A/N: I heard this song and I felt it went good with the situation...no this isn't a song fic, but I may add lyrics here and there so let me know if I should do it again.

Disclaimer: You already know that I don't own Degrassi. But I also don't own the song Breathe No More by Evanescence..... I wish I did though...it's a hot song.

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RING "Shit. We'll finish this later when I come over ok." He got up and rushed out of the room.

I breathed a deep sigh. 'Damn, I don't wanna wait to find out what he's gunna say.' I was such an impatient person.

Sitting in home room I peered out the window and watched the rain slowly slide down the pane. The rain had always been something that touched me in such a way that I couldn't explain it and now I just wondered so many things.

Ashley walked into home room late as usual and sat next to me. I pulled out my book to try to give her the hint, but she turned and my mouth opened wide. There on her neck was a huge red mark.

'It couldn't be a.....a....'

"Ashley is that a hickey?" I blurted out.

She turned to me and smiled, "Yea, I thought I covered it up, I've been getting so many lately. They're so bright and red. I tell Craig to stop I mean he doesn't understand the looks people have been giving me, but I guess that's what happens when he wants me."

I cringed in disgust, 'God Craig, why Ashley? I mean if it had to be anyone could you have stayed with Manny when you cheated on Ash? It would have been so much better.'

But then I remembered how he was acting, his nice act. It was all just bullshit. There was no part of Craig that cared. I can't believe I fell for it.

I turned away from Ashley and continued looking out the window as the announcements buzzed onto our television. Liberty's annoying voice began blabbing and I began to drift....

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As I sat in wonder I thought about things that never came across my mind and right before I found the true meaning within my deep thought I was brought out of it by the stupid fricken bell.

"Come on Ellie! We're gunna be late for our next class."

I slowly grabbed my books and trudged on to the never-ending day.

The nightmare didn't cease as Ashley and Paige chatted about her older boyfriend and Ashley's red mark.

"It's so bright hun..I don't think even the darkest concealer can hide that one."

She laughed and looked in my direction, I turned back to my book and I heard their laughter increase. They think I'm just so jealous of their boyfriends being older and affectionate...well newsflash for them....I could care less.

The whole day seemed to tick by so slow and all I dealt with was Ashley bragging about her neck and Paige laughing harder and harder each time. I was finally in my last period of the day and thankfully Ashley wasn't in it, but Craig was.

I saw him look my way through the corner of my book. It was study after-all so what else should I do? Actually study? Suddenly something was thrown at my desk and I jumped. I picked up the folded paper and opened it.

Ellie-

I'm sorry we got cut off before. But you're right about a lot of things and I want to talk about them with you...maybe not now, but later on.

-Craig

p.s. Are you actually reading that book?

I rolled my eyes, I couldn't believe how ridiculously childish this was, but I wrote back anyway.

Craig-

Of course I'm actually reading my book. It's a book with words...go figure. Anyway of course I'm right. I've been hanging around Ash enough to know almost as much as she does about you so I know how you work. I don't care when we talk about them either, but I'd be glad to talk to you.

-Ellie

p.s. I just love what you did to Ash's neck.

I folded up the paper and threw it back at him when the librarian wasn't looking. I watched him open it and smile, as he reached the bottom he gained a look of guilt. He began writing something back then crumbled up the paper and stood up. My eyes focused on nothing but his as he walked over to my desk.

The librarian gave him a confusing look and continued reading.

"Ellie, we need to talk and we need to talk now." Craig said slightly above a whisper.

I looked at the librarian and noticed her glancing out of the corner of her eye. I grabbed Craig's hand and lead him behind a few shelves of books, well out of the librarian's reach.

"Ok Craig, what do you need to talk to me about." I wouldn't look at him, after how he's been acting he didn't deserve it.

I watched him look at the floor and then at a shelf of books. I lifted my hand and brought up his head.

"Craig, what the hell do you want? I didn't stop reading my book for this stupid crap."

He looked at me with such a face that it seemed like a...dare I say it...longing for me. I wasn't sure what to do, but look away. This time he touched my face and I turned to meet him.

"Ellie...I need you...so much more than you could ever know."

I touched his face, mine now stained with tears.

"Craig.....I...I need you too, but Ashley....." I trailed off.

"Ellie....Ashley doesn't matter to me right now because she doesn't understand me, nobody understands me like you."

"But Craig she's my best friend," I turned away, " I could never do anything that would hurt her."

I began to walk away from him, but he grabbed my hand.

"Craig.....please...this is hard enough."

"Ellie...." He pulled me close and placed his lips on mine.

Sparks flew and I felt as if I could fly, my whole world was spinning around me and I didn't notice a damn thing.

I pulled away, "Craig....I can't do this."

He embraced me, "Ellie, please try and understand the thoughts going through my head right now. All my problems, all my suffering, you're the only one who can fix the pain. You're the only one who can mend the pieces of my soul.

I've been looking in the mirror for so long.
That I've come to believe my souls on the other side.

"Craig, I'm broken too, but I'm getting through it. You can do it without my help. Y-
you have Ash."

"This isn't about Ashley anymore. It isn't about her, it isn't about anything except you and me.

Oh the little pieces falling, shatter.
Shards of me,
To sharp to put back together.
To small to matter,

I reached for my band and began to snap it.

'I can't deal with this...this is too much pressure and confusion upon myself. I need something, I need to ease the pain.'

But big enough to cut me into so many little pieces.
If I try to touch her,
And I bleed,
I bleed,

"Ellie, just trust me."

I decided to trust him, I looked deeply into his chestnut eyes and he kissed me again.


And I breathe,
I breathe no more.

Take a breath and I try to draw from my spirits well.

As we part for air I begin to cry, I couldn't believe how happy I finally was, but how was I going to live it down, to know that I was the girl that ruined Ash's life again.

He looked at me, " What's wrong?"

I smiled, I real genuine smile, "It's just that for the first time I'm happy...I'm truly happy."

Yet again you refuse to drink like a stubborn child. Lie to me,

"Well, I'm glad that we can be happy. This is something I've always wanted....you're something I always wanted.

Convince me that I've been sick forever.
And all of this,
Will make sense when I get better.

For the rest of the study we held each other and spoke of our hidden secret love. I never knew that I could share something so deep and something so wonderful with someone this extravagant.

As we walked out of the library, Ashley met up with Craig and greeted him with a kiss on the cheek. I didn't move at all because I knew anything Ashley did didn't matter anymore. I knew how Craig felt, I was his savior. I was the one who could save him, who could be there for him when he needed me. Not Ashley...she didn't understand...she'll never understand our souls.

"Craig...aren't you going to kiss me back? What's been going on with you today?"

He looked at me and I spoke, " Hey, I should get going. I need to meet Marco at my locker anyway."

"Ok El, I guess I'll call you later okay?" Ashley smiled.

The red hickey still glared at me, "Yea...call me later.....-looking at Craig- I'll see you around."

He smiled as I watched him embrace Ashley from a distance.

I know the difference,
Between myself and my reflection.

I knew it didn't matter anymore, I had gotten what I wanted. I had Craig, he was mine and that's all that mattered.

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"Craig what's been going on with you? You've been acting so strange and you've been hanging around Ellie all day. Is there something going on?"

Craig hesitated, 'Should I tell her now? Get it over with early instead of making the same mistake again?'

"No...nothing's going on. What would be going on? I mean she's your friend so I was just being nice to her this morning and we have study so we were talking, I promise you...nothing is going on."

Ashley smiled at her boyfriend, " Aw I'm sorry for ever doubting you Craig, I love you."

He stared down the hall at Ellie's retreating form, "I....I love you too."

It was at that moment that Ellie turned to see Ashley kiss Craig and Craig return with what seemed like much passion.

I just can't help but to wonder,
Which of us do you love.

Her eyes welled with tears as she ran down the hallway...it didn't matter where she was going, as long as it was somewhere she could get rid of the pain.

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I couldn't believe what I had just seen. I knew it was too good to be true. I kept running and running with all the strength I could muster. I finally collapsed in front of what looked like the janitor's closet and I reached for the knob. I felt it click as I opened the door and darted inside.

I pulled the string for the light and walked over to the random desk. Pulling off my pack, I dumped it's contents onto the table.

"Ah, there it is....sweet salvation.'

I thought as I reached for the razor. I lifted my arm-warmer and placed the razor to my skin, lightly applying pressure then increasing it as I moved across my arm.

Little droplets of blood dripped into the sink.

So I bleed,
I bleed,
And I breathe,
I breathe now...

I didn't try to stop the blood, I placed cut after cut upon my arm.

Bleed,
I bleed,
And I breathe,

Finally after I lost feeling in my arm I stopped. My energy was draining quickly. I staggered out of the janitor's closet and walked over to my locker, arm still oozing blood.

I tried to shake off the lightheaded feeling, but my knees shook as I collapsed to the floor. From a distance the picture is still plastered in my mind.

I breathe,

Ashley and Craig embracing each other, kissing each other, secretly laughing at me. My emotions have been toyed with again and again.

I breathe-

I felt my body go numb as I laid on the floor, I saw someone come down the hall and scream at my figure. I couldn't hear them, I couldn't see them. My breath grew weak and it seemed as if my heart had stopped. Before I closed my eyes I muttered one word.

"Why?"

I breathe no more.

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Craig sat in his room with Ashley. They had just finished their daily make out session when his phone rang.

It was Marco.

Craig picked up the phone and answered, "Hello?"

"CRAIG! THANK GOD YOU PICKED UP! SOMETHING TERRIBLE HAS HAPPENED TO ELLIE!!!!"

His eyes began to well with tears as Marco explained what happened and where she was.

"M-Marco....is she......gonna make it?"

"It's too soon to tell.....she's lost a lot of blood."

"I-I'll be right there." Craig hung up the phone and grabbed his jacket.

Ashley followed him as he rushed down the stairs.

"Craig...what's going on? What was that call about?"

"It's all my fault....everything is my fault. I need to go."

She looked scared, "Craig.....are you okay? What's your fault? I'm coming with you."

Craig turned to her with an angry yet upset look, "NO! Ashley you stay here or go home or something. You just can't come with me."

With that he ran out to his new car and sped to the hospital.

About 10 minutes later he arrived and ran through the double doors.

"Hi my name is Craig Manning and I'm here to see Ellie."

The nurse looked up at him through her round glasses, "Yes, well Mr. Manning she's on the 3rd floor in the critical condition section."

"Thank you so much!"

He rushed to the elevator and pushed the up button as fast as he could.

'Damn it! Why is this thing taking so fricken long! Forget it! I don't have time to take this thing."

He sprinted all the way up the stairs to see Marco sitting in what seemed like a lobby, he was holding a tissue and quietly sobbing.

"Marco!"

He ran to his friend and embraced him. Together they cried for what seemed like hours as they stood there in the middle of the lobby.

Marco and Craig sat down as he began to explain what happened. He told him how someone found Ellie lying by her locker surrounded by a pool of blood. They rushed her to the hospital and Marco got a call from the doctor. He was the first person listed on her emergency card.

Craig explained what had happened in the library and about how he kissed her.

"So I think she might have seen Ash kiss me."

"Craig....who do you care for? In all seriousness. I mean you can't just play them out like last time, you remember what happened. Now because of your ignorance Ellie is in the hospital."

Craig placed his head in his hands, "I know. This is all my fault. If I hadn't kissed her in the library...if I had waited until after school....maybe she wouldn't be like this."

Marco looked at him shocked, "That's what you think the problem is? Craig, you need to decide what you want. Ellie could DIE because you don't know what you want."

Craig's eyes began to tear, "Marco don't you think I know that?!? I don't want anything bad to happen to Ellie. I care about her so much, she can't die."

"Craig.....it's going to be alright...I know she'll make it."

The two sat together and waited....and waited...and waited.

"Now I know why they call it a waiting room." Marco joked.

Craig tried to chuckle, but stopped dead in his tracks when the doctor came out.

"Are you Marco DeRossi?"

Marco stood up, "Y-yes I am. Ellie...is she okay?"

The doctor looked at his clipboard and then at the boys.

"Boys.....She's......."

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A/N: You know I honestly think I enjoy torturing you people with these cliffhangers. It's just SO fun. But I'm sorry....if you hate me it's ok. Next chapter shouldn't take too long. Anyway as usual plz R&R!