesus," then added, louder, "that's … that's great Nick, you did great. I gotta get back to the station, write up my report, you feel better, okay." He excused himself with words that felt hollow after the horrific tale he had just heard and left the two friends alone.

Warrick sat shocked, holding back rage, grief and pity as he pictured over and over what his friends had gone through, so much pain and adversity and yet somehow they hadn't lost their sanity.

"My god," Warrick whispered, softly enough that not even Nick heard as he ran a hand down his face. Then Nick broke the silence, his voice beginning to crack with the emotion the entire ordeal had left in him.

"So, that's it, the twisted tale of Nigel Crane. Think it's movie of the week material?" Nick asked, trying desperately to hide his emotions with humor and failing. Warrick couldn't speak for a moment and Nick continued, rambling, his walls slowly breaking, "I mean, I could sell the rights no problem. Get some over the top method actor to be Crane, all wiry and eccentric … I think I'd want the names changed, maybe the setting could be the woods instead … yeah … give it some snappy title like "Be Careful Who's Watching". Greg would play himself … I think … I think he'd do a good job..."

Warrick could hear Nick's resolve dissolving the longer he rambled and he finally got up and stood by Nick's bed, touching his shoulder to make him look at him.

"Nick, stop," he demanded firmly but not unkind. Nick looked at him, through him, with watery eyes as Warrick lowered himself to his eye level. "It's over okay, just let it go."

The horrific story had taken an emotional toll on Nick. The CSI had met no one's gaze during his testimony, he just kept staring at the far wall, contemplating his guilt and regret. Now he took a shaky breath and shook his head, tears running down his cheeks as he slammed his eyes closed. In a harsh whisper, filled with overflowing emotion, he announced his fear, "He can't die Warrick, he can't. It's not right and it's my fault … I hurt him so bad."

Warrick didn't hesitate to move to sit on the bed next to Nick and wrap an arm around his shoulders as the tears continued, "Hey man, he's going to be all right, just believe that. You did everything you could Nick, everything. Just like the doctors are doing everything they can right now," Warrick assured him. He wanted to wipe clean Nick's guilty conscience, knowing the Texan had done more than anyone could be expected to, but he also tried to provide him with hope that things would be all right.

Nick looked sceptical and Warrick continued, "Greg's tough, tougher than we give him credit for. From what you said he took everything Crane gave him and still fought back; he won't stop fighting. He's too damn stubborn."

"I know," Nick replied wiping his eyes, and a small smile appeared as he briefly thought of the times Greg's humor and energy had kept them all going on late nights in the lab. Sometimes he could provide a few tidbits of obscure knowledge that helped crack a case, but mostly Greg kept them all laughing and made life interesting. He hated things to be boring and worked hard to be entertaining. The brief smile of Nick's was welcome by Warrick but it quickly faded as more recent, painful memories of Greg took hold in his mind. "No, he shouldn't have to be fighting at all. There was no reason for Crane to bring him into this, it should have just been me."

Nick was clearly wallowing in guilt and Warrick wanted to help, "Nick, Crane is a psycho that needed help, who shouldn't have been allowed to get near you or Greg. More importantly man, no one blames you for any of this, and Greg won't either. It was all Crane. None of this is your fault. You gotta keep telling yourself that. There's nothing you could have done, no way you could have prevented this, and you did everything possible to deter Crane, you did more than anyone could ask."

A curt, dismissive nod was the only reply Warrick got. Nick didn't really care about his own conscience. He thought he could forgive himself easily, anyone could forgive themselves, but he wanted forgiveness from only one person. And if that person couldn't give it to him he would understand, but he mostly just wanted him to survive.

A light knock at the door drew both their attention. Nick flinched noticeably but did not jump this time; Warrick didn't comment, he knew his friend's nerves would be on end for a long time. It was Dr. Connell who appeared in the doorway, clearly not staying long.

"Hi, I thought you'd want to know, Mr. Sanders is out of surgery," the doctor said in his professional tone.

Nick bolted to full attention, "Is he going to be okay?"

"There are no guarantees at this point. He's stable but could go critical again at any time. We're watching him closely but the next 24 hours will be crucial. We'll just have to wait and see in time."

Time. It commanded the fate of all, and now the entire Las Vegas Crime lab would be praying for it to be on their side. But Nick didn't feel like waiting and praying. After hearing this news he suddenly pulled the IV out of his arm, uncaring of the pain or his need for it, and swung out of the bed. Warrick was so surprised he couldn't react until Nick was on his feet, his good arm supporting his weight against the bed frame.

"Nick what are you …"

"You can't get up yet, you'll …"

Nick silenced both protests.

"I want to see him," he demanded. His eyes and stance were solid determination, stopping Warrick and the doctor's protests.

Dr. Connell sighed and stood in Nick's path, knowing he wouldn't be able to walk past him and stay upright, "Look, I understand that you want to see your friend, but it's far too soon for you to be out of bed or for him to take visitors. He's in the most delicate stage of recovery and needs his rest."

Nick breathed hard in frustration as the doctor stood in his way and asked curtly, "Is he awake?"

"No," Dr. Connell replied, his voice calm and respectful to the trauma Nick had gone through.

"Then it doesn't matter if I'm there, does it?" Nick said, trying to one up the doctor.

"Exactly the point," Dr. Connell said, looking him straight in the eye. Nick wanted to argue but he understood what the doctor was trying to say; it would make no difference to Greg's recovery or his own if he was there with him.

In short, there was nothing he could do at this point.

Nick stood silently for a moment, considering this, simmering, and then he erupted.

"Ah!" Nick screamed in frustration and spun around quickly, knocking over a serving tray with his good arm. He watched it crash to the ground and then collapsed against the bed, tears returning as he tried to fight his pain. It was hard for him to accept and he didn't think he could handle it again; Greg was in pain again, possibly dying, and just like before, he could do nothing, he was helpless. He hated this feeling and it drained what little emotional control he had regained over the last few hours of consciousness.

Almost immediately Warrick was at his side again, a comforting presence. He took Nick's good arm, "Come on Nick, get back into bed, you're exhausted."

Nick had no will to argue anymore and laid back down. Dr. Connell slowly moved closer, having backed off when Nick exploded. He quickly but efficiently replaced Nick's IV and since it was clear he was calmed down, but hurting, decided to make the best offer he could.

"Tell you what, I'm going to have a nurse bring you something to eat then I want you to get a few hours sleep. After that, if I think you're up to it, I'll get an orderly to come down with a wheelchair and you can go see your friend, but it'll probably be through viewing glass."

Nick sighed in relief and nodded, "Okay, that's fine, thanks and … I'm sorry."

"No problem, the nurse'll be right in," Dr. Connell assured them both and then left to finish his rounds.

Warrick watched Nick try to calm down without success and sighed, "Nick, you gotta let this go. It's not your fault."

But Nick shook his head, unable to believe, "I caused this, I caused it all. I was the one Crane was after, I was the one he wanted to impress and Greg got hurt."

"By Crane. He's the one who hurt him," Warrick pointed out, trying to make Nick understand. But the other CSI turned to him slowly, eyes almost dead.

"And by me. Worse by me. Crane only managed to hurt Greg's body, he couldn't break him though, he kept fighting, he wouldn't let Crane beat him. But I … what I said. After that he … stopped fighting, I … I may have destroyed his will."

"Come on man, that's ridiculous. Greg was hurt physically, Crane stabbed him, it's not like he would have been able to heal himself or something if you hadn't done what you did," Warrick said, trying to laugh the idea off as ridiculous, but it was clear Nick believed this very seriously.

"You don't understand … Greg was fighting the whole time, he took every chance, all the pain Crane gave him and rolled with it, but he couldn't take what I did. I got him hurt and I hurt him back … I took away his will to fight and that may kill him. How do I live with that Warrick? If he dies, how do I live with knowing that? How could I ever ask him to forgive me for that?"

Nick's look was intense and it was clear he was desperate for an answer, but Warrick had none to offer. He turned away and tried to come up with some response, but was saved by the door opening, admitting a thirty-something blond nurse with a meal tray.

"Here you are Mr. Stokes, then Dr. Connell says to get some rest," she said, leaving the tray. Neither of the men responded and she did not notice the seriousness in both their expressions so she departed, completely unaware of the intense conversation she had broken up.

Nick looked at the food but made no move to touch it. Warrick shuffled, unable to come up with any words of comfort, instead he opted to get out, to escape Nick's pain and regroup.

"I'm uh, gonna go see how everyone's doing. I'll be back soon man, all right?"

Nick nodded uncommittedly but did not make eye contact or watch him leave. When Warrick reached the door he turned around and paused but Nick was still unresponsive.

"Get some rest," Warrick said and when Nick did not reply once more he quietly left, now harbouring his own guilt as he felt as though he was abandoning his friend. But Nick did need to rest and even though he probably wouldn't sleep again he would at least have time to deal with his own emotions and maybe come to realize that this indeed was not his fault.

Once he was in the hall Warrick didn't make it much further. Confused and unsure, he headed straight for the nearest wall and leaned against it, closed his eyes and tried to think.

"That was some pretty tough stuff in there."

Warrick jumped at the voice, much like Nick had been doing but relaxed when he saw it was Brass. Apparently the cop hadn't made it far from the room either and came to stand next to the CSI.

"Geez Brass, what they went through. I mean, I've seen some disturbing things in my day but … they … they were tortured. There's … there's no other way to say it," Warrick said reluctantly, clearly not liking or wanting to accept the fact.

"Yeah, all those crime scenes, sometimes they start to meld together. You never think it could happen to someone you know," Brass added.

Warrick huffed and studied the floor, "It already happened to someone I know, I just didn't think it would happen again." He said, his long time mentor and his deceased daughter now in his mind.

Brass nodded in sympathy as he remembered the case that had affected Warrick so badly, "Right. Yeah, I almost forgot. Sorry."

"Nah, forget about it, old Vegas." A pause. "I just can't get my head around it you know. What Crane did, to both of them, it's nuts, it was pointless, but … it's real," Warrick pointed out, confusion and grief marring his features. "It's not some neat little casefile I can just forget because it's been solved, we're all going to be hurting for a long time because of what this guy did."

"Well, people do crazy things when they're lonely and envious. Not condoning Crane's actions in any way, the bastard deserved what he got, but makes you think what desperation will drive people to do."

"Crane wasn't people, he was an animal, a totally off the wall exception to the human race," Warrick replied, dismissing Crane as being as far from humanity as possible. "What he did though, the pain he caused. I don't know how they survived it."

"Well, it sounds like they only had each other to rely on," Brass said, pushing off the wall to stand.

This seemed to strike a cord with Warrick. He looked thoughtful and didn't reply.

Brass took this as a sign to go and did just that, "I gotta get back to the precinct, write up my report, see how the evidence is coming."

"Anything to keep from sleeping, huh?" Warrick asked knowingly, but his gaze did not stray from the door to Nick's room.

"Something like that. I'll catch you around if you're still here when I drop by later," Brass said and started down the hallway. Warrick gave him a half hearted wave and let him go then stayed a few more minutes, staring, thinking and contemplating Brass's words.

They only had each other to rely on.

That much at least was true and Warrick began to wonder if Nick had been right in thinking he had hurt Greg more than Crane had.


The window was two way, she reminded herself, meaning he could see her and she could see him, if he ever opened his eyes.

Catherine rubbed her arms as she stood, watching, waiting. Normally she only did this with suspects, watched through the glass, waited for that moment when the suspect breaks, only here the suspect was her friend and the break she waited to see was consciousness even though the doctors explained it could be days before Greg woke up. Looking at him, that was understandable. Almost all his skin was bandaged with white gauze, covering big and small lacerations, Greg's face was more bruised than cut, one armed was laid out bare, an IV dripping fluids, the other arm was pulled to his chest in a sling. It hurt to look at him, so still, but he was alive, and he was going to stay that way, she would ensure it somehow, if only by force of will.

Catherine knew Sara was beside her, watching just as intently, feeling just as strongly but neither of them spoke. They both turned as footsteps approached behind them. It was Grissom with a doctor. Catherine read the tag: Dr. Preston.

"How's he doing?" Catherine immediately asked, knowing the doctor must be there to report on Greg.

The doctor took a breath, knowing these situations were always tense, "Please, why don't you take a seat?"

They all sat and looked expectantly.

"Well?" Sara finally demanded when the doctor did not speak right away.

"Mr. Sanders' condition is not great. Before I go into further details I have to ask if any of you know of any blood relatives he may have," Dr. Preston questioned.

Catherine and Sara shook their heads. Grissom thought a moment and replied, "He mentioned he had a Grandpa Olaf from Norway, but I don't know if he's alive or how to find him."

"Greg doesn't talk about his family much," Sara realized, but if one really thought about it, none of them did except maybe Nick or Catherine, and that was always about Lindsay.

"Well then it may be he has no blood relatives alive, or that he wants contacted in any case since he has," Dr. Preston checked his chart, "Gil Grissom and Nick Stokes listed as his emergency contacts and next of kin."

"Did you know that?" Catherine asked Gil, who looked just as surprised.

"I had no idea," Grissom replied, shrugging off the point.

"Technically I am only supposed to release details on Mr. Sanders' condition to you, Mr. Grissom, since Mr. Stokes has been admitted himself," Dr. Preston pointed out.

Grissom shook his head, "Whatever you tell me I'm just going to repeat to them anyway so you might as well tell us here."

The doctor had expected that and nodded, not put off, "That's fine. Well, Mr. Sanders is stable for now, after the transfusion we were able to fix the damage done by the stab wound. He was very lucky. No major arteries were hit or vital organs, we had to remove his appendix due to some bleeding but as you know it is not a necessary organ. Along with a great deal of bruising and lacerations the only other major injury was to his shoulder, it was dislocated and the muscles have been torn quite severely, it'll be a few weeks at least to heal."

He paused a moment and Sara leaned forward, "But he's going to be okay, right?"

Dr. Preston offered no false hope with his reply, "He's stable as I said, but even though he made it through surgery he's not completely out of the woods. His body is very weak, vulnerable from the long term strain placed on him and his wounds weren't treated for hours in what I am guessing were very unsterile conditions because he's already showing signs of infection. We're pumping him with antibiotics but if it gets worse we may have some problems; his body isn't strong enough to survive the strain for long."

"Oh god," Catherine sighed, putting her head down, hands in her hair.

Gil placed a hand on her shoulder then turned to the doctor, "I'm sure you're doing all you can, thank you."

"It's no problem. If you have any questions or concerns a nurse can page me. For now, just be with your friend," Dr. Preston suggested as he stood to go.

Sara stood up as well and grabbed his arm, "Can we go sit with him?" she asked, wanting to somehow help Greg, if only through unconscious comfort and support.

But the doctor shook his head, "I'm sorry, we're keeping his outside exposure as limited as possible so the infection won't get worse. Maybe in a day or two if he improves."

Accepting this for now, Sara nodded and Dr. Preston took his leave. The three CSIs were left alone again, staring at the glass at their friend they could not touch. Helpless.


Hours passed and there was little change. Warrick came up and related the story of the 'Room of Horrors' to everyone, if not only so they could close the case, but so they could be prepared emotionally for how Nick and Greg may react to their experience. Their reaction was the same as his had been, amazement, pity and outrage.

Catherine eventually had to go home to be with Lindsay but promised to return. Grissom left after a few hours, stating that there was still work to do as his excuse. He knew their cases wouldn't solve themselves but it was really only a justification to leave the well of human drama he felt trapped in. Sara agreed to spend the night, promising to call them if anything changed with Nick or Greg. Warrick also came upstairs with her since Nick was resting on doctor's orders. Little was said in those long hours, coffee was drank, and sometimes they slept but besides that there was only worry.

Sara was woken up from a light nap by the sound of activity to her left. She was immediately awake, worried it was doctors coming with bad news, but she smiled genuinely when she saw who it was.

"Nick." She got up and gently hugged her fellow CSI who had been wheeled in by an orderly, careful of his injured shoulder. He was in a wheelchair and was heavily bandaged, not quite as bad as Greg but almost. He tried to smile but it felt wrong.

"Hey Sara," he replied, returning the hug gratefully. Warrick also stood to greet him, putting a hand on his good shoulder.

"Hey man, how you feeling?"

"I'm all right," Nick replied, without thinking or meaning it. "I'll be better after I see him." His eye was drawn to the window that looked in on the next room where he knew Greg must be; he couldn't see in because the chair was so low and he slowly started to rise.

"All right, take it easy," Warrick suggested, taking his arm but also trying to brace him for the shock, "Remember, he's doing good. He's still stable and improving even if he doesn't look it."

Nick ignored the comment as he concentrated on the few steps he needed to take. There was nothing wrong with his legs, but he was weak from surgery and his body ached with bruises.

Sara stood a few feet back, having seen enough of Greg's injured form, and gave Nick his space.

When he knew he was close enough Nick stopped following his own feet, and he looked up and saw Greg. The returning shock and grief that hit him was enough to cause his already wobbly knees to buckle. Even Warrick was surprised by the effect the sight had on him and he would have fallen forward if he had not caught himself with his good hand on the window sill. He stayed like that for a minute, leaned over and breathing deeply, wishing this wasn't true. Looking up again confirmed that it was. Even though he was now clean and bandaged Nick thought Greg looked worse than he had. The bruises had darkened, the sling emphasized the dislocated shoulder he had paid no attention to before, the bandages covered him like a cocoon and IVs and monitors invaded his space. Worst of all was the expression as he slept; it was not peaceful or relaxed as one may hope. No, Greg's face was tight, seemingly with pain, and his brow was furrowed as if thinking too hard; there was no sign of restfulness or healing which is what perhaps disturbed Nick the most.

Suddenly Nick couldn't breathe. It hurt to look on his friend and the pain he had helped cause. He looked away again, ashamed.

"God Greg … I'm sorry," he whispered to the floor. A new comforting touch drew his attention and he saw Sara had moved beside him. She wanted to help, they all did, but he didn't want to talk about what had happened or how he was feeling or how sorry they all were, so instead he just asked what he wanted to know, "Can we go in yet?"

Sara hated that she had to shake her head, "No, he's fighting off a bad infection, the doctor wants to keep his outside exposure down."

Nick's eyes somehow seemed to sadden even more, "So he's alone in there."

"I think he knows we're here," she replied comfortingly and he gave her a shadowed smile in thanks.

There was a long silence as Nick took comfort in watching Greg's chest rise and fall and listening to the reassurance of the heart monitor beeping consistently. A monitor that wouldn't be necessary if it wasn't for him, thought Nick.

Beep … beep … beep …

"How long is Dr. Connell letting you stay?" Warrick asked softly, trying to pull Nick from his guilt-ridden thoughts.

"I'm not sure, I wasn't really listening when he was talking to me," Nick replied absently, keeping his gaze locked on Greg.

Beep ……... beep ……... beep …...

"How are you doing anyway?" Sara asked and tried not to notice when Nick flinched at the question.

"I'll be okay, worry about Greg, he needs it more," he replied, clearly still not focussing on those offering their support. It was clear he did not want to answer their questions and they got the idea and lapsed into silence.

Beep ………... Beep ………….. Beep …………..

They still watched Nick though, and as he stood silently they saw his features slowly change from withdrawn to very worried, causing Sara and Warrick to move in slightly closer.

"Nick, what's wrong?" Warrick asked, on guard in case Nick suddenly collapsed or did something drastic again.

Beep …………... Beep ……………... Beep …….……...

"Greg, something's wrong, his heart's slowing down," Nick announced.

Beep ………………………….

"He's not breathing!" Sara shouted, hoping to draw someone's attention. Warrick was already moving out of the room in an attempt to find someone when doctors and nurses suddenly appeared in the room by Greg's side and started working to keep the young man alive.

"What's wrong with him?" Nick asked, eyes more focussed than ever on the scene in front of him.

"I don't know … but the doctor said his body may be too weak to handle the strain of the infection," Sara reported dismally as they watched the doctors check the monitors and prepare the crash cart but they could hear nothing of the diagnosis. Along with being airtight the window was also soundproof. The three friends waited with baited breath to see if the heart monitor would spring to life once more, but just as the doctors were charging up the paddles a nurse pulled a curtain over the window, cutting off their view.

"Goddammit!" Nick yelled in anger, striking the glass with his good hand. Sara and Warrick were both surprised into stillness by the outrage, and Nick stayed that way for many moments, with his clenched fist against the glass and head bowed.

"Come on Greggo, don't give up now," he muttered.

Warrick risked touching him, though he could see the Texan was pure tension, and suggested gently, "Hey, maybe you should head back downstairs man, get some rest, we'll let you know what happens."

Nick moved surprisingly fast and knocked Warrick's arm away. His eyes reflected barely controlled anger as he grit out his response, "Don't you dare try to get me to leave him." Then he turned back to the window and the subject was closed.

"All right," Warrick backed off slowly, nodding. Sara followed suit and their eyes met, reflecting their understanding; Nick needed time and space, which was what they would give him.

A few more minutes passed with awful silence until finally Dr. Preston returned to talk to them. Nick nearly lunged at the man.

"Is he all right? Can we see him?"

Dr. Preston put his hands up to stop their questions, "Relax, as you probably saw he did suffer temporary respiratory failure but we got him back." That said, he pointed behind the three to the window. They turned around to see the curtain being pulled back again and rushed to the window to see Greg, alive and breathing, but this time with some help.

"What happened to him?" Sara asked when the doctor came to stand behind them.

"As I mentioned before Mr. Sanders's body is terribly weak from the strain of his trauma and the following infection, it simply became too much for him to keep breathing. We've intubated him and put him on a respirator so his heart rate's back to normal for now," Dr. Preston reported trying to sound optimistic, but one of the CSIs was in no mood for optimism.

"Is he dying?" Nick asked, his voice almost sounding calm but the underlying emotional turmoil was obvious.

The doctor hesitated, "Mr. Stokes you really shouldn't be here, Dr. Connell has …"

"Is Greg dying?" Nick demanded, cutting off Dr. Preston's distraction attempts.

He sighed and shrugged, "I can't say. At this point it's really up to him."

Nick stood silent for a moment, digesting this and what it meant, and then he crumpled; collapsing into a chair behind him as his breath came in short gasps. Sara and Warrick were beside him immediately, making sure he was all right and again offering their support until it would be accepted.

This time it was.

Nick did not shake away their arms, he simply took the comfort offered.

"He's not fighting Warrick, he's just letting go like it was all pointless. Hell, it was pointless. He's not fighting anymore, not after what I did. He's dying, he's dying and it's my fault," Nick mumbled as tears threatened to fall once more.

Warrick shook his head, "Nick, it's not your fault, you tried to save him, you did everything you could and more. You couldn't have known what would happen and you didn't make Crane a psychopath. It'll be okay, it'll be okay, it's not your fault."

It was clear that Warrick and Nick had established some understanding about this situation that she was not aware of, so Sara excused herself to give them room, "I'm gonna go call Cath and Grissom, let them know what's happening."

Warrick nodded in clear thanks for her departure and turned back to Nick, who hadn't looked up. He appeared lost once more in self pity and Warrick was becoming desperate to restore his faith and hope.

"Nick, please, snap out of it. He'll make it man, Greg always bounces back. He just likes to draw things out and leave us guessing until the last minute. You know him, he's got a flare for the dramatic, always holding back our results on us, making us jump for answers. He's keeping us on our toes, he's just being Greg, we almost should have expected this from him; he'll do anything to get a reaction from us."

This actually made Nick laugh because it almost sounded believable. It was something Greg would do, lead them to the wrong conclusion, leave them guessing until the last minute and then drop the bombshell of their lab results, usually surprising them all and breaking a case wide open.

Warrick was glad to see the smile on Nick's face, it looked like hope, and then more seriously, perhaps to provide faith, he added, "Greg will be all right Nick, believe that. Believe in him, it's all he's ever really wanted." Nick looked slowly up at Warrick as if he had revealed the answer to Nick's life or death question and Warrick smiled back, knowing it was what Nick needed to hear, "All the work he does, he just wants us to believe in him."

Nick wiped the lone tear from his cheek and answered resolutely, strong, "Yeah, you're right. I can do that."

Warrick was glad to hear it and was about to suggest that Nick get some more rest when he suddenly got up and walked straight for the door to Greg's room. Warrick was right on his heels to stop him and Dr. Preston also stood in his way.

"Let me by, please. I have to see him," Nick pleaded, trying to get around the doctor but unable to move fast enough.

"No one is allowed in with him, least of all patients who should be resting themselves," Dr. Preston pointed out, stopping all Nick's weak attempts to get by.

Even Warrick tried to pull him back by his good shoulder, "Come on man, you heard him, let's get you back downstairs."

Nick shrugged him off, amazingly determined, "I have to see him, it'll help, you have to believe me."

Dr. Preston crossed his arms unconvinced, "How?"

"It's hard to explain, it's just … the things I said … he might not have the will to keep fighting … because of me. I have to try to fix what I did, what I said," Nick stammered, unsure how to explain the certainty he felt to this stranger.

But Dr. Preston was still reluctant to move, unconvinced Nick's motives were to make Greg feel better or himself, "He can't even hear you, he's unconscious."

Nick met his eye and shrugged as if it didn't matter, "Then how can it hurt to try?"


For that the doctor had no argument.

Another gruelling hour passed as Dr. Preston conferred with Dr. Connell about Nick's health and state of mind, debating whether letting him visit with Greg would be beneficial to either of their patients. In the end they came to the same conclusion Nick had; it couldn't hurt to try, at least for awhile. Eventually they dressed him in sterile scrubs and walked him through a disinfectant room to destroy as many germs as possible that may come in with him and then they finally allowed him to go in.

A nurse walked in with him. They moved slowly to Greg's bedside and Nick sat down heavily in the chair they had set there for him, partly from exhaustion and partly from grief at seeing Greg's weak form even closer. So much pain.

The nurse made sure he would be all right and then patted his good shoulder.

"I'll leave you alone, but I'm not far away. If you need anything just buzz," she instructed. Nick nodded and smiled briefly in thanks. She returned it and then left, closing the viewing curtains as she went to offer some more privacy; she knew how serious the younger man's injuries were and she assumed the Texan was only there to say good-bye to a dying friend, not to coax him into fighting to live.

When he was finally alone with Greg, despite the certainty he had felt that he had to be there, Nick suddenly found he didn't know what to say. He fidgeted and was silent as he watched the respirator force air into Greg's lungs – it was intrusive and seemed horrible, but it was keeping him alive. Nick laughed suddenly, it was brief and unexpected, it might have been to keep from crying.

"I'm not good at this G, you know that. You're always the conversation starter, hell, you're a conversation all itself most of the time." More silence. Another nervous laugh. "Look at the two of us, we must look like quite the pair, at least when you get out of here we can start a new fashion trend back at the lab, by the end of the week I bet all the guys will have their arms in slings."

Nick shifted again, careful of his own bandaged arm. He looked at Greg again, unmoving, expression pained, and very quickly all his nervousness left him to be replaced by a deep solemnity.

Pulling the chair closer, he leaned towards the bed, careful of the IVs and machines and pleaded his case, "Greg, I'm sorry. I know you said I shouldn't be, but how can I not? I'm the reason you're in this bed and I'm the reason you're not trying to get out of it. You're letting go Greggo – don't. Don't give up, not because of me. I'm sorry about what I did … what I said. I didn't mean any of it Greg. I'm lucky to have you for a friend, I mean that, and I'm so proud of you for what you're trying to do. It takes so much courage to set aside a good career and start fresh, and it's because you believe you can do more, that you have more to give, and you do. You have so much to give Greg, don't let it all go to waste. I … I never wanted to hurt you … believe it or not I was trying help, I was trying to protect you, it just kind of backfired on me. But Crane's dead, I ki … well, he's dead, he won't be back to hurt you or me again.

"Geez, I want you to fight Greg, I need you to fight, and it's not just for me, the whole team's here. They're watching, they're praying, and I don't think you'd let them down because they believe in you. I believe in you. Fight. Don't let Crane win, and if you hate me that's all right, I deserve it, but don't let what I did stop you, I'm not worth it. Fight for you, because I know you want to live. Maybe you're scared about what you'll have to face when you wake up, but it'll be all right, everyone's here for you, we'll face it together, it's not impossible. Just give me another chance Greg, please don't deny me the chance to make this right – believe in yourself Greggo, and keep fighting. Please, keep fighting."

Nick was shaking by the time he finished, exhausted from the emotional plea. Looking up he saw that Greg had not moved, the rhythm of the respirator was the same, and the beeps of the heart monitor were consistent – nothing had changed. Nick sighed, there were no guarantees that Greg had even heard him. He was too tired to try and say any more and in truth he felt there was nothing left to say, but he stayed where he was, watching, praying, hoping for any sign that Greg may improve, that he was listening to Nick's plea, but there was nothing. An hour later the nurse came back and told him his time was up, the doctors insisted he get some rest and Nick could make no objections – his words had not helped, they had changed nothing, and that returning feeling of helplessness was crushing what little hope he had left.

As the nurse slowly walked him out Nick felt such hopelessness that he could not even turn around to look once more at his friend, because he felt that if he did it would be for the last time ever and he could not bear that. As the door clicked shut behind them the lone figure in the room remained still and on the outside nothing changed.

But in his mind the shadows that had haunted him passed and his dreams began to take a much brighter turn.

TBC

How I managed to get through another entire chapter without waking Greg up or even verifying he would live for sure, I'll never know, but here it is nonetheless. I actually feel kind of bad that I didn't get around to waking Greg up, I'm sorry, I really meant to, but all these scenes came to me and demanded to be written. He will DEFINITELY, 100 for sure wake up next chapter though, and there will be lots more angst and … well … angst, but I'm sure you guys don't mind. Anyway, can't apologize enough for not waking him up yet, so I'll just do some really long reviewer thanks instead.

Sloane Miette – lol, there will be no whining or annoying to death necessary, everyone's going to live except for the "crazy, dead asshole" of course (great description) and as for the reconciliation, you gotta wait and see, but in my mind at least it looks pretty good, I just gotta try to make it as great in writing. Thanks so much for the review.

LXG-Gurl121 – No! Don't give up on my story, it's getting finished, I promise! Sorry the updates have been kind of slow, university and all, and now that the snow's gone my friends and I play ultimate Frisbee during my usual writing time and that's screwed me up too. But Greg is going to live, I couldn't stand to kill my labrat, and you're awesome for reviewing twice just to push me to update.

Aurora – I'm glad to hear you liked the tie-in's with Nick's dialogue and the description, I was worried it kind of didn't flow right, I messed around a lot with it before I posted and I still wasn't quite happy with, but it's good to know others thought it worked. And yes, the chapter title is stolen from Moulin Rouge (such a great movie). I originally had it as a line of dialogue but it sounded kind of clichéd so I took it out, but I still wanted to use it, so thus, chapter title. Very observant of you, thanks for writing.

Mellaithwen – You hate Nick? Or did I read that wrong? Anyway, I think they both deserve the hugs, maybe Greg more than Nick, but Nick's got the whole guilt thing going, I think he's earned his sympathy. I'm soooo sorry there was no conscious Greg in this chapter, I really wanted to get there but I'm a sucker for slow build up. Hope the chapter was good anyway, he WILL be awake next one, I promise and I made another long chapter to make up for my absence. Lol, I guess I should be happy you use reviewing my story as a way of procrastinating from homework, must be what makes your reviews so long. Always a pleasure to read them, especially when you somehow manage to review twice.

Higherbeingfriendsfan – Glad I surprised you with the backstory about the room, I love being unpredictable. As for what Greg thinks when he wakes up, now that is the big surprise, and to be honest, I'm not even sure how I'm going to write it yet, but I will try to think of a cool way of presenting it. Thanks for reviewing.

Kayma – You cried? No way. Anyway, Greg isn't going to die, I suppose I've left everyone in suspense long enough to admit that. And Yep, Nick did say that, but as you read, he feels pretty horrible about it. Sorry I didn't update very fast but thanks for taking the time to write.

Kenzimone – Ahhh, you made me blush. That was the sweetest review! Hmm, you bring up a good point, I'm not sure which I prefer, emotional or physical torture, both are enjoyable. Maybe it's the same, I did dedicate about as much time to the physical torture as I did to the emotional recovery after all. shrugs Oh well, I won't question, I'll just keep writing. And Yes, Greg will be quite the mess, I assure you … oh, there's going to be soo much going on in that crazy head of his.

Rozzy07 – Okay, the update wasn't very fast, I'm sorry, but I hope you enjoy this chapter despite the wait. Good to hear you liked the flashback, it was really hard for me to decide how to write it so I'm glad to know people liked it. Thanks for reviewing, each one means a lot.

LostAngel2 – lolololol, cute review. I'll take the Greg shaped cookie but it is not for eating, it is for admiring only. And as for him going five minutes without getting in trouble … no, I don't think that ever happens. From the way things are going I can't even let him go five minutes without his heart stopping. Lol, geez I'm mean. But take comfort in that he will live, as will his likeness in cookie form if I have anything to do with it. Appreciate the review.

Emmithar – Thank you for waiting so patiently, the lack of pressure to update is always nice. Lol, congrats on the right guess, you were one of the few. Hope the reactions to Nick's story were to your liking and you come back for more.

Shacky20 – Ah, my dear shacky. What hasn't been said? I honestly can't remember, so I may say some stuff again. I'm glad to hear you like the detail, sometimes I worry I use too much and everyone skips over, feels good to know people read it. I really liked that line too, it was actually one of my favourites, glad you picked it out. Ah, you're too nice, best fic ever, I'm sure. There's some really great ones out there, don't put me on a pedestal that's too high, I might not be able to live up. Well you got your Greg comfort a little in this chapter, the asking for forgiveness portion anyway, but there's lots more to come if you're still craving more. Always love your reviews and emails, keep 'em coming.

Slynn – Thanks for the review, I love your fics! Sadly, I don't review enough though, I'm sorry about that.

Thanks to Sarah (that's my roommate's name), loozy, A.H. Smith, fwe, snowbunny3, lins, and sillie for your reviews as well, I cherish each one. Thanks so much for taking the time to write, I think I got everyone, if I skipped you somehow my deepest apologies.

Well, I don't know when there will be more guys, but when there is, you'll be the first to know. And don't forget, Greg, shower, no clothes! Yes! Don't miss 4x4 whenever it airs. Laters, Goody.