Shinji's POV:
I smile when I look at my test paper. I used to score high fifties in history.
But this time I scored 79. It is a significant improvement. And I know who to
thank. My mind wonders off to that event ten days ago.
Flashback ten days ago...
I was having difficulties studying history. I always have difficulties studying history. There were just so many names and places and dates to memorize. However, this time, I would try studying it in the school library instead of at home. Maybe this would help me. I grabbed my textbooks and went to the library.
As I entered the building, I saw her. It was always easy to spot her. With her blue hair and pale skin, no one would miss her. I knew she didn't feel comfortable with her own appearance. Ayanami was the sort of person who wanted as little attention as possible, and yet she received so much. It didn't help when people started making negative remarks about her.
Whenever I heard them talking about her, I could feel the rising temperature inside me. It was not the kind of warmth I associated with Ayanami, but a boiling, uncomfortable hot. I felt the urge to do something. I felt the urge to be aggressive. But I never spoke up. Although I was not familiar with Ayanami, somehow I felt that I had let her down. I never stood up for her. I never stood up for anyone, not even for myself.
As usual, she was sitting at the far corner. I gathered up my courage and walked slowly and nervously to her side before I sat down.
"H-hi Ayanami…"
"Hello Ikari-kun."
"What are you reading?"
She didn't answer me verbally. All she did was showing me the cover of her book. It was not the textbook that we used in class. But it was a book that contained materials related to the coming exam, which would be in two days' time. The book cover read "A Hero's Loyalty". It was the story of an ancient Chinese hero who fought northern barbarians, but was killed when his own king betrayed him.
I opened my book and started reading, jotting down notes and trying to memorize them. But I couldn't concentrate; being so near her was intoxicating. She smelt like flower. It couldn't be perfume. Ayanami would never use that. Was it a natural fragrance then? Or maybe it was just my imagination. Her breaths were so soft and smooth. In the end I forgot about studying and just enjoyed the moment.
It was no surprise that I couldn't get much study done that day. When Ayanami got up to leave, I was looking pretty distressed, for obvious reasons.
"I'm scared Ayanami."
I almost slapped myself when I realized what I said. Why did I have to say things without thinking? I was never able to control myself when Ayanami was around. But why did I have to be such a wuss?!?!
"Why?"
Her voice was gentle as always. There was no sign of annoyance. In fact, I could sense concern in her voice. But it could have been my imagination.
"I-I'm scared of the…of the exam…"
Ayanami nodded her head, causing her incredibly soft hair to rise and fall. They looked like silk. I wondered if I would get the chance to feel it. She actually looked cute when she did that…This was followed by an awkward silence.
"I can help you if you wish."
My breathing stopped. I think my heart stopped too but I couldn't be sure. She was giving me a chance to be with her. It made me happy. It made me thankful. It also made me nervous. It also made me worried.
What if I somehow screwed up? Would she be patient with me? What if she found my learning too slow? What if she gave me her help and then I went on to fail the exam? She would be so disappointed. What if…
"Ikari-kun? Are you alright?"
"Yes…yes…I'm fine Ayanami. I-I could really use your help…"
"Then come here tomorrow, same time."
With that, she walked away. I closed my book and prepared to go home too. No point staying there now. That night, I had difficulty falling asleep. I kept thinking how I should act tomorrow. I had never talked to her for more than five minutes before. I was sweating a lot. I really wanted to give her a good impression. And this was the chance of a life time. The chance of a life time to either score or screw up.
The next day I went to the school library. It was Sunday morning. I was ten minutes early. I didn't want to keep her waiting. But when I arrived at the library, Ayanami was already there waiting for me. She did not carry any text books with her. The only things she brought were some sketches. They were photocopied from the books, but I think she drew some of them herself. I greeted her and sat down beside her. Then she got up.
"Come with me, Ikari-kun."
With that she grabbed the sketches and led me away. I had no idea where she was leading me. We took the monorail train and reached the outskirt of the city. We then walked for a further fifteen minutes and came to a hill. At first, I couldn't see the other side of the hill.
As we climbed up, I began to worry about the time lost. I could have used that time to study. Instead I felt like she was taking me to a picnic. Hehehe…Ayanami taking me out to a picnic, now that was a good one…even though I would like it very much.
Nevertheless, I followed her. It took us another ten minutes to reach to the top of the hill. It was then I realised why she brought me here.
On the other side of the hill was a large meadow plain. I couldn't see the end of it. The wind gently blew at my face. And there was a stream running through the field. It was a beautiful picture with the cloudless, magnificent blue sky and the gentle sunlight reflecting off the running water in the stream. It was all very soothing and I felt relaxed.
Ayanami led me to a tree and we sat under it. I knew the tutorial would start now, so I opened my bag and took out my notebook and pencil.
"Put those away, Ikari-kun."
"Huh? But I need to jot down notes…"
"You're not here to jot down notes Ikari-kun. History is more than memorizing."
"Oh…then…um…"
I really didn't know what to say. That was not a good start. My memory had always been poor, and there was no way I could remember what she told me without taking down the notes. But then again I didn't want to disobey her.
"Ikari-kun, you are here to listen to a story."
Ayanami sure was a wonder. I looked at her. I had always known that she was special. Her thinking was always simple and straight, but somehow it always amazed me when she spoke.
The wild flowers of the field, the stream and the wind blend together to create the scenery designed for her. To me, Ayanami looked like the beauty from the many western fairytales I had read. I wanted to tell her how beautiful she looked. But just as I was about to say it, she pushed me back gently against the tree. I let my body relax. And then she started telling me the story.
"Once upon a time, there was a king who…"
It was amazing. She transformed the boring history into a fascinating tale. She would show me the sketches as she continued with the story. Some of them were portraits, others were imaginary battle pictures. Every now and then, she would show flashes of emotion as she told the story. I was intrigued. Her voice was sometimes firm and sometimes gentle.
That day, I realised Ayanami was the best teacher you could ever have. I would ask her questions occasionally, and she would answer them patiently. She made the historic characters come to life. It was as if I went back to the past. It was as if I was in the many significant battles these heroes fought. It was as if I lived through all these hundreds of years, seeing chains of events unfold themselves with my own eyes.
I noticed the brilliant emotions going through Ayanami's face. When she told me these stories, she actually lost herself in it; she actually started feeling for the many characters she told me about. She laughed, she cried, she gave orders like a general, she sneered like a villain, she sang like the ancient beauties. This day, I learnt more than I ever had in a single day.
I was certain that if she would express her feelings more, other people would start looking at her in a positive way. There was just no way anyone could hate her. However, it didn't bother me much. I was actually the only person she would talk to, and I would be happy for it to remain that way.
This continued for the whole day. When we were thirsty, we drank the water from the stream; when we were hungry, we ate the apples that fell from the tree. By the evening, I was feeling confidant about the coming exam. I would have liked to stay longer, but she insisted that we returned to our homes. She gave me the sketches and reminded me to revise when I went home.
I made a decision that day that, no matter how well I do in the exam, I would ask her to help me again when the next exam comes.
End Flashback
I smile again as I recall the event. I turn my head and look at her. As usual, she is sitting at the back row beside the window. But this time, she is paying attention to the teacher. She sure likes history. They say emotional people like arts and history. I think it is true. I believe Ayanami is a very sensitive girl. She just doesn't show much of her emotions.
Then I watch as she turns her head and looks straight at me. Wow…I think I understand now…I don't have to ask myself that question over and over again anymore. Because I understand now…I love her, I love Ayanami Rei.
She continues to look at me. I continue to look at her.
Then she blushes. Seeing her blush makes my heart warm, such is the joy of life.
I smile.
Then she smiles back.
And so my heart melts.
Rei's POV:
I was listening to the teacher when I felt someone staring at me. I turn to see Ikari-kun. My suspicions were right. He is staring at me. I wonder why. I stare back at him. Maybe he wants to tell me something. We continue to stare at each other for some time.
I can't help but feel warm. My heart feels warm. My cheeks also feel warm. And then he smiles. I'm lost. I do not know why he is smiling. And I do not know what to do. How should I respond? I end up doing the only thing I can think of. I return the smile.
It is not long before the history teacher leaves and the next teacher comes in. I have much on my mind. I do not want to disrespect the teacher, but there is just so much to worry about. I look out of the window. There is a reason why I keep doing that. No one ever notices how beautiful the view is. I can see the blue sky, so serene and so soothing. I can see the green mountains, places I hope I can visit one day. I can see flocks of birds flying, so free and so happy. I admire the birds. There is nothing that holds them. There is nothing that limits their freedom. They can go anywhere they want, with anyone they want.
I let out a sigh. I am scared. Tonight he will come again. Why can't he leave me alone? I will fulfil his purpose when the time comes. But why can't he just leave me alone and wait for his wife? Can't he understand that I am not his wife? Then again, he doesn't even give me a fraction of the love he had for his wife. To him, I'm just a tool.
A tool to be used when he is lonely, and then abandoned once he is reunited with his wife...
I start thinking of the unique cat I saw earlier this morning. It was tortured, hungry and no one cared for it. When I showed it a tiny bit of care, it immediately grew attached to me. I am being tortured too, both mentally and physically. And then Ikari-kun cares for me. Is that why I grew attached to him? Am I being grateful? Or do I truly love him?
Before this I didn't have a doubt about my love for him. But now, after seeing the cat, I can't help but think. I take one more look at him. It looks like he is daydreaming. Should I tell him how I feel?
No…I shouldn't.
What if he doesn't feel the same way? I would be hurt. I do not want to endure any more pain then I already am.
What if he feels the same way about me? It would be even worse. He would be hurt. If he finds out my true identity, if he finds out about me being his biological half sister, if he finds out what a dirty being I am, if he finds out what his father is doing to me and yet I am doing nothing to stop it…he would be hurt. And he would hate me. I would lose the only person who cares…
Tears start welling up in my eyes. I have to think of something else. I don't want to cry here. I take a look at Ikari-kun again. Ikari-kun is the closest term I can use to call him. Occasionally I would call him Third Child or pilot of unit-01. But I never call him Shinji, the term I wish I could use when I speak. I envy the Second Child. They call each other by the first names. If only I could do the same…it would feel really special.
I pick up my pencil and start drawing. I start with the outline of his face. He has a nice face shape. Then I draw his eyes. I put some shade in his eyes and add his eyebrows. They are thin and delicate. Shinji looks feminine, but he is good-looking. I then start drawing his hair. His hair is messy, though not as messy as mine. I put a deep shade to his hair with my pencil.
I take a look at Ikari-kun again. He sees me and smiles. I smile back. Then I go back to my drawing. I draw his nose. It's thin and has a gentle curve. This is followed by drawing his mouth. He has thin lips. Finally I put some more shade to frame his face. The end product is good. I like it. The picture looks very similar to him. I smile to myself. He sure is handsome.
"Ayanami!!! What did I just say??"
My body spring to attention when I hear the teacher yelling my name.
"……"
"Were you paying attention?"
"No sir, sorry sir."
"What were you doing?"
The teacher walks over to my table. I try to cover the picture, which I just drew on my textbook. But he catches me. He picks up my textbook and looks at the picture. And then he looks at me questioningly. He turns around and looks at Ikari-kun, and back at me again. At this moment, my cheeks are feeling so hot that it burns. I can hear my classmates whispering to each other.
"Is she blushing?"
"Oh my god, I never knew she could do that!"
"She looks cute!"
"Is this Ayanami? The arrogant ice princess?"
"What was she hiding in her book?"
I take a quick look at Ikari-kun. He has a curious look on his face. Then I look back at the teacher. He looks sharply at me. Then he closes my book and put it back on my table.
"Never let me catch you do that again. This is school. Don't daydream about your prince charming here. Do it at home."
The class bursts into laughter. The teacher continues and he points to the water buckets…
"The buckets are over there. You know the rest."
My face becomes really red. I can feel the intense heat. The class continues to laugh. I dare not look at Ikari-kun. I cannot bear to look at him laughing at me. Actually, come to think of it, he won't laugh at me. That is not in his personality. But still, I dare not look at him and dare not wonder what he is thinking now. I walk hastily to the buckets, grab two of them, and walk out of the classroom. They are still laughing.
